The Best 63 Lick Jokes

Following is our collection of funniest Lick jokes. There are some lick pur jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud. Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these lick nibble puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Funny Lick Jokes and Puns

You better not.

I heard this on Christmas day from an elderly, retired preacher.

Two men were watching a dog lick himself. One of the guys said "Man, I sure wish I could do that!"

The other guy said, "You better not- that dog will bite you!"

Joe went over to his buddy Bob's house to hang-out and watch football ...

As they were sitting in the living room, Bob's dog walked into the room, laid down on the floor, and began to lick its nuts. Joe looked down at the dog and said "Man, I wish I could do that." To which Bob replied, "Don't you think you ought to at least pet him first."

Two homeless men...

were sitting under a bridge watching a dog lick its crotch.

One of the men said, "I wish I could do that!"
To which the other replied, "Oh no you don't! He took a bite outta my arm the last time I tried!"

Lick joke, Two homeless men...

The US post office announced today that they'll be releasing a new stamp commemorating prostitution.

It's a ten cent stamp, but if you wanna lick it, it's a quarter.

Where can you find a mormon horse?

Salt Lick City.


To make it stand, you wet it. To make it wet, you suck it. To make it stiff, you lick it. To get it in, you push it.

Man, threading a needle is tough!

Did you hear about the dog that's become the first to officially own pieces of art?

He's the first dog to be able to lick his own Pollocks

Lick joke, Did you hear about the dog that's become the first to officially own pieces of art?

I wouldn't do that if I were you!

Two rednecks were sitting on a porch.
A dog walks up on the front lawn and takes a seat. It starts to lick himself. The one readneck looks to other and says, "man, I sure wish I could do that"
The other redneck says, "I wouldn't do that if I were you..that dog will bite you"

Just thought this when making a coffee, I'm sorry...

I've grown a fetish where I love to lick milk off white women's feet, I've been labelled a racist though... it's not my fault I'm black toes intolerant.

Thank you, thank you very much *hangs head in shame*

Two men see a dog licking its nads

The first man says, "I wish I could do that." The second man says, "What do you mean? Anyone can lick a dog's nads."

'Mum, can I lick the bowl? ' the child asks

"No!" Replied the mother, "just flush like everyone else"

You can explore lick licker reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean lick dik dad jokes. There are also lick puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


"Daddy, can I lick the bowl?"

No, you can flush the toilet like normal kids!

My little girl loves helping me when I'm doing the cooking, because I always let her lick the spoon.

The sooner she's old enough to buy her own heroin, the better.

My coworker was eating an ice cream cone on her lunch break when she caught me staring at her

"Hey what's up?" she said

"Oh nothing.. It's just that I want to ask for something but I'm afraid you'll misunderstand me." I replied

"Haha don't worry, I won't." She said reassuringly

"I wanna lick it." I said

She quickly extends the ice cream cone to me, to which I said:

"I knew you'd misunderstand."

Two guys are watching a dog lick its privates.

One guy chuckles and says, "I wish I could do that." The other guy says, "Pet him, maybe he'll let you."

An oldie, but I always liked it.

What does a 9 volt battery have in common with a girls arsehole?

You know its wrong but sooner or later your going to lick it.

Lick joke, What does a 9 volt battery have in common with a girls arsehole?

"Mommy, mommy! Can I lick the bowl?"

"No, flush it like everyone else"

Two homeless guys are watching a dog lick it's nuts...

... One says to the other
"I wish I could do that"
The other scoffs and replies
"you'd wanna ask him first"

I always used to ask my mom if I could lick the bowl...

... She'd always say "No! Just flush it like a normal person!"


what does a 9 volt battery and your girlfriend's arsehole have in common?

Even though you know you shouldn't you give them both a lick

Why do cats and dogs lick their own genitals?

Because they can reach.

My Wife Saw Me Licking A Yogurt Lid And Said "Why Don't You Lick Me Like That?"

My Wife Saw Me Licking A Yogurt Lid And Said "Why Don't You Lick Me Like That?"

"Because Yogurt Tastes Better"

The Divorce Is Next Tuesday

Why are cats and daughters equal in Alabama?

They both lick their paw.

I asked my doctor...

Hey will I be able to play guitar after my hand operation?

Yes.

Oh that's great because I can't play a lick now.

I asked my mum if I could lick the bowl when she was finished.

She replied "why can't you flush it like everyone else"

The Circus needed a new act...

there were 2 performers gunning for the opportunity: a beatiful woman and a man badly dressed.

The woman started her act, which was lion taming: she stripped stark naked, entered the lionΒ΄s cage, and made the beast postrate and lick her entire body, from head to toes.

The ringmaster was impressed, and asked the other performer:

"Can you do better than that?"

"Yes, and I dont even need to be whipped"

NSFW You lick it, aim it, and put it in. Yet I fail miserably every time.

Sewing is very hard sometimes.

A child comes out of the bathroom and sees his mother baking a cake

"Mommy, can I lick the bowl?"
"No sweetie, you have to flush like everyone else!"

Me: *licks lips in anticipation*

I'm nervous, I've never bungee jumped before.

Instructor: Please stop licking my lips.

"Mummy, can I lick the bowl?"

"No Samantha you can flush like everyone else does"

Why do hillbillies have such dirty elbows?

because you cant lick yourself there

I always used to lick the bowl clean.

Until my parents told me to flush it like everyone else.

A sultry, over the shoulder stare, followed by a slow, seductive lick of the lips is one of the sexiest things in the world...

According to my doctor, not during a rectal exam though...

Why did the walrus lick the envelope?

Because he was looking for a good seal.

If you should ever want to know your Dolphin name,

Just lick your finger then rub a balloon

Do you really have to lick the knife!? she asked with a disapproving frown. Whoops! Sorry! Force of habit. I said, chuckling. Lots of people do it though, don't they?!

Yes, but not during surgery, doctor.

Two cowboys sitting on a fence watching a dog lick his nuts..

One says to the other, "man I wish I could do that" then the other says, "doncha think you should at least pet him first"

A dog is licking his private parts

Two men are watching a dog lick his private parts.

First guy says, "I wish I could do that."

Second guy says, "You should probably pet him first."

Do you really have to lick the knife? she asked. Sorry, force of habit. Lots of people do it though, don't they? I said.

Yes, but not during surgery, Doctor.

my girlfriend says she can lick the honey from a beehive so gently that the bees won't even know she's there

she's a keeper

First time bungee jumping...

ME: [licking lips in anticipation] I'm nervous. I've never done a bungee jump before.

INSTRUCTOR: Don't lick my lips again.

Pick up line: Girl are you an oreo?

Cos I wanna open you up and lick all the good stuff inside

I just watched a broke, fat dude lick pizza grease from his shirt for 10 minutes straight.

I need to stop eating in front of the mirror.

A group of crows is called a murder, a group of cows is called a herd. What do you call a group of lesbians?

...a lick.

Daughter: Can I lick the bowl, Mommy?

Mother: No you little freak, get back in there and flush like everyone else.

My father always told me lick the knife to get the last little bit of meat juices.

Brilliant dad, terrible surgeon.

A Good Mother

A good mom will always let her child lick the cookie dough after she's finished mixing it.

The best mom will switch the mixer off first.



(This was a joke translated from Russian that my mom always told me. She was a pretty good mom ;( )

Do you know why dogs lick their genitals?

Because they can.

To make it stand, I have to wet it. To make it wet, I have to suck it. To make it stiff, I have lick it and to get it in, I have to push it...

Brah, threading a needle isn't as easy as it looks!

Me: *licking lips in anticipation* I'm nervous. I've never done a bungee jump before.

Instructor: don't lick my lips again.

Kid: Mommy can I lick the bowl?

Mommy: don't be gross, flush it like everyone else.

Two men are standing on a corner watching a dog lick itself.

Two men are standing on a corner watching a dog lick itself.

First guy says, "Man, I wish I could do that."

Second guy says, "You should probably try petting him first."

Do you really have to lick the knife? she growled angrily. Sorry, force of habit. I chuckled. Lots of people do it though, don't they?

Yes, but not during surgery, doctor.

I can't stand people that have foot fetishes.

You might even say I'm lick toes intolerant.

Two men are sitting on the steps of a country store

As they sit, a dog approaches and begins to lick its crotch.

The first man looks to the other and says I wish I could do that.

The other man looks at him and says yeah, but that dog will bite you.

My obese Ex-wife, Ally, worked in a Californian grenade factory. She got struck by a grenade during her lunch break while covered in sticky urine.

Supper Cali frag a lick stick ex pee Ally dough sus

Where do cats learn to clean themselves?

At a Cat Lick school.

I guess I must be in the minority, but I always lick the knife when I'm done.

None of the other surgeons seem to do it.

After using a knife....

...I always lick it clean.











The other surgeons were not happy.

I must be in the minority, but I always lick my knife when I'm done

None of the other surgeons seem to do it !

Why will the U.S. Post Office never issue a Donald Trump stamp?

Because 60 percent of Americans would spit on the front side, and 40 percent would lick the back side.

What do you call two biscuits which open easily for everyone to lick the centre?

A whoreo.

Your mother is so unbelievably poor

That when she goes to KFC, she has to lick other people's fingers

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the lick rimjob jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working lick tounge piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

Joko Jokes