The Best 76 Librarian Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Librarian jokes. There are some librarian library jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these librarian hardback puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest Librarian Jokes and Puns

A blonde walks into a library

and says to the librarian,"I'll have a cheese burger."
the librarian replies softly says,"Sweety, this is a library."
the blonde whispers,"Oh. Sorry, I'll have a cheese burger."

A frenchman walks into a library

And asks the Librarian if he can checkout a book about War. The Librarian responds, "No, you'll lose it."

I walked in a Library...

I walked in a library and asked the librarian for a book about small penises. The librarian said, "I'm not sure if it's in yet".

I replied "Yeah, that's the one"

Librarian joke, I walked in a Library...

A blonde walks into a library..

she goes up to the librarians desk and says, "I'll have a quarter pounder with cheese, fries, and a diet coke please." The librarian looks at her in disbelief. "Uh, honey, this is a library, and not McDonalds." The blonde is totally taken aback as she looks around and see everyone quietly reading books. She says, "Oh my gosh, I am so sorry!"

*whispers* "I'll have a quarter pounder with cheese, fries, and a diet coke please."

So a girl walks into a library...

...and asks the librarian,"Can I have a cheeseburger and fries?"
The librarian says,"This is a library..."
"Sorry,"The girl whispers,"can I have a cheeseburger and fries?"


Library suicide

A man goes to the library and asks if they have a book on how to commit suicide.
The librarian says "Yeh, I think we do, it should be at the back row on the top shelf".
The man goes and looks, even climbs a ladder to look at the top but still can't find it.
"Still no luck" says the man.
The librarian replies "Oh, the last person who borrowed it mustn't have brought it back"

midget in the library

midget walks into a library and ask do you have any books on irony? the librarian replies sure they are on the top shelf

Librarian joke, midget in the library

A conversation between a cobra and a librarian

-Shhhh

-Shhhh

-Shhhh

-Shhhh

A man walks into a library...

A man walks into a library and says to the librarian, "Hello, I'd like a hamburger please."

The librarian says, "Sir, this is a library."

The man apologizes, then whispers ^"I'd ^like ^a ^hamburger ^please."

A blonde goes into a library.

She walks up to the head librarian's desk and says, "Hi! I'd like a cheeseburger, a small order of curly fries, and a medium-sized Coke, please."

The librarian stares at her. "Miss, do you realize that this is a library?"

"Oh!" says the blonde. She lowers her voice to a whisper. "*I'd like a cheeseburger, a small order of curly fries...*"

A Irishman walks into a library...

...and declares, "I'll have the fish and chips, please!"

Ruffled, the librarian at the desk says, "sir, this is a library!"

The man whispers, "I'll have the fish and chips, please."

You can explore librarian custodian reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean librarian bookshop dad jokes. There are also librarian puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


How is a librarian like a sex addict?

Their favorite past time is between the covers.

A man goes to the library and asks for a book

A man goes to the library and asks if they have a book on small penises. After checking the computer, the librarian replies, "I don't think it's in yet." He looks at her and says, "Yeah that's the one."

My husband doesn't like my new job as a librarian in the prison.

He says it has more cons than prose

I went to the library and asked for a book on Pavlov's dog and Shrodinger's Cat

The librarian said "That rings a bell but I don't know if it's here or not."

A guy asks a librarian if she has a book about Pavlov's dogs and Schrodinger's cat

She says, "It rings a bell but I can't be certain."

Librarian joke, A guy asks a librarian if she has a book about Pavlov's dogs and Schrodinger's cat

I went to the library and asked if they had the book about tiny penises...

The librarian said, "I don't think it's in yet."

I said, "Yes, that's the one."

So, tonight at the library I asked the librarian if they had any books on turtles

"Hardback?" she inquired. "Yes" I said. "and little heads."

So I ask my local librarian...

If she had books on Pavlovs dog and Schrodingers cat. She said they rang a bell but dont know if they are there or not.


A BLONDE'S THEFT

A blonde goes to the library to get a book. A few days later, she comes back and says to librarian at the counter, "This book was very boring. It had too many characters and too many numbers, so I would like to return it."
The librarian says to her coworkers, "So here's the person who took our phone book!"

A drunk walks into a library...

He goes up to the desk and slurs: I'll have a burger, fries and a milkshake.

The librarian replies: Sir, this is a library!

***whispers*** Sorry, I'll have a burger, fries and a milkshake.

A guy says to a librarian "I'd like a Big Mac, French Fries and a Coke"

The librarian says "I'm sorry sir but this is a library".

The guy says *whispering* "Oh, sorry, I'd like a Big Mac, French Fries and a Coke"

Why did the librarian hush the mime?

Because actions speak louder than words.

A Blonde Walks into a Library

A blonde walks into a library and slams a book on the desk.

She says, "This is the worst book I've ever read!! There's no plot and it has way too many characters!!"

The librarian says, "So that's what happened to our phonebook."

A Dictionary and a Thesaurus are in a library...

A Dictionary and a Thesaurus are in a library. The librarian who has taken good care of them for years and years is retiring. Understandably, the Dictionary and Thesaurus are both sad.

The Thesaurus says to the Dictionary "I can see how distraught you are."

The Dictionary responds "You don't even know the meaning of the word."

The Thesaurus then says "But I know what it's like."

I asked a librarian if there are any books on discrimination against people in wheelchairs.

She replied "Yes, it's up the stairs, on the top shelf to the left."

a man goes to a library and asks for a book on suicide.........

Librarian stares at him for a while, then asks: Who's gonna bring it back ?

A man walks into a library...

A man walks into a library and says "Excuse me, miss, but do you have that book for men with small penises?"

The librarian goes to the computer, types a few things in, and says "I don't think it's in yet."

The man replies, "Yeah, that's the one..."

A man walks into a library...

...The man walks up to the librarian and says "Can I have a burger and fries please." The librarian, confused, replies with "Sir, this is a library."
The man apologises, leans in closely and whispers "Can I have a burger and fries please."

A man goes into a library and asks for a book about Pavlov's dogs and Schrodinger's cat.

The librarian says, "It rings a bell, but I don't know whether it's there or not."

A blonde walks into a library and says to the librarian "CAN I GET A BIG MAC FRIES AND A COKE?!!" The librarian says "excuse me miss.....this is a library."

The blonde says...."oh im sorry (whispers) can i get a big mac fries and a coke?"

I asked the librarian for a book about Pavlov's dog and Schroedinger's cat.

She said it rang a bell, but she wasn't sure if it was there or not.

I went to the public library yesterday looking for that one book about Pavlov's dog and Shrodinger's cat.

The librarian said it rang a bell but she wasn't sure if it was there or not.

A man goes to a library and asks for a book about suicide.

The librarian pauses, then asks," Who's going to bring it back?"

A blind man walks into a library and asks, "Do you have any books on tape?"

The librarian says, "Yes, yes we do, but it's not a very interesting subject."

A man walks into a library

and asks the librarian at the info desk if they have any books on Pavlov's dog or Schrodinger's cat. The librarian thinks for a moment before replying "It rings a bell but I'm not sure whether it's there or not."

Midget Discrimination

A midget asks the librarian, Do you have any books on midget discrimination? The librarian replies, Top shelf .

A man walks into a library.

Man: Fish and chips, please.

Librarian: Sir, this is a library.

Man: \*whispers\* *Sorry. Fish and chips, please.*

What do you call a sunburned librarian?

Well red.

I asked the librarian if the library had any books about paranoia.

She whispered: "They're right behind you."

I asked the librarian if she had the new book about short penises....

She said, "It's not in yet".
I replied, "YES, That's The Book!"

I asked my librarian if she had a book on short term memory loss...

I asked my librarian if she had a book on short term memory loss...

A man walks into a library and orders fish and chips.

The librarian says, "this is a library."

The man, says, "oh. Sorry." (Then in a whisper) "I'd like some fish and chips."

A man walks into a library

He asks the librarian "Excuse me, have you got the new book on small penises please?"

"I'm sorry, I don't think it's in yet"

"yes that's the one"

i asked the librarian for the new book on erectile dysfunction.

She typed on her keyboard and said "It's not coming up!"

i said "Yeah, that's the one!!"

A blonde goes into a library and, speaking clearly and loudly, orders a burger, fries and a milkshake.

The librarian rolls his eyes and says, exasperated, "This is a library, ma'am."
So the blonde leans in and whispers, "Sorry. I'll have a burger, fries, and a milkshake."

A man goes into the library...

Man: "Do you have the book about small penises?"
Librarian: "It's not in yet."
Man: "Yeah, that's the one."

A man goes into a library and asks for a book on cliffhangers...

The librarian says;

A blonde walks into a library (*not the whole joke)

She says to the librarian "Hiiii, I'd like a cheeseburger, some fries, and a coke."
The librarian says, "Lady, this is a library!"
Embarrassed, the blonde apologizes and whispers, "I'd like a cheeseburger, some fries, and a coke."

Man walks into a library and orders an incredibly hot curry.

"This is a library", says the librarian

"Oh, sorry", replies the man

"*I'd like to order an incredibly hot curry please*", he whispers

A German goes into a library and asks if he can borrow a book on war.

The librarian says, 'No, you've already lost it twice, you'll only lose it again!'

A guy walks into a library and asks the librarian, "do you have that book for men with small penises?"

The librarian looks on her computer and says, "I don't know if it's in yet."

The man replies, "Yeah that's the one."

A blonde came up to the librarian and yelled, "This book sucks! There's way too many characters and the story makes no sense!"

The librarian said, "So you're the one who took our phone book."

A blonde girl walks into a library and loudly exclaims, "I'll have a cheeseburger with fries"

The librarian stares at her questioningly and says, "Madam, this is a library."

The blonde turns red with embarrassment and apologizes.

She leans in and whispers, "I'll have a cheeseburger and fries."

I went into the local library and asked if they had any books on the Titanic. "Oh yes, quite a few." the librarian said.

"Sorry to hear that!" I said laughing. "They'll all be ruined by now!"

The Librarian

What time does the library open? the man on the phone asked.

Annoyed, the librarian composed himself before he answered.

9 am, came the reply. And what's the idea of calling me at home in the middle of the night to ask a question like that?

Not until 9 am? the man asked in a disappointed voice.
The librarian began to get angry.

No, not until 9 am, said the librarian. Why do you want to get in before 9 am?

Who said I wanted to get in? the man sighed sadly. I want to get o

A guy walking to library and asks for a book on sea turtles.

The librarian asks "hard back?"

The guy replies "yeah little heads too."

Librarian: Can I help you?

Dave: Yeah, I'm looking for a book about-

Librarian: Being psychic?

Dave: No...

Librarian: One day that will work.

Have a turkish joke

A prisoner goes to the jail's library to borrow a book. The librarian says: "We don't have this book, but we have its author"

I went to the library and asked the librarian if she knew where books on paranoia were.

She said "They're right behind you".

I asked my pregnant librarian when her baby was due

She said, "Oh the baby is mine, I get to keep it"

A man walks into a library and says to the librarian, "Do you have that book for men with small penises?"

The librarian looks on her computer and says, "I don't know if it's in yet."

"Yeah, that's the one!"

A woman walks up to a librarian and asks them where the books on paranoia are

They reply: they're right behind you

I asked a librarian for a book on Schrodinger's Cat and Pavlov's dog

She said it rang a bell but she didn't know if it was there or not

A woman walks up to a librarian and asks, "Do you have any books on Pavlov's dogs and Schrodinger's cat?"

The librarian replies, "It rings a bell, but I don't know if it's here or not."

What do you call a kebab prepared by a librarian?

A shush-kebab

Did you hear about the librarian that was killed in an earthquake?

She was crushed by a title wave.

I asked the librarian if the library had any books on paranoia.

She leaned over and whispered, "They're right behind you. . ."

[Library] Me: I want to learn more about corals.

Librarian: You'll find them under C.

Me: I already know where they live, sir. I wanna learn more.

Why do librarians hate tennis?

Too much racket.

I recently heard about this young adult novel in which Schrodinger's cat and Pavlov's dog team up for a cross county adventure…

So I headed on down to the library to see if they had a copy for my 10 year old daughter.

The librarian said that my description rang a bell but she wasn't sure if it was there or not.

Young adult novel

I recently heard about this young adult novel in which Schrodinger's cat and Pavlov's dog team up for a cross county adventure…

So I headed on down to the library to see if they had a copy for my 10 year old daughter.

The librarian said that my description rang a bell but she wasn't sure if it was there or not.

A man walks into a library and orders a hamburger

The librarian says, "This is a library."

The man apologizes and whispers, "I'd like a hamburger, please."

There's this new young adult novel

I recently heard about this new young adult novel,

in which Schrodinger's cat and Pavlov's dog team up for a cross-country adventure.

So, I head down to the library to see if they had a copy for my ten-year-old daughter, and

the librarian said that my description rang a bell,

but she wasn't sure if it was there or not.

I was told that I needed to read the room

So I am now a librarian.

A man walks into a library and asks the librarian for books about paranoia.

She whispers, "They're right behind you!"

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the librarian libraries jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working librarian bookshelf piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

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