Librarian Jokes
141 librarian jokes and hilarious librarian puns to laugh out loud. Read professions jokes about librarian that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Are you looking for a good laugh? Check out our article on librarian jokes! From naughty librarians to hot librarians and beyond, we've got jokes about all types of librarians - from school librarians to retirement librarians and even curators and custodians! Plus, check out our bookcase of favorite puns to up your librarian humor game!
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Funniest Librarian Short Jokes
Short librarian jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The librarian humour may include short library books jokes also.
- I asked the librarian if the library had any books about paranoia. She whispered: "They're right behind you."
- Librarian: Can I help you? Dave: Yeah, I'm looking for a book about-
Librarian: Being psychic?
Dave: No...
Librarian: One day that will work. - I asked my pregnant librarian when her baby was due She said, "Oh the baby is mine, I get to keep it"
- Have a turkish joke A prisoner goes to the jail's library to borrow a book. The librarian says: "We don't have this book, but we have its author"
- A blind man walks into a library and asks, "Do you have any books on tape?" The librarian says, "Yes, yes we do, but it's not a very interesting subject."
- I went to the library and asked for a book on Pavlov's dog and Shrodinger's Cat The librarian said "That rings a bell but I don't know if it's here or not."
- I asked the librarian for a book about Pavlov's dog and Schroedinger's cat. She said it rang a bell, but she wasn't sure if it was there or not.
- A guy walking to library and asks for a book on sea turtles. The librarian asks "hard back?"
The guy replies "yeah little heads too." - "A man walks into a library and asks the librarian for a book on Pavlov's dog and Schrödinger's cat." "The librarian says, 'It rings a bell but I'm not sure if it's here or not!'"
- A man walks into a library and asks where he can find books on paranoia. The librarian whispers, "They're right behind you!"
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Librarian One Liners
Which librarian one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with librarian? I can suggest the ones about library and book and author.
- If We're Going to Arm the Teachers All I ask is that the librarians get silencers
- Why do librarians hate tennis? Too much racket.
- I'D LIKE TO GIVE A BIG SHOUT OUT TO LIBRARIANS! oh... sorry...
- What do you call a kebab prepared by a librarian? A shush-kebab
- What is a librarian's favourite drink? Tequila Mockingbird
- A man goes into a library and asks for a book on cliffhangers... The librarian says;
- What do you call a sunburned librarian? Well red.
- A conversation between a cobra and a librarian -Shhhh
-Shhhh
-Shhhh
-Shhhh
- Why did the librarian hush the mime? Because actions speak louder than words.
- I used to date a periodicals librarian… …but we broke up because she had too many issues.
- Im Ok With Arming Teachers, As long as the librarians get silencers.
- The naughty librarian showed me.. The do me decimal system... And I'm all in.
- What’s a librarian’s favorite color? Read.
- What do you call a kebab made by a librarian? A Shhhhhish-kebab.
- "I work in a thousand story building" Said the librarian
Librarian Day Jokes
Here is a list of funny librarian day jokes and even better librarian day puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- I visited the library the other day. I asked the librarian where the books on paranoid delusions were kept.
She leaned in close to me and whispered,
"They're behind you!" - I wasted the whole day looking for an Indian cookbook at the library today. I asked the librarian for help, but I was too embarrassed to tell her I couldn't even find the naan fiction section.
- A boy walks into a library.... and asks if he can borrow *"It's the Last Day of School. Forever"*. Looking shocked and surprised, the librarian says, "No dear, you've got to bring it back next week."
Reference Librarian Jokes
Here is a list of funny reference librarian jokes and even better reference librarian puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Why can't you check out librarians while at the library? They're for reference only.
- Old librarians never die, they just lose their references.
Hot Librarian Jokes
Here is a list of funny hot librarian jokes and even better hot librarian puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Man walks into a library and orders an incredibly hot curry. "This is a library", says the librarian
"Oh, sorry", replies the man
"*I'd like to order an incredibly hot curry please*", he whispers
Cheeky Librarian Jokes to Experience Good Cheer & Frivolity
What funny jokes about librarian you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean bookshelf jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make librarian pranks.
A blonde walks into a library
and says to the librarian,"I'll have a cheese burger."
the librarian replies softly says,"Sweety, this is a library."
the blonde whispers,"Oh. Sorry, I'll have a cheese burger."
A frenchman walks into a library
And asks the Librarian if he can checkout a book about War. The Librarian responds, "No, you'll lose it."
I walked in a Library...
I walked in a library and asked the librarian for a book about small p**.... The librarian said, "I'm not sure if it's in yet".
I replied "Yeah, that's the one"
A blonde walks into a library..
she goes up to the librarians desk and says, "I'll have a quarter pounder with cheese, fries, and a diet coke please." The librarian looks at her in disbelief. "Uh, honey, this is a library, and not McDonalds." The blonde is totally taken aback as she looks around and see everyone quietly reading books. She says, "Oh my gosh, I am so sorry!"
*whispers* "I'll have a quarter pounder with cheese, fries, and a diet coke please."
So a girl walks into a library...
...and asks the librarian,"Can I have a cheeseburger and fries?"
The librarian says,"This is a library..."
"Sorry,"The girl whispers,"can I have a cheeseburger and fries?"
Library s**...
A man goes to the library and asks if they have a book on how to commit s**....
The librarian says "Yeh, I think we do, it should be at the back row on the top shelf".
The man goes and looks, even climbs a ladder to look at the top but still can't find it.
"Still no luck" says the man.
The librarian replies "Oh, the last person who borrowed it mustn't have brought it back"
midget in the library
midget walks into a library and ask do you have any books on irony? the librarian replies sure they are on the top shelf
Library joke
Why are librarians so lonely?
They're always by them shelves
Just wanted to see if that library joke checked out
Sorry for all the library jokes, I'll put them on hold
A man walks into a library...
A man walks into a library and says to the librarian, "Hello, I'd like a hamburger please."
The librarian says, "Sir, this is a library."
The man apologizes, then whispers ^"I'd ^like ^a ^hamburger ^please."
A guy walks into a library...
and says to the librarian, "I'll take a hamburger and fries."
The librarian looks at him and says, "This is a library, you idiot."
The man says, "Oh sorry!" and whispers, "I'll take a hamburger and fries."
A blonde goes into a library.
She walks up to the head librarian's desk and says, "Hi! I'd like a cheeseburger, a small order of curly fries, and a medium-sized Coke, please."
The librarian stares at her. "Miss, do you realize that this is a library?"
"Oh!" says the blonde. She lowers her voice to a whisper. "*I'd like a cheeseburger, a small order of curly fries...*"
A midget walks into a library.
A midget walks into a library and gets the woman working at the desk's attention.
"Excuse me," he says. "I was just wondering if you had any books on irony?"
"We do," the librarian responded. "It's on the top shelf."
A Irishman walks into a library...
...and declares, "I'll have the fish and chips, please!"
Ruffled, the librarian at the desk says, "sir, this is a library!"
The man whispers, "I'll have the fish and chips, please."
How is a librarian like a s**... addict?
Their favorite past time is between the covers.
A man goes to the library and asks for a book
A man goes to the library and asks if they have a book on small p**.... After checking the computer, the librarian replies, "I don't think it's in yet." He looks at her and says, "Yeah that's the one."
Three Doctors
Three doctors are discussing which types of patients they prefer. Doctor Watson says, ''I prefer librarians. All their organs are alphabetized.'' Doctor Fitzpatrick says, ''I prefer mathematicians. All their organs are numbered.'' Doctor Ahn says, ''I prefer lawyers. They're gutless, heartless, brainless, spineless, and their heads and rear-ends are interchangeable.''
My husband doesn't like my new job as a librarian in the prison.
He says it has more cons than prose
A guy asks a librarian if she has a book about Pavlov's dogs and Schrodinger's cat
She says, "It rings a bell but I can't be certain."
I went to the library and asked if they had the book about tiny p**......
The librarian said, "I don't think it's in yet."
I said, "Yes, that's the one."
A blonde walks into a library
She goes up to the librarian at the counter and says,
"Hello, can I get one cheese burger with a side of fries?"
The librarian, with a confused look, responds, "Sorry but this is a library."
The blonde pauses for a few seconds. She then whispers,
*"Can I get one cheese burger with a side of fries please?"*
So, tonight at the library I asked the librarian if they had any books on turtles
"Hardback?" she inquired. "Yes" I said. "and little heads."
So I ask my local librarian...
If she had books on Pavlovs dog and Schrodingers cat. She said they rang a bell but dont know if they are there or not.
A BLONDE'S THEFT
A blonde goes to the library to get a book. A few days later, she comes back and says to librarian at the counter, "This book was very boring. It had too many characters and too many numbers, so I would like to return it."
The librarian says to her coworkers, "So here's the person who took our phone book!"
A drunk walks into a library...
He goes up to the desk and slurs: I'll have a burger, fries and a milkshake.
The librarian replies: Sir, this is a library!
***whispers*** Sorry, I'll have a burger, fries and a milkshake.
A guy says to a librarian "I'd like a Big Mac, French Fries and a Coke"
The librarian says "I'm sorry sir but this is a library".
The guy says *whispering* "Oh, sorry, I'd like a Big Mac, French Fries and a Coke"
A man walks into a library and asks the librarian for a book about autofellatio
"Well," says the librarian "We actually do have a book on that subject. It's that one over there, with the broken spine."
A Blonde Walks into a Library
A blonde walks into a library and slams a book on the desk.
She says, "This is the worst book I've ever read!! There's no plot and it has way too many characters!!"
The librarian says, "So that's what happened to our phonebook."
A Dictionary and a Thesaurus are in a library...
A Dictionary and a Thesaurus are in a library. The librarian who has taken good care of them for years and years is retiring. Understandably, the Dictionary and Thesaurus are both sad.
The Thesaurus says to the Dictionary "I can see how distraught you are."
The Dictionary responds "You don't even know the meaning of the word."
The Thesaurus then says "But I know what it's like."
I asked a librarian if there are any books on discrimination against people in wheelchairs.
She replied "Yes, it's up the stairs, on the top shelf to the left."
a man goes to a library and asks for a book on s**............
Librarian stares at him for a while, then asks: Who's gonna bring it back ?
A man walks into a library...
A man walks into a library and says "Excuse me, miss, but do you have that book for men with small p**...?"
The librarian goes to the computer, types a few things in, and says "I don't think it's in yet."
The man replies, "Yeah, that's the one..."
A man walks into a library...
...The man walks up to the librarian and says "Can I have a burger and fries please." The librarian, confused, replies with "Sir, this is a library."
The man apologises, leans in closely and whispers "Can I have a burger and fries please."
A man goes into a library and asks for a book about Pavlov's dogs and Schrodinger's cat.
The librarian says, "It rings a bell, but I don't know whether it's there or not."
A blonde walks into a library and says to the librarian "CAN I GET A BIG MAC FRIES AND A COKE?!!" The librarian says "excuse me miss.....this is a library."
The blonde says...."oh im sorry (whispers) can i get a big mac fries and a coke?"
I went to the public library yesterday looking for that one book about Pavlov's dog and Shrodinger's cat.
The librarian said it rang a bell but she wasn't sure if it was there or not.
A man goes to a library and asks for a book about s**....
The librarian pauses, then asks," Who's going to bring it back?"
A man walks into a library
and asks the librarian at the info desk if they have any books on Pavlov's dog or Schrodinger's cat. The librarian thinks for a moment before replying "It rings a bell but I'm not sure whether it's there or not."
Midget Discrimination
A midget asks the librarian, Do you have any books on midget discrimination? The librarian replies, Top shelf .
A man walks into a library.
Man: Fish and chips, please.
Librarian: Sir, this is a library.
Man: \*whispers\* *Sorry. Fish and chips, please.*
I asked the librarian if she had the new book about short p**.......
She said, "It's not in yet".
I replied, "YES, That's The Book!"
I asked my librarian if she had a book on short term memory loss...
I asked my librarian if she had a book on short term memory loss...
A man walks into a library and orders fish and chips.
The librarian says, "this is a library."
The man, says, "oh. Sorry." (Then in a whisper) "I'd like some fish and chips."
A man walks into a library
He asks the librarian "Excuse me, have you got the new book on small p**... please?"
"I'm sorry, I don't think it's in yet"
"yes that's the one"
i asked the librarian for the new book on erectile dysfunction.
She typed on her keyboard and said "It's not coming up!"
i said "Yeah, that's the one!!"
I walked into a library.
"Have you got any books on single life?" I asked the librarian.
"Sorry," she said. "They're all taken."
A blonde goes into a library and, speaking clearly and loudly, orders a burger, fries and a milkshake.
The librarian rolls his eyes and says, exasperated, "This is a library, ma'am."
So the blonde leans in and whispers, "Sorry. I'll have a burger, fries, and a milkshake."
A man goes into the library...
Man: "Do you have the book about small p**...?"
Librarian: "It's not in yet."
Man: "Yeah, that's the one."
Efficient librarian
A German walks into a library and asks for a book on 'War'.
Librarian denies and tells him 'you will lose it.'
I asked the librarian if she had any books on skepticism.
She said, "No."
I said, "Hmm, let me check."
A man asks a librarian a question
"Hi, do you have that book on small p**...?"
"Sorry, I don't think it's in yet." She responds.
"Yeah that's the one"
A blonde walks into a library..
and says: 'i'll have the cheese burger and a coke.'
the librarian is confused and says: 'you know you're in a library, right?'
the blonde goes: 'oh sorry' and whispers 'i'll have the cheese burger and a coke.'
A man walks into a library,
He approaches the librarian and says, I'll have a cheeseburger and fries, please.
The librarian says, Sir, you know you're in a library, right?
Sorry, he whispers. I'll have a cheeseburger and fries, please.
A blonde walks into a library (*not the whole joke)
She says to the librarian "Hiiii, I'd like a cheeseburger, some fries, and a coke."
The librarian says, "Lady, this is a library!"
Embarrassed, the blonde apologizes and whispers, "I'd like a cheeseburger, some fries, and a coke."
There was once a robot whose job it was to organize all the shelves of a massive library that had thousands of books. Every day he did his job without missing a beat. One day though, he didn't show up to work. The librarians were all perplexed that a robot would do something like that...
Turns out he had become shelf aware.
A German goes into a library and asks if he can borrow a book on war.
The librarian says, 'No, you've already lost it twice, you'll only lose it again!'
A guy walks into a library and asks the librarian, "do you have that book for men with small p**...?"
The librarian looks on her computer and says, "I don't know if it's in yet."
The man replies, "Yeah that's the one."
A blonde came up to the librarian and yelled, "This book s**...! There's way too many characters and the story makes no sense!"
The librarian said, "So you're the one who took our phone book."
A blonde girl walks into a library and loudly exclaims, "I'll have a cheeseburger with fries"
The librarian stares at her questioningly and says, "Madam, this is a library."
The blonde turns red with embarrassment and apologizes.
She leans in and whispers, "I'll have a cheeseburger and fries."
I went into the local library and asked if they had any books on the Titanic. "Oh yes, quite a few." the librarian said.
"Sorry to hear that!" I said laughing. "They'll all be ruined by now!"
American teachers are now going to be armed with pistols for protection.
Librarians will be issued silencers.
A man walks into a library and orders two cheese burgers...
The librarian says, "Uh, sir, this is a library."
The man whispers
^(oh sorry, may I have two cheese burgers please?)
The Librarian
What time does the library open? the man on the phone asked.
Annoyed, the librarian composed himself before he answered.
9 am, came the reply. And what's the idea of calling me at home in the middle of the night to ask a question like that?
Not until 9 am? the man asked in a disappointed voice.
The librarian began to get angry.
No, not until 9 am, said the librarian. Why do you want to get in before 9 am?
Who said I wanted to get in? the man sighed sadly. I want to get o
a lady visits her husband in a prison
A lady visits her husband in a prison. After talking to him she talks to a prison administrator:
"Shouldn't my husband be treated better? All this hard work he has to do!"
"What hard work?" asks the administrator "he's a librarian here."
"Well," replies the lady, "he was telling me something about digging a tunnel every night..."
News just in that American teachers will now be armed with 9mm Glocks.
Librarians will be issued silencers.
I went to the library and asked the librarian if she knew where books on paranoia were.
She said "They're right behind you".
