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Lettuce Jokes

183 lettuce jokes and hilarious lettuce puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about lettuce that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Did someone say "lettuce pray?" Get ready to laugh out loud with these hilarious one-liners, jokes, and puns about lettuce. From lettuce wraps to lettuce shortages, we'll let you know why lettuce is the funniest ingredient. Whether you love BLTs, Iceburg, or salad, you'll find something to enjoy.

Funniest Lettuce Short Jokes

Short lettuce jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The lettuce humour may include short lice jokes also.

  1. I trapped a couple of vegans in my basement. At least I think they're vegan. They keep shouting 'lettuce leaf!'
  2. My kid and I wrote this together: Why did the vegetable thief wet his pants? Because he took a leek!
    (Please don't kick us out, just lettuce leave)
  3. That rabbi's gone crazy! He's been running around a circumcising all kinds of lettuce... and that's just the tip of the iceberg.
  4. I just got fired from the grocery store for being too violent... ...all I did was put out a sign that said, "take lettuce from top of pile or heads will roll!"
  5. (OC) one I thought up this morning What did the vegetarian lion say before going hunting?
    "Lettuce prey"
  6. I heard the Toronto Maple Leafs now have the milk board as their sponsor. Now they only have to put in 2% of the effort.
  7. Knock Knock Who's there?

    Lettuce.

    Lettuce who?

    Lettuce pause this joke for a word from our sponsor, Raid shadow Legends
  8. What does a bunny say when it hops into a garden on the spring equinox? "Lettuce celebrate spring!"
  9. Food prices are getting out of control. Half a lettuce for $9 And that's just the tip of the iceberg
  10. I trapped a bunch of vegans in my basement I'm not actually sure if If they're vegans, but they keep shouting lettuce leaf!

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Lettuce One Liners

Which lettuce one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with lettuce? I can suggest the ones about lime and isle.

  1. What does a priest put on salad? Lettuce spray
  2. What do you call an epileptic in a lettuce patch? Seizure salad
  3. What do you do with epileptic lettuce? You make a seizure salad.
  4. Attention everyone: there is a national lettuce shortage everyone please romaine calm
  5. What do you call a hen staring at a bowl of shredded lettuce? Chicken sees a salad
  6. Caesar is dead The Romaine Empire has fallen, Lettuce pray
  7. What do you call a chicken looking at lettuce? Chicken sees a salad.
  8. My family was being held captive by a salad It wouldn't lettuce leaf
  9. What did the vegetables say when they got stuck in a grocery bag? Lettuce out!
  10. What did the priest say before eating his salad? "Lettuce pray"
  11. Why was the lettuce embarrassed? It saw the salad dressing.
  12. Welcome to the Church of the Holy Cabbage. Lettuce pray.
  13. What do old salads say? "Don't lettuce go bad!"
  14. What did the veggies say, as they sat down for supper? "Lettuce, pray."
  15. What vegetable can be delivered by a postman? Lettuce

Romaine Lettuce Jokes

Here is a list of funny romaine lettuce jokes and even better romaine lettuce puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • A lettuce farm was busted by the FDA on suspicion of combining plant and human DNA to create a new protein hybrid. When they dug up the grounds the found human romaines.
  • What do you call those dead pieces of green stuff left in the bottom of a bowl of Caesar salad? The last romaines. Now lettuce pray for them.
  • Apparently there's a lettuce shortage. Hopefully we can all romaine calm.
  • My problem might need addressing... Ran out of toilet paper and started using lettuce leaves. Today was just the tip of the iceberg, tomorrow romaines to be seen.
  • Dad joke Does anyone else eat lettuce after you kill it or just hide the romaines?
  • What do you call half a head of lettuce? The Romaine-der
  • Ran out of toilet paper and started using lettuce leaves. Today was just the tip of the iceberg, tomorrow romaines to be seen.
  • A man is on his death sentence and gets to choose his last meal. So he asks the guard for a romaine lettuce salad, but the guard replies "You can only choose a meal, not how you want to die."
  • I made my girlfriend squirt on Valentine's Day. Turns out the salad I made her for lunch had recalled romaine lettuce in it.
  • It's STILL Not Safe to eat Romaine Lettuce... I went to Kroger to buy some and got Robbed in the parking lot.

Iceberg Lettuce Jokes

Here is a list of funny iceberg lettuce jokes and even better iceberg lettuce puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • All this panic buying has led me to using alternative methods for toilet paper... Last week was tree leaves this week it's lettuce. And that's just the tip of the iceberg!
  • I went to the doctors with a lettuce just poking out of my bottom... The doctor asked why I was so concerned. I replied, I think it's just the tip of the iceberg
  • A waiter says to a customer "Excuse me, miss, but you appear to have some lettuce stuck in your pants." "That's just the tip of the iceberg." She replies.
  • What's the coolest vegetable? Iceberg lettuce
  • Vegetable rationing Some supermarkets are rationing lettuce, I think this is just the tip of the iceberg...
  • Elton John was asked if he'd like an iceberg lettuce in his salad he thought for a moment and replied "no thanks, I'm a rocket man"
  • I always get my 5 A Day... Zuchinni
    Iceberg lettuce
    Lychee
    Courgettes
    Horseradish
  • An iceberg caused the Titanic to sink.. Lettuce have a moment of silence.
  • What is the most common disease for lettuce? Icebergers.
  • If anyone advises you how much lettuce to put on your burger, stop them right there. That's just the tip of the iceberg.
Lettuce joke, If anyone advises you how much lettuce to put on your burger, stop them right there.

Lettuce Tomato Jokes

Here is a list of funny lettuce tomato jokes and even better lettuce tomato puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Who won the race? Who won the race? The lettuce, the tomato or the faucet?
    The lettuce was a head, the faucet was still running and the tomato was trying to ketchup.
  • Did you hear about the race between the lettuce and the tomato? The lettuce was a head and the tomato was trying to ketchup.
  • Lettuce, tomato, onion, green peppers... Wrong sub.
  • Vegetables What did the cucumber say to the cabbage when they got kidnapped by the tomato?
    Lettuce go
  • When does a sandwich cook? When it's bakin' lettuce and tomato
  • Why do bacon lettuce and tomatoes have the lowest IQ out of all the foods? Because they're in-bred!
  • Put some lettuce, sliced tomatoes, cucumber in front of a chicken, what does it see? The chicken sees a salad!
  • Social Justice Warriors Favorite Sandwich: Lettuce, Guacamole, Bacon and Tomato
  • I learned what LGBT stands for! Lettuce Guacamole Bacon Tomato
  • My top 5 favourite vegetables 1. Tomato
    2. Lettuce

Lettuce Know Jokes

Here is a list of funny lettuce know jokes and even better lettuce know puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • My Wife lost our dog last night whilst making a Salad If anybody Ceasar Please Lettuce Know.. Thanks..
  • What do you call a Mexican crossed with an octopus? I don't know, but it sure can pick lettuce.
  • What did the DJ say to the farmer? Lettuce, turnip, the beet.
    I know, it was corny.
  • We are in search of fresh vegetable puns. Please lettuce know
  • I just read Jared Fogle was assaulted in prison He was also a-peppered and covered in lettuce. Don't know if the story has any meat to it.
  • Hi I'm with the salad police. If you happen to see or hear any suspicious activity regarding renegade vegetables in your local area Please lettuce know
  • How do you know your neighbor is an anti-vaxxer? They still have romaine lettuce in their fridge.
  • Did you know that a variety of lettuce sank the titanic? I thought it sank just cos.
  • Vegetables for sale Lettuce know if you need some
  • Do know what a honeymoon salad is? Lettuce alone and no dressing.
    Picked from the Stephen Colbert show.

Lettuce Pray Jokes

Here is a list of funny lettuce pray jokes and even better lettuce pray puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Q: What did the Vegetarian Preacher say to his church? A: Lettuce pray!
  • What did the Priest say to the Church of Vegetables? Lettuce pray.
  • What did the fruit say to the vegetable, at dinner? Lettuce Pray
  • What did the farmer say about his missing vegetables? Lettuce pray they turnip.
  • A bowl of salad went to church Lettuce pray
  • A priest is celebrating mass. He begins with, "I was going to tell a vegetable joke, but I can't think of any, so lettuce pray."
  • What do vegans say before praying? Lettuce pray.
  • The Tomato Pastor began his sermon to the Salad Congregation "Lettuce pray"
  • What did the priest say at the salad bar? Lettuce pray.
  • What did Reverend Rabbit say before blessing his meal ? Lettuce Pray.
Lettuce joke, What did Reverend Rabbit say before blessing his meal ?

Great Lettuce Jokes to Share, Laugh and Enjoy with Friends

What funny jokes about lettuce you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean pickle jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make lettuce pranks.

What did the garden say when he liked the music?

LETTUCE. TURNIP. THE BEET!

What did the salad say before being eaten

Lettuce go.

What did the carrot say to the DJ?

Lettuce Turnip The Beet

Could not decide how much lettuce to buy, until I got a second opinion

two heads are better than one.

What is called a honeymoon salad?

Lettuce alone with no dressing.

I couldn't decide how much lettuce to buy

Until someone helped me think it through. Turns out, two heads are better than one.

So a woman is at a supermarket...

She is loading all her items on the conveyer belt for the chasier to scan.
Her items are; A litre of milk, a carton of eggs, and a head of lettuce.
The cashier looks at her and says, "Are you single?"
The customer, shocked at her assumption says, "Yes, I am. How did you know?"
The cashier says, "Because you're ugly."

lettuce jokes

thought I would make up some jokes about lettuce. Just cos
I thought that joke was as bad as the titanic which hit an iceburg
But clearly you guys thought it was a little gem
Unfortunately no more lettuce jokes Romaine
So I'm gonna leaf

A woman goes to a supermarket

A woman goes to a supermarket. After gathering her items, she goes to the checkout counter.
The cashier looks at the items she bought: a jug of milk, a carton of eggs, & a head of lettuce
The cashier says "You must be single"
The woman says "Oh my god, how did you know?"
The cashier responds:
"Because you're ugly."

What do you call a Chicken with lettuce on its eyes?

Chicken Caesar salad.

What did the salad say as it was thrown into jail?

"Lettuce Go!"

A man walks into a doctor's office with a piece of lettuce sticking out of his bottom.

The doctor examines him for awhile but doesn't say a word.
Finally the man can't help himself and asks "Doctor, is this a problem?"
The doctor replies:
"Problem? It is just the tip of the iceberg!"

A guy goes to the doctor with a pain in his rear end

The doctor has a look and says, "This is could be serious, you seem to have a lettuce leaf stuck in there. I can remove it easily enough, but it may just be the tip of the iceberg."

What did the vegetables say at the garden party?

Lettuce turnip the beet

You must be single.

A woman is at a grocery store. She goes to the clerk to purchase her groceries. The clerk looks at her items and sees a carton of eggs, a gallon of milk, and a head of lettuce. He says to the woman, "You must be single." The woman was surprised & replies, "Yes, how did you know?" The clerk answers, "Because you're ugly."

What did the fruit say to the vegetable?

Lettuce be grape friends.

Sandwich making

Two brothers shared a bedroom, bunk beds. The older brother had the top bunk. He wanted to bring his girlfriend over to spend the night. He tells his girlfriend if she wants it faster say lettuce, harder say tomato.
The younger brother wakes up hearing, "lettuce, tomato, lettuce, lettuce, tomato." He yells up to his older brother and says, "I know you guys are making sandwiches up there but can you stop dropping the mayo!"

What was the vegan rock band's first hit?

Lettuce turnip the beet!

I ordered the Club Salad for lunch..

I asked waitress "What all comes in the club salad?"
She said "Lettuce, turnip, the beat"

What do you call a Chicken staring at lettuce?

Chicken Caesar Salad

One of everything.

A man walks into a grocery store and grabs a shopping cart. He grabs one egg, one tomato, one head of lettuce, one steak, one banana, one apple, and one of everything else in the store.
He walks up to the counter and starts putting his items on the belt. After the cashier gives him a weird look, she says, "You must be single."
He says, "I am. How did you know?"
She says, "Because you're extremely ugly."

A vegan invited my friends and I to a vegan restaurant....

the food really lettuce down.

What do you call a chicken staring intently at a piece of lettuce?

A chicken ceaser salad.

I'll have an Italian BMT on Cheddar bread with everything but lettuce. A squirt of mayo and yellow mustard too please.

Oops. Wrong sub.

What did the halal lettuce say to the halal cucumber ?

Lets make salat

They say two heads are better than one

But sometimes I just don't need that much lettuce.

Asked my dad what LGBT stands for

He started with "Lettuce? Bacon. Tomato. What's the 'g' for?"
Obviously I had to reply with "Garnish".
[True story. My dad is not an idiot either, totally normal human.]

What did the D.J. say to the Vegetable Farmer?

Lettuce turnip the beet.

A woman goes to the doctors with a piece of lettuce sticking out the top of her underwear

The doctor says "that looks n**...", the woman replies "that's just the tip of the iceberg"

A vegetable joke:

One day, Mr. Lettuce and Ms. Kale got into a fight over who wears green better. Ms. Kale looks at Mr. Lettuce and says, "I will kale you" and Mr. Lettuce says, "Lettuce fight"

Why did the chicken stare at a piece of lettuce?

Because chicken sees a salad.

I'm epileptic. My friend dumped a bunch of lettuce on me.

I am now a seizure salad.

Doctor doctor

A guy goes to the doctor.
'doctor' he says ' I think I've got a lettuce up my b**...'
'bend over then and let me have a look' the doctor says.
The guy bends over and the doctor has a good look and a rummage around.
' I'm afraid that I think you're right ' he exclaimed, ' and I'm afraid it looks like that's just the tip of the iceberg '

What do you call a salad leaf that constantly works out?

Shredded lettuce

I hate to sound like a conspiracy theorist here, but are we truly to believe that the Titanic sunk after being hit by an iceberg?! Do they think we're s**... fools!?

I've been throwing lettuce at the window for hours now and it hasn't even scratched, let alone put a hole in it.

When I was in middle school, my "friends" used to force me to eat vegetables until I almost threw up.

They even started sending me pictures of vegetables on the internet, threatening to make me eat lettuce until I was sick. To this day, I still suffer from the effects of their rampant and traumatic fiber-bullying.

What do vegetarians say at a rave?

Lettuce Turnip the Beet

Today I had Libertarian salad.

Lettuce alone!

What do you call a rooster staring at a pile of lettuce?

A chicken sees a salad.

[Titanic, 1912]

**Captain:** what kind of lettuce do you want on your sandwich?
**First mate:** ICEBERG!
**Captain:** lol... no need to shout, Dave.

What do you call a field full of epileptic lettuce ?

Seizure Salad

A man goes to the doctor and says 'Doctor, I think I have a head of lettuce coming out of my bottom'

A man goes to the doctor and says 'Doctor, I think I have a head of lettuce coming out of my bottom.'
The doctors says 'okay, let me have a look.'
After a brief examination the doctor says to the patient. 'Well sir, I have some bad news. I'm afraid this is only the tip of the iceberg'

Lettuce joke, A man goes to the doctor and says 'Doctor, I think I have a head of lettuce coming out of my bottom'

jokes about lettuce