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Lettuce Tomato Jokes

49 lettuce tomato jokes and hilarious lettuce tomato puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about lettuce tomato that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Funniest Lettuce Tomato Short Jokes

Short lettuce tomato jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The lettuce tomato humour may include short tomato jokes also.

  1. Who won the race? Who won the race? The lettuce, the tomato or the faucet?
    The lettuce was a head, the faucet was still running and the tomato was trying to ketchup.
  2. Did you hear about the race between the lettuce and the tomato? The lettuce was a head and the tomato was trying to ketchup.
  3. Vegetables What did the cucumber say to the cabbage when they got kidnapped by the tomato?
    Lettuce go
  4. Why do bacon lettuce and tomatoes have the lowest IQ out of all the foods? Because they're in-bred!
  5. Put some lettuce, sliced tomatoes, cucumber in front of a chicken, what does it see? The chicken sees a salad!
  6. I always thought LGBT means Lettuce Ginger Bacon and Tomato... Until my smart friend told me that G stands for Guacamole
  7. I saw a cockerel in a store looking at the tomatoes, cucumbers and lettuce... I knew what it was - it was a chicken Caesar salad. (chicken sees a salad).
  8. TIFU by buying the Bacon lettuce tomato rather than the veggie delight for my vegetarian sister. It was the wrong sub.
  9. In my family, we make a sandwich with Lettuce, Guac, Bacon and Tomato We call it the "over the rainbow"
  10. A race between tomato, lettuce, and tap faucet Tomato, lettuce, and tap faucet were having a race. The lettuce was a head, the faucet was running, and the tomato was trying to ketchup.

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Lettuce Tomato One Liners

Which lettuce tomato one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with lettuce tomato? I can suggest the ones about tomato plant and tomato sauce.

  1. Lettuce, tomato, onion, green peppers... Wrong sub.
  2. When does a sandwich cook? When it's bakin' lettuce and tomato
  3. Social Justice Warriors Favorite Sandwich: Lettuce, Guacamole, Bacon and Tomato
  4. I learned what LGBT stands for! Lettuce Guacamole Bacon Tomato
  5. My top 5 favourite vegetables 1. Tomato
    2. Lettuce
  6. The Tomato Pastor began his sermon to the Salad Congregation "Lettuce pray"
  7. I just found out what the LGBTQ stands for Lettuce, Garlic, Bacon, Tomato, quesadilla
  8. What did the slice of bacon say to the tomato? Lettuce be together now!
  9. What does the tomato say to the salad Lettuce in
  10. What did Bacon say to Tomato? Lettuce get together!
  11. What's a rapper's favorite sandwich? Bacon, Lettuce, Avocado, Tomato
  12. I am a hero. With lettuce, tomato, turkey, ham, salami, oregano, oil & vinegar.
  13. What do you call a Bacon Lettuce Tomato sandwich at a gay pride parade? An LGBLT

Amusing & Witty Lettuce Tomato Jokes for Laughter-Filled Fun

What funny jokes about lettuce tomato you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean tomato ketchup jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make lettuce tomato pranks.

One night a man and woman went to his house to have s**... when he stopped her to say "I still live with my parents and me and my brother share bunk beds so if you want to change positions say "lettuce" and if you want to go faster say "tomatos"
So they were getting it on and she was screaming "lettuce, lettuce, tomatos, lettuce, tomatos, tomatos"
Suddenly the younger brother (on the bottom bunk) said
"Could you stop making sandwiches your getting mayonase on me"!

So a girl is stuck babysitting her little brother...

When she finally gets him to bed on the bottom bunk of his bunk-bed, she decides to invite her boyfriend over so that they can have a little fun together. To avoid her parents walking in on her, she takes her boyfriend and they get up on the top bunk of her little brothers bed, being careful to not wake him up. She says to her boyfriend
"I don't want my brother to hear us saying anything that may be inappropriate so when I want you to go faster I'll say 'lettuce' and when I want you to go slower I'll say 'tomato'"
So they're going at it-
"LETTUCE! TOMATO" LETTUCE LETTUCE LETTUCE! TOMATO LETTUCE"
When her little brother wakes up and says,
"HEY! Can you guys STOP! You're getting mayonnaise all over me!"

Camping!

John and his girlfriend were going to go camping for the week. On his way out of the the door, John's little brother yelled, "wait for me!" John told his brother to go back inside, but his girlfriend insisted on taking him. John turned to his brother and said, "OK, but we get top bunk when we get to the cabin." His little brother agreed and they left for the campground.
When night came John, his girlfriend and his little brother went to bed. While in bed John turned to his girlfriend and said, "I'm in the mood, do u want to do it?" his girlfriend replied "your little brother is right under us, he will hear us!" John than tells her "I have an idea, when you want me to go faster, say lettuce. And when you want me to go slower, say tomato." She agreed and started doing the dirty deed. All night night John's little brother kept hearing "lettuce, lettuce, tomato, lettuce, tomato, tomato, lettuce, lettuce!" After an hour John;s brother jumps up and screams "GUYS STOP MAKING SANDWICHES, YOU'RE GETTING MAYONNAISE ALL OVER ME!"

A boy takes his girlfriend to his room to have s**..., while his little brother is sleeping on the bottom bunk

They climb up to the top bunk.
The boy turns to the girl and says "Okay, in case my brother wakes up, we'll use codewords say 'tomato' if you want me to go faster and 'lettuce' to change position."
She agrees, and they start having s**.... At first, the girl whispers "lettuce, tomato, lettuce, tomato".
Five minutes in, she is getting louder, almost screaming "lettuce, tomato!!"
Suddenly, the little brother wakes up, and shouts "Can you guys stop making sandwiches up there?! You're getting mayonnaise all over my bed!"

Making a sandwhich

So one day a family are checking into a hotel. There is a lack of rooms so they have to make do with one with a bunkbed. The mum and dad are on the top bunk and their son, the bottom
So late at night, the son wakes up to his parents saying things. They had code words for s**... and the mum said tomato for faster and lettuce for slower. Eventually the boy shouts up to his parents
"mum dad, stop making sandwichs, you're getting mayonnaise all over me"^(I'm Sorry)

My dad's favorite joke

Two men go out to lunch. One man orders a BLT, but the waitress says "We're out of BLTs." The man contends they cannot be out of BLTs, and asks whether they have bacon. The waitress answers in the affirmative. The man asks whether they have tomatoes. Again, the waitress answers "yes." The man asks whether they have lettuce, and the waitress states they are indeed out of lettuce. The man asks whether he can have cabbage instead of lettuce, and the waitress agrees to arrange for this.
When the food arrives, the man who ordered the BLT begins to dissect the sandwich. He wipes the mayonnaise off the bread and wipes it on the side of the plate. He sets the tomatoes aside, and crumbles the bacon and puts it on top of the tomatoes. He then begins rolling up the cabbage and stuffing it into his ear. His friend is confused and embarrassed, and asks the man to stop, saying "Why are you doing that with the cabbage?"
The man answers: "Because they were out of lettuce."

Sandwich making

Two brothers shared a bedroom, bunk beds. The older brother had the top bunk. He wanted to bring his girlfriend over to spend the night. He tells his girlfriend if she wants it faster say lettuce, harder say tomato.
The younger brother wakes up hearing, "lettuce, tomato, lettuce, lettuce, tomato." He yells up to his older brother and says, "I know you guys are making sandwiches up there but can you stop dropping the mayo!"

One of everything.

A man walks into a grocery store and grabs a shopping cart. He grabs one egg, one tomato, one head of lettuce, one steak, one banana, one apple, and one of everything else in the store.
He walks up to the counter and starts putting his items on the belt. After the cashier gives him a weird look, she says, "You must be single."
He says, "I am. How did you know?"
She says, "Because you're extremely ugly."

Lettuce Tomato

A teenage couple was at the boys house and wanted to have relations. The only problem was, they were sleeping on the top of a bunk bed with the boys little brother asleep on the bottom bunk. They came up with a plan, they would say "tomato" for harder and "lettuce" for softer while having s**....
So as they are doing the deed and the girl is saying "Lettuce! Tomato! Lettuce! Tomato!" Then the younger brother says, "Hey, can you two stop making sandwiches? I just got mayonnaise on my face."

Asked my dad what LGBT stands for

He started with "Lettuce? Bacon. Tomato. What's the 'g' for?"
Obviously I had to reply with "Garnish".
[True story. My dad is not an idiot either, totally normal human.]

A guy takes a girl back to his parents house to have s**......

The only problem is, he shares a bunk-bed with his younger brother. Reluctantly, they decide to proceed -- but he gives her the code words "lettuce" for faster, and "tomato" for slower.
As the two get into it, the boy hears "lettuce! tomato! lettuce! tomato!" coming from the top bunk. He yells out, "Guys! Stop making sandwiches, the mayo is getting all over me!"

A girl says to her boyfriend, "hey, s**... at my place?"

her boyfriend agrees but the girl explains that she sleeps on a top bunk with her 5 year old brother on the bottom bunk, so they have to use code words and pretend that they are making sandwiches. she says, "tomato equals harder, and lettuce means faster."
LATER THAT NIGHT: "OH TOMATO LETTUCE TOMATO TOMATO OOH!!!"
then they heard the girls little brother wake up and say, "hey guys, please stop making sandwiches, you guys are getting so much mayo on my bed!"

I invented a new burger today. I call it the "i**... alien"

It's got lettuce and tomato on top, with jalapeno peppers and hot sauce hiding underneath.
Served with a free side of ICE.