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Lieutenant General Jokes

6 lieutenant general jokes and hilarious lieutenant general puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about lieutenant general that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

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Loads of Fun with Charming Humor Lieutenant General Jokes

What is a good lieutenant general joke to make people laugh? Check out this list of funny stories that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth.

General Custer is addressing his men at the Little Bighorn. He says "well boys, I've got some good news and some bad news."

"The bad news is that the Sioux are camped right down the hill. Come morning they're going to overrun us. They'll ride roughshod over our whole company and leave us all killed, then probably mutilate our corpses beyond recognition when they're done."
His lieutenant asks, "what's the good news General?"
Custer says "Well, we won't have to ride through Nebraska again."

My mom bought me tin soldiers but I lost all the generals and smashed the lieutenants and sergeants

Now I just play with my privates.

So my mom got me a box of tin soldiers...

I smashed up my majors and tore down my generals. The dog ate my lieutenants and I lost the colonel. The sergeants were lost in uncle John's hay so now I'm stuck playing with my privates all day.

A seasoned general, surveying the battlefield with his lieutenant, sees an enemy soldier with his arm in a hole full of water

"Let's avoid him", the general says to the lieutentant. "He's well-armed."

What did the General say to the Lieutenant who was supposed to be putting mortar shells in?

"Comrade, stop Stalin, and start Putin!"

Perceptions vary

Following World War II, a general and his lieutenant boarded a British train. They sat across from an attractive young lady and her grandmother. As the train departed, it entered a long tunnel. Total darkness encompassed the train for approximately thirty seconds. In the darkness of those moments, the passengers heard two things - a kiss and a slap. Everyone on board had his or her own outlook of what happened. For example . . .
The young lady assumed to herself, "While I'm flattered that the handsome lieutenant kissed me, I'm embarrassed that my grandmother slapped him."
The grandmother supposed, "I'm disappointed with the lieutenant, but I'm proud that my granddaughter had the courage to hit him."
The general thought, "What in the world . . . why did my lieutenant kiss that civilian young lady and why did she slap me by mistake?"
The lieutenant was the only person on that train who really knew what happened. In that brief period of total darkness, he had the opportunity to kiss an attractive young lady, as well as slap a general.

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