Comical Level Jokes to Spread Joy and Laughter
When a girl changes her clothes in front of you, she's either really interested or you're level 99 friend-zoned
Or she hasn't spotted you in the tree yet
What do you call a Jew with the pH level of 1?
Hacidic!
The Great Writer
There was once a young man who, in his youth, professed his desire to become a great writer.
When asked to define great, he said, "I want to write stuff that the whole world will read, stuff that people will react to on a truly emotional level, stuff that will make them scream, cry, howl in pain and anger!"
He now works for Microsoft writing error messages.
I wanted to take a grad level Psych class on Freud, in my sophomore year.
But the professor wouldn't let me. She said I was too Jung
Just some jokes about musicians.
How do you know the stage at a concert is level?
Drool is coming out of both sides of the drummers mouth.
What do you call a drummer with no girlfriend?
Homeless.
What do floutists eat for breakfast?
Flute loops.
How do you tune three oboeists?
Shoot 2 of them.
How many flute players does it take to change a light bulb?
One, they stand on the ladder holding the bulb in the socket and wait for the world to revolve around them.
A Levels
Despite my A Level results being A B B A, it still seems no employer will Take a Chance On Me.
How does a band know if the stage is level?
When drool is coming out of both sides of the drummer's mouth.
Wittle Wabbit
little girl walks into a pet shop and asks in the sweetest little lisp: "Excuthe me, mithter, do you keep wittle wabbits?"
And the shopkeeper gets down on his knees, so that he's on her level, and asks: "Do you want a wittle white wabby or a soft and fuwwy bwack wabby or maybe one like that cute wittle bwown wabby over there?"
The little girl puts her hands on her knees, leans forward and says in a quiet voice: "I don't fink my pyfon really giveths a thit."
Why did the sailor ground his son?
His grades were below sea level
^^im ^^so ^^sorry
I've heard that students in Death Valley get terrible grades.
They never get above C level.
BIG fight
Me and the wife had a big fight,she told me to leave the house. To spite her I went upstairs and packed my bags. As I was walking down the stairs, a suitcase in each hand, I see she's waiting for me at the foot of the stairs. When we're at eye level, she says to me. 'I hope you die a slow and painful death.' Looking into her eyes, I reply, "So, now you want me to stay?'
You can explore level higher reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean level multilevel dad jokes. There are also level puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
Tour guide in the mountain
A guide was leading a group of people on a hike through some mountains. He pointed at a fairly majestic looking peak and said "This one is most popular with mountain climbers. Most days you have a few teams doing a climb. The ascent, depending on your skill level can take between two and five hours. The descent, again depending on your skill level, takes anywhere between 4 hours and 30 seconds."
Clever Insult joke
If I wanted to kill myself, I would climb up to your ego and jump down to your IQ level.
An aspiring writer once said, I want to write stuff that the whole world will read, stuff that people will react to on a truly emotional level, stuff that will make them scream, cry, howl in pain and anger!
He now writes error messages for the Microsoft Corporation.
When girls change their clothes in front of you...
When girls change their clothes in front of you, she either really wants the D, you're in friend zone level 99 or..
she hasn't noticed you in the tree yet.
A little girl walked into a pet shop and asked in the sweetest lisp: "Excuthe me, mithter, do you keep widdle wabbits?"
As the shop keeper's heart melted, he got down on his knees to her level, asking: "Do you want a widdle white wabbit, or a thoft and fuwwwy bwack wabbit, or maybe one like this cute widdle bwown wabbit over here?"
The little girl leaned forward and said: "I don't fink my pet python weally gives a thit."
Sometimes I want to make a joke about short people
But I don't want to stoop to their level.
How can you tell when the stage is level?
The drummer is drooling equally from both sides of his mouth.
Sugar
A blonde would wake up every morning, go into the kitchen, carefully open the lid of the sugar container, look into it and then close it.
This made her new boyfriend very curious. So one day he asked her why she did that. She replied, "My doctor asked me to check my sugar level every day."
My doctor said my blood sodium level is apparently too high
but I take everything with a grain of salt.
Well done Turkey on shooting down a Russian warplane.
Now proceed to level two where you have to destroy fifty Russian warplanes and fight off an invading ground force.
What do all failing students in New Orleans have in common?
They are all below "C level".
I don't know why people are afraid of flying
Most crashes happen at ground level
At university, students had to come up with a sentence in which the words "love" and "s**..." both appeared
A female student's composition:
'When two people deeply and passionately love each other, and both reach a high level of mutual respect, then society morally and spiritually encourages that these two people should unite in the ecstasy of physical s**....'
A male student's composition:
'I love s**....'
My 8 year old sister's joke: There were 12 fish in a pond. One of the dies. Why did the water level in the pond rise?
-Because the other fish were crying.
Political correctness has reached the level of absurdity
For example, we can't say brown paint. Instead we should say "please paint that wall, Jose"
I think I'm failing my marine biology class
My grade is below C level.
A boy comes home from school and gives his mother his report card.
"Why is this wet?" she asks. "Because it's below C level."
My neighbors dog barks unbelievably loud...
... so I asked him to train his dog to bark at a more believable level.
Take her down to 3000 feet below sea level...
...oops, wrong sub.
In just 24 hours, my level in English has increased dramatically.
I understood almost all words from the presidential press conference.
Why do pythons live on land?
Because it's above C level.
DIVING WITHOUT EQUIPMENT
Twenty feet below sea level, a diver notices another guy at the same depth with no scuba gear.
The diver goes down another 10 feet, and the guy joins him a minute later. The diver goes below 15 more feet, and a minute later, the same guy joins him.
The diver takes out a waterproof pad and pencil and writes, "How are you able to stay this deep without equipment?"
The guy takes the pencil and pad and writes, "I'm drowning, you m**...!"
HR pulled me into the office today for a disciplinary.
"We need to talk to you about your inappropriate s**... remarks made to Sarah."
"Why, what level of inappropriateness did she say I done?"
"Harass..."
"Yes, it is cute and I would e**... dinner off it. But what level of inappropriateness did she say I done?"
Why shouldnt you have s**... with your cousin in a moving elevator?
Because its wrong on every level
I signed up for binary 101
but it turns out it's a level 5 course
I was looking for a Dating Simulator on Steam.
It said "Sorry, no matches found."
The level of realism is incredible.
Dad joke level grandpa: Why are the first 25 letters of the alphabet fascist?
Because they're not-z's.
Highest level of confidence: walking around n**... alone in my apartment.
Lowest level of confidence: being caught walking around n**... in my apartment.
Why did the kid drown in school?
He got below C level grades.
Why couldn't the A level student date the IB student?
Because a + ib is complex.
(It's a math joke.)
Did you know Nebraska has the highest level of depression and extra-marital activity?
It's a sad state of affairs.
Cr
I'm 24 and she's 13. She wants me - what do I do?
I've been playing an online game with a woman. I'm up to level 24, but she's only on level 13. She really wants me in her clan to help her level, but I cant find the heart to tell her that she's only going to hold me back from leveling up myself.
How Many Aerospace Engineers Does It Take To Change A Lightbulb?
Although the exact number is a closely held state secret requiring level 5 security clearance, I can assure you, that for $50,000, it *can* be done.
How does one become a level 99 stripper?
A lot of grinding.
A little girl walks into a pet shop
A little girl walks into a pet shop and asks in the sweetest little lisp, "Excuthe me, mithter, do you keep wittle wabbits?"
The shopkeeper bends down to her level, smiling, "Do you want a wittle white wabby or a soft and fuwwy bwack wabby, or maybe one like that cute wittle bwown wabby over there?"
The little girl leans forward and whispers, "I don't fink my pyfon really giveths a thit."
I know a guy who takes denial to the next level.
He doesn't believe in stairs.
Entry level position available!
3 years forklift experience required
5 years general labour required
Class 5 drivers license required
2 years kitchen experience required
4 years retail services required
2 years hospitality services required
4 years janitorial services required
3 years business degree preferred
5 years relevant experience required
$11 an hour to start(with 20¢ raise for every year of employment)
.
.
.
.
That's it. The joke is the current hiring system of the world.
Why are fish poorly educated?
All the schools are below C level.
Why can't fish pass high school?
They're all below C level.
What is the mathematical formula for the sound of a front door closing?
It's the base decibel level raised to the power of n. The exponent n represents the number of hours ago you told your wife you'd be home.
I applied to be a doorman but didn't get the job due to lack of experience!!!!
That surprised me, i thought it was an entry level position. :(
Why do fish do bad in school?
They are below the C level
My 3 year old daughter asked
My 3 year old daughter asked: Where does p**... come from?
I decided it was best to explain it at a level she would understand so I said: You just had breakfast?
Yes , she replied.
Well, the food goes in your mouth down into your tummy. Our body takes all the good stuff it needs out of the food and then what's left goes down to your bottom and when you go to the toilet that comes out as p**....
She looked confused and stared at me in stunned silence for a few seconds. Then asked: And Tigger?
My friend, Pandora, wants to "take our friendship to the next level"
I said I'm not really ready to open that box.
Say what you will about Darth Vader
But his sister Ella really takes things to another level.
I maintain my car with the same level of diligence and care that I would maintain an aircraft.
Which is why they won't let me maintain aircraft.
What happens when you p**... in an elevator?
You take that s**... to another level.
At work I put my desk in the elevator
This should take my career to a whole new level
I signed up for Binary 101 this semester and I'm failing in all the exams.
Turns out it is a level 5 course.
Two monks werewere discussing humility.
"I have been praying and fasting, meditating and studying religion for 20 years. I have finally reached the level of humility. I am truly a nothing." said one monk.
The other monk nodded gravely. "I too have spent my life devoted to serving God. I am also a nothing."
At that moment a janitor passed, holding his mop. Overhearing the conversation, and feeling quite spiritual, he interrupted. "You know what, i am also a nothing."
The monks looked away in disgust. "Who the h**... does he think he is to be a nothing???"
Why is getting high in Netherlands is allowed ?
So that they can be level with rest of the world.
Gesundheit
What are you called when you reach the highest power level sneeze ever?
You're a Peak-Achoo.
I'll see myself out...
The Corporate Ladder
A recent study in USA have found an interesting relationship between a man social status and the sport he watches
1. The sport of choice for the urban poor is BASKETBALL
2. The sport of choice for maintenance level employee is BOWLING
3. The sport of choice for front line workers is American FOOTBALL
4. The sport of choice for supervisors is BASEBALL
5. The sport of Choice for middle management is TENNIS
6. the sport of Choice for corporate Officers is GOLF
CONCLUSION: The Higher you are in the corporate structure, the smaller your b**... become
What does it mean when a r**...'s baby drools out of both sides of its mouth?
The trailer is level.
A man defecated in an elevator
He took s**... to another level
Why did the man use π for a pain scale from 1-10?
Because it was low level, but never ending!
A guy named Bob dies and goes to h**...
Before him stands the Devil.
"Hello, Bob. Welcome to h**..." the Devil says. "Now there are seven levels of h**... and since your only sin was cheating on a science test in third grade, you'll be moved to level 1"
"Okay, that doesn't sound so bad" Says Bob
"Level 1 is the hottest level because heat rises. You would know that if you studied for your science test, Bob"
Aspirations
A young boy one day decided to make his desire to become a big writer.
"I want to write things that the people will read all around the world, something that the people will react with a very high emotional level such as scream, cry, get mad and make them suffer" He said.
Now he works at Microsoft and he writes error messages.
On a scale from 1-10 my pain seems to always be Pi
It may be a low level but it goes on forever
Why don't Scuba Divers make good grades?
They are always below C level.
My wife, an FBI agent, left me because I'm a low level UPS dockworker. Soon enough, though...
She'll be my FedEx.
I pooped in an elevator.
I guess you can say I took that s**... to another level.
A cute little girl walks into a pet store and asks in the sweetest little lisp, "Excuthe me, mithter, do you keep widdle wabbits?"
As the shopkeeper's heart melts, he gets down on his knees, so that he's on her level, and asks, "Do you want a widdle white wabby or a thoft and fuwwy bwack wabby or maybe one like that cute widdle bwown wabby over there?"
She, in turn blushes, rocks on her heels, puts her hands on her knees, leans forward and says in a quiet voice, "I don't fink my pet python weally gives a thit."
[REAL] My son has moved up a level in swim class
Up until this point he's been swimming with me or Mom during class. This is the first level where he swims independently with a teacher. My wife was nervous about it, but I said:
"Don't worry, I'm sure it will go swimmingly."
Rode that high for a day or two.
I know a man who is so good at taxidermy, the level of detail is incredible and he really brings the animal to life, especially deer...
That's why he makes the big bucks.
Why was the report card wet?
Because the grades were below C level
It's not true that air travel has become a circus.
Circuses may feature the same level of animal cruelty, sadness and clowns as air travel, but circuses actually start on time.
Guess what my grades and whales have in common?
They rarely rise above "C" level. ᴴᵉˡᵖ
I signed up for Binary 101, but failed it miserably.
I had no idea it was a Level 5 course.
Diving
One day a diver was enjoying the aquatic world 20 ft below sea level. He noticed a guy at the same depth he was, but he was not wearing a scuba gear.
The diver went below another 20 ft but the guy joined him a few minutes later.
The diver went below 25 ft, but minutes later, the same guy joined him.
This confused the diver, so he took out a waterproof chalk-and-board set, and wrote, "How the h**... are you able to stay under this deep without equipment?"
The guy took the board and chalk, erased what the diver had written, and wrote, "I'M DROWNING s**...".
How do you tell if a stage is level?
There's drool coming from both sides of the drummer's mouth.
I'll never forget that time I took a dump in an elevator.
I took that s**... to a whole new level.
My son handed me his report card and I asked him, Why is this wet?
He said, My grades are below C level.
The new Australian short-sleeved, marsupial shirts are REALLY good! In fact, you could say they have a high level of…..
Koala-t
Why did the sailor ground his son?
Because his grades were below sea level
