The Best 87 Liberal Jokes
This is a collection of the funniest jokes about liberals that will have you laughing out loud.
Top 10 Funniest Liberal Jokes and Puns
Liberals are acting like Trump is going to kill all the gays, make slavery legal again, and take away women's rights....
Like he's a Muslim or something.
A liberal, a moderate, and a conservative walk into a bar...
the bartender says 'hey, Mitt.'
Once I was walking along the Golden Gate Bridge
Once I was walking along the Golden Gate Bridge and I saw this guy about to jump.
I said, "Don't jump."
He said, "Nobody loves me."
I said, "God loves you. Are you a Christian or a Jew?"
He said, "A Christian."
I said, "Me too! Protestant or Catholic?"
He said, "Protestant."
I said, "Me too! What denomination?"
He said, "Baptist."
I said, "Me too! Northern Baptist or Southern Baptist?"
He said, "Northern Baptist."
I said, "Me too! Northern Conservative Baptist or Northern Liberal Baptist?"
He said, "Northern Conservative Baptist."
I said, "Me too! Northern Conservative Baptist, Great Lakes Conference, or Northern Conservative Baptist, Eastern Conference?"
He said, "Northern Conservative Baptist, Great Lakes Conference."
I said, "Me too! Northern Conservative Baptist Great Lakes Conference, Council of 1879, or Northern Conservative Baptist Great Lakes Conference, Council of 1912."
He said, "Northern Conservative Baptist Great Lakes Conference, Council of 1912."
I said, "Die, heretic!" And I pushed him off.
--Emo Philips
A liberal, a conservative and a libertarian walk in to a bar.
Bartender says, what'll ya have Mitt?
A liberal, a conservative and a moderate walk into a bar.
The bartender says "Afternoon, Mitt! What can I get for you?"
Political bar joke
A liberal, conservative, and moderate walks into a bar.
The hostess says "Hi, Mitt!"
Exception to the rule
The First Sergeant noticed a new private one day and and barked at him to come into his office. "What is your name?" was the first thing the First Sergeant asked the new guy.
"John," the new guy replied.
The First Sergeant scowled, "Look, I don't know what kind of bleeding-heart, liberal pansy stuff they're teaching troops in Basic today, but I don't call anyone by their first name. It breeds familiarity and that leads to a breakdown in authority. I refer to my privates by their last name only - Smith, Jones, Baker - that's all. I am to be referred to only as 'First Sergeant.' Do I make myself clear?"
"Yes, First Sergeant!"
"Good! Now that we got that straight, what is your last name?"
The new guy sighed and said, "Darling. My name is John Darling, First Sergeant!"
"Okay, John, the next thing I want to tell you is..."
What's a Liberal Arts Major's Favorite Board Game?......
Trivial Pursuit.
What do liberal arts majors yell when overwhelmed?
Oh,the humanities!
The lawsuit seeking 'personhood' status for chimpanzees
Evidence in this lawsuit clearly demonstrates that the legal definition of "person" is badly flawed,
and needs to be corrected by excluding liberal lawyers.
Why can't you differentiate liberal arts majors?
They have no function.
You can explore liberal social justice reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean liberal feminism dad jokes. There are also liberal puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
what do you call a liberal humanitarian with a broken toaster
lack toast and tolerant
A conservative, a liberal and a moderate walk into a bar
The conservative orders a whisky, the liberal a white Russian. After a single sip of each they launch into a wild argument with each other.
The bartender turns and asks the moderate what he wants.
Replieth the moderate, "Nothing. I'm the one who has to drive them home."
How to get a liberal arts graduate off of your porch?
Pay him for the pizza
How do you turn a liberal into a conservative?
Move them out of thier parents basement
Four Majors...
The science major asks "Why does it work?"
The engineering major asks "How does it work?"
The business major asks "How much will it cost?"
The liberal arts major asks "Do you want fries with that?"
An engineer major asks...
"How can we build this?"
A business major asks, "How can we finance this?"
A liberal arts major asks, "Do you want fries with that?"
What's a Racist, Homophobe, Sexist, Bigot, or Hater?
Anyone winning an argument with a liberal.
What is the proper title to refer to a Liberal Arts Major.
Esquire.
What do liberals and homeless people have in common?
They are always asking for change.
A liberal wins the powerball!
Millionaires and Billionaires aren't so bad now after all!
What has four wheels and can't support a family?
A liberal arts major.
I lied about the wheels.
How many Liberals does it take to change a lightbulb?
The light bulb doesn't want to change and you should stop forcing it to do what it doesn't want to do.
"Actually, I'll have you know I have a degree in liberal arts"
"That's great ma'am, but I ordered fries with my meal"
What's the difference between a liberal arts major and a pizza?
The pizza can feed a family.
Did you hear Mexico agreed to help Donald Trump build his wall?
They've gotta keep all those Americans out once Donald gets elected.
Sorry, super liberal grandpa told me this one on Father's day. Couldn't help but share.
Hitler was the original Social Justice Warrior
Adolf Hitler is the story of a failed liberal art student who blamed it on ethnicities he deemed privileged.
Did you hear about that new liberal episcopal church?
It has six commandments and four suggestions
How many liberals does it take to change a lightbulb
None, because change can only come from a revolution of the working classes.
What do you call a Rasta with a liberal arts degree?
Jahbless!
What do you call a Liberal dilemma?
Snowden hacking Hillary's files.
You know, I haven't always been liberal
You would see I'm a big fan of 80's Bush, if you check my search history.
How many Liberals does it take to change a lightbulb?
Liberals: Changing the bulb is too extreme. Let's fix the current one in the dark.
Ordered a sandwich..
And I asked for a liberal amount of bacon. The employee cried, set the sandwich on fire, then went outside to protest.
I need to learn to be careful using the word liberal.
I haven't seen liberals this butthurt since they legalized gay marriage.
n/t
In the U.S., why are liberals better racecar drivers than conservatives?
They only take left turns.
Using high powered gamma rays, creatures on Mars have established total mind control over Donald. And Hillary. And the liberal press. And the Alt-right.
Hey, all I know is what I read on Facebook.
(But it explains everything!)
At the men's bathroom of the local college...
... above the toilet paper dispenser was a piece of graffiti:
"Liberal Arts Degrees. Take One."
What is the definition of a Saint?
A dead liberal that is worshipped by living conservatives.
Liberals declared leukemia to be racist
There's too many white cells.
Today I change my major from law to liberal arts.
Psych.
Nearly 200,000 Californians evacuated due to Oroville Dam reaching a likely catastrophic failure. You may think this isn't the time to bring up politics however this is Trump's fault.
No man made structure was built to hold so many liberal tears.
I have a degree in Liberal Arts
Do you want fries with that?
Not sure why the left wants to punch nazis
You'd think they'd love a failed liberal arts student who blames all his problems on other races.
What did the stoner liberal say to the conservative?
Alt-right alt-right alt-right
Liberals are more generous than conservatives
Not only are they generous with their own money, they are also generous with other people's money!
(This is just a joke sorry)
Degrees
The graduate with a science degree asks,
'Why does it work?'
The graduate with an engineering degree asks,
'How does it work?'
The graduate with an accounting degree asks,
'How much will it cost?'
The graduate with a liberal arts degree asks,
'Do you want fries with that?'
Turning water into wine is so first century.
If Jesus wants my attention now, he'd do better turning my liberal arts degree into something useful.
What do you get when you give a Liberal a penny for their thoughts?
Change
UK ELECTIONS UPDATE
It's post election fever in the UK.
And the British ladies are more confused than ever!
They are Conservative in the day, Liberal at night and nine months later in Labour😂😂
Do something you love and never work a day in your life they said
So I got a liberal arts degree.
My wife is quite liberal. The other day she got really mad at me for holding the door for her.
Might have been because it was a revolving door, though.
If you're a liberal arts major, here's a tip
$5, and be glad it's 20%.
Why did the Republican hate his logic course?
Because Philosophy is considered a *liberal* art
Why do liberals hate apples?
Because they're not PC bro!
A man walks into a shop...
He sees three brains sitting on the table a regular brain, a republican brain and a liberal brain.
Buyer: how much is each brain?
The seller: the regular brain is 200 dollars the republican brain is 300 dollars
But this here the liberal brain is 15,000 dollars.
Buyer: Oh Lord why is the liberal brain so expensive?
Seller: well it's never been used before!
What's the difference between a liberal and a conservative?
One wants to kill in the first trimester and the other wants to kill in the hundred sixtith trimester.
A Socialist, a Communist, and a Liberal together at a table in a bar, what do you get?
An alt-right.
An elderly man had a massive stroke and his family drove him to the hospital.
After a while, the doctor appeared wearing a long face.
Doctor: I'm afraid Grandpa is brain-dead, but his heart is still beating.
"Oh dear God," cried his wife, we've never had a liberal in the family before!"
What is a liberals favorite part of a gun?
The trigger
I'm an aerospace engineer.
I'm an aerospace engineer. If I had a dollar for every time I heard "it IS rocket science..." it still wouldn't be as much as my salary. Take that liberal arts majors.
Why don't liberals like dentists?
Because dentists make teeth straight and white.
Liberal people support human rights and the idea that people with disabilities should have equal labor market opportunities.
Now there is a disabled guy in the White House and all they do is compalain about it.
I just saw a strip club across the street from a mini-golf place. Now, I'm pretty liberal, but I think that's taking it too far.
What if you're trying to enjoy a nice afternoon out with your family, but when you leave, your kids have to watch a bunch of losers playing mini-golf?
What's similar between a liberal and salt?
They both want to get rid of ice
What do you call a southern liberal?
A libery'all
I don't know why people say that no employer will be interested in your liberal arts degree.
I would love to hire someone who has clearly shown that they don't care at all about how much money they make.
How many liberals does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
None, because they turn left.
A Libertarian, a Republican, and a Liberal walk into a bar...
the bouncer asks for their IDs. The liberal says he identifies as a 21 year old so they should let him in, the republican hands the bouncer a bribe because the rules don't apply to him. The libertarian asks Do you have a warrant? .
Why do a lot of old people move to Florida?
Because they hate liberal snowflakes.
A man proudly sporting an I Love Trump pin passes a liberal man on the sidewalk. As he does so, he trips and falls.
Oh my god! Exclaims the liberal, Are you alt-right?
I was profoundly liberal before
I moved out and got a full-time job
whats the difference between rudolph the red nosed reindeer and a liberal?
rudolph can overcome adversity without any government assistance
What do you call a flatworm with a liberal arts degree?
An interdisci-planarian
If liberals are libtards...
Doesn't that make republicans just plain ole retards?
What's the difference between a gun and a whiny liberal?
A gun only has one trigger
Why did the liberal not want to talk to the socialist?
Because they are anti-social.
What does a graduate student with a science degree ask? "Why does it work?" What does a graduate student with an engineering degree ask? "How does it work?" What does a graduate student with an accounting degree ask? "How much will it cost?"
What does a graduate student with a liberal
arts degree ask? "you want fries with that?"
The drowning man
A conservative and a liberal are walking along the beach when they see a man drowning a hundred feet off shore.
The conservative throws him a 50-foot rope and shouts to the victim "You provide the other fifty feet." The liberal throws the man a 200-foot rope ... and lets go of both ends.
Why don't you put a post office next to a liberal arts college?
They'll always argue over the male agenda.
What is the difference between a philosophy major and a liberal arts major?
One will ask WHY you need fries with that!
My neighbors wife is very liberal
she kept saying 'More to the left! More to the left!'
I don't care what the liberal media says about the election. Come January, my national leader isn't going to change, and his name starts with T, R, and U.
It's Justin Trudeau. I'm Canadian.
Why are liberal politics so confusing?
In liberal politics, left is right and right is wrong
A young conservative man went on Reddit and pretended to be liberal to fit in.
It's been almost a year and his family still won't shut up about fraudulent upvotes.
My liberal friend asked me why we think owning gun is a God given right when noone in Bible had one.
I corrected him that Paul had epistle...
I pulled my kid out of pre-school because they were indoctrinating him into a socialist liberal mindset
Today, his teacher was teaching him how to share.
Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the liberal environmentalism jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become inappropriate.
We suggest to use only working liberal civil rights piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.