Lettuce Know Jokes
23 lettuce know jokes and hilarious lettuce know puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about lettuce know that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Funniest Lettuce Know Short Jokes
Short lettuce know jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The lettuce know humour may include short lettuce jokes also.
- My Wife lost our dog last night whilst making a Salad If anybody Ceasar Please Lettuce Know.. Thanks..
- I just read Jared Fogle was assaulted in prison He was also a-peppered and covered in lettuce. Don't know if the story has any meat to it.
- Hi I'm with the salad police. If you happen to see or hear any suspicious activity regarding renegade vegetables in your local area Please lettuce know
- How do you know your neighbor is an anti-vaxxer? They still have romaine lettuce in their fridge.
- Do know what a honeymoon salad is? Lettuce alone and no dressing.
Picked from the Stephen Colbert show.
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Lettuce Know One Liners
Which lettuce know one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with lettuce know? I can suggest the ones about lettuce pray and lice.
- We are in search of fresh vegetable puns. Please lettuce know
- Did you know that a variety of lettuce sank the titanic? I thought it sank just cos.
- Vegetables for sale Lettuce know if you need some
- Do you know why Caesar put lettuce in his salad? Oh, just cos.
Lettuce Know Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.
What funny jokes about lettuce know you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean lettuce bacon jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make lettuce know pranks.
One of everything.
A man walks into a grocery store and grabs a shopping cart. He grabs one egg, one tomato, one head of lettuce, one steak, one banana, one apple, and one of everything else in the store.
He walks up to the counter and starts putting his items on the belt. After the cashier gives him a weird look, she says, "You must be single."
He says, "I am. How did you know?"
She says, "Because you're extremely ugly."
Sandwich making
Two brothers shared a bedroom, bunk beds. The older brother had the top bunk. He wanted to bring his girlfriend over to spend the night. He tells his girlfriend if she wants it faster say lettuce, harder say tomato.
The younger brother wakes up hearing, "lettuce, tomato, lettuce, lettuce, tomato." He yells up to his older brother and says, "I know you guys are making sandwiches up there but can you stop dropping the mayo!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A woman is putting her grocery items on the conveyor belt...
A woman is putting her items on the conveyor belt and the clerk sees, a carton of eggs, a gallon of milk, and a head of lettuce. The clerk looks at all of the items and says to the woman, "You must be single." The woman, shocked, says "Yes! How do you know this?" The clerk replies with
"It's because you're ugly"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I know that this t**... lettuce scare has everyone worried. But please, everyone...
Try to romaine calm.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Does anyone know any funny names for w**...?
Something like l**...'s Light Up, Beelzebubs Broccoli, Satans Cigarette, Devils Lettuce, Wacky Tabacky, Giggle Bush. You know like that.
You must be single...
A woman was shopping at her local supermarket where she selected:
a half-gallon of 2% milk, a carton of eggs, a quart of orange juice, a head of romaine lettuce, a 2 lb. can of coffee, and a 1 lb. package of bacon.
As she was unloading her items onto the conveyor belt to check out, a drunk standing behind her was watching.
While the cashier was ringing up her purchases, the drunk calmly stated, "You must be single."
The woman was a bit startled by this proclamation, but she was intrigued by the derelict's intuition, since she was indeed single. She looked at her six items on the belt and saw nothing particularly unusual about her selections that could have tipped of the drunk to her marital status. Curiosity getting the better of her, she said, "Well, you know what, you're absolutely correct. But how on Earth did you know that?"
The drunk replied, "'Cuz you're ugly."
A woman was shopping at her local supermarket.
A woman was shopping at her local supermarket where she selected a half-gallon of 2% milk, a carton of eggs, a quart of orange juice, a head of romaine lettuce, a 2 lb. can of coffee, and a 1 lb. package of bacon.
As she was unloading her items onto the conveyor belt to check out, a drunk standing behind her was watching.
While the cashier was ringing up her purchases, the drunk calmly stated, "You must be single."
The woman was a bit startled by this proclamation, but she was intrigued by the derelict's intuition, since she was indeed single. She looked at her six items on the belt and saw nothing particularly unusual about her selections that could have tipped of the drunk to her marital status. Curiosity getting the better of her, she said, "Well, you know what, you're absolutely correct. But how on Earth did you know that?"
The drunk replied, "'Cuz you're ugly"
A woman shopping at her local mart where....................
................................she selected:
a half-gallon of 2% milk
a carton of eggs
a quart of orange juice
a head of romaine lettuce
a 2 lb. can of coffee
a 1 lb. package of bacon
As she was unloading her items onto the conveyor belt to check out, a drunk standing behind her was watching.
While the cashier was ringing up her purchases, the drunk calmly stated, "You must be single."
The woman was a bit startled by this proclamation, but she was intrigued by the derelict's intuition, since she was indeed single. She looked at her six items on the belt and saw nothing particularly unusual about her selections that could have tipped of the drunk to her marital status. Curiosity getting the better of her, she said, "Well, you know what, you're absolutely correct. But how on Earth did you know that?"
The drunk replied, "'Cuz you're ugly"
Never question a drunk!
A 37 year old woman at the super market says: NEVER, EVER, QUESTION A DRUNK . . . . I was shopping at the local supermarket where I selected:
A half-gallon of 2% milk
A carton of eggs
A quart of orange juice
A head of lettuce
A 2 lb. Can of coffee
A 1 lb. Package of bacon
As I was unloading my items on the conveyor belt to check out, a drunk standing behind me watched as I placed the items in front of the cashier. While the cashier was ringing up the purchases, the drunk calmly stated -- 'You must be single.'
I was a bit startled by this proclamation, but I was intrigued by the derelict's intuition, since I indeed had never found "Mr. Right." I looked at the six items on the belt and saw nothing particularly unusual about my selections that could have tipped off the drunk to my marital status.....
Curiosity getting the better of me, I said -- 'Yes you are correct. But how on earth did you know that?'
The drunk replied -- 'Cause you're ugly'.
A prisoner in jail receives a letter from his wife: "Dear husband, I have decided to plant some lettuce in the back garden. When is the best time to plant them?"
The prisoner, knowing that the prison guards read all mail, replies in a letter: "Dear wife, whatever you do, do not touch the back garden. That is where I hid all the money."
A week or so later, he receives another letter from his wife. "Dear husband, you wouldn't believe what happened. Some men came with shovels to the house and dug up the back garden."
The prisoner writes back: "Dear wife, now is the best time to plant the lettuce."