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Lids Jokes

32 lids jokes and hilarious lids puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about lids that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Funniest Lids Short Jokes

Short lids jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The lids humour may include short lips jokes also.

  1. My girlfriend told me to move out as i am no help around the house. So as i walked out i tightened the lids on all the jars in the kitchen.
  2. If Abraham Lincoln was alive today... He'd be desperately clawing at the lid of his coffin.
  3. If elvis Presley was alive today, what do you think he'd be doing right now? Scratching at the coffin lid, screaming Let me out!
  4. Remember if you lose a sock in the dryer.... ....it comes back as a Tupperware lid, that doesn't fit any of your containers.
  5. I always leave a penny on the toilet lid after I take a dump Just so that a cent is covering the odor
  6. A kid was born without eye lids, so they used the spare skin from his circumcision to form some. Everything turned out fine, except... the doctor said he was a little cockeyed.
  7. Take everyone's eye lids and noone bats an eye. Take everyone's brains and everybody loses their minds.
  8. What would Kim Jong-Il be doing if he was still alive today? Scratching at the lid of his coffin.
  9. My SO is giving me the silent treatment, so I tightened all the lids of our jars. Now she'll have to talk to me.
  10. She claims to love to travel on her Tinder profile.... Starts screaming the second you shut the trunk lid.

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Lids One Liners

Which lids one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with lids? I can suggest the ones about lads and limps.

  1. Will caskets with clear lids ever catch on? Remains to be seen.
  2. Ants Dancing Q: Why did the ants dance on the jam jar?
    A: The lid said, "Twist to open."
  3. Always use a lid when boiling water. It'll make it boil a lid-le faster!
  4. What would Lady Diana do if she were still alive? Scratch the lid of her casket.
  5. What do you call a glass container with a bad lid? A loose-seal ball jar
  6. I guess the Tupperware lids in my house just graduate and go off to college or something.
  7. Why did the Green Giant get a new lid? Because he always spills the beans.
  8. What do you get for every sock that goes missing A tupaware container with no lid
  9. Did you know they sell lids for frisbees? I just disc covered them.
  10. £650 for a coffin lid on eBay...
  11. Why don't men like toilet lid covers? It only delays knowing the lid might still be down.
  12. Today someone asked me if I lifted I told them I lift oreo lids
  13. If John Lennon was still alive today he'd be scratching furiously at the lid.
  14. Would you like a lid and tray with your order? Do you offer juggling lessons instead?
  15. The best m**... weapon would be a Tupperware lid because nobody would ever find it.

Lids joke, The best m**... weapon would be

Hilarious Lids Jokes that Bring Laughter with Friends

What funny jokes about lids you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean jars jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make lids pranks.

Doctor: So your child was born without eyelids.

Mother: Well isn't there anything you can do?
Doctor: Yes, when we circumcise him we can take that excess skin and make him eye lids.
Mother: Will he be okay?
Doctor: Yeah, he will be fine, just be a little c**...-eyed.

A baby was born with no eyes lids...

So the doctors decided to circumcise him and use the skin to craft new eyes lids.
They botched it though and he came out looking a bit c**...-eyed.

I recently attended a f**...

And the procession was going up a steep hill on Main Street. Well all of a sudden the door of the hearst flew open and the coffin fell out. Since the road was so steep it flew back down Main street and into a pharmacy where it crashed into the counter. The lids popped open and the deceased says to the astonished pharmacist, "You got anything to stop this coffin?"

Poor kid

Was reading the news this morning and saw an article about a kid in Denver born without any eye lids.
The doctor decided that since the parents were having him circumcised, the f**... could be made into eye lids for the kid.
The surgery actually turned out really well, kids just a little cockeyed.

So a man had his eye lids burned off in a fire and the doctors used a new procedure to replace them with his f**...

He came out just fine besides being a little cockeyed.

There was a boy born without eye lids last week!

Doctors were able to make him eye lids out of the f**... from his circumcision.

They think he will be alright, but he is going to be a little c**...-eyed.

Did anyone else hear about the baby who was born recently, without eyelids? The doctors actually used his f**... to make a pair of lids for him.

It was an experimental procedure, and it worked great!.... except now he's all c**...-eyed.

My son was born without eye lids

My son was born with out eye lids, so when they circumcised him they used his f**... as new eye lids.
He's alright now, just a little c**...-eyed

Who opens stuck jar lids in a lesbian relationship?

Usually, it's the male side who deals with stubborn jars in a straight relationship. But who to be charged with this sacred duty in a lesbian relationship?
The answer is no one, they eat out all the time.

My son was born without eyelids...

The Dr suggested a new procedure using his f**... after circumcision to replace his missing lids. The only possible complication was that he would be a little c**...-eyed.

Did you hear about the kid born without eye lids?

They sewed his forskin on there. The surgery went fine but he's been cockeyed ever since

Did u hear about the baby boy born with no eye lids?

Did you hear about the baby boy born with no eye lids?
When they circumcised him they were successfully able to attach his f**... as eyelids.
He is just a little cockeyed now.

Lids joke, Did u hear about the baby boy born with no eye lids?