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Libertarian Jokes

48 libertarian jokes and hilarious libertarian puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about libertarian that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Funniest Libertarian Short Jokes

Short libertarian jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The libertarian humour may include short liberal jokes also.

  1. A liberal, a conservative and a libertarian walk in to a bar.
    Bartender says, what'll ya have Mitt?
  2. Did you hear about the bar for West African bookstore workers with anti government views? Liberian Libertarian Librarian Libations
  3. My libertarian neighbor posted a newspaper ad selling his collection of Star Trek ships. And here I thought he believed in free Enterprise.
  4. A communist tells his friend before going to bed, "I'm going to take a nap." He wakes up as a libertarian.
  5. What's the difference between a British SUV and a Libertarian? One's a Land Rover and the other's a Rand Lover
  6. How many libertarians does it take to change a light bulb? None. The free market will change it for us.
  7. what did the libertarian say after I changed his flat tire? I did it all by myself, without any help from anyone.
  8. Libertarian Presidential Candidate's new Campaign, inspired by Bernie Sanders. "Feel the Johnson"
  9. How do we know Milo Yiannopoulos isn't a libertarian? Libertarians don't drive slow in school zones.
  10. Gary Johnson withdraws from the Libertarian Ticket. Replaced by Harambe. That's right. Johnsons out for Harambe!

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Libertarian One Liners

Which libertarian one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with libertarian? I can suggest the ones about republican and liberal conservative.

  1. Today I had Libertarian salad. Lettuce alone!
  2. A libertarian vote walks out of a bar ... ... and goes, "God, I'm wasted."
  3. The worst part about being a libertarian is... I always fail my pro-state exam!
  4. What does the libertarian computer programmer say? All fields should be private.
  5. I am an irish libertarian Because i dont need someone to hold me back.
  6. What do you call an extreme intersectional feminist? a libertarian!
  7. How much do libertarian pirates pay for corn? Whatever price the free market will bear.
  8. What does a libertarian apparition say to the cops? "Am I free to ghost?"
  9. A white guy, a libertarian and a republican walk into a bar. But I repeat myself.
  10. Do libertarians like books? I mean, they are librarians right?
  11. What do you call the libertarian head of a school? The non-aggression Principal.
  12. What is a libertarian's favorite cough syrup? Sudafed
  13. Looking for hot libertarian latinas in your area? Call Salma Hayek Hayek
  14. A libertarian p**... looks at her pay stub.. "I'm sick of all these f**...-taxes"

Libertarian Candidate Jokes

Here is a list of funny libertarian candidate jokes and even better libertarian candidate puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • I can't find a reason to vote for the (D) or (R) candidate for President, and now Libertarian Gary Johnson's campaign slogan, 'Feel the Johnson' just rubs me the wrong way.
  • Why don't all Libertarian candidates have dwarfism? I thought Libertarians believed in small government.
Libertarian joke, Why don't all Libertarian candidates have dwarfism?

Giggle-Inducing Libertarian Jokes for Joyful Times with Friends

What funny jokes about libertarian you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean anarchist jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make libertarian pranks.

What do libertarians and house cats have in common?

They both act like they are independent and self sufficient but in reality are utterly dependent on a system they can neither appreciate nor understand.

In a libertarian society, would there be vending machines selling h**... on the sidewalk right outside of elementary schools?

Of course not! For starters, there wouldn't be any sidewalks.

A libertarian walks into a bar. . .

The barman serves him t**... alcohol because there are no regulations.
He dies.

I finally understand the difference between capitalism, libertarianism, and socialism.

Capitalists hire libertarians to say socialism is bad. Socialists say capitalism is bad for free. And libertarians will say everyone else is bad as long as they get paid.

What's the difference between a libertarian wedding and a libertarian f**...?

One less opinion

A guy walks into a store

He sees three brains on display.
One is a Libertarian Brain, priced at $250.
The second is a Republican Brain, priced at $275.
The third is a Democrat Brain, priced at $5,000,000.
The Guy asks the sales clerk, Man, why does the Democrat brain cost so much more than the other two? Clerk replies, Well, sir, that brain has never been used.

A Libertarian, a Republican, and a Liberal walk into a bar...

the bouncer asks for their IDs. The liberal says he identifies as a 21 year old so they should let him in, the republican hands the bouncer a bribe because the rules don't apply to him. The libertarian asks Do you have a warrant? .

Libertarian Paradise...

People often criticize a libertarian paradise saying that the homeless people would just be left to die in the gutter. This is of course complete bull. The gutter would be private property and the homeless will need to find somewhere else to die.

At my workplace, there's a forklift that we all call "The Libertarian"

The steering doesn't work properly, so whenever you try to use it, it immediately makes a hard right and breaks something important.

Did you hear about the libertarian t**... plot to take over the government...

...and leave everyone alone?

How many Libertarians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

"Does it even matter? We're all s**... anyway, man."

How many libertarians does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

None, the lightbulb has to pull itself up by the bootstraps and screw itself in

What's the difference between Libertarians and Marxist Communists?

Libertarians still exist

An art museum in Virginia...

An art museum in Virginia recently opened an exhibition of Robert Mapplethorpe's male n**.... The display of that kind of art in a conservative state has lead to a great deal of local controversy, with local church groups picketing the museum, along with counter-demonstrators by art lovers, civil libertarians, and gay rights groups.
The local paper has begun referring to it as the Battle of Manasses.

What did the libertarian shirt say when it was thrown into the washing machine?

AM I BEING DE-STAINED?!

Libertarian joke, What did the libertarian shirt say when it was thrown into the washing machine?