Lice Jokes

59 lice jokes and hilarious lice puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about lice that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Tired of the same old, stale jokes? Look no further – these lice jokes will have you rolling in the aisles! Learn more about pubic lice, crab lice, infestations, and cooties, as well as some arboreal lice jokes, sure to put a smile on your face.

Funniest Lice Short Jokes

Short lice jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The lice humour may include short lettuce jokes also.

  1. Andrew Tate says his romanian jail is infested with lice. "Can you imagine sharing a cell with vile parasites?" Say the lice.
  2. A new strain of head lice has been discovered which is resistant to conventional treatments. That has left scientists scratching their heads.
  3. Lice have become resistant to most conventional treatments. Scientists are scratching their heads.
  4. I've been researching some useless facts... Want some examples?
    I have found out that there are over 10,000 different types of lice.
    And that's just off the top of my head.
  5. I'm very good at remembering random facts. For example, there are 3,500 different types of lice.
    And that's just off the top of my head.
  6. A recent study was released on head lice stating that 95% of lice populations are resistant to treatment. Scientists are scratching their heads trying to figure out how this happened.
  7. A new strain of head lice is going around, which is resistant to all conventional treatments. This has left scientists scratching their heads.
  8. They've discovered a new strain of head lice, but they haven't found a cure yet It's got scientists scratching their heads.
  9. My (black) coworkers informed me that black people can't get lice? "You know what else they can't get? Good jobs." I received a write-up :(
  10. I don't mind head lice, unless I have to take them out of people's hair. But that's just me nitpicking.

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Lice One Liners

Which lice one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with lice? I can suggest the ones about isle and lichen.

  1. Hey girl, are you lice? Because you can't get out of my head
  2. Where do head lice go to pray? The temple
    -My Friend Devon
  3. What do we call a lice above a bald person? Homeless.
  4. Lice are immune to corona makes scientists all over the world scratch their head
  5. What do you call lice that lives in a bald man's head? Homeless
  6. TIL Asians regularly eat insects I heard they love lice
  7. What do you call a bald man's lice? Homeless
  8. What do you call a smart lice? A nit-wit
  9. I have absolutely no idea how I got lice. It's a real head scratcher.
  10. What do you call lice on a bald guy? Homeless.
  11. What should honest people never have on their head? Lice!
  12. What did the lice say to the bald man? .............I'm falling!
  13. Let's all put our heads together... And find a way to fix lice.
  14. What do you call a dog with lice in China? Full course dinner
  15. I've always wondered what lice do to you It's a real head scratcher

Head Lice Jokes

Here is a list of funny head lice jokes and even better head lice puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Lice Technicians who work with substandard tools... Do their poor working conditions leave them scratching their heads?
  • What happens when a Chinese person puts a grain of rice on his head? He gets lice in his hair.
  • What's the difference between a lawyer and head lice? One is a blood s**... parasite that is hard to get out of your hair, and the other can be killed with a special shampoo.
  • What do you call it when someone with head lice goes down on someone with c**...? A louse party.

Pubic Lice Jokes

Here is a list of funny pubic lice jokes and even better pubic lice puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Can beards get dandruff? Or does my girlfriend have p**... lice?
  • Spent two hours debugging my Python... Turns out that p**... lice are difficult to get rid of.
  • What does lice travel with? p**... transport
  • How do you get rid of p**... lice? Seriously, it is not a joke. I really want to know.
Lice joke, How do you get rid of p**... lice?

Lice joke, How do you get rid of p**... lice?

Giggle-Inducing Lice Jokes for Joyful Times with Friends

What funny jokes about lice you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean ling jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make lice pranks.

I have a driver's license but it's at home, I accidentally left it with my license plate and proof of insurance.

....I don't get it either but when I told it to the cop he laughed and said that's funny.

NY Driver's license.

A recently arrived Polish immigrant is taking eye test to get a driver's license in New York. The examiner shows him a card with the following letters:
The examiner asks - Can you read this?
The Polish replies - Read??! I know this guy!!

What kind of parasites do gangstas get?

t**... Lice.

A man stormed into my barbershop, claiming he'd gotten fleas from coming here...

So I checked. Just as I suspected, it was all lice.

What does the license plate of the sheep farmer say?

Ewe haul.

The Chinese recently made a scientific discovery.

They discovered a louse so small that it lives on the back of the common housefly.
It's a remarkable discovery, but it's gone completely unnoticed because nobody thinks it odd that the Chinese are raving about their fly lice.

Saw a licence plate today that said "LUVSHOES"

Couldn't decide if they love fashionable footware or easy women..

An American, a Chinese, a Russian, a German and a Syrian passenger are on a train...

The American starts to toss legal documents out the train's window.
The German asks, "Vy are you doing zat?"
The American replies, "We have too much of these."
Then the Chinese begins throwing rice out the window.
The German asks, "Vy are you doing zat now?"
The Chinese replies, "We got lay too much of that lice."
The Russian then flicks dashcams and v**... out his window.
The German asks, "Vat's the matter vith those?"
The Russian replies, "They're too common where I'm from, comrade."
The German looks at the Syrian guy.
#The Syrian guy, nervous, exclaims, "Don't you fooking dare!"

I just got a license plate that says "TRUMP" installed on my car...

For some reason, the FBI keeps pulling me over.

When you have a bunch of white bugs in your hair, it's called lice. What's it called when you have just one?


Asian stereotype joke

An Asian man walks up to a fast food restaurant for takeout.
He says "Flied lice please."
He leaves but comes back a minute later
"This is fried rice, I ordered flied lice."

When I got my license I didn't have money for a car, so I robbed a bank. Anyway, as I was being dragged off to jail my mother wanted to know why I did it. So I told her the truth:

"I did it for the car, ma!"

Went to the off license on my bike last night and bought a bottle of v**...

Just before I was to leave I thought, what if I fall off my bike and smash it, so I drank it right there. Turned out to be a good decision as I fell off my bike seven times on my way home.


An immigrant went to the DMV to apply for a driver's license. First, of course, he had to take an eye test. The optician showed him a card with the letters, "C-Z-W-I-X-N-O-S-T-A-C-Z." "Can you read this?" the optician asked. "Read it?" the guy replied, "I know the guy."

Lice joke, Andrew Tate says his Romanian jail is infested with lice. "Can you imagine sharing a cell with vile

jokes about lice