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Liberalism Jokes

101 liberalism jokes and hilarious liberalism puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about liberalism that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Funniest Liberalism Short Jokes

Short liberalism jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The liberalism humour may include short jokes also.

  1. A liberal, a moderate, and a conservative walk into a bar... the bartender says 'hey, Mitt.'
  2. A liberal, a conservative and a libertarian walk in to a bar.
    Bartender says, what'll ya have Mitt?
  3. What has four wheels and can't support a family? A liberal arts major.
    I lied about the wheels.
  4. What's a Racist, Homophobe, Sexist, Bigot, or Hater? Anyone winning an argument with a liberal.
  5. A liberal, a conservative and a moderate walk into a bar.
    The bartender says "Afternoon, Mitt! What can I get for you?"
  6. what do you say to the liberal arts student that just gotten a job Can I get the cappuccino to go?
  7. An engineer major asks... "How can we build this?"
    A business major asks, "How can we finance this?"
    A liberal arts major asks, "Do you want fries with that?"
  8. I don't care what the liberal media says about the election. Come January, my national leader isn't going to change, and his name starts with T, R, and U. It's Justin Trudeau. I'm Canadian.
  9. I pulled my kid out of pre-school because they were indoctrinating him into a socialist liberal mindset Today, his teacher was teaching him how to share.
  10. Why are there insulting names for liberals like libtard but none for Republicans? Because calling someone a Republican is insulting enough

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Liberalism One Liners

Which liberalism one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with liberalism? I can suggest the ones about and .

  1. Why can't republicans use hand sanitizer? Because the directions say to apply liberally
  2. Liberals declared leukemia to be racist There's too many white cells.
  3. How to get a liberal arts graduate off of your porch? Pay him for the pizza
  4. What do liberals and homeless people have in common? They are always asking for change.
  5. I have a degree in Liberal Arts Do you want fries with that?
  6. What's a Liberal Arts Major's Favorite Board Game?...... Trivial Pursuit.
  7. Why do Republicans hate lotion? Because the directions say to apply it liberally.
  8. What do liberal arts majors yell when overwhelmed? Oh,the humanities!
  9. What's the difference between a gun and a whiny liberal? A gun only has one trigger
  10. My neighbors wife is very liberal she kept saying 'More to the left! More to the left!'
  11. what do you call a liberal humanitarian with a broken toaster lack toast and tolerant
  12. Studies show liberals are less susceptible to 'fake news' I read it on Facebook.
  13. Why don't liberals like dentists? Because dentists make teeth straight and white.
  14. Why do conservatives disagree with liberals? Because they aren't right
  15. Why did the liberal not want to talk to the socialist? Because they are anti-social.

Liberalism Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.

What funny jokes about liberalism you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make liberalism pranks.

Liberals are acting like Trump is going to kill all the g**..., make slavery legal again, and take away women's rights....

Like he's a Muslim or something.

Once I was walking along the Golden Gate Bridge

Once I was walking along the Golden Gate Bridge and I saw this guy about to jump.
I said, "Don't jump."
He said, "Nobody loves me."
I said, "God loves you. Are you a Christian or a Jew?"
He said, "A Christian."
I said, "Me too! Protestant or Catholic?"
He said, "Protestant."
I said, "Me too! What denomination?"
He said, "Baptist."
I said, "Me too! Northern Baptist or Southern Baptist?"
He said, "Northern Baptist."
I said, "Me too! Northern Conservative Baptist or Northern Liberal Baptist?"
He said, "Northern Conservative Baptist."
I said, "Me too! Northern Conservative Baptist, Great Lakes Conference, or Northern Conservative Baptist, Eastern Conference?"
He said, "Northern Conservative Baptist, Great Lakes Conference."
I said, "Me too! Northern Conservative Baptist Great Lakes Conference, Council of 1879, or Northern Conservative Baptist Great Lakes Conference, Council of 1912."
He said, "Northern Conservative Baptist Great Lakes Conference, Council of 1912."
I said, "Die, heretic!" And I pushed him off.
--Emo Philips

Political bar joke

A liberal, conservative, and moderate walks into a bar.
The hostess says "Hi, Mitt!"

Exception to the rule

The First Sergeant noticed a new private one day and and barked at him to come into his office. "What is your name?" was the first thing the First Sergeant asked the new guy.
"John," the new guy replied.
The First Sergeant scowled, "Look, I don't know what kind of bleeding-heart, liberal p**... stuff they're teaching troops in Basic today, but I don't call anyone by their first name. It breeds familiarity and that leads to a breakdown in authority. I refer to my privates by their last name only - Smith, Jones, Baker - that's all. I am to be referred to only as 'First Sergeant.' Do I make myself clear?"
"Yes, First Sergeant!"
"Good! Now that we got that straight, what is your last name?"
The new guy sighed and said, "Darling. My name is John Darling, First Sergeant!"
"Okay, John, the next thing I want to tell you is..."

A physics professor and his assistant...

A physics professor and his assistant are working on liberating negatively-charged hydroxyl ions, when all of a sudden, the assistant says, "Wait, professor, what if the salicylic acids do not accept the hydroxyl ions?" And the professor responds, "That's no hydroxyl ion; that's my wife!"

Why did the Republican get a sunburn?

Because the sunscreen instructed to apply liberally and he was unwilling to compromise.

The lawsuit seeking 'personhood' status for chimpanzees

Evidence in this lawsuit clearly demonstrates that the legal definition of "person" is badly flawed,
and needs to be corrected by excluding liberal lawyers.

A conservative, a liberal and a moderate walk into a bar

The conservative orders a whisky, the liberal a white Russian. After a single sip of each they launch into a wild argument with each other.
The bartender turns and asks the moderate what he wants.
Replieth the moderate, "Nothing. I'm the one who has to drive them home."

How do you turn a liberal into a conservative?

Move them out of thier parents basement

Four Majors...

The science major asks "Why does it work?"
The engineering major asks "How does it work?"
The business major asks "How much will it cost?"
The liberal arts major asks "Do you want fries with that?"

My son's arts and crafts class isn't graded.

I'm glad they teach kids how worthless a liberal-arts degree is at such a young age.

A liberal wins the powerball!

Millionaires and Billionaires aren't so bad now after all!

"Actually, I'll have you know I have a degree in liberal arts"

"That's great ma'am, but I ordered fries with my meal"

What's the difference between a liberal arts major and a pizza?

The pizza can feed a family.

Did you hear Mexico agreed to help Donald Trump build his wall?

They've gotta keep all those Americans out once Donald gets elected.
Sorry, super liberal grandpa told me this one on Father's day. Couldn't help but share.

A man meets a witch.

A man goes to a witch and asks her to be liberated from an old spell.
>I can help you, I do however, need to know the exact same words of said spell
I remember, it was: *I now pronounce you, husband and wife.*

Did you hear about that new liberal episcopal church?

It has six commandments and four suggestions

How many liberals does it take to change a lightbulb

None, because change can only come from a revolution of the working classes.

What do you call a Rasta with a liberal arts degree?

Jahbless!

The bottle said to apply liberally

So I b**... and complained the whole time I used it.

At the men's bathroom of the local college...

... above the toilet paper dispenser was a piece of graffiti:
"Liberal Arts Degrees. Take One."

What is the definition of a Saint?

A dead liberal that is worshipped by living conservatives.

Today I change my major from law to liberal arts.

Psych.

Nearly 200,000 Californians evacuated due to Oroville dam reaching a likely catastrophic failure. You may think this isn't the time to bring up politics however this is Trump's fault.

No man made structure was built to hold so many liberal tears.

Not sure why the left wants to punch n**...

You'd think they'd love a failed liberal arts student who blames all his problems on other races.

Liberals are more generous than conservatives

Not only are they generous with their own money, they are also generous with other people's money!
(This is just a joke sorry)

Degrees

The graduate with a science degree asks,
'Why does it work?'
The graduate with an engineering degree asks,
'How does it work?'
The graduate with an accounting degree asks,
'How much will it cost?'
The graduate with a liberal arts degree asks,
'Do you want fries with that?'

Recent study shows that 1 in 3 liberals...

are just as s**... as the other two

Turning water into wine is so first century.

If Jesus wants my attention now, he'd do better turning my liberal arts degree into something useful.

Do something you love and never work a day in your life they said

So I got a liberal arts degree.

My wife is quite liberal. The other day she got really mad at me for holding the door for her.

Might have been because it was a revolving door, though.

If you're a liberal arts major, here's a tip

$5, and be glad it's 20%.

I hate left-wing Neo-n**...,

They are *liberally* h**....

A man walks into a shop...

He sees three brains sitting on the table a regular brain, a republican brain and a liberal brain.
Buyer: how much is each brain?
The seller: the regular brain is 200 dollars the republican brain is 300 dollars
But this here the liberal brain is 15,000 dollars.
Buyer: Oh Lord why is the liberal brain so expensive?
Seller: well it's never been used before!

An elderly man had a massive s**... and his family drove him to the hospital.

After a while, the doctor appeared wearing a long face.
Doctor: I'm afraid Grandpa is brain-dead, but his heart is still beating.
"Oh dear God," cried his wife, we've never had a liberal in the family before!"

Why are so many conservatives r**...?

They refuse to apply sunblock liberally.

What is a liberals favorite part of a gun?

The trigger

Liberal people support human rights and the idea that people with disabilities should have equal labor market opportunities.

Now there is a disabled guy in the White House and all they do is compalain about it.

I just saw a s**... club across the street from a mini-golf place. Now, I'm pretty liberal, but I think that's taking it too far.

What if you're trying to enjoy a nice afternoon out with your family, but when you leave, your kids have to watch a bunch of losers playing mini-golf?

I don't know why people say that no employer will be interested in your liberal arts degree.

I would love to hire someone who has clearly shown that they don't care at all about how much money they make.

Why couldn't the r**... use sunscreen?

Because the instructions said to apply liberally

A Libertarian, a Republican, and a Liberal walk into a bar...

the bouncer asks for their IDs. The liberal says he identifies as a 21 year old so they should let him in, the republican hands the bouncer a bribe because the rules don't apply to him. The libertarian asks Do you have a warrant? .

Why do a lot of old people move to Florida?

Because they hate liberal snowflakes.

How many Republicans does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

None, they prefer to sit in the dark and blame liberals.

A man proudly sporting an I Love Trump pin passes a liberal man on the sidewalk. As he does so, he trips and falls.

Oh my god! Exclaims the liberal, Are you alt-right?

Ari Shaffir jokes about Kobe Bryant

Well kobe Bryant died 23 years too late today. He got away with r**... because all the Hollywood liberals who attack comedy enjoy rooting for the Lakers more than they dislike r**.... Big ups to the hero who forgot to gas up his chopper...

What do you call a flatworm with a liberal arts degree?

An interdisci-planarian

If liberals are libtards...

Doesn't that make republicans just plain ole r**...?

A r**... suffered a n**... fall...

So he visited a physician and sought treatment.
Apply this ointment to the area where injury was sustained, the doctor said.
The r**... happily left the clinic and proceeded to liberally apply ointment on the sidewalk where he fell.

The drowning man

A conservative and a liberal are walking along the beach when they see a man drowning a hundred feet off shore.
The conservative throws him a 50-foot rope and shouts to the victim "You provide the other fifty feet." The liberal throws the man a 200-foot rope ... and lets go of both ends.

Why don't you put a post office next to a liberal arts college?

They'll always argue over the male agenda.

What is the difference between a philosophy major and a liberal arts major?

One will ask WHY you need fries with that!

I was in Idaho last week, and found out what their state bird is.

A middle finger to liberals.

Just the way America does it

If the United States saw what the United States is doing in the United States, the United States would invade the United States to liberate the United States from the tyranny of the United States

Why are liberal politics so confusing?

In liberal politics, left is right and right is wrong

My son is doing a social experiment for school.

He plans on wearing an "I love Liberals" shirt out in public and will be recording the interactions with others. So far he has been cussed at, spit at, slapped, and even threatened. Im afraid what will happen when he actually leaves the house.

Why are conservatives known as r**...?

They don't use sunscreen because the bottle says to apply liberally.

Why are there so many r**... in Florida?

Because sunscreen instructions include: apply liberally

My liberal friend asked me why we think owning gun is a God given right when noone in Bible had one.

I corrected him that Paul had epistle...

Why can't conservatives ever make good chili and barbeque?

Because they have to be liberal with their spices.