Letting Jokes
122 letting jokes and hilarious letting puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about letting that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Letting go of jokes and behavior that no longer serve you can be hard, especially if it's something you've been doing for a long time. However, by learning to recognize when it's time to let go of old habits, you can open up to more positive and productive behaviors - discover how with our guide on 'Letting Jokes'.
Quick Jump To
Funniest Letting Short Jokes
Short letting jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The letting humour may include short allowing jokes also.
- What do you call a drunk guy trying to start his car? A lyft. Friends don't let friends drive drunk.
- My local drug dealer started dressing up as a Jehovah's Witness so he wouldn't arouse suspicion. He got arrested after the police saw people actually letting him in.
- I dont believe in hitting my children as punishment So i send them to school wearing crocs and anime shirts and let other kids beat them instead
- What did the Catholic priest say to the other Catholic priest as they entered the orphanage? "Let us prey."
- An elderly couple is in church. The wife says to the husband, "I've let out one of those silent farts, what do I do?" The husband says, "Change the battery in your hearing aid."
- I need to re-home a dog. It's a small terrier, and tends to bark a lot. If you're interested, let me know and I'll jump over next door's fence and get it for you.
- To teach kids about democracy, I let them vote on dinner. They just picked pizza. I'm about to make tacos because they don't live in a swing state.
- I phoned the wife earlier and asked if she wanted me to pick up fish and Chips on the way home, but she just grunted at me. I think she still regrets letting me name the twins.
- In the beginning there was nothing. God said "Let there be light!" There was still nothing, but now you could see it.
- Prisoner: I'm sorry I tried to escape. Guard: I'm not mad, just........disappointed.
Remember, kids, never let your guard down.
Share These Letting Jokes With Friends
Letting One Liners
Which letting one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with letting? I can suggest the ones about lets and giving.
- I ordered a chicken and an egg from Amazon today I'll let you know.
- Her: Let's exchange number Me: Won't that confuse people who are trying to call us?
- To the woman who keeps pounding on my door at night: I'm not letting you out.
- Roses are red, Cellos are brown Never gonna give you up, never gonna let you down ;)
- What does a grape say when you step on it? Nothing. It just lets out a little wine.
- I'd never let my daughter date a soccer player There is a 1/11 chance he's a keeper
- What did the sushi say to the bee? Wasabi
I'll let myself out now. - Don't vaccinate your children! Let a trained medical professional do it!
- My roommate's cellphone broke He wants me to let you guys know he's vegan
- Justin Timberlake admitted to being dyslexic. Take a moment to let that N'Sync
- when i die i want my kids to carry my casket. So they can let me down one more time.
- I just ordered a chicken and an egg on Amazon. I'll let you know.
- To everyone suffering from paranoia, let me just tell you: You are not alone.
- Why were all the computers in the company frozen? Because they let IT go
- Don't let your kids watch symphonies on TV There's too much sax and violins.
Letting Go Jokes
Here is a list of funny letting go jokes and even better letting go puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- My wife asked me: "Shall we go bowling or stay cozy home." I replied: " I am sick of putting my fingers in holes that everyone has touched with their sweaty hands. Let's go bowling!"
- My therapist told me a great way to let go of your anger is to write letters to people you hate and then burn them I did that, and it really worked! But I'm wondering, what do I do with the letters?
- Have you ever wondered why, during a crisis, they let women and children go first? It's so the men can have some peace and quiet while they think about what to do.
- "Son, I want to let you know that you were adopted. "What?! Really?!", I said.
"Yep! Go pack your things and get ready", my dad said. "They'll be here to pick you up in twenty minutes." - My wife said, "Did I ever tell you how great it feels when we make love?" I said, "Gee, honey. No."
And she said, "Exactly. Now let's just go to sleep, OK?" - Totally sick of idiots letting fireworks off early, it's still October for goodness sake!!! Dog is going mad and keeps knocking the Christmas tree over!
- Why shouldn't you give Elsa a balloon? Because she'd just "let it go".
My 6 year old told me this.
I will show myself out now... - Trump: "Let's get that Muslim band going" "Band? We thought you said ban"
Trump: "No way, that's harsh. Also, how's the Mexican mall going?" - If I ever win the lottery, I'm going to share it with everyone. Not the money, just going to let you know that I've won.
- I don't understand why women love singing "Let it go"... ...Since most of them keep grudges for life.
Great Letting Jokes to Share, Laugh and Enjoy with Friends
What funny jokes about letting you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean owning jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make letting pranks.
My mom and dad insist that i pay them for letting me stay in their basement
I guess thats why they're called PAYRENTS
You hear they are letting women into the Augusta national golf club?
They recieve green aprons instead of green jackets.
Sick day.
A man calls his boss and tells him he won't be coming in to work today because he's not feeling well. The boss says, "Well we really need you today. Whenever I'm feeling sick I tell my wife to give me a b**.... Works every time. Why don't you try that and then see how you feel."
He calls back an hour later and says, "Just letting you know, I'm on my way to work. I feel great now. And by the way, you have a nice house."
After weeks of speculation that the new pope would be black...
...alter boys at the Vatican are letting out a collective sigh of relief
An American woman is hiking through Germany...
She's enjoying taking in the sights and immersing herself in the culture. But one day, while hiking through a wooded area, she comes across an elderly German man taking a leak on the side of the path. He's hardly subtle about it; letting his sausage hang out for the world to see. Immediately the woman averts her eyes! "Oh, g**...!" she exclaims. The Old German man, just finishing up, winks suggestively at the woman before zipping up his fly and walking away. "Danke schön"
Chinese restaurant
A man goes to a restaurant and without letting the waitress give him the menu says "I want a Medium Rare Ribeye steak with Roasted Potatoes in Marinara sauce." The waitress timidly responds "Sir. This is a Chinese restaurant." To which the man replies "Oh! I'm sorry. I want a Medium Lale Libeye steak with Loasted Potatoes in Malinala Sauce."
What is the difference between Snow White and Brazil?
Snow White had the excuse of being asleep before letting seven in.
I phoned my wife earlier. "I'm just setting off from work, do you want me to pick up fish and chips on my way home?" It was met with a stony silence...
I think she still regrets letting me name the twins.
I rang the wife last night after work to say I'd pick up fish and chips on the way home.
I was met with a stoney silence. Something tells me that she's beginning to regret letting me name the twins.
Who do you think was smarter, Jesus or Buddha?
I mean, just in terms of not letting themselves get crucified.
*-Anthony Jeselnik, Shakespeare*
Using a pencil to vote in the 2015 General Election...
As safe an option as letting Jimmy Saville volunteer in a Kids Hospital.
I'm not saying it's a mistake letting my girlfriend control the thermostat...
But two Hobbits just showed up and threw a ring into our bedroom.
Algebra must have trouble letting go of past relationships...
...it always wants people to find it's x.
A blonde woman finds a dead body...
Immediately, she calls the police.
She says, "Hello, I have found a dead body"
The 911 operator replies, "Ok. Thank you for letting us know. Can you tell me the street on which you found it?"
She looks around and says, "Eucalyptus Street"
The operator asks, "Can you spell it for me?"
The blonde women thinks, and tells the operator, "Don't worry, I'll just move it to Smith Street"
Recently, a bunch of people have developed a f**... for letting their romantic partner intentionally spike their drink with roofies.
They call it Cos-play.
With all these abortion jokes lately, I've realized I'm pretty torn on the whole issue...
I mean, killing babies is great and all, but I'm just really not that comfortable with letting women choose for themselves.
Made the mistake of letting my east coast newspaper freeze on the steps this winter...
I've fallen on some hard Times.
How many feminists does it take to make a sandwich?
12
One to make the sandwich,
One to excoriate men for creating hunger,
One to blame men for inventing such a laborious recipe,
One to suggest the whole "putting meat in between two non-consenting flaps of bread" bit to be too "r**...-like",
One to deconstruct the Bologna sausage itself as being p**...,
One to blame men for not making the sandwich,
One to blame men for trying to make the sandwich instead of letting a woman do it,
One to blame men for creating a society that discourages women from eating,
One to blame men for creating a society where women make too many sandwiches,
One to advocate that sandwich makers should have wage parity with Michelin star chefs,
One to alert the media that women are now "out-sandwiching" men,
And one to take pictures for her blog for photo-evidence that men are unnecessary.
What's the one thing a hoarder has no trouble letting go of?
Their mind
Since it started raining all my girlfriend has done is look through the window.
If it gets any worse I'm thinking about letting her in.
How to end world hunger ?
By letting the hungry die.
I just got a job cleaning air ducts and I don't like it very much, but at least I have a job.
Thanks for letting me vent.
I have a serious problem where I keep letting go of things when I hold them
It's really getting out of hand.
To the women who keeps waking me up at 3AM by pounding on my door:
I'm not letting you out.
My son is sort of like rapunzel
But instead of letting his hair down he lets everybody down.
Son, you're kind of like rapunzel.
But instead of letting your hair down you let everyone in your life down.
Someone asked me if I'm a gentleman.
Yes, yes I am. Holding doors open for people for example. Or when my wife gets home late, I light up some candles, letting some warm water run, add some soap, so she can start doing the dishes as soon as she gets home.
What do a loading bar and my girlfriend have in common?
Both equally inefficient at letting me know when they are actually ready.
A girl walks in on her parents having s**....
The girl asks,"Mommy what are you doing on top of daddy?" The mother nervously responds," I'm just letting out some air from your father because he's too fat." The girl replies,"You're wasting your time, the neighbour will just blow him back up again tomorrow like she usually does!"
I got into a fight with my girlfriend the other day
She was saying a bunch of generic stuff like 'I need to learn to let things go' and 'I always keep things bottled up inside' and 'I make her feel trapped.' I had to interrupt her pretty quickly and tell her "you can drop all the hints you want, I'm not letting you out of this basement".
Brady once again charged with letting the air out of something.
This time it was the Falcons defense
They're going to start letting animals participate in the X Games...
They will all have to go through extreme vetting before entering
Jehovah's witnesses are always b**... on my door everyday
Joke's on them, I'm never letting them out of my basement.
Noah and the Two Snakes.
Noah, after settling his ship down and letting loose the animals aboard his Ark unto the world, noticed a pair of snakes that were left behind.
"Well, what are you guys still doing here?" Asked Noah.
"Remember how you said 'go forth and multiply' ?" One of the snakes replied.
"Yes..." Noah responded, looking deeply confused.
"We can't, we're adders."
My son got sent home from school today..
My son got sent home from school today for letting a female student jack him off
Thats the third school this month.
I guess teaching might not be for him.
Letting go of a loved one is hard...
But sometimes it's the only way to survive a rock climbing catastrophe.
What did the Neutron say to the Proton in the nucleus?
"Thanks for letting me live here free of charge!"
Did you hear about the zookeeper who failed miserably by letting his lions escape?
He lost his pride.
I phoned the wife last night and asked her if she wanted me to pick up Fish & Chips on my way home.
I think she still regrets letting me name the twins!
My father says I'm like Rapunzel.
Instead of letting my hair down, I just let him down.
My son got in trouble at school today
My son got in trouble at school today for letting a girl jack him off.
I said, "son that's three schools this year, maybe teaching isn't for you."
My dad asked me "Why do you keep letting me down?"
He always gets upset when I interfere with his s**... attempts...
Early finish for me today so I rang the wife
and asked her if I should pick up fish and chips on the way home. She clearly still regrets letting me name the kids....
Fish and chips
I phoned my wife earlier and asked her if she wanted me to pick up fish and chips on my way home from work but she just put the phone down on me.
I think she still regrets letting me name the twins.
I've been letting my friends and family down way too often lately...
Its about time I take some responsibility and start disappointing myself.
So a guy asks me why I've been letting my grapes dry out...
and so I told him "I have my raisins."
I heard they're letting girls join the boy scouts now.
They're going to help the boys pitch a tent.
Saudi men are still not letting their wives drive
I mean, that's ridiculous. You can't let an 8 year old drive!
There was an accordion player
He was going out for a drink after a show with his friend and was nervous about leaving his instrument in the car as he didn't want to get it stolen. His friend told him it was alright and nobody would try to steal an accordion. After a night of drinking they walk back to the car and notice a window is broken. The musician is mad at his friend for letting him leave the instrument until they get to the car and find two accordions.
I'm a lot like Rapunzel...
except instead of letting down my hair, I let down everyone.
Be careful driving over Christmas.
Some of the men are drinking and letting their wives drive.
I got transferred from work three times this year for letting my clients give me o**... during checkups.
I'm starting to think that maybe a veterinarian career isn't for me.
Be careful on the roads tonight
Lots of people will be drinking excessively and letting their wives drive. Recipe for disaster.
The Winter Olympics.
Letting white people win at sports no one else can afford to learn.
A british tourist arrives to the Sydney airport.
The australian duty officer checks the tourist's passport before letting him enter the country, then asks:
"Have you ever been sentenced?"
"Wait, is this still a requirement?"
Phoned my wife and asked if she wanted me to pick Fish and Chips up after work..
She just grunted at me..
Think she regrets letting me name the twins.
This girl told me she'd date me when pigs fly.
Right now this challenge is on hold the local farmer isn't letting me buy a fourth pig after the other three accidents.
I phoned my wife...
...and said "would you like me to pick up fish & chips on the way home from work"
She had just grunted down the phone.
I think she is regretting letting me pick the names for our twins
Hands sticky and tingling he kept on. Still s**... and l**... he tilted his head back as he had it t**... into his mouth letting the sticky juices flow down his t**....
Grape was his favourite flavour and this was his favourite popsicle.
I taught my son a valuable life lesson today about not letting people take advantage of you.
It cost him £50.
I called my wife and said that I'll pick up Burger and Fries on the way home from work. I was met with stony silence.
I think she's beginning to regret letting me name the twins.
I heard Disney is making a princess that's more pc to viewers.
She's said to resemble Rapunzel. Except instead of letting down her hair, she lets down everyone in her life.
SeaWorld just announced layoffs and said that they will be letting 125 people go
"Must be nice." said the animals.
I don't get anti-vaxxers.
If you want a trial version of a kid why don't you borrow your friend's and babysit it instead of letting your own expire?
What do you say to a rabbit when returning something?
Thanks for letting me burrow that.
PETA should respect Steve Irwin
PETA should respect Steve Irwin by eating him and using all his parts, not letting anything go to waste.
That's how my uncle, a hunter, explains "respect" anyway.
We are only a few weeks into self-isolation and it is really upsetting me to witness my wife standing at the living room window gazing aimlessly into space with tears running down her cheeks.It breaks my heart to see her like this. I have thought very hard about how I can cheer her up.
I have even considered letting her in - but rules are rules.
Today, in honor of 4/20, I'm letting my entire custodial staff partake before they come to work.
It's the only day I'll tolerate high maintenance people.
Should I beat my kids?
I know I'm not supposed to, but they just make me so frustrated
My wife says I'm being irrational and getting wound up over nothing, and that if I beat them she'll be incredibly upset and won't even know what to say to me.
But you know when it's just the same stuff day in, day out. And with the lockdown in place we can't get out the house either, which doesn't help the situation
Anyway, I just really wanted some advice before I take drastic measures, because I'd really like to enjoy playing Mario Kart normally again without letting them beat me
There is a huge debate about letting NFL teams play against prison inmates as part of their rehabilitation program.
Understandable, it has a big list of pros and cons.
P1: what's the difference between a baby and a toothbrush?
P2: i don't know
P1: well, I'm never letting you babysit
A man goes to the doctor with a terrible problem
Doctor, I think I have a problem with my farts. I can pass really loud gas, but no smell would come out of them.
That sounds serious. Can you try letting one out now?
So the man farts, and true to his word, it's so loud that the exam room's windows even vibrate.
Just as I feared. We must operate immediately.
My b**...?
No, your nose, you idiot!
My son was mixing the pancake batter with a whisk in both hands while he was helping my wife make Father's Day breakfast.
I gasped and said, honey, do you really think you should be letting him do that? That looks two whisk-y!
My sisters and I met yesterday to discuss whether or not to bury or cremate our mother..
We couldn't come to a decision between the two so we are letting her live for now.
First I put in two tablespoons of fresh chopped basil. Then six or so grapes. Then half a banana. A little orange juice concentrate. Then some Metaright high protein paste.
Then she says "Letting you play with my a**... was a mistake."
I called my wife and asked her if I should pick up fish and chips on the way home, and she slammed the phone down on me.
She still regrets letting me name the twins.
Nobody will upvote a cake joke on my cake day.
I feel desserted
Shoutout to u/sse2k for letting me repost this joke.
One man's trash is another man's treasure
Suboptimal way of letting your kids know they're adopted
In response to the pandemic, the construction industry is finally letting employees work from home.
Only catch is it ain't their homes.
