Letter Jokes

What are some Letter jokes?

What has 4 letters, sometimes 9 letters, but never has 5 letters.

Just a hint: I didn't ask a question.

What's the difference between a politician and a flying pig?

The letter F.

Your mom is so fat she starts the alphabet with the letter "O"...

O B C D...

What is a pirate's LEAST favorite letter?

Dear Sir or Madam,

Your IP address has been flagged for illegally downloading movies. We will have to suspend your account, pending further investigation.

​

Sincerely,

​

The Internet Provider

What's a pirate's least favorite letter?

Dear sir,

Your internet access has been terminated due to illegal usage.

Sincerely, your service provider.

Teacher: Johnny, give me a sentence with an "i" in it.

Teacher: Johnny, give me a sentence with an 'i' in it.

Johnny: I is...

Teacher: No, Johnny, when you say 'i', it should be followed by 'am'

Johnny: Okay, I am the 9th letter of the alphabet

What starts with "e," ends with "e," and contains one letter?

An envelope.

Milk

Me: Hey, thanks for the glass of milk earlier

Sperm bank employee: What glass of milk

Me: The glass of milk that was sitting on your desk

Sperm bank employee: Oh no

Me: What

Sperm bank employee: You drank my glass of milk


Teacher: Use a sentence that starts with "I"

Bobby: I is...

Teacher: No, Bobby. You should say "I am", never "I is".

Bobby: I am the 9th letter of the alphabet.

The last four letters in "queue" are not silent

They're just waiting their turn

What's a pirate's least favourite letter?

Dear Sir,

We are writing to you because you have violated copyright ...

What's a Pirate's least favourite letter?

Dear Customer,

Due to recent illegal activities that have been performed through your connection, your internet service has been permanently disconnected.

-Sincerely, your ISP.

A teacher asks her class what their favourite letter is

A student puts up his hand and says 'G'. The teacher walks over to him and says, "Why is that, Angus"

My neighbour owes me £500 and he won't pay up...

A man went to his lawyer and told him, 'My neighbour owes me £500 and he won't pay up. What should I do?' 'Do you have any proof he owes you the money?' asked the lawyer. 'Nope,' replied the man. 'OK, then write him a letter asking him for the £1,000 he owed you,' said the lawyer. 'But it's only £500,' replied the man. 'Precisely. That's what he will reply and then you'll have your proof!'

What's a pirate's least favorite letter?

Dear customer,

We are discontinuing your internet service due to suspicious activity/illegal downloading on your network.

Why is the letter "C" afraid of the rest of the alphabet?

Because all the other letters are Not-Cs

This girl said she would go out with me if I knew a six letter word that's a synonym for "calm".

I said, "It's sedate."

As told to me by my 7 YO son this morning...

Him: What's a pirates favorite letter?
Me: ARRRGH!
Him: You would think it would be ARRRGH but my first love be the "C"!

Fun fact: Betsy Devos' name contains every letter of the alphabet

that she knows of.

I'm a fruit. If you take away my first letter, I'm a body part. If you take away my first and last letter, I suck. What am I?

pear

Letter from 7 to 6

Dear 6,

Please stop spreading rumors about me eating 9. You shouldn't be talking. I hear you two do some pretty nasty things together.

Sincerely,
7

Why was E the only letter in the alphabet to get Christmas presents?

Because the rest of the letters are not-E.

What a pirate's favorite letter of the alphabet?

None of them. Historians suggest that most pirates would have been illiterate.

Assist is 50% the letter "S"...

The rest are just there to help.

What has 6 letters, starts with 'P', and ends a sentence?

Parole.

What's a pirate's LEAST favorite letter?

Dear Customer,



Your internet service has been terminated due to copyright infringement.

What did the letter O say to the letter Q?

"For God's sake man, put some pants on!"

What's a pirates favourite letter?

P, because without it they're irate

In my 4th grade class the cutest girl threw away my love letter..

..so I failed her!

The Polish eye exam.

A Polish immigrant went to the DMV to apply for a driver's license.
First, of course, he had to take an eye sight test. The optician showed him a card with the letters

~~'C Z W I X N O S T A C Z.'~~ 'C Z W I K S N O S T A C Z'

'Can you read this?' the optician asked.

'Read it?' the Polish guy replied, 'I know the guy.'

What's a pirate's favorite letter?

Ye'd think it was R, but his first love be the C.

Teacher: tell me a sentence that starts with an "I"

Teacher: tell me a sentence that starts with an "I"

Student: I is the...

Teacher: stop! Never put 'is' after an "I". Always put 'am' after an "I".

Student: okay! I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.

What contains the letters a,u, t, and s and is caused by vaccines?

adults

What begins with E, ends with E, and has one letter?

envelope

Face is a four letter word.

But preface is a foreword letter.

There's 26 letters in the English language, combined to make millions of words, which are used to make infinite sentences for any event imaginable. . .

Yet I see the same jokes posted every day.

Life is too short for my book of 5 letter words.

I got a letter that was just addressed to "You Idiot".

What bothers me is that the post office knew where to deliver it.

Letter to God

Dear God,

Last week, you took my favorite boxer; Muhammed Ali.
Today, you took my favorite hockey player; Gordie Howe.
I just want to let you know that my favorite candidate is Donald Trump.

A snail walks into a car dealership...

And he asks the salesman about car customization. He shows the salesman a car that he's thinking about buying, but there's something he wants to change about it. The salesman asks him what it is, and the snail tells him he wants the letter 'S' painted on the doors, roof, and windows, as large as possible. The salesman wonders why, and the snail responds:

"Because when I drive down the street, I want to hear people say 'hey, look at that S-car-go!'"

I'm not an alcoholic, I only drink on days that start with letter T.

Tuesday, Thursday and Today.

50% of Canada

Is the letter A

I only know 25 letters...

I don't know Y

An old farmer wrote a letter to his innocent son in prison:

"This year I'm unable to plant potatoes because I can't dig the ground. I know if you were here you would've helped me."

His son replied: "You idiot, don't dig the ground, I have hidden guns there."
Pretty soon, the Police read the letter, and the very next day the ground was dug by the police, and searched for guns but nothing was found.
The son wrote again: "Now plant your potatoes dad, its the best I could do from here."

What has 9 letters and makes everyone mad?

Clickbait

I just received a chain letter and if I don't re-send it a dead woman will appear in my closet....

Guess who's getting laid tonight.

What is a pirate's least favorite letter?

Dear Sir/Ma'am,

We are cutting your internet connection due to the following reasons:

Illegal Downloading

What does the letter K have in common with my cousins

They are ok by themselves, but they get pretty racist when there are three of them together

Why was the letter E the only letter to get Christmas gifts?

Because all the other letters were "not E"

What do you get when you cross a Kangaroo and an Elephant?

A letter from the Scientific Ethics Committee and a withdrawl of your grant money.

Teacher: Paul. Give me a sentence beginning with "I".

Teacher: Paul. Give me a sentence beginning with "I".
Paul: I is the...

Teacher: No, Paul . You must say "I am" not "I is."
Paul: All right. I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.

Teacher: Tell me the sentence that starts with an "I".

Student: I is the....
Teacher: Stop! Never put 'is' after an "I". Always put 'am' after an "I". Student: OK. I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.

When Canada was first founded, its leaders were having trouble coming up with a name.

Unable to come up with any ideas, they decided the best course of action would be to draw random letters out of a hat.

One man pulled out a letter, cleared his throat, and read,

"C, eh."

The letter was written down. The man pulled out another letter and read,

"N, eh."

This, too, was recorded. The man drew one more letter and read,

"D, eh."

I quit my job as a postman the first day right after they handed me my first letter to deliver.

I looked at it and thought, This isn't for me.

What's a pirates least favorite letter?

Dear sir,

Your internet service has been disconnected due to terms of service violations and excessive downloading. Please return modem and accessories to your nearest Comcast location.

Sincerely,

Comcast

A letter to Keyboard Manufacturers

Dear Keyboard Manufacturers,

I'm writing to request a redesign so that 'g' and 't' wouldn't be right next to each other.

Retards,

How to make Letter jokes?

We have collected gags and puns about Letter to have fun with. Do you want to stand out in a crowd with a good sense of humour joking about Letter? If Yes here are a lot more hilarious lines and funny Letter pick up lines to share with friends.

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