License Plate Jokes

46 license plate jokes and hilarious license plate puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about license plate that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Funniest License Plate Short Jokes

Short license plate jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The license plate humour may include short driver license jokes also.

  1. My wife's car got stolen while she was out the other day. I said , Were you able to see what the guy looked like?
    She replied, No, but I got the license plate number!
  2. I'm getting really sick of these Amber Alerts... They either wake you up at three in the morning or broadcast your license plate to the whole world.
  3. Dangerfield on Carson: : "One night my wife went out and her car was stolen" "I asked her 'did you see what he looked like?' She said, 'no but I got the license plate number.'"
  4. A pickpocket is a victim of a motorcycle hit-and-run. A police officer comes to his aid.
    "Do you remember his license plate?" he asks.
    "No" says the pickpocket weakly, "but here's his wallet."
  5. I got a new tag on my car On the front of my car, there's a license plate that says "Dodge."
    That's not the manufacturer, it's a suggestion.
  6. Today I saw a license plate that said 420-fps Their is no joke I just want to share something cool but I have no friends
  7. I want to try translating a Finnish joke to English and see if it works. What is the animal that steals license plates?
    - A turtle.
  8. I just got a license plate that says "TRUMP" installed on my car... For some reason, the FBI keeps pulling me over.
  9. How Can You Tell It's Fall In Florida? When the color of the license plates start to change.
  10. This is how good my dog is, LOL. I tell ya, my dog is lazy. He don't chase cars. He sits on the curb and takes down license plate numbers.

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License Plate One Liners

Which license plate one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with license plate? I can suggest the ones about driver licence and drivers license.

  1. The first self driving commercial cars license plate should be... 'AFKBRB'
  2. What does the license plate of the sheep farmer say? Ewe haul.
  3. Do you know what makes good license plates? Prison inmates.
  4. If my License Plates were milk They would be chunky.
  5. License Plate I saw... 68-IOU1
    Blow me & I may eat you later?
  6. One day i saw a car with a missing license plate It's number was 404.
  7. How can you tell when it's fall in Arizona? The license plates start changing colors.
  8. I saw "ENTROPY" on a license plate today... ...proving it can be reversed.
  9. What a Chinese Restaurant Owner's Preferred License Plate? 888 MSG

License Plate Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.

What funny jokes about license plate you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean no license jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make license plate pranks.

A blond girl was at the store, and just as she was heading for her car, someone stole it.

The policemen asked, "Did you see the guy that did it?" She said, "No, but I got the license plate."

Oscar drove his brand new Mercedes to his favorite sporting goods store.

He parked it outside and went in to do a little perusing with Jan, his regular sales woman.
Jan was a pretty blonde, and as Oscar walked into the store, she happily greeted him.
But he requested to look around alone today before he needed her help.
She obliged and let him do his thing.
Five minutes later, Jan came running up to him yelling, “Oscar! Oscar! I just saw someone driving off with your new Mercedes!”
“Dear God! Did you try to stop him?”
“No,” she said, “I did better than that! I got the license plate number!”

"Your Honor, it was an accident! I had to run into the fence to keep from hitting the cow!"
"Was it a Jersey cow?"
"I don't know, I didn't see her license plate!"

I have a driver's license but it's at home, I accidentally left it with my license plate and proof of insurance.

....I don't get it either but when I told it to the cop he laughed and said that's funny.


My friends that still work ask me frequently what I do every day, now that I'm retired. Well, for example, the other day I went downtown and entered a shop; I wasn't there for even five minutes.
When I exited, a cop was filling out a ticket for double-parking. I quickly approached him and said, "Wow, officer! I didn't spend more than five minutes in the store! God would reward you if you made a kind gesture toward an old, retired man, such as myself." He completely ignored me and continued filling out the ticket.
The truth is, I went a little overboard, so I apologized. The cop looked at me coldly and started to fill out a second ticket, saying that besides being double-parked, my license plate was crooked. I then raised my voice and called him every name in the book. He finished the second ticket and placed it under the windshield wiper.
I didn't desist, and continued to insult him with all I had. To every insult, he smiled vengefully and filled out yet another ticket. After the fifteenth infraction, I told him, "I'm afraid I must leave you, officer - my bus has arrived!"


While Mark was shopping for pet supplies, one of the salespeople came running up to him.
"Mark! Mark! I just saw someone driving off with your BMW!"
"OH NO! Did you try to stop him?"
"No, but dont worry. I got the license plate number!"

I came here in a limo tonight, and the license plate was made by Felicity Huffman.

It’s her daughter I feel sorry for. That must be the most embarrassing thing that’s ever happened to her, and her dad was in Wild Hogs.

Two kids looked at a mummy exhibit...

Two kids looked at a mummy exhibit. On the bottom of the mummy case it said, "5000 B.C."
"What does that number mean?" the first one asked.
The second one wondered for a while, then said, "It must be the license plate number of the car that hit him."

I feel like a g**...

A lady came to the shop with her front license plate hanging off. I put in a couple of screws and she gave me $10.

What do you get when you cross Lorena Bobbit, Tammy Faye, and OJ Simpson?

A butcher, a baker, and a license plate maker!

My instructor asked me, "Can you read that car's license plate from here?"


You know why the Oklahoma license plate has the motto, "It's OK"?

Because they couldn't fit "Mediocre"

Johnny Carson Classic

The air quality in Los Angeles is so bad...
How bad is it?
When locals want to breathe fresh air, they s**... the air out of tires from cars with out-of-state license plates.

A boy sees his dad's car being stolen

In panic, he calls his dad to tell about the event:
-Dad, I just saw someone stealing your car!
-What?! Did you see the person's face?
-No, but I took a picture of the license plate number!

The sharp eye-witness

While Mark was shopping for pet supplies, one of the salespeople came running up to him. Mark! Mark! I just saw someone driving off with your BMW!
Dear God! Did your try to stop him?
No, said the clerk, but don't worry. I got the license plate number!

I bought one of those stickers that says "this machine kills fascists" today, but I don't know why my wife is so angry about it...

It's not like it's covering the license plate...

I've seen cars without license plates go VERY fast

That thing must have some heavy wind resistance.

Some guy stole my wife's car

I asked her if she got a description of the guy. She said, "No, but don't worry, I got the license plate number."