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Licks Jokes

46 licks jokes and hilarious licks puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about licks that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Funniest Licks Short Jokes

Short licks jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The licks humour may include short licked jokes also.

  1. I always used to lick the bowl clean. Until my parents told me to flush it like everyone else.
  2. I asked my mum if I could lick the bowl when she was finished. She replied "why can't you flush it like everyone else"
  3. I must be in the minority, but I always lick my knife when I'm done None of the other surgeons seem to do it !
  4. Do you really have to lick the knife? she asked. Sorry, force of habit. Lots of people do it though, don't they? I said. Yes, but not during surgery, Doctor.
  5. they asked a 100year old grandpa why were all the women still crazy about him? grandpa said nothing! just gently licked his eyebrow
  6. Is it weird to lick a knife after your done using it? Because the other surgeons looked at me in disgust today.
  7. Yesterday I accidentally sent a n**... picture of myself to everyone in my address book. Not only was it embarrassing but it cost a fortune in stamp.
  8. I guess I must be in the minority, but I always lick the knife when I'm done. None of the other surgeons seem to do it.
  9. My DNA results came back 39% German, 27% Irish, 19% Beagle and 15% Pug. Turns out my dog licked my sample.
  10. I always used to ask my mom if I could lick the bowl... ... She'd always say "No! Just flush it like a normal person!"

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Licks One Liners

Which licks one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with licks? I can suggest the ones about licking out and lips.

  1. My gf broke up with me after I licked her toes… …i guess I got off on the wrong foot.
  2. "Mommy, mommy! Can I lick the bowl?" "No, flush it like everyone else"
  3. "Mummy, can I lick the bowl?" "No Samantha you can flush like everyone else does"
  4. Why are cats and daughters equal in Alabama? They both lick their paw.
  5. Mommy can I lick the bowl.. No! Flush it like a normal person.
  6. Mum, can I lick the bowl? No! Flush the toilet like everyone else.
  7. I just told my best friend I loved her. She wagged her tail and licked my face.
  8. Friend just randomly licked my bleeding cut Then they said "no hemo"
  9. Dinosaur Jokes (2 of 3) What do you call a lesbian Dinosaur?
    A Lick-a-lot-a-pus
  10. Where do cats learn to clean themselves? At a Cat Lick school.
  11. Why did the walrus lick the envelope? Because he was looking for a good seal.
  12. Q: Why did the chicken lick the toad? A: To get to the other side.
  13. How do you help a choking pig? With the Ham-Lick maneuver of course
  14. Why do dogs lick themselves? Because they can't make a fist
  15. A dog goes and licks a tree. The dog exclaims ruff...bark

Licks joke, A dog goes and licks a tree.

Licks Jokes to Giggle and Enjoy A Night of Unforgettable Laughter

What funny jokes about licks you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean dog lick jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make licks pranks.

Sure... when miley cyrus gets n**... and licks a hammer it's "s**..." and "art"

But when I do it I'm "drunk" and need to "get out of Home Depot"

Two cowboys walk into a bar and sit down for a drink.

A woman sitting next to them drinking her martin starts choking on her olive.
One cowboy says to the other cowboy, "I'm going to help that there woman." He looks at her and says, "Are you choking?" And she nods yes. "Do you want me to help you?" Again she nods yes.
With that, the cowboy lifts up her dress, pulls down her p**..., and licks her bare b**.... She gets so flustered she spits out the olive and he saves her life.
As the cowboy sits down next to his friend he says, "That there hind lick maneuver works every time."

My first time bungee jumping.

*Licks lips nervously*
Me: This is my first time bungee jumping.
Instructor: Can you please stop l**... my lips.

When Miley Cyrus gets n**... and licks a sledgehammer it's art and music

But when I do it I'm drunk and ruining the wedding

When Miley Cyrus gets n**... and licks a hammer..it's "art" and "music".

But when I do it...I'm "wasted", and "have to leave Home Depot".

Two friends are eating at a pub when a woman next to them begins to choke...

Two friends are eating at a pub when a woman next to them begins to choke. Quickly and without hesitation, one friend quickly lifts up the woman's dress, bends her over, and licks her right and left b**... cheeks. Immediately, she spits out her food enabling her to breath again before slapping him.
As the man returned to his seat, his buddy exclaimed, Wow! I've heard of the hine lick maneuver, but I've actually never seen it done before.

When Miley Cyrus licks a sledgehammer n**..., it's art.

When I do it, I'm drunk and told to leave Home Depot.

Double standards are not fair!

When miley cirus gets n**... and licks hammers its beautiful and artistic, but when I do it its weird, creepy and I get a life time ban from Ikea.

Dog p**...

Two men are walking on the sidewalk until one of them stops.
"Hey, what's that brown thing on the ground?" he asks his friend.
The second man looks closer to the sidewalk. "Huh, looks like dog p**...," he says.
"Are you sure?"
"Hold on." The man leans down and smells the item. "Ugh, it smells like dog p**...."
"Yeah, but are you positive?"
"Hold on." The man picks up the item and licks it. "Augh! It tastes like dog p**...!" He immediately drops it.
"Okay, so it's dog p**...," the first man says. "Good thing we saw it."
"I know," said his friend. "We could have stepped in that."

Me: *licks lips in anticipation*

I'm nervous, I've never bungee jumped before.
Instructor: Please stop l**... my lips.

Why is it...

That when Miley Cyrus licks a hammer n**... it's called 'Music' and 'Art', but when I do it, it's called 'Property Damage' and 'Nudity' and I get kicked out of Home Depot?

There was a Political Drum-Off last week, sponsored by the mathletes...

Democrats and Republicans took turns showing off their best drum licks, while answering math problems in between.
Turns out the Republicans lost. They couldn't handle Al Gore rhythms.

I always wondered if cats are religious ...

then I realized that they are all practicing cat licks.

Yo Daddy so poor...

He goes to KFC and licks other people's fingers.

Did you know biologist James Watson was a foot fetishist?

His favorite s**... act was double heel licks.

I like my men, like how I like my dogs.

Loyal, easy to look after and always licks me.

So, a woman and an inexperienced guy want to have s**......

She proposes doing 69, he doesn't know the position but agrees - doesn't matter had s**..., he thinks.
They begin, she s**... and he licks happily away, but suddenly she has to f**.... He pauses, shivers but continues.
Shortly after, she farts again. He pushes her off, puts on his pants. She begs him not to go, he answers: "sorry, I like you and s**... is fun... But I won't take the other 67."

So if cats have papillae on their tongues to rip skin...

...Then does that mean my cat wants to eat me when he licks me?

Yo Mama so poor...

...that when she goes to Kentucky Fried Chicken she licks other people's fingers.

Is that dog p**...?

A guy is walking down the street and sees a brown lump ahead. "Is that dog p**...?" He thinks to himself.
He approaches it to examine if it is dog p**.... "Well it looks like dog p**...." He bends down and sniffs it. "Smells like dog p**...." He grazes the substance with his finger. "Feels like dog p**...." His finger scoops up a part of the p**..., and he licks it. "Tastes like dog p**....... Yep, this is dog p**... alright."
"Well, good thing I didn't step in it."

Daughter, "Hey dad! How many licks does it take to get to the center of Firefox Quantum?"

Dad, "I don't know yet. It's frozen."

Me: *licks lips with anticipation*

" I'm so excited! i've never bungee jumped before!!"
Instructor: "Don't lick my lips again!"

How many licks does it take to get to the Tootsie roll center of a Tootsie Pop?

Ask your mother.

Now that the election commercials are over, science can solve one of it's greatest mysteries

How many licks does it get to the tootsie roll center of a Tootsie Roll Pop?

I was wondering how many licks it takes to get to the center of the Earth, so I asked my geography teacher

Turns out it takes just one, but it has to be an exceptionally long lick

hel p me

A s**... Lady

A lady in a bar walks to the bartender
& put her finger into bartender's mouth...
bartender lustly kisses & licks each finger...
lady: tell ur manager ders no tissues..
Hmmmmmmmm

Hey dad, how do I have s**... with a woman who likes having her toes nibbled as foreplay?

Or to put this another way: How many licks does it take to get to the center of a tootsie roll, pop?

Lick the hammer

Miley Cyrus gets n**... and licks a hammer and they call it art. I do it and I get kicked out of Home Depot.

I like to eat out. Woman says in disbelief, but you never leave the house.

He says I know, and licks his lips.

Classroom situation

Teacher: There are three birds sitting on a fence, you shoot two of them how many birds are there now?
Pupil: Zero.
Teacher: Why zero?
Pupil: Because all the birds flew away when they heard the shots.
Teacher: No there is one left, but i like the way your thinking.
Pupil: Can I ask you a question now?
Teacher: Yes.
Pupil: Three women are sitting on a bench eating ice cream, one of them bites her ice cream, the other one licks her ice cream, the third one s**... on her ice cream. Who's married?
Teacher: The one who s**... on her ice cream.
Pupil: Wrong, the one with the wedding ring, but I like the way your thinking.

Licks joke, Classroom situation

jokes about licks