The Best 82 Lettuce Jokes

Following is our collection of Lettuce jokes which are very funny. There are some lettuce leeks jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud. Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these lettuce slaw puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Why was the lettuce embarrassed?

It saw the salad dressing.

What did the garden say when he liked the music?

LETTUCE. TURNIP. THE BEET!

What do you do with epileptic lettuce?

You make a seizure salad.

What did the salad say before being eaten

Lettuce go.

What did the carrot say to the DJ?

Lettuce Turnip The Beet


That rabbi's gone crazy! He's been running around a circumcising all kinds of lettuce...

and that's just the tip of the iceberg.

Welcome to the Church of the Holy Cabbage.

Lettuce pray.

Could not decide how much lettuce to buy, until I got a second opinion

two heads are better than one.

What did the veggies say, as they sat down for supper?

"Lettuce, pray."

Vegetables

What did the cucumber say to the cabbage when they got kidnapped by the tomato?

Lettuce go

What do you call a Mexican crossed with an octopus?

I don't know, but it sure can pick lettuce.

Top Lettuce Puns and Funny Jokes

You can explore lettuce salad reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean lettuce tomatoes dad jokes. There are also lettuce puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


I couldn't decide how much lettuce to buy

Until someone helped me think it through. Turns out, two heads are better than one.

(OC) one I thought up this morning

What did the vegetarian lion say before going hunting?

"Lettuce prey"

So a woman is at a supermarket...

She is loading all her items on the conveyer belt for the chasier to scan.

Her items are; A litre of milk, a carton of eggs, and a head of lettuce.

The cashier looks at her and says, "Are you single?"

The customer, shocked at her assumption says, "Yes, I am. How did you know?"

The cashier says, "Because you're ugly."

A woman goes to a supermarket

A woman goes to a supermarket. After gathering her items, she goes to the checkout counter.
The cashier looks at the items she bought: a jug of milk, a carton of eggs, & a head of lettuce
The cashier says "You must be single"
The woman says "Oh my god, how did you know?"
The cashier responds:
"Because you're ugly."

What do you call a Chicken with lettuce on its eyes?

Chicken Caesar salad.

A guy goes to the doctor with a pain in his rear end

The doctor has a look and says, "This is could be serious, you seem to have a lettuce leaf stuck in there. I can remove it easily enough, but it may just be the tip of the iceberg."

I just got fired from the grocery store for being too violent...

...all I did was put out a sign that said, "take lettuce from top of pile or heads will roll!"

What did the vegetables say at the garden party?

Lettuce turnip the beet


Lettuce, tomato, onion, green peppers...

Wrong sub.

Did you hear about the race between the lettuce and the tomato?

The lettuce was a head and the tomato was trying to ketchup.

You must be single.

A woman is at a grocery store. She goes to the clerk to purchase her groceries. The clerk looks at her items and sees a carton of eggs, a gallon of milk, and a head of lettuce. He says to the woman, "You must be single." The woman was surprised & replies, "Yes, how did you know?" The clerk answers, "Because you're ugly."

What did the fruit say to the vegetable?

Lettuce be grape friends.

Sandwich making

Two brothers shared a bedroom, bunk beds. The older brother had the top bunk. He wanted to bring his girlfriend over to spend the night. He tells his girlfriend if she wants it faster say lettuce, harder say tomato.

The younger brother wakes up hearing, "lettuce, tomato, lettuce, lettuce, tomato." He yells up to his older brother and says, "I know you guys are making sandwiches up there but can you stop dropping the mayo!"

I went to the doctors with a lettuce just poking out of my bottom...

The doctor asked why I was so concerned. I replied, I think it's just the tip of the iceberg

What was the vegan rock band's first hit?

Lettuce turnip the beet!

What did the Priest say to the Church of Vegetables?

Lettuce pray.

What did the priest say before eating his salad?

"Lettuce pray"

What do you call an epileptic in a lettuce patch?

Seizure salad

What did the farmer say about his missing vegetables?

Lettuce pray they turnip.

I ordered the Club Salad for lunch..

I asked waitress "What all comes in the club salad?"

She said "Lettuce, turnip, the beat"

What do you call a Chicken staring at lettuce?

Chicken Caesar Salad

One of everything.

A man walks into a grocery store and grabs a shopping cart. He grabs one egg, one tomato, one head of lettuce, one steak, one banana, one apple, and one of everything else in the store.

He walks up to the counter and starts putting his items on the belt. After the cashier gives him a weird look, she says, "You must be single."

He says, "I am. How did you know?"

She says, "Because you're extremely ugly."

A vegan invited my friends and I to a vegan restaurant....

the food really lettuce down.

What do you call a chicken staring intently at a piece of lettuce?

A chicken ceaser salad.

I'll have an Italian BMT on Cheddar bread with everything but lettuce. A squirt of mayo and yellow mustard too please.

Oops. Wrong sub.

They say two heads are better than one

But sometimes I just don't need that much lettuce.

What do you call a chicken looking at lettuce?

Chicken sees a salad.

What did the fruit say to the vegetable, at dinner?

Lettuce Pray

Asked my dad what LGBT stands for

He started with "Lettuce? Bacon. Tomato. What's the 'g' for?"
Obviously I had to reply with "Garnish".

[True story. My dad is not an idiot either, totally normal human.]

What did the D.J. say to the Vegetable Farmer?

Lettuce turnip the beet.

I learned what LGBT stands for!

Lettuce Guacamole Bacon Tomato

Attention everyone: there is a national lettuce shortage

everyone please romaine calm

A woman goes to the doctors with a piece of lettuce sticking out the top of her underwear

The doctor says "that looks nasty", the woman replies "that's just the tip of the iceberg"

A vegetable joke:

One day, Mr. Lettuce and Ms. Kale got into a fight over who wears green better. Ms. Kale looks at Mr. Lettuce and says, "I will kale you" and Mr. Lettuce says, "Lettuce fight"

Why did the chicken stare at a piece of lettuce?

Because chicken sees a salad.

When does a sandwich cook?

When it's bakin' lettuce and tomato

A waiter says to a customer "Excuse me, miss, but you appear to have some lettuce stuck in your pants."

"That's just the tip of the iceberg." She replies.

I'm epileptic. My friend dumped a bunch of lettuce on me.

I am now a seizure salad.

My family was being held captive by a salad

It wouldn't lettuce leaf

Doctor doctor

A guy goes to the doctor.

'doctor' he says ' I think I've got a lettuce up my bum'

'bend over then and let me have a look' the doctor says.

The guy bends over and the doctor has a good look and a rummage around.

' I'm afraid that I think you're right ' he exclaimed, ' and I'm afraid it looks like that's just the tip of the iceberg '

What do you call a salad leaf that constantly works out?

Shredded lettuce

Who won the race?

Who won the race? The lettuce, the tomato or the faucet?

The lettuce was a head, the faucet was still running and the tomato was trying to ketchup.

What did the DJ say to the farmer?

Lettuce, turnip, the beet.

I know, it was corny.

I hate to sound like a conspiracy theorist here, but are we truly to believe that the Titanic sunk after being hit by an iceberg?! Do they think we're stupid fools!?

I've been throwing lettuce at the window for hours now and it hasn't even scratched, let alone put a hole in it.

Why do bacon lettuce and tomatoes have the lowest IQ out of all the foods?

Because they're in-bred!

When I was in middle school, my "friends" used to force me to eat vegetables until I almost threw up.

They even started sending me pictures of vegetables on the internet, threatening to make me eat lettuce until I was sick. To this day, I still suffer from the effects of their rampant and traumatic fiber-bullying.

What do vegetarians say at a rave?

Lettuce Turnip the Beet

What does a priest put on salad?

Lettuce spray

Today I had Libertarian salad.

Lettuce alone!

What do you call half a head of lettuce?

The Romaine-der

Social Justice Warriors Favorite Sandwich:

Lettuce, Guacamole, Bacon and Tomato

I trapped a bunch of vegans in my basement

I'm not actually sure if If they're vegans, but they keep shouting lettuce leaf!

What do you call a rooster staring at a pile of lettuce?

A chicken sees a salad.

What do you call those dead pieces of green stuff left in the bottom of a bowl of Caesar salad?

The last romaines. Now lettuce pray for them.

A man is on his death sentence and gets to choose his last meal.

So he asks the guard for a romaine lettuce salad, but the guard replies "You can only choose a meal, not how you want to die."

[Titanic, 1912]

**Captain:** what kind of lettuce do you want on your sandwich?

**First mate:** ICEBERG!

**Captain:** lol... no need to shout, Dave.

What do you call a field full of epileptic lettuce ?

Seizure Salad

Put some lettuce, sliced tomatoes, cucumber in front of a chicken, what does it see?

The chicken sees a salad!

Knock Knock

Who's there?

Lettuce.

Lettuce who?

Lettuce pause this joke for a word from our sponsor, Raid Shadow Legends

Ran out of toilet paper and started using lettuce leaves.

Today was just the tip of the iceberg, tomorrow romaines to be seen.

Hey, I'm new to this Sub, and think I'm going to have a lot of fun here!

said the lettuce leaf foolishly. He was yet to come to terms that he, and eveyone else in this Sub, are going to be eaten.

A lettuce farm was busted by the FDA on suspicion of combining plant and human DNA to create a new protein hybrid.

When they dug up the grounds the found human romaines.

A man goes to the doctor and says 'Doctor, I think I have a head of lettuce coming out of my bottom'

A man goes to the doctor and says 'Doctor, I think I have a head of lettuce coming out of my bottom.'

The doctors says 'okay, let me have a look.'

After a brief examination the doctor says to the patient. 'Well sir, I have some bad news. I'm afraid this is only the tip of the iceberg'

Dad joke

Does anyone else eat lettuce after you kill it or just hide the romaines?

My problem might need addressing...

Ran out of toilet paper and started using lettuce leaves. Today was just the tip of the iceberg, tomorrow romaines to be seen.

All this panic buying has led me to using alternative methods for toilet paper...

Last week was tree leaves this week it's lettuce. And that's just the tip of the iceberg!

My kid and I wrote this together: Why did the vegetable thief wet his pants?

Because he took a leek!

(Please don't kick us out, just lettuce leave)

A bowl of salad went to church

Lettuce pray

Why did the epileptic throw himself into the lettuce patch?

He was making a seizure salad.



....I'll see myself out.

Q: What did the Vegetarian Preacher say to his church?

A: Lettuce pray!

What did the sandwich say to the doorman?

Lettuce in

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the lettuce vegetables jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working lettuce vinaigrette piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

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