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Liberal Conservative Jokes

48 liberal conservative jokes and hilarious liberal conservative puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about liberal conservative that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Funniest Liberal Conservative Short Jokes

Short liberal conservative jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The liberal conservative humour may include short liberal jokes also.

  1. A liberal, a moderate, and a conservative walk into a bar... the bartender says 'hey, Mitt.'
  2. A liberal, a conservative and a libertarian walk in to a bar.
    Bartender says, what'll ya have Mitt?
  3. A liberal, a conservative and a moderate walk into a bar.
    The bartender says "Afternoon, Mitt! What can I get for you?"
  4. Political bar joke A liberal, conservative, and moderate walks into a bar.
    The hostess says "Hi, Mitt!"
  5. Why can't conservatives ever make good chili and barbeque? Because they have to be liberal with their spices.
  6. Liberals are more generous than conservatives Not only are they generous with their own money, they are also generous with other people's money!
    (This is just a joke sorry)
  7. What is the definition of a Saint? A dead liberal that is worshipped by living conservatives.
  8. A young conservative man went on Reddit and pretended to be liberal to fit in. It's been almost a year and his family still won't shut up about fraudulent upvotes.
  9. My conservative friends keep warning me that China has a PLAN But I don't see what the People's Liberation Army Navy has to do with anything.
  10. UK ELECTIONS UPDATE It's post election fever in the UK.
    And the British ladies are more confused than ever!
    They are Conservative in the day, Liberal at night and nine months later in Labour😂😂

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Liberal Conservative One Liners

Which liberal conservative one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with liberal conservative? I can suggest the ones about conservative and republican democrat.

  1. Why do conservatives disagree with liberals? Because they aren't right
  2. How do you turn a liberal into a conservative? Move them out of thier parents basement
  3. You know why I hate conservatives? They all make huge generalizations about liberals
  4. If conservatives have 4chan and liberals have tumblr, what do centrists have? A life.
  5. A liberal is just a conservative that hasn't been mugged yet.
  6. What did the liberal say to the conservative? You're racist
  7. Why are so many conservatives r**...? They refuse to apply sunblock liberally.
  8. What did the s**... liberal say to the conservative? Alt-right alt-right alt-right

Ridiculous Liberal Conservative Jokes to Spark Fun and Laughter

What funny jokes about liberal conservative you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean republican democratic jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make liberal conservative pranks.

I went into a Liberal clothing store today to purchase some pants.

When I started trying on a few pairs, I noticed that all the pockets except one were visibly removed. I stopped a clerk and ask him if anyone complained. He said "No, Liberals always want a hand out." I asked what happened to the other pockets. "They don't go to waste: Conservatives use them to line theirs."

A liberal is a conservative who's been arrested. A conservative is a liberal who's been mugged.

Once I was walking along the Golden Gate Bridge

Once I was walking along the Golden Gate Bridge and I saw this guy about to jump.
I said, "Don't jump."
He said, "Nobody loves me."
I said, "God loves you. Are you a Christian or a Jew?"
He said, "A Christian."
I said, "Me too! Protestant or Catholic?"
He said, "Protestant."
I said, "Me too! What denomination?"
He said, "Baptist."
I said, "Me too! Northern Baptist or Southern Baptist?"
He said, "Northern Baptist."
I said, "Me too! Northern Conservative Baptist or Northern Liberal Baptist?"
He said, "Northern Conservative Baptist."
I said, "Me too! Northern Conservative Baptist, Great Lakes Conference, or Northern Conservative Baptist, Eastern Conference?"
He said, "Northern Conservative Baptist, Great Lakes Conference."
I said, "Me too! Northern Conservative Baptist Great Lakes Conference, Council of 1879, or Northern Conservative Baptist Great Lakes Conference, Council of 1912."
He said, "Northern Conservative Baptist Great Lakes Conference, Council of 1912."
I said, "Die, heretic!" And I pushed him off.
--Emo Philips

Once I saw this guy on a bridge about to jump. I said, "Don't do it!"

Once I saw this guy on a bridge about to jump. I said, "Don't do it!"
He said, "Nobody loves me."
I said, "God loves you. Do you believe in God?"
He said, "Yes."
I said, "Are you a Christian or a Jew?"
He said, "A Christian."
I said, "Me, too! Protestant or Catholic?"
He said, "Protestant."
I said, "Me, too! What franchise?"
He said, "Baptist."
I said, "Me, too! Northern Baptist or Southern Baptist?"
He said, "Northern Baptist."
I said, "Me, too! Northern Conservative Baptist or Northern Liberal Baptist?"
He said, "Northern Conservative Baptist."
I said, "Me, too! Northern Conservative Baptist Great Lakes Region, or Northern Conservative Baptist Eastern Region?" He said, "Northern Conservative Baptist Great Lakes Region."
I said, "Me, too! Northern Conservative Baptist Great Lakes Region Council of 1879, or Northern Conservative Baptist Great Lakes Region Council of 1912?"
He said, "Northern Conservative Baptist Great Lakes Region Council of 1912."
I said, "Die, heretic!" And I pushed him over.
- Emo Philips

A conservative, a liberal and a moderate walk into a bar

The conservative orders a whisky, the liberal a white Russian. After a single sip of each they launch into a wild argument with each other.
The bartender turns and asks the moderate what he wants.
Replieth the moderate, "Nothing. I'm the one who has to drive them home."

A joke from my Philosophy textbook

The employer introduced himself to his new gardener.
"I am a professor of logic," the employer said.
"Oh. What's that?" the gardener asked.
"I shall give you a demonstration," announced the professor. "Do you own a wheelbarrow?"
"Yes," replied the gardener.
"Then I infer you are a hard worker," the professor continued. "And from that I infer you have a family. And from that I infer you are conscientious and responsible. And from that I infer you are a conservative. Am I right?"
"Wow!" exclaimed the gardener. "That's right! So that's logic?"
"That's logic," preened the professor.
Later the gardener met up with one of his buddies and told him he had a job with a professor of logic.
"Logic?" his friend asked. "What's that?"
"I'll show you," the gardener said. "Do you own a wheelbarrow?"
"No."
"s**... liberal."

If there are liberal arts colleges, why aren't there any conservative arts colleges?

Well, there used to be conservative arts colleges, but they were all defunded.

Conservatives' brains sell for less than liberals'

because conservatives' brains are used.

I just took a political stance quiz, and found out that I am 52% liberal and 48% conservative.

That's not the only part of me that leans slightly to the left.

In the U.S., why are liberals better racecar drivers than conservatives?

They only take left turns.

If a conservative is a republican and a liberal is a democrat, what is a moderate?

s**...

So a Man's VERY Liberal Neighbors Adopt a Young Child.

One day, the man goes to their house with a warming gift, and says to the little girl-
"What would you like to do when you grow up?" The child responds that she would like to help the homeless. So the man says-
"Alright, how about this. You mow my lawn a and ill give you $12. You can give that to a homeless man."
The Child thinks for a second, and says to the man-
"Why can't you get the homeless man to mow your lawn?" To which the man smirks, and replies-
"Welcome to the Conservative side."
-Sry i'm new this is my first and favorite joke so ya thx.

What's the difference between a liberal and a conservative?

One wants to kill in the first trimester and the other wants to kill in the hundred sixtith trimester.

I bought a gun as a conservative..

Then I shot myself with it as a liberal. #freedomofchoice

Liberals who watch Rupal Drag Race cannot make fun of conservatives for liking Nascar.

i**... drag racing or street racing can become as dangerous or even more dangerous than a Nascar pileup.

What do conservatives, republicans, liberals, and democrats all have in common?

They're all boring people for getting so involved in politics

What's the difference between a liberal and a conservative regarding immigration?

A liberal wants all i**... immigration, a conservative wants immigration all-i**....

Why don't conservatives use conditioner on their hair?

Because the bottle says Apply liberally

I have no idea why liberals think a video of Ocasio-Cortez dancing angers the conservatives

She lives in the USA, not some repressed muslim s**....

Conservatives believe good government is X + Y. Liberals believe it's X + Z.

Which is why Liberals call every conservative a "Not Z"

A conservative cardiovascular surgeon walked out of the OR today.

"I'm sick and tired of these bleeding heart liberals!" He proclaimed. The patient promptly died.

The drowning man

A conservative and a liberal are walking along the beach when they see a man drowning a hundred feet off shore.
The conservative throws him a 50-foot rope and shouts to the victim "You provide the other fifty feet." The liberal throws the man a 200-foot rope ... and lets go of both ends.

Why are conservatives known as r**...?

They don't use sunscreen because the bottle says to apply liberally.