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Library Books Jokes

113 library books jokes and hilarious library books puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about library books that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

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Funniest Library Books Short Jokes

Short library books jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The library books humour may include short bookstore jokes also.

  1. Breaking News Trump's personal library just burned down The fire consumed both books and he hasn't even finished coloring the second one
  2. I asked the librarian if the library had any books about paranoia. She whispered: "They're right behind you."
  3. Some friends wanted to get married at the public library, but they couldn't... Because it was booked.


    \-My pop
  4. I got kicked out of the library today... Apparently putting the feminism books in the sci-fi section was not acceptable.
  5. Have a turkish joke A prisoner goes to the jail's library to borrow a book. The librarian says: "We don't have this book, but we have its author"
  6. A blind man walks into a library and asks, "Do you have any books on tape?" The librarian says, "Yes, yes we do, but it's not a very interesting subject."
  7. I went to the library and asked for a book on Pavlov's dog and Shrodinger's Cat The librarian said "That rings a bell but I don't know if it's here or not."
  8. A guy walking to library and asks for a book on sea turtles. The librarian asks "hard back?"
    The guy replies "yeah little heads too."
  9. I got fired from my job at the library... Apparently the book on women's rights doesn't belong in the fiction section.
  10. "A man walks into a library and asks the librarian for a book on Pavlov's dog and Schrödinger's cat." "The librarian says, 'It rings a bell but I'm not sure if it's here or not!'"

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Library Books One Liners

Which library books one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with library books? I can suggest the ones about book clubs and librarian.

  1. I walked into a library. I said, "Have you got any books on..."
    "Telepathy?"
    "Yes."
  2. I couldn't get a place at the local library ...........they were completely booked
  3. A man goes into a library and asks for a book on cliffhangers... The librarian says;
  4. Why are libraries so strict? Because they have to go by the book.
  5. Couldn't get into the library the other day... ... it was fully booked.
  6. What building has the most stories? A Library!
  7. My band played at a library yesterday It was fully booked!
  8. I was trying to make a reservation for a seat at the library But they were fully booked
  9. When do Arabs return their library books? the day they're Dubai.
  10. Why couldn't the couple get married at the library? It was all booked up
  11. I made reservations at the library It was completely booked
  12. What did the library robber have to do when he was caught? He had to book it.
  13. I was at the library finding books about missing indigenous women Couldn't find any
  14. My library charges me a dollar for every book I check out. It's a paper-view.
  15. I tried making a reservation at the library... ..they said that they were fully booked.

Library Books Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.

What funny jokes about library books you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean book club jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make library books pranks.

I asked for a book on s**... in the library...

There weren't any, no one ever returned them.

A frenchman walks into a library

And asks the Librarian if he can checkout a book about War. The Librarian responds, "No, you'll lose it."

I walked in a Library...

I walked in a library and asked the librarian for a book about small p**.... The librarian said, "I'm not sure if it's in yet".
I replied "Yeah, that's the one"

A blonde walks into a library..

she goes up to the librarians desk and says, "I'll have a quarter pounder with cheese, fries, and a diet coke please." The librarian looks at her in disbelief. "Uh, honey, this is a library, and not McDonalds." The blonde is totally taken aback as she looks around and see everyone quietly reading books. She says, "Oh my gosh, I am so sorry!"

*whispers* "I'll have a quarter pounder with cheese, fries, and a diet coke please."

Library s**...

A man goes to the library and asks if they have a book on how to commit s**....
The librarian says "Yeh, I think we do, it should be at the back row on the top shelf".
The man goes and looks, even climbs a ladder to look at the top but still can't find it.
"Still no luck" says the man.
The librarian replies "Oh, the last person who borrowed it mustn't have brought it back"

midget in the library

midget walks into a library and ask do you have any books on irony? the librarian replies sure they are on the top shelf

Did you hear there was a fire in George Bushes personal library?

It was awful! Most of his books hadn't even been colored in yet.

I almost bought a huge library out of old computer programming books...

...but the ascii price was way too high.

A midget walks into a library.

A midget walks into a library and gets the woman working at the desk's attention.
"Excuse me," he says. "I was just wondering if you had any books on irony?"
"We do," the librarian responded. "It's on the top shelf."

I went to the library. I said,"Can I borrow a book about s**...?"

The guy said,"We did have one, but we never got it back."

A man goes to the library and asks for a book

A man goes to the library and asks if they have a book on small p**.... After checking the computer, the librarian replies, "I don't think it's in yet." He looks at her and says, "Yeah that's the one."

Sean Connery was in his private library.

He was sat down reading a book when a large encyclopaedia fell and hit him on the head. "Ouch!" He said. "What was that? Who is responsible for this?" He then looked down at the book and noticed what it was. "Oh well" he said. "I guess I've only got myshelf to blame".

Hey girl, are you an overdue library book?

Cuz I'm gonna stuff you in the back of my car then forget about you

I went to the library and asked if they had the book about tiny p**......

The librarian said, "I don't think it's in yet."

I said, "Yes, that's the one."

In the library:

"Excuse me, where are the books about paranoia?"
"They are... right behind you."

So, tonight at the library I asked the librarian if they had any books on turtles

"Hardback?" she inquired. "Yes" I said. "and little heads."

A BLONDE'S THEFT

A blonde goes to the library to get a book. A few days later, she comes back and says to librarian at the counter, "This book was very boring. It had too many characters and too many numbers, so I would like to return it."
The librarian says to her coworkers, "So here's the person who took our phone book!"

A guy walks in a library:

- Do you have motivational books here?
- Yes darling, right there, 3rd row, the second shelf.
- Do you have any books closer?"

BREAKING NEWS: Texas A&M Library burns to ground...

Both books were completely destroyed.
The worst part is, one of them wasn't even colored in yet.

A man walks into a library and asks the librarian for a book about autofellatio

"Well," says the librarian "We actually do have a book on that subject. It's that one over there, with the broken spine."

A Blonde Walks into a Library

A blonde walks into a library and slams a book on the desk.
She says, "This is the worst book I've ever read!! There's no plot and it has way too many characters!!"
The librarian says, "So that's what happened to our phonebook."

a man goes to a library and asks for a book on s**............

Librarian stares at him for a while, then asks: Who's gonna bring it back ?

A man walks into a library...

A man walks into a library and says "Excuse me, miss, but do you have that book for men with small p**...?"
The librarian goes to the computer, types a few things in, and says "I don't think it's in yet."
The man replies, "Yeah, that's the one..."

A man walks into a library

And sheepishly asks the librarian behind the counter "excuse me, but do you have that new book for men with small p**...?".
The librarian acknowledges the request and starts typing away on her computer to check the database, she turns back to the man and says "It's not in yet..."
"That's the one!" The man says.

A man goes to the library

Man : do you have the new book on small p**...?
Women : sorry, I don't think it's in yet.
Man : yeah, that's the one!

A man goes into a library and asks for a book about Pavlov's dogs and Schrodinger's cat.

The librarian says, "It rings a bell, but I don't know whether it's there or not."

To all those that received a book from me for a Christmas present

They're due back at the library today.

I got kicked out of the library today

I got kicked out of the library for putting the women's rights book in the fiction section

A Japanese man goes into a library and asks for a book on s**....

The librarian replies "Get out of here, you won't bring it back"

I went to the public library yesterday looking for that one book about Pavlov's dog and Shrodinger's cat.

The librarian said it rang a bell but she wasn't sure if it was there or not.

A man goes to a library and asks for a book about s**....

The librarian pauses, then asks," Who's going to bring it back?"

You wanna know why I got kicked out of the library?

I moved all of the women's rights books to the fiction section.

I have a condition where I feel the need to steal library books.

I should probably get that checked out.

A man walks into a library

and asks the librarian at the info desk if they have any books on Pavlov's dog or Schrodinger's cat. The librarian thinks for a moment before replying "It rings a bell but I'm not sure whether it's there or not."

Did you hear the news that Trump's personal library burnt down?

Unfortunately, both books were permanently destroyed.
Do you know the what the real tragedy is?
He didn't even finish colouring the second one.

A man walks into a library

He asks the librarian "Excuse me, have you got the new book on small p**... please?"
"I'm sorry, I don't think it's in yet"
"yes that's the one"

I walked into a library.

"Have you got any books on single life?" I asked the librarian.
"Sorry," she said. "They're all taken."

So i got fired from my job at the library, today

Apparently the books about womens rights, do not belong at the fantasy department..

Do you know why libraries don't have books about s**...?

They never get returned

A man goes into the library...

Man: "Do you have the book about small p**...?"
Librarian: "It's not in yet."
Man: "Yeah, that's the one."

Efficient librarian

A German walks into a library and asks for a book on 'War'.
Librarian denies and tells him 'you will lose it.'

A man walks into a library...

And he asks "Excuse me, is The Big Book of Turtles in?"
"Hard back?"
"Yeah, with little heads"

I was reading a book about lubrication in the library.

I found it in the non-friction section.

There was once a robot whose job it was to organize all the shelves of a massive library that had thousands of books. Every day he did his job without missing a beat. One day though, he didn't show up to work. The librarians were all perplexed that a robot would do something like that...

Turns out he had become shelf aware.

A German goes into a library and asks if he can borrow a book on war.

The librarian says, 'No, you've already lost it twice, you'll only lose it again!'

A guy walks into a library and asks the librarian, "do you have that book for men with small p**...?"

The librarian looks on her computer and says, "I don't know if it's in yet."
The man replies, "Yeah that's the one."

I guy finds a little turtle but he isn't sure how to look after it.

So he goes to the library and asks the librarian for a book on turtles.
She asks "Hardback?"
"Yes," he replies, "with a little head and beady eyes."

I went into the local library and asked if they had any books on the Titanic. "Oh yes, quite a few." the librarian said.

"Sorry to hear that!" I said laughing. "They'll all be ruined by now!"

A lady walked into the library and asked the Liberian if she had any books on paranoia

To which she responded in a hushed tone- They're right behind you

I went into the library and asked for a book on turtles.

the lady said, "hardback?"
I replied, "yes, with little wrinkled heads"

Turkish Political Humor

Current Turkish gallows humour: A prisoner goes to the prison library, asks for a specific book. The guard tells him, "we don't have that book... but we do have the author." From Moshik_Temkin on Twitter

My local library refuses to stock how-to books about s**....

They used to, but the decent ones were never returned.

I went to the library and asked the librarian if she knew where books on paranoia were.

She said "They're right behind you".

A man goes into a library.....

And asks the girl at the desk," Do you have that book about small p**...'s?"
Girl, "I don't think it's in yet"
Man, "yes, that's the one"

A man walks into a library and says to the librarian, "Do you have that book for men with small p**...?"

The librarian looks on her computer and says, "I don't know if it's in yet."
"Yeah, that's the one!"

A KGB agent goes to a library and sees an old Jewish man reading a book.

What are you reading, old man? he asks.
I'm learning Hebrew, comrade, replies the old Jew.
The KGB agent asks, What are you learning Hebrew for? You know it takes years to get a permission to travel to Israel? You will die before you get one.
I'm learning Hebrew for when I go to heaven so I can speak with Moses and Abraham, replies the old man.
How do you know you're going to heaven? What if you go to h**...? asks the KGB agent.
I already speak Russian."

A depressed man walks into a library

Depressed man: do you have any books on s**...?
Library staff: yes it's on the third shelf over there
Depressed man: walks to third shelf
Depressed man after a few minutes: I can't seem to find any.

Library staff: yep it's awful cause they never bring them back

A woman walks into a library and asks for a book on childbirth.

The Librarian says "Try over there in the c section."

Why is it a good idea to put more books in prison libraries?

Because the prose outweigh the cons.

I called the library to try to make a reservation...

But they said they were fully booked.

A village idiot walks into a library

He goes to the librarian and says, "Ma'am, I'm looking for a book by Shakespeare."
The librarian says, "Sure, hon. Which one?"
The idiot says, "William".

Friends, just a reminder to those who received a book from me at Christmas...

They are due back in the library this Friday.

To everyone who received a book from me for Christmas.

They're due back in the library this Friday, cheers.

I asked the librarian if the library had any books on paranoia.

She leaned over and whispered, "They're right behind you. . ."

A man walked into a library and asked if they had any books on paranoia

So the librarian replied "They're right behind you."

I went to my local library to look for a book on small p**...

With not alot of luck I decided to ask the librarian - "Have you seen the book about small p**...?"
she replied "It isn't in yet"
I said "Yeah, that's the one!"

So I walked into Library at lunchtime and asked the lady if they have any books on paranoia

She said "They're behind you"...

A man walks into a library and asks the librarian for books about paranoia.

She whispers, "They're right behind you!"

Dwarf enters the library

"One book on discrimination of dwarves, please." - says the dwarf
"Third row..." - replies the librarian - "top shelf."