Lets Jokes
133 lets jokes and hilarious lets puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about lets that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Lets Short Jokes
Short lets jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The lets humour may include short puts jokes also.
- What do you call a drunk guy trying to start his car? A lyft. Friends don't let friends drive drunk.
- I dont believe in hitting my children as punishment So i send them to school wearing crocs and anime shirts and let other kids beat them instead
- What did the Catholic priest say to the other Catholic priest as they entered the orphanage? "Let us prey."
- An elderly couple is in church. The wife says to the husband, "I've let out one of those silent farts, what do I do?" The husband says, "Change the battery in your hearing aid."
- I need to re-home a dog. It's a small terrier, and tends to bark a lot. If you're interested, let me know and I'll jump over next door's fence and get it for you.
- To teach kids about democracy, I let them vote on dinner. They just picked pizza. I'm about to make tacos because they don't live in a swing state.
- I phoned the wife earlier and asked if she wanted me to pick up fish and Chips on the way home, but she just grunted at me. I think she still regrets letting me name the twins.
- In the beginning there was nothing. God said "Let there be light!" There was still nothing, but now you could see it.
- Prisoner: I'm sorry I tried to escape. Guard: I'm not mad, just........disappointed.
Remember, kids, never let your guard down. - daughter made up a cute knock knock joke: Knock knock
Who's there?
Let's eat…
Let's eat who?
What are you a cannibal?
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Lets One Liners
Which lets one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with lets? I can suggest the ones about rights and outs.
- I ordered a chicken and an egg from Amazon today I'll let you know.
- Her: Let's exchange numbers Me: Won't that confuse people who are trying to call us?
- To the woman who keeps pounding on my door at night: I'm not letting you out.
- Roses are red, Cellos are brown Never gonna give you up, never gonna let you down ;)
- What does a grape say when you step on it? Nothing. It just lets out a little wine.
- I'd never let my daughter date a soccer player There is a 1/11 chance he's a keeper
- What did the sushi say to the bee? Wasabi
I'll let myself out now. - Don't vaccinate your children! Let a trained medical professional do it!
- My roommate's cellphone broke He wants me to let you guys know he's vegan
- Justin Timberlake admitted to being dyslexic. Take a moment to let that N'Sync
- when i die i want my kids to carry my casket. So they can let me down one more time.
- To everyone suffering from paranoia, let me just tell you: You are not alone.
- Why were all the computers in the company frozen? Because they let IT go
- Don't let your kids watch symphonies on TV There's too much sax and violins.
- My dad wanted me to let you know he's cleaning a window. He just wanted to make it clear.
App Lets Jokes
Here is a list of funny app lets jokes and even better app lets puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- I just installed a new app on my phone that lets me know which of my friends are racist. It's called 'Facebook'
- I found this amazing app that let's you find out which of your friends are racists, which ones are sexists and even which ones are just crazy. It's called 'Facebook'.
- Have y'all heard about this new app that lets you see ghosts? It's called Tinder
- I'm developing an app that lets you customize the look and feel of 4chan when browsing. It's called 4skin
- I write jokes for a living and write code for fun. I should mention I am unemployed, but there is a company that lets me sit in their offices all day making mobile apps for some regular money.
- Apple made an app for their watch, called i-Bro, which lets you connect to all your homies Feminists were upset they didn't name an app similarly for women.
Amusing Lets Jokes to Make You Laugh with Friends
What funny jokes about lets you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean lettuce jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make lets pranks.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A whale tale
A male whale and a female whale were swimming off the coast of Japan when they noticed a whaling ship. The male whale recognized it as the same ship that had harpooned his father many years earlier. He said to the female whale, "Lets both swim under the ship and blow out of our air holes at the same time and it should cause the ship to turn over and sink. They tried it and sure enough, the ship turned over and quickly sank. Soon however, the whales realized the sailors had jumped overboard and were swimming to the safety of shore. The male was enraged that they were going to get away and told the female "lets swim after them and gobble them up before they reach the shore." At this point, he realized the female was becoming reluctant to follow him. "Look", she said, "I went along with the b**..., but I absolutely refuse to s**... the s**...."
Arrows & Targets
A boy gets a bow & arrow for his 10th birthday. He walks outside and starts shooting his arrows. Later his father walks in on him and exclaims, "Wow each of these arrows landed in a target great job! Lets go out for ice cream!" So his father and he go out for the ice cream after it's finished his father asks, "how did you do it?" Then the son says, "It wasn't hard. I just shot arrows and drew circles around them."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Miniskirt
A small crowd gathers at a bus stop. A b**... blonde in a tight top and even tighter miniskirt shows up same time as the bus. Being a gentleman, a man lets her onto the bus first.
She goes to take her first step up the bus stairs, her legs are unable to take the step. The miniskirt was far too tight. Smiling apologetically to everyone, she reaches back to unzips the zipper a little. She attempts to step up the stairs, again, the skirt is still too tight. She reaches around her back, unzips the zipper a little. Smiling once more, she attempts to step up. Sigh, the skirt is still too tight, she reaches behind her a third time.
Two large hands grab her by the waist, lifting her up and placing her at the top of the steps. "Get your hands off me! How dare you touch me," she squealed.
"Ma'am, as much as I don't mind," the gentleman paused,"you were pulling down my zipper".
Jenga Towers
At Highschool we have a test every week and my teacher lets the person with the highest score bring in their favourite board game. For years, my favourite game has been Jenga, the falling towers game.
So on friday the 8th in the first week of September I finally get the highest score and the teacher tells me I can bring in a board game on monday.
mfw I walk into class on 9/11 with Jenga and I'm a muslim...
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A husband and wife are talking about their relationship...
and the wife suggests they each pick one person that they can have s**... with without the other getting mad. The husband agrees and lets the wife go first. She thinks about it for a bit and settles on Brad Pitt. The husband nods his head and says "The neighbor."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Ambulance game
a boy said to a girl "lets play the ambulance game" girl asked "how do u play that?"
the boy said "i run my fingers up your legs and you say red light when you want me to stop"
girl "OK"
after sometime girl screams
red light
red light
ahh ahh red light
boy "ambulance doesn't stop at red light s**..."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Christmas c**... joke
A bottle of lemonade fell on a barmans head. Why wasn't he hurt? It was a soft drink.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Firetruck game
Boy: Lets play the firetruck game.
Girl: How do you play?
Boy: I run my fingers up your leg, and you say, "red light" when you want me to stop.
Girl: Okay :)
*Few seconds later*
Girl: RED LIGHT!!
Boy: Firetrucks don't stop for red lights ;)
The difference between a Republican and a Democrat . . .
A Republican sees a man drowning 50 feet from the pier. He throws the man a 25 foot rope, and expects him to swim half way.
A Democrat sees a man drowning 50 feet from the pier. He throws him a 100 foot rope. Then lets of of his end.
A chemist, a physicist, and an economist...
are all trapped on a desert island, trying to figure out how to open a can of food.
"Let's heat the can over the fire until the can explodes" says the chemist.
"No, no," says the physicist, "lets drop the can onto the rocks from the top of a tall tree"
"I have an idea," says the economist. "First, we assume a can opener..."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Why is Kim never satisfied with s**...?
Because Kanye never lets her finish.
What did one unemployed cancer cell say to the other?
Lets get Jobs!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Out on the Town
A man is standing n**... on a street corner.
A cop walks up and tells him "Sir you can't be doing that here unless you have a good excuse, I am going to take you to jail."
Yes Sir I have a good excuse. I was at my girlfriend's apartment... we started drinking... next thing you know she jumps up and says... "Lets get n**... and go to town. "
I guess I beat her here.
If you're looking for something fun and exciting to do, why not try anti-gravity?
It never lets me down!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
There are 11 blondes...
hanging on the wings of an airplane. 5 on one wing, and 6 on another, and due to this, theres an imbalance and the plane will c**.... So they all decided that one of the blonde has to let go, so the wings are balanced.
After a lot of discussion, one brave blonde decides that she'll sacrifice herself for the others. She lets go, and the rest of the 10 blondes start clapping, applauding her for her bravery.......
Hope you guys like it, nd sorry if its a xpost.
A Priest and a Rabbi walk past a school....
A Priest and a Rabbi walk past a school and see a little boy by himself waiting for the bus. The Priest turns to the Rabbi and says "Lets screw him!" The Rabbi looks at the Priest for a minute and asks "Out of what?"
Clever son!
Father: Which one do you love more , me or Mommy?
Son: I love you both.
Father: Very Well , lets say I went to Japan and Mommy went to France which country will you go to?
Son: Japan.
Father: See, that you love Mommy more than me?
Son: No, I just want to visit Japan.
Father: Very well , lets say I went to Japan and Mommy went to France which country will you go to?
Son: France.
Father: See?
Son: No its just because I have already visited Japan! :D
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Types of salaries
* The onion salary - the moment you touch it, you start crying
* The d**... salary - it doesn't help you at all, it makes you suffer, but you can't live without it
* The agnostic salary - you doubt its existence
* The magic salary - now you see it, now you don't
* The period salary - comes once a month and lasts for 4 days
* The impotent salary - when you need it the most, it lets you down
So the pope coes to New York...
and flags a taxi. The taxi is extremely suprised to see the pope, and quickly ushers him into his cab. After a few minutes of silence, the pope says to the taxi driver "You know, being the pope, I've always have people drive me places, and I rarely get the chance to drive myself. Would you mind if I got behind the wheel for a little while?" Not wanting to say no to the pope, the taxi driver lets him drive. They get pulled over by the police soon after, since the pope was driving way over the speed limit. The officee walks up to the cab, is about to give them ticket, until he sees the pope. Not sure of what to do in this sitution, he calls his superior. "Sir, I just pulled over this guy for speeding, and he's *really* important. What do I do?" "Well who is the guy, the mayor?" "Nah, bigger than that" " Is he a movie star?" " No, way bigger than that" "Is he the president?" "No, he's bigger than that" "Well then who is he!?" "I dunno, but he's got the pope driving for him!"
Lets be honest
Oscar Pistorius will never set foot in a prison
Lazy vultures
Two lazy vultures had procrastinated on flying south for the winter until the first frost hit, then they got worried. "We better catch an airplane to Mexico, lets go to the airport!" So they take off down the road, and as luck would have it, they come across two dead road-killed opossums, that had started to get nice and smelly, just like vultures like them. "What luck, we better take these with us, I heard the airlines don't offer meals on the flight anymore." So they each grab a dead opossum, tuck it under their wing, and head on to the terminal. They walk up to the ticket counter and tell they lady "We'd like two tickets to Cancun, please."
"Very well," she says, "Will you be checking any bags?"
"No," say the vultures, holding up the dead opossum carcasses, "we only have carrion."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A couple of whales.
A male whale and a female whale were swimming off the coast of Japan when they noticed a whaling ship. The male whale recognized it as the same ship that had harpooned his father many years earlier.
He said to the female whale, "Lets both swim under the same side of the ship and blow out of our air holes at the same time and it should cause the ship to turn over and sink." They tried it and sure enough, the ship turned over and quickly sank.
Soon however, the whales realized the sailors had jumped overboard and were swimming to the safety of shore.The male was enraged that they were going to get away and said to the female, "Lets swim after them and gobble them up before they reach the shore."
At this point, the male whale realized the female was becoming reluctant to follow him."What's the matter, Darling?"
"Look, Love," she said, "I went along with the b**..., but I absolutely refuse to s**... the s**...".
fire the chauffeur!
Wife: "I'm gonna fire our chauffeur!!! He's such a pathetic driver, this is the third time he almost got me killed...."
Husband: "Dear, lets give him another chance."
[God-awful OC] What do you call someone who lets people rent wifi signals from them?
The lanlord!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
the explanation of just about every jewish holiday
they tried to kill us
they failed
lets eat
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Two jungle explorers got captured by cannibals...
Now they find themselves in a giant cauldron full of water over an open fire. The water is getting warmer and warmer and both of them realize they're done for. So they're sitting there not sure what to do when one of them lets out a chuckle. "how could you laugh at a time like this?" says the other one, "we're both about to die!".
"I know...but I just peed in their soup."
How do you pump up a room full of shy introverts?
"LETS GET READY TO MUMBLE!!!"
A gender studies major gets mugged
A gender studies major is walking through Central Park on her way back to campus, when a mugger jumps her. He takes her wallet and purse, but lets her keep her cellphone.
She immediately calls the police. "Was it a man or a woman?" the cop asks once he got there.
"I don't know," she says. "I didn't get to ask."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A man walks into an Apple store...
..and lets out a huge f**.... Within seconds, everyone in the entire store leaves. Why?
--
Because there are no Windows
PSA: This year, lets refrain from the 'I haven't taken a shower since last year!' jokes.
Please and thank you.
An experienced customs officer is having a shift on the border
At some point he sees a man pushing a bicycle with a huge sack thrown over the seat. He stops him at the border.
"What do you have in this sack?"
"Sand."
"Well let me check."
The officer opens up the bag and indeed it's full of sand. He searches it throughly, but there's nothing else, so he lets the man go.
The next day the same man shows up, again pushing a bicycle with a huge sack thrown over the seat, and again there was nothing but sand in it.
After a few days of this playing out, the customs officer holds up the man a little longer.
"Listen pal, I've been in this job for 10 years now, I can recognize a smuggler from a mile away. I have no definite proof, but I know you have been taking something past this border and it's driving me crazy. Let's make a deal - you tell me what you are smuggling and I won't stop you any more. So what is it?"
And the man replied.
"Bicycles."
Two hunters are strolling through the woods ...
When suddenly, one of them gasps, grabs hit chest, and collapses on the floor, eyes open and non-responsive.
In a panic, the other hunter dials 911: "I think my friend is dead! What can I do?!"
"Sir, please calm down. First of all, lets make sure he's dead"
There is a silence, and then a gunshot is heard
"Okay, so now what?"
What did the halal lettuce say to the halal cucumber ?
Lets make salat
Two Jehovah's Witnesses knock on someone's door
The house owner opens the door. "Good morning, would you like to learn about God today?" The houseowner was a little bored, and slightly curious, so he lets them in. They slowly enter, and sit down on the couch across from the houseowner. After a few seconds of silence, the houseowner asks, "Well?" The Jehovah's Witnesses look at each other and says to the houseowner, "We don't know what to say, we've never made it this far."
Four students are having a problem with their car...
Four students are having a problem with their car and are forced to stop on the side of the road.
"The ignition is damaged" says the electrical engineer.
"The fuel pipe is clogged" says the chemist.
"Engines is damaged" says the engineer.
"Lets just get out of the car and get in again" says the computer scientist.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A teenage boy goes up to his father
"Father I am not a v**... anymore"
Father: "Wow that's great! Lets sit down and drink something celebrate about this moment"
Son: "Ok, I can drink with you but I can't sit"
I simply love my anti gravity machine....
It never lets me down.
Kyiv subway. A middle-aged woman enters the train.
Young guy stands up from his seat and lets her sit down.
Woman: Young man, are you from Lviv?
Guy: Why do you think so?
Woman: You are the only one to give me a seat.
Guy: You are right, I'm from Lviv. And you must be from Donetsk.
Woman: Yeah. But how have you guessed it?
Guy: You haven't even thanked me.
My son is sort of like rapunzel
But instead of letting his hair down he lets everybody down.
Why is there no "Lets settle this like women"?
Because it lasts forever.
Android lets you use "Lumos" for the flashlight, "Silencio" for the notifications...
but not "Incendio". That is a Samsung exclusive.
What happens to water when it gets all fired up?
It lets off steam.
^^...I'm ^^sorry
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Queen Elizabeth and Dolly Parton die on the same day, but are told only one can get into the pearly gates.
St. Peter asks Queen Elizabeth what makes her special enough to enter Heaven. Elizabeth takes out a d**... bottle and douches herself.
St. Peter asks Dolly what makes her special enough to get into Heaven. Dolly opens up her shirt and flashes her chest.
St. Peter lets Queen Elizabeth in instead of Dolly, because a royal flush always beats a good pair.
How to tell someone they have a bad breath nicely ?
"Oh boy I am bored lets brush our teeth"
My dad only lets me keep 2 pet ravens at a time
Nevermore
When I get home from work, my wife lets me put my feet up...
When we first met, I stuggled to get two fingers up...
Where is my wife
A young man and an old man bumped shopping carts at the grocery store.
Young man: I am sorry. I wasn't watching where I was going. I was looking for my wife.
Old man : Sorry. I was also looking for my wife.
Young man: Well maybe we can look together. My wife is 24. She is 5'2". She has short black hair. She is wearing a pink tube top and blue Jeans. What does your wife look like?
Old man: It doesn't matter. Lets look for yours.
I just discovered a major difference between me and Rapunzel.
Rapunzel lets her hair down but I let everybody near me down.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A v**... goes to a brothel for his first time.
The woman takes him into a room and says, "We're going to try this position called 69. I think you'll like it."
He lies down on the bed. She gets on top and they start going at it. Everything is fine for the first few minutes, and then she lets out a huge f**..., right in the guy's face. She apologizes and they get back to business.
A few minutes later, she rips another f**..., bigger than the first one.
"Oh my god! I'm so sorry! Are you ok?"
"Yeah, I'm fine," he says. "I don't think I can take another 67 of those, though."
Lets pretend
My wife on our last date:
lets pretend its 25 years ago, we don't have kids at home and we are out on a first date
Me: Im sorry. I dont think this is going to work.
My impression of 2 old nearly deaf guys at the park sitting on a bench together.
Old guy 1. Boy, it sure is windy.
Old guy 2. No it's not! It's Thursday!
Old guy 1. Yeah me too. Lets go get a beer.
I finally found a machine at the gym that lets older guys date younger women who come to work out!
They just installed an ATM in the lobby.
Two guys are looking for a christmas tree in the woods...
They've been walking through the thick snow for about an hour and one of the guys says:
"Ah screw it! Lets just take that big one over there. So what if it doesn't have decorations?"
Now that the tide pod fad is dying down
lets move onto the cotton candy in the attic.
A priest and a bus driver stand outside the gates of heaven.
God lets the bus driver in, but denies entry for the priest. The priest exclaims:
-Why was that man let in? He gambles, drinks, sheats on his wife and is a bad father figure to his kids.
I on the other hand have served you my entire life.
God replies:
-That might be, but when you preach, everybody falls asleep in the church. When he drives the bus, all the passengers pray.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A tough guy walks into a bar with an alligator on a leash.
When he has everyone's attention, he grabs the alligator by the mouth, opens it, and let's it chomp down on his c**.... He counts to ten, then hits the gator on the head with a beer bottle and it lets go. When the applause dies down, he offers $1,000 to anyone that can do that . The bar is dead quiet, and finally a little old lady raises her hand. I'll try it...but just don't hit me that hard on the head with the beer bottle .
A French teacher asks her new class if any of them know any French.
Young Johnny lets out a parade of F-bombs-
"Whoa! Hey now?! Who told you that was French?" interrupted the teacher.
"My dad. He is always asking people to pardon his French".
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Birds do it, bees do it, even educated fleas do it, lets do it
Let's go hurtling straight into a sliding glass door and die
How many ADHD kids does it take to change a light bulb?
LETS GO RIDE BIKES
I heard Disney is making a princess that's more pc to viewers.
She's said to resemble Rapunzel. Except instead of letting down her hair, she lets down everyone in her life.
I Don't care what any of you say..
My Alzheimer's lets me enjoy this site everyday
A married couple is getting ready to go out for the evening. The husband is in the shower and the wife is just getting out of the bathtub when the doorbell rings.
The wife hurriedly wraps herself in a towel and answers the door. It's their neighbor, Bob. Bob looks at the wife, who is quite beautiful, and says, I'll give you $800 to let that towel drop. The wife thinks about if for a bit, then lets the towel fall. Bob gives her a thorough visual inspection, then reaches into his wallet and hands her $800. She goes back inside. Who was at the door, honey? asks the husband. Oh, it was our neighbor Bob, she says. Great, says the husband. Did he happen to mention the $800 he owes me?
A man was at the checkout to buy a broom for his house.
He goes up to the cashier and asks if the broom he has is the best one they have. The cashier responds "im not sure i mean a broom is a broom". The man replies "whoa lets not make any sweeping generalizations here"
Whenever I try to confront my wife about blueballing me, she always cuts me off
I hate it that she never lets me finish
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Random dirty joke
Girl 1: Hey, that's a nice bike. When you get her?
Girl 2: Her? Did you just assume my bike's gender?
Girl 1: Well I find it hard to believe any guy lets you ride them willingly.
3 frogs get arrested
The first frog goes in and the judge asks him, "What's your name?" "Frog," he replies. "What did you do?" "I was just blowing bubbles in the pond, your honor." With that, the judge lets him go.
The second frog goes in. "What's your name?" asks the judge. "Frog Frog." "What were you doing?" "I was just blowing bubbles in the pond, sir." With that, the judge lets him go.
The third frog comes in. The judge says, "Let me guess, your name is Frog Frog Frog."
The frog says, "No, my name's Bubbles."
A priest dies and goes to the gates of Heaven
The priest approaches the bouncer aka St. Peter.
After perusing the list, Peter can't find the priest's name, and tells him to go downstairs to the waiting room until further notice.
Meanwhile, a taxi driver who died at the same time approached the gates.
St. Peter welcomes him with open arms and lets him straight into Heaven.
The priest is dumbfounded. I've preached to thousands of people throughout my life! I've baptized children and converted many to the church! I've lived a holy life!
St. Peter shakes his head and responds:
When you preached, people slept...
When he drove, people prayed.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
How many feminists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Just one.
She holds it in place, and lets the world revolve around her.
So all the animals gathered and having a party,
Everybody is drinking and talking and having a good time,
suddenly a chameleon get to the middle of the room, say "check this out" and start changing color of his skin for a minute straight.
Once he done he say "Lets see any of you do the same".
Suddenly octopus appear from the crowd and says:
hold my beer, hold my beer, hold my beer, hold my beer, hold my beer, hold my beer, hold my beer, hold my beer.
What does LGBTQ stand for in 2020
Lets get back to quarantine, obviously
Stay safe everyone
The drowning man
A conservative and a liberal are walking along the beach when they see a man drowning a hundred feet off shore.
The conservative throws him a 50-foot rope and shouts to the victim "You provide the other fifty feet." The liberal throws the man a 200-foot rope ... and lets go of both ends.
Two cookies are getting ready for their fight
"Lets get ready to crrrrrrummmbleeeeeeeeeeeeeeee"
What does a squid say when it's in a hurry?
Lets get Kraken
Two old men are sitting in the lounge chatting.
The one says, You should try the restaurant my wife and I went to last night. Pricey but well worth the money.
Oh, what's it called? asks the other man enthusiastically.
His friend thinks for a minute, Uhm…I…er…
Obviously having a senior moment he says, What's that flower, you know, war named after it, given out on Valentine's day?
The other man says, You mean the rose?
His friend lets out a gleeful, Yes! That's it, a rose!
He then turns in the chair and calls to his wife, Rose! What's the name of that place we ate at last night?
Today I learned about the Astley paradox!
If you ask Rick Astley for his copy of the movie UP, he cannot give it to you as he will never give you up.
However, in doing so, he lets you down.
Thus creating the Astley Paradox.
Two old men are sitting in the lounge chatting.
The one says, You should try the restaurant my wife and I went to last night. Pricey but well worth the money.
Oh, what's it called? asks the other man enthusiastically.
His friend thinks for a minute, Uhm…I…er…
Obviously having a senior moment he says, What's that flower, you know, war named after it, given out on Valentine's day?
The other man says, You mean the rose?
His friend lets out a gleeful, Yes! That's it, a rose!
He then turns in the chair and calls to his wife, Rose! What's the name of that place we ate at last night?
Vladimir Putin and Kim Jong Un are discussing their countries, and decide to have a contest to see whose soldiers are more obedient.
They are in a hotel at the top of a mountain near a cliff.
Vladimir Putin instructs a soldier to run and jump off the cliff. The soldier says "Please Putin, I have a wife and children!" Putin lets him go.
Kim Jong Un instructs a soldier to jump. The soldier runs to jump off the cliff. Putin grabs him before he can, telling him not to jump. The soldier says "Please Putin, I have a wife and children!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A man and his wife went fishing one day. As they were fishing, they spotted the Coast Guard coming towards them.
Wife: "Honey, we caught four fish, and we are only allowed three, so lets throw one back into the sea."
Husband: "Are you mad, woman, that's our food for tonight. Take one fish and hide it in your p**...."
wife: "And what about the smell???"
Husband: "Just block the fish's nose!...."
