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Licence Jokes

51 licence jokes and hilarious licence puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about licence that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Are you looking for some fun and entertaining jokes about licences? Look no further! This article brings you some of the funniest licence plate, driver's licence and TV licence jokes around. Find out why your car registration is like a cruise ship, or why an interstate licence is like a butterfly. Laugh out loud with these hilarious licence jokes!

Funniest Licence Short Jokes

Short licence jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The licence humour may include short license jokes also.

  1. If you refuse to pay your TV licence in England, you can be sent to prison… Where, ironically, you'll get plenty of BBC…
  2. Why is this fair? A guy in my class asked out a girl and he got a girlfriend. So I asked out a girl and lost my teachers licence. -\_-
  3. What do you get when you fuse a short man and a tall woman? Your medical licence revoked, sicko.
  4. Arguing.... Arguing with your wife is like reading a Software Licence Agreement. In the end, you just ignore everything and click "Agree".
  5. What do you call someone who gets their driver's licence as soon as they can? Someone who's driven.
  6. The cow goes 'moo.' The horse goes 'neigh'. The pig goes Can I see your licence and registration?
  7. Saw a licence plate today that said "LUVSHOES" Couldn't decide if they love fashionable footware or easy women..
  8. When you grow up poor like I did, it's not unusual to be in your twenties without a vehicle or licence... You just sort of learn to run with it.
  9. Buy a man a fish, and feed him for a day, but teach a man to fish... And he has to buy a fishing pole, tackle, fishing line, and acquire a fishing licence.
  10. Job-stealing immigrant ARRESTED after cops find 63 jobs in his basement. Sidenote: I don't have licence for posting this job and now UK police is looking for me.

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Licence One Liners

Which licence one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with licence? I can suggest the ones about copyright and loan.

  1. What kind of driver doesn't need a licence? A screwdriver
  2. I once woke up in the middle of an operation. It nearly cost me my medical licence.
  3. How do you know James bond is british? He needs a licence to kill.
  4. My local off-licence has started hosting a book club. First up is Tequila Mockingbird.
  5. What is the most dangerous animal? A T- Rex...
    He's licenced to carry small arms.
  6. Guns need a licence to bear Chuck Norris.
  7. My dad left me 2 weeks ago Ahh nevermind, he was just getting his car licenced
  8. Why did the beekeeper need a licence? To drive on the hiveway
  9. Caitlyn Jenner's licence plate UCIM2FMN8
  10. What did the pig say to the drunk man? Licence and registration please.
  11. Why did h**... lose his drivers licence? He was too hard on the gas
  12. Electric cars **Do you need a current licence to drive an electric car?**

Off Licence Jokes

Here is a list of funny off licence jokes and even better off licence puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Today my friend told me he likes justin bieber. He got hit by a bus. Now i lost my bus licence.
  • probably the most embarrassing moment of my life was when i soiled myself at grade school in front of the entire class i lost my teaching licence that day
  • 7 year old daughter was looking at mom's driving licence and saw s**...:F and started laughing She then said you must. be so bad at s**... to get an F no wonder dad's with the maid all the time
  • I remember when I got my first drivers licence... Poor Jim Halenburg, age- 32, and s**...- Male. He never got his wallet back.
  • A Muslim, a Hindu and a m**... walk into a bar The bartender says, "Ah the people you run into when you lose your liquor licence."
Licence joke, A Muslim, a Hindu and a m**... walk into a bar

Fun-Filled Licence Jokes to Make You and Your Friends Chuckle & Giggle

What funny jokes about licence you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean permit jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make licence pranks.

A police officer pulls a man over

"Licence and registration!" - the police officer says.
"Certainly, officer!", replies the civilian.
"Do you know why I pulled you over?", asks the officer.
The civilian replies: "I assume you are collecting donations for the policemans' ball."
"Sir, the police doesn't have b**....", the officer says.
There is a moment of silence, and then the officer just hands the civilian his documentation, goes back to his car and drives away.

a blonde police officer stops a blonde driver

A blonde police officer stops a blonde driver:
"You have driven too fast: let me see your driver's licence."
The blonde driver is puzzled: "What's a driver licence?"
The blonde police officer explains: "Um... you have your face on it."
The blonde driver hands the blonde police officer a mirror.
The blonde police officer looks at the mirror and salutes the blonde driver:
"Sorry, I didn't recognize you were a police officer."

A woman staying in a hotel was taking a shower after a long days work when she heard a knock on her door.

She went to the door, looked through the door-hole and saw it was her friend Steve. She wrapped a towel around her and opened the door.
"I finally got my racing licence!" exclaimed Steve.
"Good for you." the woman said, and closed the door, left the towel by the door and got back in the shower. A second knock came, and she saw it was John, another friend of hers. Again she wrapped the towel around her and opened the door.
"I won the lottery!" John said, and the woman congratulated him and went back to her shower. for the third time, a knock on the door came. she looked through the peephole and saw it was Tom, her blind friend. she didn't bother putting on a towel.
"What is it Tom?! This is the third time I have been interrupted while showering!"
Tom gleefully replied:
"I can see!"

A blonde cop pulls over a blonde speeder

A blonde cop pulls over a blonde speeder. "Can I see your licence ma'am?"
"My what?" says the driver.
"Your licence," says the cop, "It's the little square thing that has your picture on it."
"Oh!" says the driver and hands over her compact.
The cop takes one look and says, "Oh, I'm sorry ma'am. I didn't realize you were a cop."

A blonde lady was driving along the highway when a blonde police officer pulled her over for speeding

Officer, "May I see your licence?
Lady, "What does it look like?"
Officer, "Its a rectangular thing with a photo of you on it."
The lady looks through her bag and pulls out her compact mirror and hands it to the officer.
The officer opens it up and says, "If you had told me you were a police officer I wouldn't have pulled you over."

A blonde motorist is pulled over by a blonde policewoman for speeding.

The female cop asks for the blonde's drivers licence. The blonde motorist asks 'Sorry officer, what does it look like?'
The policewoman replies 'It's a small rectangular thing with your picture on it'.
The blond gives the policewoman her make-up mirror.
The blonde cop responds with 'I think we can forget the speeding fine. I didn't realize you're a policewoman too.'

At age 4, success means not peeing in your pants

At age 12, success means having friends
At age 17, success means having a driver's licence
At age 25, success means having s**...
At age 35, success means having money
At age 45, success means having money
At age 55, success means having s**...
At age 65, success means having a driver's licence
At age 75, success means having friends
At age 85, success means not peeing in your pants.

A blonde movie star is pulled over......

The cops walks up to the car and says "driver's licence please". The blonde says "What's a driver's licence?" The cop impatiently responds, "It's that square thing with your picture on it". "Oh!," exclaims the Blonde and she pulls out a square mirror and hands it to the cop. As the cop looks at it, she scratches her head revealing long flowing golden hair*. She then hands it back and says, "Sorry for the inconvenience, I didn't realize you were a cop."

My wife got into a car c**...

The Cops suspended her licence, and slapped her with a fine. She tried to argue that the guy was drinking and speaking on the phone. The Cops didn't care, they said he has a full right to do what he wants on his own front porch.

First day driving on your own

It's a joung guy's first ever drive on his own after getting his licence.
He is driving on the motorway when his Mum calls him and say:"honey be careful, I heard on the radio that an idiot is driving on the wrong side of the road!", and he replies:" are you sure it's just one idiot, becose it looks like everyone is"

A man gets pulled over in Newfoundland

The cop looks at his licence, looks at the man, looks at the licence again and looks at the man once more.
Cop - sir, you need to be wearing glasses!
Man - I have contacts.
Cop - sir, I don't care who you know, you need to be wearing glasses!

Man pulls over to the side of the road next to two guys

Man: Awwww, look at this ! How cute are you !
Guy: Sir...
Man: You are so cute ! Are you twins??
Guy: Sir, I...
Man:Your mom even got the same clothes for both of you, you must be twins !
Guy: Sir, turn off the engine, and give me your licence and registration.

So I was reading licence plates...

The first car was from Minnesota, had 6 numbers, and at the bottom said "10,000 Lakes". I thought to myself "They must put the State Slogan there." The next car was from Arkansas, had 6 numbers, and at the bottom, it read "Disabled"

A car thief gets brought before the judge

Judge: Why did you steel the car?
Thief: I had to get to work.
Judge: And why didn't you take the bus instead?
Thief: I've got no licence for driving a bus.

Murphy's Car Is Stolen

Murphy's wife borrowed his car and parked in the supermarket car park. Just as she came out laden with shopping, she saw a young lad break into the car, hot wire it and drive off.  Naturally she reported the matter to the police.' What did he look like?, the sergeant asked.  'I don't know she replied, but I got the licence plate'.

Licence joke, Today my friend told me he likes justin bieber. He got hit by a bus.

jokes about licence