Liberate Jokes
133 liberate jokes and hilarious liberate puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about liberate that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Liberate Short Jokes
Short liberate jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The liberate humour may include short jokes also.
- A liberal, a moderate, and a conservative walk into a bar... the bartender says 'hey, Mitt.'
- A liberal, a conservative and a libertarian walk in to a bar.
Bartender says, what'll ya have Mitt? - What has four wheels and can't support a family? A liberal arts major.
I lied about the wheels. - What's a Racist, Homophobe, Sexist, Bigot, or Hater? Anyone winning an argument with a liberal.
- A liberal, a conservative and a moderate walk into a bar.
The bartender says "Afternoon, Mitt! What can I get for you?" - what do you say to the liberal arts student that just gotten a job Can I get the cappuccino to go?
- An engineer major asks... "How can we build this?"
A business major asks, "How can we finance this?"
A liberal arts major asks, "Do you want fries with that?" - I don't care what the liberal media says about the election. Come January, my national leader isn't going to change, and his name starts with T, R, and U. It's Justin Trudeau. I'm Canadian.
- I pulled my kid out of pre-school because they were indoctrinating him into a socialist liberal mindset Today, his teacher was teaching him how to share.
- Why are there insulting names for liberals like libtard but none for Republicans? Because calling someone a Republican is insulting enough
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Liberate One Liners
Which liberate one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with liberate? I can suggest the ones about and .
- Why can't republicans use hand sanitizer? Because the directions say to apply liberally
- Liberals declared leukemia to be racist There's too many white cells.
- How to get a liberal arts graduate off of your porch? Pay him for the pizza
- What do liberals and homeless people have in common? They are always asking for change.
- I have a degree in Liberal Arts Do you want fries with that?
- What's a Liberal Arts Major's Favorite Board Game?...... Trivial Pursuit.
- Why do Republicans hate lotion? Because the directions say to apply it liberally.
- What do liberal arts majors yell when overwhelmed? Oh,the humanities!
- What's the difference between a gun and a whiny liberal? A gun only has one trigger
- My neighbors wife is very liberal she kept saying 'More to the left! More to the left!'
- what do you call a liberal humanitarian with a broken toaster lack toast and tolerant
- Studies show liberals are less susceptible to 'fake news' I read it on Facebook.
- Why don't liberals like dentists? Because dentists make teeth straight and white.
- Why do conservatives disagree with liberals? Because they aren't right
- Why did the liberal not want to talk to the socialist? Because they are anti-social.
Liberate Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.
What funny jokes about liberate you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make liberate pranks.
Liberals are acting like Trump is going to kill all the g**..., make slavery legal again, and take away women's rights....
Like he's a Muslim or something.
Once I was walking along the Golden Gate Bridge
Once I was walking along the Golden Gate Bridge and I saw this guy about to jump.
I said, "Don't jump."
He said, "Nobody loves me."
I said, "God loves you. Are you a Christian or a Jew?"
He said, "A Christian."
I said, "Me too! Protestant or Catholic?"
He said, "Protestant."
I said, "Me too! What denomination?"
He said, "Baptist."
I said, "Me too! Northern Baptist or Southern Baptist?"
He said, "Northern Baptist."
I said, "Me too! Northern Conservative Baptist or Northern Liberal Baptist?"
He said, "Northern Conservative Baptist."
I said, "Me too! Northern Conservative Baptist, Great Lakes Conference, or Northern Conservative Baptist, Eastern Conference?"
He said, "Northern Conservative Baptist, Great Lakes Conference."
I said, "Me too! Northern Conservative Baptist Great Lakes Conference, Council of 1879, or Northern Conservative Baptist Great Lakes Conference, Council of 1912."
He said, "Northern Conservative Baptist Great Lakes Conference, Council of 1912."
I said, "Die, heretic!" And I pushed him off.
--Emo Philips
Political bar joke
A liberal, conservative, and moderate walks into a bar.
The hostess says "Hi, Mitt!"
Exception to the rule
The First Sergeant noticed a new private one day and and barked at him to come into his office. "What is your name?" was the first thing the First Sergeant asked the new guy.
"John," the new guy replied.
The First Sergeant scowled, "Look, I don't know what kind of bleeding-heart, liberal p**... stuff they're teaching troops in Basic today, but I don't call anyone by their first name. It breeds familiarity and that leads to a breakdown in authority. I refer to my privates by their last name only - Smith, Jones, Baker - that's all. I am to be referred to only as 'First Sergeant.' Do I make myself clear?"
"Yes, First Sergeant!"
"Good! Now that we got that straight, what is your last name?"
The new guy sighed and said, "Darling. My name is John Darling, First Sergeant!"
"Okay, John, the next thing I want to tell you is..."
I ate way too many freedom fries yesterday.
I had to liberate the toilet for hours.
The liberals are asking us to give Obama time.
We agree . . . and think 25 to life would be appropriate.
--Jay Leno
A physics professor and his assistant...
A physics professor and his assistant are working on liberating negatively-charged hydroxyl ions, when all of a sudden, the assistant says, "Wait, professor, what if the salicylic acids do not accept the hydroxyl ions?" And the professor responds, "That's no hydroxyl ion; that's my wife!"
Why did the Republican get a sunburn?
Because the sunscreen instructed to apply liberally and he was unwilling to compromise.
The lawsuit seeking 'personhood' status for chimpanzees
Evidence in this lawsuit clearly demonstrates that the legal definition of "person" is badly flawed,
and needs to be corrected by excluding liberal lawyers.
Why can't you differentiate liberal arts majors?
They have no function.
A conservative, a liberal and a moderate walk into a bar
The conservative orders a whisky, the liberal a white Russian. After a single sip of each they launch into a wild argument with each other.
The bartender turns and asks the moderate what he wants.
Replieth the moderate, "Nothing. I'm the one who has to drive them home."
How do you turn a liberal into a conservative?
Move them out of thier parents basement
Four Majors...
The science major asks "Why does it work?"
The engineering major asks "How does it work?"
The business major asks "How much will it cost?"
The liberal arts major asks "Do you want fries with that?"
My son's arts and crafts class isn't graded.
I'm glad they teach kids how worthless a liberal-arts degree is at such a young age.
That's right
Half dressed r**... couple were sitting on couch watching news on TV, with the man's arm around the woman. The man says "Look at them homosexuals ruinin' the sanctity of our institution. We oughta go to San Francisco just to show them liberals that marriage means one man and one woman. Ain't that right, sweetheart?" The woman replies, "That's right, Daddy."
A liberal wins the powerball!
Millionaires and Billionaires aren't so bad now after all!
How many Liberals does it take to change a lightbulb?
The light bulb doesn't want to change and you should stop forcing it to do what it doesn't want to do.
"Actually, I'll have you know I have a degree in liberal arts"
"That's great ma'am, but I ordered fries with my meal"
What's the difference between a liberal arts major and a pizza?
The pizza can feed a family.
Did you hear Mexico agreed to help Donald Trump build his wall?
They've gotta keep all those Americans out once Donald gets elected.
Sorry, super liberal grandpa told me this one on Father's day. Couldn't help but share.
A man meets a witch.
A man goes to a witch and asks her to be liberated from an old spell.
>I can help you, I do however, need to know the exact same words of said spell
I remember, it was: *I now pronounce you, husband and wife.*
h**... was the original Social Justice Warrior
Adolf h**... is the story of a failed liberal art student who blamed it on ethnicities he deemed privileged.
Did you hear about that new liberal episcopal church?
It has six commandments and four suggestions
How many liberals does it take to change a lightbulb
None, because change can only come from a revolution of the working classes.
What do you call a Rasta with a liberal arts degree?
Jahbless!
It's no wonder Trump supporters can't figure out how they got through 650k emails in 8 days
Everyone knows only liberals are familiar with hash.
You know, I haven't always been liberal
You would see I'm a big fan of 80's Bush, if you check my search history.
The bottle said to apply liberally
So I b**... and complained the whole time I used it.
How many Liberals does it take to change a lightbulb?
Liberals: Changing the bulb is too extreme. Let's fix the current one in the dark.
Ordered a sandwich..
And I asked for a liberal amount of bacon. The employee cried, set the sandwich on fire, then went outside to protest.
I need to learn to be careful using the word liberal.
I haven't seen liberals this butthurt since they legalized gay marriage.
n/t
In the U.S., why are liberals better racecar drivers than conservatives?
They only take left turns.
Using high powered gamma rays, creatures on Mars have established total mind control over Donald. And Hillary. And the liberal press. And the Alt-right.
Hey, all I know is what I read on Facebook.
(But it explains everything!)
At the men's bathroom of the local college...
... above the toilet paper dispenser was a piece of graffiti:
"Liberal Arts Degrees. Take One."
What is the definition of a Saint?
A dead liberal that is worshipped by living conservatives.
Chinese soldiers attack a Soviet tractor.
^This ^joke ^originated ^during ^the ^1969 ^Sino-Soviet ^border ^conflict.
**Radio broadcaster:** *"Comrades! Yesterday, a platoon of the Chinese People's Liberation Army attacked an agricultural tractor without provocation."*
*"Fortunately, our tractor returned fire. It then managed to fly back to base for repairs."*
What is America's favorite drink?
Liber-Tea
Today I change my major from law to liberal arts.
Psych.
Nearly 200,000 Californians evacuated due to Oroville dam reaching a likely catastrophic failure. You may think this isn't the time to bring up politics however this is Trump's fault.
No man made structure was built to hold so many liberal tears.
Not sure why the left wants to punch n**...
You'd think they'd love a failed liberal arts student who blames all his problems on other races.
Liberals are more generous than conservatives
Not only are they generous with their own money, they are also generous with other people's money!
(This is just a joke sorry)
Degrees
The graduate with a science degree asks,
'Why does it work?'
The graduate with an engineering degree asks,
'How does it work?'
The graduate with an accounting degree asks,
'How much will it cost?'
The graduate with a liberal arts degree asks,
'Do you want fries with that?'
Recent study shows that 1 in 3 liberals...
are just as s**... as the other two
Turning water into wine is so first century.
If Jesus wants my attention now, he'd do better turning my liberal arts degree into something useful.
What do you get when you give a Liberal a penny for their thoughts?
Change
You know why I hate conservatives?
They all make huge generalizations about liberals
UK ELECTIONS UPDATE
It's post election fever in the UK.
And the British ladies are more confused than ever!
They are Conservative in the day, Liberal at night and nine months later in Labour😂😂
The Moro Islamic Liberation Front wants attention and gives an interview to a particular news organization that is ranked #1.
The BBC always bring in satisfaction. 24/7.
Do something you love and never work a day in your life they said
So I got a liberal arts degree.
My wife is quite liberal. The other day she got really mad at me for holding the door for her.
Might have been because it was a revolving door, though.
If you're a liberal arts major, here's a tip
$5, and be glad it's 20%.
Why did the Republican hate his logic course?
Because Philosophy is considered a *liberal* art
I hate left-wing Neo-n**...,
They are *liberally* h**....
Why do liberals hate apples?
Because they're not PC bro!
A man walks into a shop...
He sees three brains sitting on the table a regular brain, a republican brain and a liberal brain.
Buyer: how much is each brain?
The seller: the regular brain is 200 dollars the republican brain is 300 dollars
But this here the liberal brain is 15,000 dollars.
Buyer: Oh Lord why is the liberal brain so expensive?
Seller: well it's never been used before!
What's the difference between a liberal and a conservative?
One wants to kill in the first trimester and the other wants to kill in the hundred sixtith trimester.
A Socialist, a Communist, and a Liberal together at a table in a bar, what do you get?
An alt-right.
An elderly man had a massive s**... and his family drove him to the hospital.
After a while, the doctor appeared wearing a long face.
Doctor: I'm afraid Grandpa is brain-dead, but his heart is still beating.
"Oh dear God," cried his wife, we've never had a liberal in the family before!"
Why are so many conservatives r**...?
They refuse to apply sunblock liberally.
What is a liberals favorite part of a gun?
The trigger
I'm an aerospace engineer.
I'm an aerospace engineer. If I had a dollar for every time I heard "it IS rocket science..." it still wouldn't be as much as my salary. Take that liberal arts majors.
Liberal people support human rights and the idea that people with disabilities should have equal labor market opportunities.
Now there is a disabled guy in the White House and all they do is compalain about it.
I just saw a s**... club across the street from a mini-golf place. Now, I'm pretty liberal, but I think that's taking it too far.
What if you're trying to enjoy a nice afternoon out with your family, but when you leave, your kids have to watch a bunch of losers playing mini-golf?
What do you call a southern liberal?
A libery'all
My conservative friends keep warning me that China has a PLAN
But I don't see what the People's Liberation Army Navy has to do with anything.