The Best 46 Lice Jokes

Following is our collection of funniest Lice jokes. There are some lice scratcher jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud. Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these lice antibiotic puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Funny Lice Jokes and Puns

License Plate I saw...


Blow me & I may eat you later?

I have a driver's license but it's at home, I accidentally left it with my license plate and proof of insurance.

....I don't get it either but when I told it to the cop he laughed and said that's funny.

NY Driver's license.

A recently arrived Polish immigrant is taking eye test to get a driver's license in New York. The examiner shows him a card with the following letters:
The examiner asks - Can you read this?
The Polish replies - Read??! I know this guy!!

Lice joke, NY Driver's license.

I've been researching some useless facts...

Want some examples?
I have found out that there are over 10,000 different types of lice.

And that's just off the top of my head.

Can beards get dandruff?

Or does my girlfriend have pubic lice?

My (black) coworkers informed me that black people can't get lice?

"You know what else they can't get? Good jobs." I received a write-up :(

What kind of parasites do gangstas get?

Thug Lice.

Lice joke, What kind of parasites do gangstas get?

Which insect do asian people eat the most of?


I don't mind head lice, unless I have to take them out of people's hair.

But that's just me nitpicking.

A man stormed into my barbershop, claiming he'd gotten fleas from coming here...

So I checked. Just as I suspected, it was all lice.

I've always wondered what lice do to you

It's a real head scratcher

You can explore lice arboreal reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean lice parasites dad jokes. There are also lice puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.

What does the license plate of the sheep farmer say?

Ewe haul.

Spent two hours debugging my Python...

Turns out that pubic lice are difficult to get rid of.

The Chinese recently made a scientific discovery.

They discovered a louse so small that it lives on the back of the common housefly.

It's a remarkable discovery, but it's gone completely unnoticed because nobody thinks it odd that the Chinese are raving about their fly lice.

So the school nurse gave my daughter 12 kinds of shampoo...

She said variety was the spite of lice

What do you call a dog with lice in China?

Full course dinner

Lice joke, What do you call a dog with lice in China?

A recent study was released on head lice stating that 95% of lice populations are resistant to treatment.

Scientists are scratching their heads trying to figure out how this happened.

Saw a licence plate today that said "LUVSHOES"

Couldn't decide if they love fashionable footware or easy women..

An American, a Chinese, a Russian, a German and a Syrian passenger are on a train...

The American starts to toss legal documents out the train's window.

The German asks, "Vy are you doing zat?"

The American replies, "We have too much of these."


Then the Chinese begins throwing rice out the window.

The German asks, "Vy are you doing zat now?"

The Chinese replies, "We got lay too much of that lice."


The Russian then flicks dashcams and vodka out his window.

The German asks, "Vat's the matter vith those?"

The Russian replies, "They're too common where I'm from, comrade."


The German looks at the Syrian guy.

#The Syrian guy, nervous, exclaims, "Don't you fooking dare!"

Lice Technicians who work with substandard tools...

Do their poor working conditions leave them scratching their heads?

Let's all put our heads together...

And find a way to fix lice.

TIL Asians regularly eat insects

I heard they love lice

I'm very good at remembering random facts.

For example, there are 3,500 different types of lice.

And that's just off the top of my head.

Lice have become resistant to most conventional treatments.

Scientists are scratching their heads.

Hey girl, are you lice?

Because you can't get out of my head

I just got a license plate that says "TRUMP" installed on my car...

For some reason, the FBI keeps pulling me over.

When you have a bunch of white bugs in your hair, it's called lice. What's it called when you have just one?


Asian stereotype joke

An Asian man walks up to a fast food restaurant for takeout.
He says "Flied lice please."
He leaves but comes back a minute later
"This is fried rice, I ordered flied lice."

What did the lice say to the bald man?

.............I'm falling!

I was once friends with a compulsive liar that "ate tiny insects"...

Everything that came out of his mouth was lice.

What should honest people never have on their head?


What do you call lice on a bald guy?


What does lice travel with?

Pubic transport

I have absolutely no idea how I got lice.

It's a real head scratcher.

pilot's license? what for?

If the plural of "mouse" is "mice" and the plural of "louse" is "lice"...

Then why isn't the plural of "house" "hice"?

What do you call a smart lice?

A nit-wit

If my License Plates were milk

They would be chunky.

They've discovered a new strain of head lice, but they haven't found a cure yet

It's got scientists scratching their heads.

What do you call a bald man's lice?


What do we call a lice above a bald person?


What do you call lice that lives in a bald man's head?


Lice are immune to corona

makes scientists all over the world scratch their head

When I got my license I didn't have money for a car, so I robbed a bank. Anyway, as I was being dragged off to jail my mother wanted to know why I did it. So I told her the truth:

"I did it for the car, ma!"

A new strain of head lice is going around, which is resistant to all conventional treatments.

This has left scientists scratching their heads.

Went to the off license on my bike last night and bought a bottle of vodka

Just before I was to leave I thought, what if I fall off my bike and smash it, so I drank it right there. Turned out to be a good decision as I fell off my bike seven times on my way home.

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the lice mite jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working lice organic piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

Joko Jokes