The Best 66 Lied Jokes

Following is our collection of funniest Lied jokes. There are some lied lying jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud. Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these lied extramarital puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Funny Lied Jokes and Puns

A mormon was having an affair with a 15 year old girl who had lied about her age, when he learned the truth he broke it off and over the next few week guilt set in and he confessed to his wife. She screamed at him,

"How could you cheat on me like that with an older woman!?!?!?".

I was lied to about the Hunger Games...

It's absolutely nothing like Top Chef.

Did you hear Lance Armstrong lied

The ball of some people

Lied joke, Did you hear Lance Armstrong lied

A classic...

A man is sitting on a park bench, enjoying the day. Next to him sits a dog.

A jogger comes by and asks, "Does your dog bite?"

"No," replies the man.

The jogger reaches over to pet the dog, who promptly bites him.

"I thought you said your dog doesn't bite!" exclaims the jogger, nursing his hand.

The man looks up at the jogger and says, "I lied."

A child and Human Origin

A child asked his father, "How were people born?"

So his father said, "Adam and Eve made babies, then their babies became adults and made babies, and so on."

The child then went to his mother, asked her the same question and she told him, "We were monkeys then we evolved to become like we are now."

The child ran back to his father and said, "You lied to me!"

His father replied, "No, your mom was talking about her side of the family."


A man dies and goes to Heaven...

He is greeted at the pearly gates and sees billions of clocks. He asks the angel what they are for. The angel responds that they show how many times a person has lied. The man sees the Abraham Lincolns has moved only twice and the St. Mary's hasn't moved at all. Then, he asks where Obama's is. The angel responds "it's in Jesus's office. he's using it as a ceiling fan"

You know when you lie, things can get out of hand very quickly.......

For example I heard about a girl who lied to her husband about how she got pregnant and now there is an entire religion.

Lied joke, You know when you lie, things can get out of hand very quickly.......

Why are women so bad at parking?

Because they've been lied to about what 8 inches look like their whole lives.

Lying is a sin! I heard a woman lied to her husband about sleeping with another man.

Now there's a whole religion over it.

I'm no longer with a girl because she lied about her weight.

She died in a bungee jumping accident.

So a staircase said something to me the other day...

Actually I lied, it just stared at me.

You can explore lied sang reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean lied liar dad jokes. There are also lied puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


My buddy invited me to a party at his place, saying "tons" of people would be coming.

It turned out to be pretty lame. When I arrived, his place was dead silent and he seemed to be the only person there.

However, I checked the living room and found he hadn't lied; your mother was sitting on the couch.

Black Lives Matter movement organizers lied about total number of followers.

It turns out the movement is only three fifths as big as they say it is.

My Acceptance Speech

"I would like to thank my arms, for always being by my side. My legs, for always supporting me, as best they could. As for my fingers, well I could always count on them. And finally my hips, for they never lied."

I lied awake all last night waiting for the sun to come up...

And then it dawned on me.

Why are women bad at parking?

Because they're consistently lied to about what 6 inches looks like.

Lied joke, Why are women bad at parking?

What has four wheels and can't support a family?

A liberal arts major.

I lied about the wheels.

Frustrated Prostitute.

There was this hard working prostitute who had been working 18 hours a day for more than a decade.She had a quite a bit of money but money wasn't what she wanted anymore, she was sick of her job,her life ,EVERYTHING.One day she decided to end her miserable life and she lied down on a train track with her legs spread apart. The next day it was all over the news "Local Train Missing".

What has fins but can't swim?

A wheelbarrow, I lied about the fins.


Sex Survey Says

The Kinseys did a survey of sexual practices in a town.
Half the town admitted they masturbated.
The other half lied.

What is green and has wheels

Grass. I lied about the wheels.

My teenage daughter came home in a rage.

"I've just had sex education in school today, Dad!

You lied to me!

You told me if I have sex before my sixteenth birthday my boyfriend will die!"

I put down my paper: "Oh, he will sweetheart, he will.

When I went to Heavan...

I meet with Paul the Saint. He points to a bunch of clocks behind him

Paul: These are clocks that measure how honest you are. Yours is at 12:45, meaning you have lied 45 times in your lifetime
Me: Whose that clock at 12:00 belongs to?
Paul: That's Mother Teresa's. She has been a perfect person and has never lied
Me: Then whose that one at 11:59? Is he even better than Mother Teresa?
Paul: No. That one belongs to Bill Clinton. He lied so much during his presidency, the clock almost resets to 12:00
Me: I wonder, where's Donald Trump's clock?
Paul: Trump? Its in my office. I am using it as a desk fan

Why are most women bad at parking?

Because they have been constantly lied to about what 6 inches are

Why can't women get close to the curb when they parallel park?

Because they're constantly lied to about what 8 inches is.

Dog bite

A boy sees a man sitting on a park bench with a dog laying next to him. The boy asks the man, "does your dog bite?" The man replies "no." The boy goes over to pet the dog, who then jumps up and bites the boy's hand. With tears in his eyes, the boy cries "I thought you said your dog doesn't bite!" The man responds "I lied."

I lied about my age

A 60 yr old Billionaire came to the Bar with his gorgeous 25 yr old wife!

Friend: "How did she marry you?"

Billionaire: "I lied about my age!"

Friend: "You said 45?"

Billionaire: "No! I told her I was 90"

My Son Lied in School

Today I got a call from the school, saying he was lying about stealing from other students.

I don't have a son at school.

Two atheists were lost in a desert.

Two atheists were lost in a desert. They had run out of supplies and were wandering aimlessly.

One morning, they encountered a Muslim. The Muslim asked, "What are your names?"

The first, figuring the Muslim would be more likely to help a fellow Muslim, lied and said, "My name is Mohammed."

The second stayed honest and said, "My name is Dave."

The Muslim gave Dave a hearty breakfast. He turned to "Mohammed" and said, "Fasting is so hard, isn't it?"

There were three ants in a queue. The first ant said "there are 2 ants behind me". The second ant said "there's one ant behind me". The third ant said "there are 2 ants behind me". How is this possible ?

The 3rd ant lied.

My sex-ed teacher lied to me

They said I would have sex when I was older

A Guy Proposing To His GF...

She interrupted him and said: but I have one flaw you should be aware of: I fart alot! Like a lot!
He giggled and said it's alright I have a problem with my nose too, I can't smell that well.

After three days of them living together ,
The guy is opening the windows of the apartment,
And the wife is crying and shouting YOU LIED TO ME, YOU CAN SMELL!,
The guy responded: no I didn't but it is getting hard to walk around here! my eyes are burning!

At least everyone can agree on one thing

As president, Trump speaks the truth almost as often as Obama lied

My teenage daughter came home from school and she was blazing mad. We had sex education today dad and you lied to me! You told me if I have sex before my sixteenth birthday, my boyfriend will die! I put down my newspaper, looked at her and said…

Oh, he will, sweetheart, he will.

My ex called me today, begging me to look at an MRI she had recently

She said it would prove she had been acting crazy due to brain damage. Having been lied to so many times before I scoffed. Told her I wasn't having any of her psycho schematic bullshit

Upon arriving at the Pearly Gates of Heaven, a man saw a massive wall of clocks.

He asked St Peter what is with all the clocks?

St Peter responded, These are the clocks of lies. Each person has a clock. Every time they lied on Earth the clock moves one tick.

The man noticed a clock that wasn't moving. "Whose clock is that?" He asked.
St Peter said that was Mother Teresa. She never told a lie.
Whose is that? Abe Lincoln's. It moved two ticks. Showing he lied twice.

Understanding the system, he asked, Where's Donald Trump's clock?

St. Peter responded It's in Jesus' office. He's using it as a ceiling fan.

Remember when Hollywood said that they'd move to Australia if Trump won?

They lied as well as a politician. Guess we know who's the next president going to be.

My wife had to die because she lied about her weight one time too much.

Bungee jumping...

A child asked his father:

"How were people born"? So his father said, "Adam and Eve made babies, then their babies became adults and had babies, and so on." The child then went to his mother, asked her the same question and she told him: "We were monkeys, then we evolved to become like we are now." The child ran back to his father and said, "You lied to me!" His father replied, "No, your mom was talking about her side of the family."

What's brown and sticky?

My car, I lied about the colour, oh, and the sticky bit.

I bought a cow last week...

The old farmer who sold her to disclosed that only 3 out of the 6 teats produced milk. I brought home and went to milking only to find that he lied and not a single teat produced milk! It was an udder failure.

School is NOT prison

I always wonder why people call school "Prison". I've been going to school for almost 11 years and i have not once seen 6ix9ine. ffs people lied to me.

A child asked his father, "How were people born?" So his father said,

A child asked his father, "How were people born?" So his father said, "Adam and Eve made babies, then their babies became adults and made babies, and so on." The child then went to his mother, asked her the same question and she told him, "We were monkeys then we evolved to become like we are now." The child ran back to his father and said, "You lied to me!" His father replied, "No, your mom was talking about her side of the family."

I'm an honest, hardworking kind of guy.

I lied, I'm too lazy to even come up with a good punchline for this.

Did you hear about the Greek bricklayer who lied a lot?

He would always con Crete.

Joke from my neighbour, Slade.

What's green and rolls?

Grass. I lied about the rolling part.

WARNING!! They said you only have to wear masks and gloves to go grocery shopping but they LIED!

Apparently you have to wear clothes too.

They said that a mask and gloves were enough to go to the supermarket.

They lied, everyone else has clothes on.

Pinocchio lied while going down on her.

She was taken aback.

Why are women so bad at parallel parking?

Because they're constantly being lied to about what six inches looks like.

Sorry it's a bit Long but worth it

A kid walks up to his dad and ask how were humans created his dad said Adam and eve had babies and their babies had babies and so on t kid then goes ask his mom the same question his mom replies we were once monkeys then we evolved to humans the kid goes back to his dad and says you lied to me which the dad replies no your mother was talking about her side of the family

Did you hear the one about that kid who lied about having brain cancer for awards and upvotes?...

Apparently he hasn't heard the concept of "karma"

I bought my first brand new iPhone and I was so excited

My friends had been telling me how much they love their's but mine's been nothing but trouble from WiFi problems to dropped calls to rebooting out of nowhere. I'm starting to think my friends lied to me or maybe I just got a bad apple.

How were people born?

A child asked his father, "How were people born?" So his father said, "Adam and Eve made babies, then their babies became adults and made babies, and so on." The child then went to his mother, asked her the same question and she told him, "We were monkeys then we evolved to become like we are now." The child ran back to his father and said, "You lied to me!" His father replied, "No, your mom was talking about her side of the family."

They said gloves and a mask would be enough to go to the supermarket..

They lied, everyone else had their clothes on.

They said a mask was enough to go to the grocery store.

They lied. Everyone else had clothes on

''Mr president, what would you say is your best lie to the American people?''

"I have never lied to the American people."

"Excellent choice, Mr president. Thank you."

They said a mask and gloves were enough to go to the grocery store.

They lied, everybody else had clothes on.

Turns out we've all been lied to about French fries. The first fries weren't actually cooked in France.

They were cooked in Greece.

Once there was a mirror that killed anyone who lied...

1st person : I think I dont smoke (died).

2nd person : I think I love my wife (died).

Karen : I think.. (died)

I took a sick day and lied that I had constipation

My boss bought it and even said he hopes I get well soon and stop being so full of shit

I was told that a mask and gloves were enough to go shopping with...

I was lied to. Everyone else had clothes on.

A mother asks her two sons who broke her favorite vase. She told them she won't get angry if they told the truth, yet one of them lied. The first son said he played soccer in the house but broke nothing. The second son said he only broke his own doll house. Who's lying?

The mother is, we all know she will stil get angry no matter what.

What's green and has four wheels?

It's grass, I lied about the wheels.

Over Christmas dinner, I accidentally let it slip I'd lied about my degree in biology.

Me and my big face-hole thingy.

Why did Robinhood steal from the rich?

He actually didn't he instead limited what the working class could trade in stocks in order for the rich to make money. Disney lied.

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the lied agnostics jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working lied untruthful piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

Joko Jokes