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Lie Detector Jokes

26 lie detector jokes and hilarious lie detector puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about lie detector that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Funniest Lie Detector Short Jokes

Short lie detector jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The lie detector humour may include short detective jokes also.

  1. The police asked me if I would take a lie detector... I said yes and now I've been charged with conspiracy to commit theft.
  2. They installed a lie detector in the White House Nobody can work any more because of all the beeping

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Lie Detector One Liners

Which lie detector one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with lie detector? I can suggest the ones about smoke detector and investigator.

  1. Chuck Norris once took a lie detector test The machine confessed everything
  2. they gave lie detectors the wrong name. Should have called then facts machines
  3. "Dave, have you ever seen a lie detector?" "Seen it? I'm married to one!"

Lie Detector Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.

What funny jokes about lie detector you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean metal detector jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make lie detector pranks.

A dad buys a lie detector robot that slaps you if you lie.

Dad: Son, where were you at school hours?
Son: At school.
The robot slaps the son
Son: Okay I was watching KungFu Panda!
The robot slaps his son again.
Son: Okay I was watching violent movies!
Dad: What?! When I was your age I never watched those kinds of movies!
The robot slaps the dad.
Mom: Haha, after all, he is your son.
The robot slaps the mom...

A father bought a lie detector which hit people when they lied.

His young son said, I have no naughty books!
The machine quickly hit him.
His father saw that and scolded his son, When I was your age, I didn't have such books!
The machine quickly hit him.
The mother saw what happened and laughed and said, Oh, you are truly father and son!
The machine quickly hit her.

A dad buys a lie detector machine and waits for his son to come home

When the son comes home:
Dad - So you were at school right?
Son - yeah
Lie Detector - BEEP
Son - Okay, okay I was at the cinema with my friends
Lie Detector - BEEP
Son - ....I was having a few beers with my friends
Dad - What??? When I was your age I NEVER touched alcohol
Lie Detector - BEEP
Mom - Hahahaha! Well honey, he IS your son
Lie Detector - BEEP

Father buys a lie detector that makes a loud beep whenever somebody tells a lie.

The son comes home in the afternoon. Father asks him, So, you were at school today, right? Son: Yeah. Detector: Beep. Son: OK, OK, I was in a cinema. Detector: Beep. Son: Alright, I went for a beer with my friends. Father: What?! At your age, I wouldn't touch alcohol! Detector: Beep. Mother laughs: Ha ha ha, well, he really is your son! Detector: Beep.

idk what to put the title as

A man buys a lie detector robot that slaps people who lie.........
The man decided to try it out at dinner.
Dad: Son, where were you during school hours?
Son: At school
*The robot slaps the son*
Son: OK! I was at my friend's house watching a DVD
Dad: Which one?
Son: Kung Fu Panda
*The robot slaps the son again.*
Son: Ok! It was an e**... movie.
Dad: What!? When I was your age I didn't even know what an e**... movie was.
*The robot slaps the dad.*
Mom: HAHAHAHA. He is your son after all!
*The robot slaps the mom.*

A dad buys a lie detector

He tells his son. This will beep whenever you lie. Where where you? The son says "I was at school" the lie detector beeps. The son says "ok, I was at the sinema with my friends" the lie detector beeps. He says OK I WAS AT MY FRIENDS HOUSE!!! we where drinking and doing drugs" the lie detector does not beep. The dad says "COME ON!!! WHEN I WAS YOUR AGE, I NEVER DID ANYTHING LIKE THAT!!! I was at the park with my friends" the lie detector beeps. The mom says " he really is your son" the lie detector beeps once more

A dad buys a lie detector robot and it slaps anyone who lies

The dad asks his son, where were you today ? And the son says, at school and the robot slaps him. Then the son says ok, ok, ok,... I was watching Kung Fu Panda . Then the robot slaps him again. So the sons says fine...I was hanging out with a girl. And the dad goes what? You're too young to hang out with girls I never hung out with girls at your age and the robot slaps him. Then the mom starts laughing and says well he is your son after all and the robot slaps her.

An overweight criminal takes a lie detector test to prove his innocence.

This is the cops' last chance to prove his guilt.
They hook him up to the detector and tell him, "First we will ask you an obvious question and you must lie. If the machine registers your lie we will ask you about the crime and you will go to jail. If it does not you are free to leave."
"I understand." He says.
"Everyone in this room is fit except you. Do you think you are the lightest?" They ask.
He says, "Sir, I am closer to the lie test than any of you."

A lie detector robot that slaps you if you lie...

A dad buys a lie detector robot that slaps you if you lie.
Dad: Son, where were you at school hours?
Son: At school. The robot slaps the son.
Son: Okay I was watching KungFu Panda! The robot slaps his son again.
Son: Okay I was watching violent movies!
Dad: What?! When I was your age I never watched those kinds of movies! The robot slaps the dad.
Mom: Haha, after all, he is your son. The robot slaps the mom...

Lie detector

Matt is talking to his friend Paul in the bar and asks him have you ever seen one of those lie detector machines on t.v? They can tell when you're telling the truth or not
Paul exclaims Seen one? I'm married to one!

What type of test do you take...

To see if you get into grad school, you take the GRE.
To see if you get into med school, you take the MCAT.
What test do you take to see if you can be a politician?
Lie detector.

Lie Detecting Robot

A father buys a lie detector robot that slaps people when they lie.
He decides to test it out at dinner one night. The father asks his son what he did that afternoon.
The son says, "I did some schoolwork."
The robot slaps the son.
The son says, "Ok, Ok. I was at a friend's house watching movies."
Dad asks, "What movie did you watch?"
Son says, "Toy Story."
The robot slaps the son again.
Son says, "Ok, Ok, we were watching Stormy Daniels movies."
Dad says," What? At your age I didn't even know what dirty movies were."
The robot slaps the father!
Mom laughs and says, "Well, he certainly is your son."
The robot slaps the mother.
Robot for sale.

A man buys a lie detector robot

So a man buys a lie detector robot that slaps someone if they tell a lie. The man then sets it up at the dinner table and asks his son.
Dad- why where you home late today?
Son- I was at the library.
The robot then slaps the son.
Son- ok fine I was at a friends.
Dad- what where you doing?
Son- I was studying.
The robot slaps the son again.
Son- ok fine I was smoking.
Dad- what! When I was your age I didn't smoke.
The robot then slaps the dad.
The mother starts laughing.
Dad- what's so funny?
Mum- he's definitely your son.
The robot then slaps the mum.

At the dinner table, mother shows the new lie detector she bought.

Mother: "Look, this device buzzes whenever it senses a lie"
Father: "Wow! Lets see! Hey son, what did you do today?"
Son: "Uhmm, I went to school."
*BUZZ*
Mother: "Ooh, you didn't go to class? Then what did you do?"
Son: "Alright, I watched a movie with a few friends"
Father: "Which movie?"
Son: "That new Star Wars movie"
*BUZZ*
Son (blushing): "Alright, we watched a -- well, a you-know-what movie...
Father: "Well well well son, this is very immature! At your age I didn't even know what that was!
*BUZZ*
Mother: "Haha, really a child of yours!"
*BUZZ*

Johnny's parents buy a lie detector.

Every time the detector hears a lie, it goes "BEEP!".
Johnny comes home from school and they ask him: "What grade did you get today?"
He says: "An A!"
BEEP!
Then he says: "OK, I got a C."
BEEP!
"Fine, I got an F."
His mom says: "Shame on you! When I went to school, I had straight As!"
BEEP!
Then the dad says: "When I went to school..."
BEEP!
Surprised, Johnny asks him: "Dad, you didn't go to school?!"
Dad says: "Don't yell at me like that! I'm your father!"
BEEP!

A man brought home a lie detector.

He told his family: "This robot will slap anyone that tells a lie."
 
During dinner,
Dad: "How was school, son?"
Son: "It was nice, we had to write an essay."
The robot slapped the son.
 
Son: "Ok, I skipped school to go to a friend's house."
The robot slapped the son again.
 
Son: "Fine! I went to a w**...!"
The robot did not do anything, but the dad was shocked.
Dad: "How could you? When I was your age I didn't even know what was a w**...!"
The robot slapped the dad.
 
The mum, who was angry at first, couldn't help but laugh and said, "Well, he is your son after all!"
Then the robot slapped the mum.
 

Dad bought a lie-detector to test his son.

"Son sit down... we have to talk, i have a lie detector here"
"Did you go to school today, son?"
"uh, yes" the son replied...
-BEEP- -BEEP-
"uh, no i watched a movie" he said quickly.
"right, what movie?" Asked the Dad
"Just some comedy"
-Beep- -Beep-
"Okay, it was, you know, a different movie, you know what i am talking about"
"No, I don't know" Said the dad.
-Beep- -Beep-
"Like you never watched those things when you were my age dad"
"No, i never watched it" The dad said blushing.
-Beep- -Beep-
"Well well well, like father like son, isn't it" Said the mother laughing.
-Beep- -Beep-

A pretty poor man man walks into a bar.

He goes and sits at the bar before turning to the bar man.
'I only got a pound on me mate, anything I can get with that?'
'No,' says the bar man. 'But you can attempt a challenge for free drinks for the rest of the night.'
The poor man was up for it.
'Ok, so I'm gonna hook you up to this lie detector and you gotta try and make it get the wrong answer.' The bar man instructed.
So the poor man got hooked up to the lie detector.
'Off you go,' said the bar man.
'This lie detector will tell you that this is a lie.'
Nobody survived the following e**....