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Lick Jokes

123 lick jokes and hilarious lick puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about lick that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

From jokes about a dog's curious lick of honey to lizard-licking that prompts an unexpected response, this article explores the best "lick jokes" around. Uncover the fun and the humor behind why we love the word "lick" and why it's so often a source of laughter.

Funniest Lick Short Jokes

Short lick jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The lick humour may include short itch jokes also.

  1. I always used to lick the bowl clean. Until my parents told me to flush it like everyone else.
  2. I asked my mum if I could lick the bowl when she was finished. She replied "why can't you flush it like everyone else"
  3. I must be in the minority, but I always lick my knife when I'm done None of the other surgeons seem to do it !
  4. Do you really have to lick the knife? she asked. Sorry, force of habit. Lots of people do it though, don't they? I said. Yes, but not during surgery, Doctor.
  5. they asked a 100year old grandpa why were all the women still crazy about him? grandpa said nothing! just gently licked his eyebrow
  6. Is it weird to lick a knife after your done using it? Because the other surgeons looked at me in disgust today.
  7. Yesterday I accidentally sent a n**... picture of myself to everyone in my address book. Not only was it embarrassing but it cost a fortune in stamp.
  8. I guess I must be in the minority, but I always lick the knife when I'm done. None of the other surgeons seem to do it.
  9. My DNA results came back 39% German, 27% Irish, 19% Beagle and 15% Pug. Turns out my dog licked my sample.
  10. I always used to ask my mom if I could lick the bowl... ... She'd always say "No! Just flush it like a normal person!"

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Lick One Liners

Which lick one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with lick? I can suggest the ones about bite and scratch.

  1. My gf broke up with me after I licked her toes… …i guess I got off on the wrong foot.
  2. "Mommy, mommy! Can I lick the bowl?" "No, flush it like everyone else"
  3. "Mummy, can I lick the bowl?" "No Samantha you can flush like everyone else does"
  4. Why are cats and daughters equal in Alabama? They both lick their paw.
  5. Mommy can I lick the bowl.. No! Flush it like a normal person.
  6. Mum, can I lick the bowl? No! Flush the toilet like everyone else.
  7. I just told my best friend I loved her. She wagged her tail and licked my face.
  8. Friend just randomly licked my bleeding cut Then they said "no hemo"
  9. Dinosaur Jokes (2 of 3) What do you call a lesbian Dinosaur?
    A Lick-a-lot-a-pus
  10. Where do cats learn to clean themselves? At a Cat Lick school.
  11. Why did the walrus lick the envelope? Because he was looking for a good seal.
  12. Q: Why did the chicken lick the toad? A: To get to the other side.
  13. How do you help a choking pig? With the Ham-Lick maneuver of course
  14. Why do dogs lick themselves? Because they can't make a fist
  15. A dog goes and licks a tree. The dog exclaims ruff...bark

Dog Lick Jokes

Here is a list of funny dog lick jokes and even better dog lick puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Two cowboys sitting on a fence watching a dog lick his nuts.. One says to the other, "man I wish I could do that" then the other says, "doncha think you should at least pet him first"
  • Two homeless guys are watching a dog lick it's nuts... ... One says to the other
    "I wish I could do that"
    The other scoffs and replies
    "you'd wanna ask him first"
  • I like my men, like how I like my dogs. Loyal, easy to look after and always licks me.
  • Yo momma is so ugly her momma had to tie a steak around her neck to get the dog to lick her.
  • I wish my girlfriend was like my dog Could lick peanut butter off me any time of the day
  • What do you get when you cross a dog and a frog? A dog who can lick himself from across the room
  • Q: Why does a dog lick himself?
    A: He can't make a fist.
  • What happens when a backwards dog licks a small boy? You know where priests get it from.
  • How do you get a dog to lick itself clean like a cat? Cover it in peanut butter.
  • A dog is lying on the grass l**... his b**...... A guy looks and says to his friend, "I wish I could do that."
    His friend says, "You better pet him first. He looks pretty mean."

Honey Lick Jokes

Here is a list of funny honey lick jokes and even better honey lick puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • my girlfriend says she can lick the honey from a beehive so gently that the bees won't even know she's there she's a keeper
  • Told to me by the barber today "Mommy, why does my hair stand up?"
    "That's your cowlick, honey."
    "WHAT KIND OF MOTHER LETS A COW LICK A BABY?!"
    He was 4 at the time.
Lick joke, Told to me by the barber today

Salt Lick Jokes

Here is a list of funny salt lick jokes and even better salt lick puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Where can you find a m**... horse? Salt Lick City.
  • Where do m**... deer call home? Salt Lick City
  • Walrus l**... pepper. (Just made this up a little inebriated so be kind.)
    Person 1: Whoa! Is that a walrus l**... salt?
    Person 2: Na,Cl
  • Where do m**... cows live? Salt Lick City.
Lick joke, Where do m**... cows live?

Unearthly Funniest Lick Jokes to Tickle Your Sides

What funny jokes about lick you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean finger jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make lick pranks.

They say nothing is impossible...

So that means they were able to lick their back?!?!

My scout leader taught me a very valuable lesson...

... "If you lick your fingers and wet it a little, it will slide right in". Threading needles has never been this easy!

You better not.

I heard this on Christmas day from an elderly, retired preacher.
Two men were watching a dog lick himself. One of the guys said "Man, I sure wish I could do that!"
The other guy said, "You better not- that dog will bite you!"

Joe went over to his buddy Bob's house to hang-out and watch football ...

As they were sitting in the living room, Bob's dog walked into the room, laid down on the floor, and began to lick its nuts. Joe looked down at the dog and said "Man, I wish I could do that." To which Bob replied, "Don't you think you ought to at least pet him first."

Two homeless men...

were sitting under a bridge watching a dog lick its c**....
One of the men said, "I wish I could do that!"
To which the other replied, "Oh no you don't! He took a bite outta my arm the last time I tried!"

To make it stand, you wet it. To make it wet, you s**... it. To make it stiff, you lick it. To get it in, you push it.

Man, threading a needle is tough!

Did you hear about the dog that's become the first to officially own pieces of art?

He's the first dog to be able to lick his own p**...

I wouldn't do that if I were you!

Two r**... were sitting on a porch.
A dog walks up on the front lawn and takes a seat. It starts to lick himself. The one readneck looks to other and says, "man, I sure wish I could do that"
The other r**... says, "I wouldn't do that if I were you..that dog will bite you"

Just thought this when making a coffee, I'm sorry...

I've grown a f**... where I love to lick milk off white women's feet, I've been labelled a racist though... it's not my fault I'm black toes intolerant.
Thank you, thank you very much *hangs head in shame*

Two men see a dog l**... its n**...

The first man says, "I wish I could do that." The second man says, "What do you mean? Anyone can lick a dog's n**...."

'Mum, can I lick the bowl? ' the child asks

"No!" Replied the mother, "just flush like everyone else"

"Daddy, can I lick the bowl?"

No, you can flush the toilet like normal kids!

My little girl loves helping me when I'm doing the cooking, because I always let her lick the spoon.

The sooner she's old enough to buy her own h**..., the better.

My coworker was eating an ice cream cone on her lunch break when she caught me staring at her

"Hey what's up?" she said
"Oh nothing.. It's just that I want to ask for something but I'm afraid you'll misunderstand me." I replied
"Haha don't worry, I won't." She said reassuringly
"I wanna lick it." I said
She quickly extends the ice cream cone to me, to which I said:
"I knew you'd misunderstand."

The most inappropriate thing to say to the queen of England,

I lick your stamps all the time.

Ariana Grande should stop l**... donuts...

and lick deeznuts.

Two guys are watching a dog lick its privates.

o**... chuckles and says, "I wish I could do that." The other guy says, "Pet him, maybe he'll let you."
An oldie, but I always liked it.

What does a 9 volt battery have in common with a girls a**...?

You know its wrong but sooner or later your going to lick it.

What did the California Highway Patrol officer say to the h**... that was pulled over for speeding?

"Lick it, or ticket."

What did they Gengar do to the Vanillish?

Used Lick, it was suprisingly effective.

what does a 9 volt battery and your girlfriend's a**... have in common?

Even though you know you shouldn't you give them both a lick

Why do cats and dogs lick their own g**...?

Because they can reach.

My Wife Saw Me l**... A Yogurt Lid And Said "Why Don't You Lick Me Like That?"

My Wife Saw Me l**... A Yogurt Lid And Said "Why Don't You Lick Me Like That?"
"Because Yogurt Tastes Better"
The Divorce Is Next Tuesday

You spread 'em open, lick the good stuff in the middle and then put it in.

That's how you eat an oreo.

What's do 9v batteries and buttholes have in common?

You aren't supposed to lick them, but you do anyway.

How many licks does it take to get to the Tootsie roll center of a Tootsie Pop?

Ask your mother.

I went to a Chiropractor to work the kinks out.

I still like to lick toes.

I asked my doctor...

Hey will I be able to play guitar after my hand operation?
Yes.
Oh that's great because I can't play a lick now.

My roommate gets really mad at me when I lick the Brownies...

He says the Girl Scouts are WAY less likely to tell their parents

The Circus needed a new act...

there were 2 performers gunning for the opportunity: a beatiful woman and a man badly dressed.
The woman started her act, which was lion taming: she stripped stark n**..., entered the lion´s cage, and made the beast postrate and lick her entire body, from head to toes.
The ringmaster was impressed, and asked the other performer:
"Can you do better than that?"
"Yes, and I dont even need to be whipped"

A child comes out of the bathroom and sees his mother baking a cake

"Mommy, can I lick the bowl?"
"No sweetie, you have to flush like everyone else!"

Me: *licks lips in anticipation*

I'm nervous, I've never bungee jumped before.
Instructor: Please stop l**... my lips.

Why do h**... have such dirty elbows?

because you cant lick yourself there

A s**..., over the shoulder stare, followed by a slow, seductive lick of the lips is one of the sexiest things in the world...

According to my doctor, not during a r**... exam though...

Me: *licks lips with anticipation*

" I'm so excited! i've never bungee jumped before!!"
Instructor: "Don't lick my lips again!"

If you should ever want to know your Dolphin name,

Just lick your finger then rub a balloon

Do you really have to lick the knife!? she asked with a disapproving frown. Whoops! Sorry! Force of habit. I said, chuckling. Lots of people do it though, don't they?!

Yes, but not during surgery, doctor.

Do shy prostitutes get tips?

Yes, but just the tip and they just lick the sides a little bit.

A dog is l**... his private parts

Two men are watching a dog lick his private parts.
First guy says, "I wish I could do that."
Second guy says, "You should probably pet him first."

When you see someone your recognize, but can't remember their name, you probably should not walk up and lick them...

...of course, if you do, then their identity will be on the tip of your tongue.

Teacher: "What's the most important thing to learn in a chemistry lesson?"

Student:
**"Don't lick the spoon."**

First time bungee jumping...

ME: [l**... lips in anticipation] I'm nervous. I've never done a bungee jump before.
INSTRUCTOR: Don't lick my lips again.

Pick up line: Girl are you an oreo?

Cos I wanna open you up and lick all the good stuff inside

Hey have you seen that new reality show about the Yukon?

YUKON LICK MY NUTS!

Women are like clarinets.

They make a cool noise if you lick them the right way.

I just watched a broke, fat dude lick pizza grease from his shirt for 10 minutes straight.

I need to stop eating in front of the mirror.

A group of crows is called a m**..., a group of cows is called a herd. What do you call a group of l**...?

...a lick.

Daughter: Can I lick the bowl, Mommy?

Mother: No you little freak, get back in there and flush like everyone else.

The only thing you can lick in the mirror

is the mirror

My father always told me lick the knife to get the last little bit of meat juices.

Brilliant dad, terrible surgeon.

A Good Mother

A good mom will always let her child lick the cookie dough after she's finished mixing it.
The best mom will switch the mixer off first.

(This was a joke translated from Russian that my mom always told me. She was a pretty good mom ;( )

Do you know why dogs lick their g**...?

Because they can.

To make it stand, I have to wet it. To make it wet, I have to s**... it. To make it stiff, I have lick it and to get it in, I have to push it...

Brah, threading a needle isn't as easy as it looks!

Me: *l**... lips in anticipation* I'm nervous. I've never done a bungee jump before.

Instructor: don't lick my lips again.

Kid: Mommy can I lick the bowl?

Mommy: don't be g**..., flush it like everyone else.

Two men are standing on a corner watching a dog lick itself.

Two men are standing on a corner watching a dog lick itself.
First guy says, "Man, I wish I could do that."
Second guy says, "You should probably try petting him first."

Do you really have to lick the knife? she growled angrily. Sorry, force of habit. I chuckled. Lots of people do it though, don't they?

Yes, but not during surgery, doctor.

I can't stand people that have foot fetishes.

You might even say I'm lick toes intolerant.

Alpo

I told you that feeding your husband all that dog food would finally kill him!
It wasn't the Alpo, he broke his neck trying to lick his b**....

Two men are sitting on the steps of a country store

As they sit, a dog approaches and begins to lick its c**....
The first man looks to the other and says I wish I could do that.
The other man looks at him and says yeah, but that dog will bite you.

My obese Ex-wife, Ally, worked in a Californian grenade factory. She got struck by a grenade during her lunch break while covered in sticky u**....

Supper Cali frag a lick stick ex pee Ally dough sus

After using a knife....

...I always lick it clean.





The other surgeons were not happy.

Why will the U.S. Post Office never issue a Donald Trump stamp?

Because 60 percent of Americans would spit on the front side, and 40 percent would lick the back side.

What do you call two biscuits which open easily for everyone to lick the centre?

A whoreo.

Lick joke, What do you call two biscuits which open easily for everyone to lick the centre?

jokes about lick