Lettuce Jokes

Funniest Lettuce Short Jokes

Short lettuce jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The lettuce humour may include short lice jokes also.

1. I trapped a couple of vegans in my basement. At least I think they're vegan. They keep shouting 'lettuce leaf!'
2. My kid and I wrote this together: Why did the vegetable thief wet his pants? Because he took a leek!
   (Please don't kick us out, just lettuce leave)
3. (OC) one I thought up this morning What did the vegetarian lion say before going hunting?
   "Lettuce prey"
4. Knock Knock Who's there?
   
   Lettuce.
   
   Lettuce who?
   
   Lettuce pause this joke for a word from our sponsor, Raid shadow Legends
5. What does a bunny say when it hops into a garden on the spring equinox? "Lettuce celebrate spring!"
6. Food prices are getting out of control. Half a lettuce for $9 And that's just the tip of the iceberg
7. I trapped a bunch of vegans in my basement I'm not actually sure if If they're vegans, but they keep shouting lettuce leaf!
8. I couldn't decide how much lettuce to buy Until someone helped me think it through. Turns out, two heads are better than one.
9. A lettuce farm was busted by the FDA on suspicion of combining plant and human DNA to create a new protein hybrid. When they dug up the grounds the found human romaines.
10. Why did the epileptic throw himself into the lettuce patch? He was making a seizure salad.
    ....I'll see myself out.

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Lettuce One Liners

Which lettuce one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with lettuce? I can suggest the ones about lime and isle.

1. What does a priest put on salad? Lettuce spray
2. Attention everyone: there is a national lettuce shortage everyone please romaine calm
3. Caesar is dead The Romaine Empire has fallen, Lettuce pray
4. My family was being held captive by a salad It wouldn't lettuce leaf
5. What did the vegetables say when they got stuck in a grocery bag? Lettuce out!
6. What did the priest say before eating his salad? "Lettuce pray"
7. Welcome to the Church of the Holy Cabbage. Lettuce pray.
8. What do old salads say? "Don't lettuce go bad!"
9. What did the veggies say, as they sat down for supper? "Lettuce, pray."
10. What vegetable can be delivered by a postman? Lettuce
11. What did the D.J. say to the Vegetable Farmer? Lettuce turnip the beet.
12. Today I had Libertarian salad. Lettuce alone!
13. Lettuce, tomato, onion, green peppers... Wrong sub.
14. What did the salad say before being eaten Lettuce go.
15. What do vegetarians say at a rave? Lettuce Turnip the Beet

Romaine Lettuce Jokes

Here is a list of funny romaine lettuce jokes and even better romaine lettuce puns that will make you laugh with friends.

• What do you call those dead pieces of green stuff left in the bottom of a bowl of Caesar salad? The last romaines. Now lettuce pray for them.
• My problem might need addressing... Ran out of toilet paper and started using lettuce leaves. Today was just the tip of the iceberg, tomorrow romaines to be seen.
• Dad joke Does anyone else eat lettuce after you kill it or just hide the romaines?
• What do you call half a head of lettuce? The Romaine-der
• A man is on his death sentence and gets to choose his last meal. So he asks the guard for a romaine lettuce salad, but the guard replies "You can only choose a meal, not how you want to die."
• It's STILL Not Safe to eat Romaine Lettuce... I went to Kroger to buy some and got Robbed in the parking lot.
• My father and I were at the grocery store and he told me "All he has to left to get is lettuce" I asked him "Oh, is that all that romaines?"
• I don't want to romain on this earth. Please pass the lettuce
• With Romaine lettuce being gone... it's safe to say that Caesar, emperor of salads, has fallen with the great Romaine empire.
• What did the CDC say when our salads got recalled? Romaine calm. Lettuce take care of this.

Iceberg Lettuce Jokes

Here is a list of funny iceberg lettuce jokes and even better iceberg lettuce puns that will make you laugh with friends.

• All this panic buying has led me to using alternative methods for toilet paper... Last week was tree leaves this week it's lettuce. And that's just the tip of the iceberg!
• A waiter says to a customer "Excuse me, miss, but you appear to have some lettuce stuck in your pants." "That's just the tip of the iceberg." She replies.
• What's the coolest vegetable? Iceberg lettuce
• Vegetable rationing Some supermarkets are rationing lettuce, I think this is just the tip of the iceberg...
• Elton John was asked if he'd like an iceberg lettuce in his salad he thought for a moment and replied "no thanks, I'm a rocket man"
• I always get my 5 A Day... Zuchinni
  Iceberg lettuce
  Lychee
  Courgettes
  Horseradish
• An iceberg caused the Titanic to sink.. Lettuce have a moment of silence.
• What is the most common disease for lettuce? Icebergers.
• If anyone advises you how much lettuce to put on your burger, stop them right there. That's just the tip of the iceberg.
• I made a "Titanic style" salad It's mostly composed of iceberg lettuce

Lettuce Tomato Jokes

Here is a list of funny lettuce tomato jokes and even better lettuce tomato puns that will make you laugh with friends.

• Did you hear about the race between the lettuce and the tomato? The lettuce was a head and the tomato was trying to ketchup.
• Vegetables What did the cucumber say to the cabbage when they got kidnapped by the tomato?
  Lettuce go
• When does a sandwich cook? When it's bakin' lettuce and tomato
• Social Justice Warriors Favorite Sandwich: Lettuce, Guacamole, Bacon and Tomato
• I learned what LGBT stands for! Lettuce Guacamole Bacon Tomato
• My top 5 favourite vegetables 1. Tomato
  2. Lettuce
• I always thought LGBT means Lettuce Ginger Bacon and Tomato... Until my smart friend told me that G stands for Guacamole
• The Tomato Pastor began his sermon to the Salad Congregation "Lettuce pray"
• I just found out what the LGBTQ stands for Lettuce, Garlic, Bacon, Tomato, quesadilla
• What did the slice of bacon say to the tomato? Lettuce be together now!

Lettuce Know Jokes

Here is a list of funny lettuce know jokes and even better lettuce know puns that will make you laugh with friends.

• My Wife lost our dog last night whilst making a Salad If anybody Ceasar Please Lettuce Know.. Thanks..
• We are in search of fresh vegetable puns. Please lettuce know
• I just read Jared Fogle was assaulted in prison He was also a-peppered and covered in lettuce. Don't know if the story has any meat to it.
• Hi I'm with the salad police. If you happen to see or hear any suspicious activity regarding renegade vegetables in your local area Please lettuce know
• How do you know your neighbor is an anti-vaxxer? They still have romaine lettuce in their fridge.
• Did you know that a variety of lettuce sank the titanic? I thought it sank just cos.
• Vegetables for sale Lettuce know if you need some
• Do know what a honeymoon salad is? Lettuce alone and no dressing.
  Picked from the Stephen Colbert show.
• Do you know why Caesar put lettuce in his salad? Oh, just cos.

Lettuce Pray Jokes

Here is a list of funny lettuce pray jokes and even better lettuce pray puns that will make you laugh with friends.

• Q: What did the Vegetarian Preacher say to his church? A: Lettuce pray!
• What did the farmer say about his missing vegetables? Lettuce pray they turnip.
• A priest is celebrating mass. He begins with, "I was going to tell a vegetable joke, but I can't think of any, so lettuce pray."
• What do vegans say before praying? Lettuce pray.
• What did Reverend Rabbit say before blessing his meal ? Lettuce Pray.
• What did the Christian Cabbage say before eating? Lettuce Pray.
• Why is there so much salad in heaven? Because lettuce pray.
• What did the priest say to the person dying of E. Coli? Lettuce pray
• Samonella outbreaks have destroyed many great civilizations in the past... The Romaine empire has fallen, Caesar is dead, lettuce pray
• What does a chef say after he prays before a meal? Lett-Uce eat!!!!

Great Lettuce Jokes to Share, Laugh and Enjoy with Friends

What funny jokes about lettuce you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean pickle jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make lettuce pranks.