JokoJokes

Life Coaching Jokes

10 life coaching jokes and hilarious life coaching puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about life coaching that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Share These Life Coaching Jokes With Friends




Life Coaching Funny Jokes to Tell Your Friends and Kids.

What is a good life coaching joke to make people laugh? Check out this list of funny stories that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth.

"This is the biggest game of your life," my coach said.

Everyone was nervous, including me, and he wasn't making things easier.
He followed-up with, "Pretend like you're are going into combat."
That was it. That was the spark I needed. I waited for his back to be turned, and when it was, I snuck out of the locker room and started making my way to Canada.

Lucky day for Philadelphia Eagles head coach Chip Kelly.

Philadelphia Eagles head coach Chip Kelly was watching the news when he witnessed something astounding. A young Syrian man had just thrown a hand grenade over 100 yards through the window of a building into a room that housed a s**.... He was so impressed that he had the man found and brought into the states to play for his team.
After a very successful rookie season the young man was discussing his rookie of the year award via telephone with his mother.
She told him that she was proud but living in fear constantly. She continued " your brother was shot twice just in the last few weeks and your sister is regularly the victim of assault. Matters have escalated and life is worse than it has ever been. I will never, ever forgive you for bringing us to Philly."

I got a text from my life coach today.

He said I didn't make the team.

What does a cannibal life coach value in their clients?

*Consistency.*

If you have a problem eating coins, perhaps you should consult a life coach...

It'll inspire change within yourself

My life coach told me I was going to be traded at the end of the year.

Business coach: remember, career ladder is like driving a bicycle.

If it's hard, then u go up.
One of the managers to himself: then whole my life i was riding without a saddle and off road.

I was going to get my certification to be an official Life Coach!...

...but I just never really got around to it.

Life coach: "Always try to get off on the right foot."

Me: "Wow, that's a VERY specific f**...!"

Baseball & Football -George Carlin

Baseball is different from any other sport, very different. For instance, in most sports you score points or goals; in baseball you score runs. In most sports the ball, or object, is put in play by the offensive team; in baseball the defensive team puts the ball in play, and only the defense is allowed to touch the ball. In fact, in baseball if an offensive player touches the ball intentionally, he's out; sometimes unintentionally, he's out.
Also: in football,basketball, soccer, volleyball, and all sports played with a ball, you score with the ball and in baseball the ball prevents you from scoring.
In most sports the team is run by a coach; in baseball the team is run by a manager. And only in baseball does the manager or coach wear the same clothing the players do. If you'd ever seen John Madden in his Oakland Raiders uniform,you'd know the reason for this custom.
Now, I've mentioned football. Baseball & football are the two most popular spectator sports in this country. And as such, it seems they ought to be able to tell us something about ourselves and our values.
I enjoy comparing baseball and football:
Baseball is a nineteenth-century pastoral game.
Football is a twentieth-century technological struggle.
Baseball is played on a diamond, in a park.The baseball park!
Football is played on a gridiron, in a stadium, sometimes called Soldier Field or War Memorial Stadium.
Baseball begins in the spring, the season of new life.
Football begins in the fall, when everything's dying.
In football you wear a helmet.
In baseball you wear a cap.
Football is concerned with downs - what down is it?
Baseball is concerned with ups - who's up?
In football you receive a penalty.
In baseball you make an error.
In football the specialist comes in to kick.
In baseball the specialist comes in to relieve somebody.
Football has hitting, clipping, spearing, piling on, personal fouls, late hitting and unnecessary roughness.
Baseball has the sacrifice.
Football is played in any kind of weather: rain, snow, sleet, hail, fog...
In baseball, if it rains, we don't go out to play.
Baseball has the seventh inning stretch.
Football has the two minute warning.
Baseball has no time limit: we don't know when it's gonna end - might have extra innings.
Football is rigidly timed, and it will end even if we've got to go to sudden death.
In baseball, during the game, in the stands, there's kind of a picnic feeling; emotions may run high or low, but there's not too much unpleasantness.
In football, during the game in the stands, you can be sure that at least twenty-seven times you're capable of taking the life of a fellow human being.
And finally, the objectives of the two games are completely different:
In football the object is for the quarterback, also known as the field general, to be on target with his aerial assault, riddling the defense by hitting his receivers with deadly accuracy in spite of the blitz, even if he has to use shotgun. With short bullet passes and long bombs, he marches his troops into enemy territory, balancing this aerial assault with a sustained ground attack that punches holes in the forward wall of the enemy's defensive line.
In baseball the object is to go home! And to be safe! - I hope I'll be safe at home!

Share These Life Coaching Jokes With Friends