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Liberal Jokes

149 liberal jokes and hilarious liberal puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about liberal that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

This is a collection of the funniest jokes about liberals that will have you laughing out loud.

Funniest Liberal Short Jokes

Short liberal jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The liberal humour may include short libertarian jokes also.

  1. A liberal, a moderate, and a conservative walk into a bar... the bartender says 'hey, Mitt.'
  2. A liberal, a conservative and a libertarian walk in to a bar.
    Bartender says, what'll ya have Mitt?
  3. What has four wheels and can't support a family? A liberal arts major.
    I lied about the wheels.
  4. What's a Racist, Homophobe, Sexist, Bigot, or Hater? Anyone winning an argument with a liberal.
  5. A liberal, a conservative and a moderate walk into a bar.
    The bartender says "Afternoon, Mitt! What can I get for you?"
  6. what do you say to the liberal arts student that just gotten a job Can I get the cappuccino to go?
  7. An engineer major asks... "How can we build this?"
    A business major asks, "How can we finance this?"
    A liberal arts major asks, "Do you want fries with that?"
  8. I don't care what the liberal media says about the election. Come January, my national leader isn't going to change, and his name starts with T, R, and U. It's Justin Trudeau. I'm Canadian.
  9. I pulled my kid out of pre-school because they were indoctrinating him into a socialist liberal mindset Today, his teacher was teaching him how to share.
  10. Why are there insulting names for liberals like libtard but none for Republicans? Because calling someone a Republican is insulting enough

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Liberal One Liners

Which liberal one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with liberal? I can suggest the ones about conservative and left wing.

  1. Why can't republicans use hand sanitizer? Because the directions say to apply liberally
  2. Liberals declared leukemia to be racist There's too many white cells.
  3. How to get a liberal arts graduate off of your porch? Pay him for the pizza
  4. What do liberals and homeless people have in common? They are always asking for change.
  5. I have a degree in Liberal Arts Do you want fries with that?
  6. What's a Liberal Arts Major's Favorite Board Game?...... Trivial Pursuit.
  7. Why do Republicans hate lotion? Because the directions say to apply it liberally.
  8. What do liberal arts majors yell when overwhelmed? Oh,the humanities!
  9. What's the difference between a gun and a whiny liberal? A gun only has one trigger
  10. My neighbors wife is very liberal she kept saying 'More to the left! More to the left!'
  11. what do you call a liberal humanitarian with a broken toaster lack toast and tolerant
  12. Studies show liberals are less susceptible to 'fake news' I read it on Facebook.
  13. Why don't liberals like dentists? Because dentists make teeth straight and white.
  14. Why do conservatives disagree with liberals? Because they aren't right
  15. Why did the liberal not want to talk to the socialist? Because they are anti-social.

Liberal Conservative Jokes

Here is a list of funny liberal conservative jokes and even better liberal conservative puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Political bar joke A liberal, conservative, and moderate walks into a bar.
    The hostess says "Hi, Mitt!"
  • Why can't conservatives ever make good chili and barbeque? Because they have to be liberal with their spices.
  • Liberals are more generous than conservatives Not only are they generous with their own money, they are also generous with other people's money!
    (This is just a joke sorry)
  • What is the definition of a Saint? A dead liberal that is worshipped by living conservatives.
  • How do you turn a liberal into a conservative? Move them out of thier parents basement
  • A young conservative man went on Reddit and pretended to be liberal to fit in. It's been almost a year and his family still won't shut up about fraudulent upvotes.
  • My conservative friends keep warning me that China has a PLAN But I don't see what the People's Liberation Army Navy has to do with anything.
  • UK ELECTIONS UPDATE It's post election fever in the UK.
    And the British ladies are more confused than ever!
    They are Conservative in the day, Liberal at night and nine months later in Labour😂😂
  • You know why I hate conservatives? They all make huge generalizations about liberals
  • What's the difference between a liberal and a conservative? One wants to kill in the first trimester and the other wants to kill in the hundred sixtith trimester.

Liberal Arts Jokes

Here is a list of funny liberal arts jokes and even better liberal arts puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • What is the difference between a philosophy major and a liberal arts major? One will ask WHY you need fries with that!
  • My son's arts and crafts class isn't graded. I'm glad they teach kids how worthless a liberal-arts degree is at such a young age.
  • What's the difference between a liberal arts major and a pizza? The pizza can feed a family.
  • "Actually, I'll have you know I have a degree in liberal arts" "That's great ma'am, but I ordered fries with my meal"
  • Why don't you put a post office next to a liberal arts college? They'll always argue over the male agenda.
  • If you're a liberal arts major, here's a tip $5, and be glad it's 20%.
  • What do you call a Rasta with a liberal arts degree? Jahbless!
  • At the men's bathroom of the local college... ... above the toilet paper dispenser was a piece of graffiti:
    "Liberal Arts Degrees. Take One."
  • Turning water into wine is so first century. If Jesus wants my attention now, he'd do better turning my liberal arts degree into something useful.
  • What do you call a flatworm with a liberal arts degree? An interdisci-planarian
Liberal joke, What do you call a flatworm with a liberal arts degree?

Liberal Arts Major Jokes

Here is a list of funny liberal arts major jokes and even better liberal arts major puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Today I change my major from law to liberal arts. Psych.
  • I'm an aerospace engineer. I'm an aerospace engineer. If I had a dollar for every time I heard "it IS rocket science..." it still wouldn't be as much as my salary. Take that liberal arts majors.
  • Why can't you differentiate liberal arts majors? They have no function.
  • What is the proper title to refer to a Liberal Arts Major. Esquire.
  • A chickpea goes to a liberal arts college... What's its major? Falafelphy
  • I went to college to get a better education. Decided on a Liberal Arts major.
Liberal joke, I went to college to get a better education.

Cheeky Liberal Jokes to Experience Good Cheer & Frivolity

What funny jokes about liberal you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean socialist jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make liberal pranks.

Liberals are acting like Trump is going to kill all the g**..., make slavery legal again, and take away women's rights....

Like he's a Muslim or something.

Once I was walking along the Golden Gate Bridge

Once I was walking along the Golden Gate Bridge and I saw this guy about to jump.
I said, "Don't jump."
He said, "Nobody loves me."
I said, "God loves you. Are you a Christian or a Jew?"
He said, "A Christian."
I said, "Me too! Protestant or Catholic?"
He said, "Protestant."
I said, "Me too! What denomination?"
He said, "Baptist."
I said, "Me too! Northern Baptist or Southern Baptist?"
He said, "Northern Baptist."
I said, "Me too! Northern Conservative Baptist or Northern Liberal Baptist?"
He said, "Northern Conservative Baptist."
I said, "Me too! Northern Conservative Baptist, Great Lakes Conference, or Northern Conservative Baptist, Eastern Conference?"
He said, "Northern Conservative Baptist, Great Lakes Conference."
I said, "Me too! Northern Conservative Baptist Great Lakes Conference, Council of 1879, or Northern Conservative Baptist Great Lakes Conference, Council of 1912."
He said, "Northern Conservative Baptist Great Lakes Conference, Council of 1912."
I said, "Die, heretic!" And I pushed him off.
--Emo Philips

Exception to the rule

The First Sergeant noticed a new private one day and and barked at him to come into his office. "What is your name?" was the first thing the First Sergeant asked the new guy.
"John," the new guy replied.
The First Sergeant scowled, "Look, I don't know what kind of bleeding-heart, liberal p**... stuff they're teaching troops in Basic today, but I don't call anyone by their first name. It breeds familiarity and that leads to a breakdown in authority. I refer to my privates by their last name only - Smith, Jones, Baker - that's all. I am to be referred to only as 'First Sergeant.' Do I make myself clear?"
"Yes, First Sergeant!"
"Good! Now that we got that straight, what is your last name?"
The new guy sighed and said, "Darling. My name is John Darling, First Sergeant!"
"Okay, John, the next thing I want to tell you is..."

The lawsuit seeking 'personhood' status for chimpanzees

Evidence in this lawsuit clearly demonstrates that the legal definition of "person" is badly flawed,
and needs to be corrected by excluding liberal lawyers.

A conservative, a liberal and a moderate walk into a bar

The conservative orders a whisky, the liberal a white Russian. After a single sip of each they launch into a wild argument with each other.
The bartender turns and asks the moderate what he wants.
Replieth the moderate, "Nothing. I'm the one who has to drive them home."

Four Majors...

The science major asks "Why does it work?"
The engineering major asks "How does it work?"
The business major asks "How much will it cost?"
The liberal arts major asks "Do you want fries with that?"

What do you call a liberal notary public?

notarypublican

A liberal wins the powerball!

Millionaires and Billionaires aren't so bad now after all!

How many Liberals does it take to change a lightbulb?

The light bulb doesn't want to change and you should stop forcing it to do what it doesn't want to do.

I just took a political stance quiz, and found out that I am 52% liberal and 48% conservative.

That's not the only part of me that leans slightly to the left.

Did you hear Mexico agreed to help Donald Trump build his wall?

They've gotta keep all those Americans out once Donald gets elected.
Sorry, super liberal grandpa told me this one on Father's day. Couldn't help but share.

How many liberals does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

None. Bush did it.

h**... was the original Social Justice Warrior

Adolf h**... is the story of a failed liberal art student who blamed it on ethnicities he deemed privileged.

What do you call it, when 10 liberal presidential candidates give their speeches and promises all at the same time?

Mass Debating

Did you hear about that new liberal episcopal church?

It has six commandments and four suggestions

How many liberals does it take to change a lightbulb

None, because change can only come from a revolution of the working classes.

What did they call the exhibition of paintings by Democrats?

Liberal arts.

A liberal arts student walks into a bar.

(Insert pronoun here) can't buy anything.

What do you call a Liberal dilemma?

Snowden hacking Hillary's files.

Knowledge is liberal

We are synonymous.
We are battalion.
We do not pardon.
We do not fail to recall.
Anticipate us.

You know, I haven't always been liberal

You would see I'm a big fan of 80's Bush, if you check my search history.

How many Liberals does it take to change a lightbulb?

Liberals: Changing the bulb is too extreme. Let's fix the current one in the dark.

Ordered a sandwich..

And I asked for a liberal amount of bacon. The employee cried, set the sandwich on fire, then went outside to protest.
I need to learn to be careful using the word liberal.

I haven't seen liberals this butthurt since they legalized gay marriage.

n/t

In the U.S., why are liberals better racecar drivers than conservatives?

They only take left turns.

Using high powered gamma rays, creatures on Mars have established total mind control over Donald. And Hillary. And the liberal press. And the Alt-right.

Hey, all I know is what I read on Facebook.
(But it explains everything!)

What's the plus side to accepting science grad students from private liberal arts colleges?

They come without the B.S. !!

Nearly 200,000 Californians evacuated due to Oroville dam reaching a likely catastrophic failure. You may think this isn't the time to bring up politics however this is Trump's fault.

No man made structure was built to hold so many liberal tears.

Not sure why the left wants to punch n**...

You'd think they'd love a failed liberal arts student who blames all his problems on other races.

What did the s**... liberal say to the conservative?

Alt-right alt-right alt-right

Degrees

The graduate with a science degree asks,
'Why does it work?'
The graduate with an engineering degree asks,
'How does it work?'
The graduate with an accounting degree asks,
'How much will it cost?'
The graduate with a liberal arts degree asks,
'Do you want fries with that?'

Why cant you take a liberal anywhere?

They always get left.

Have you tried the new College Debt Simulator video game?

Turns out liberal arts is the default setting.

What do you get when you give a Liberal a penny for their thoughts?

Change

Someone accused me of being a liberal today...

I have never been so offended in my life

Do something you love and never work a day in your life they said

So I got a liberal arts degree.

My wife is quite liberal. The other day she got really mad at me for holding the door for her.

Might have been because it was a revolving door, though.

Why did the Republican hate his logic course?

Because Philosophy is considered a *liberal* art

Why do liberals hate apples?

Because they're not PC bro!

A man walks into a shop...

He sees three brains sitting on the table a regular brain, a republican brain and a liberal brain.
Buyer: how much is each brain?
The seller: the regular brain is 200 dollars the republican brain is 300 dollars
But this here the liberal brain is 15,000 dollars.
Buyer: Oh Lord why is the liberal brain so expensive?
Seller: well it's never been used before!

A Socialist, a Communist, and a Liberal together at a table in a bar, what do you get?

An alt-right.

What's the difference between a liberal and an puppy?

The puppy stops whining when it grows up.

A republican, a liberal, a gay, and a muslim walk into a bar.

An elderly man had a massive s**... and his family drove him to the hospital.

After a while, the doctor appeared wearing a long face.
Doctor: I'm afraid Grandpa is brain-dead, but his heart is still beating.
"Oh dear God," cried his wife, we've never had a liberal in the family before!"

Who do you call a racist?

The winner in an argument with a liberal

What is a liberals favorite part of a gun?

The trigger

Liberal people support human rights and the idea that people with disabilities should have equal labor market opportunities.

Now there is a disabled guy in the White House and all they do is compalain about it.

I just saw a s**... club across the street from a mini-golf place. Now, I'm pretty liberal, but I think that's taking it too far.

What if you're trying to enjoy a nice afternoon out with your family, but when you leave, your kids have to watch a bunch of losers playing mini-golf?

What's similar between a liberal and salt?

They both want to get rid of ice

What do you call a southern liberal?

A libery'all

I don't know why people say that no employer will be interested in your liberal arts degree.

I would love to hire someone who has clearly shown that they don't care at all about how much money they make.

How many liberals does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

None, because they turn left.

Liberal joke, How many liberals does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

jokes about liberal