Lesson Jokes
116 lesson jokes and hilarious lesson puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about lesson that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
This article explores the idea of learning lessons through jokes. Discover humorous insights into the typical lessons of life, such as driving lessons, English classes, swimming classes, piano and guitar tutorials, flying lessons, and even management lessons. Learn invaluable lessons through reading a collection of jokes related to the different topics of education.
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Funniest Lesson Short Jokes
Short lesson jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The lesson humour may include short learn jokes also.
- I definitely learned my lesson about speeding today and it will never happen again. I didn't get pulled over or anything, I just showed up to work 20 minutes early.
- My ex had weekly lessons with the devil on how to become more evil I still don't know how much she charged him though.
- Whenever I go out, I always wear a stethoscope. That way, in the event of a medical emergency, I can teach people a valuable lesson about assumptions.
- Obesity kills thousands of times more Americans than shooting does, which teaches us an important lesson: Shooters do poorly given the size of their targets.
- My wife didn't finish her morse code lessons before going sailing. She seems to alright though she keeps sending me messages to send her an SMS but I haven't got a reply yet.
- I told my son, I always wanted to give you a lesson on how to make a salad. Son: Why?
Me: That's something that needs addressing. - I asked my mom why she forced me to go to to singing lessons as a kid She said singing is a skill I need to a choir.
- Someone was handing out certificates for a free karate Lesson at the mall yesterday He told me I could only Taek Won Do
- I am going for dancing lessons. We did the waltz yesterday and it was really hard.
I just feel like I'm always taking 2 steps forward and 1 back. - Quick Grammar Lesson. They're = they are
We're = we are
You're = you are
My fire = the one desired
Believe me = when I say
I want it = that way.
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Lesson One Liners
Which lesson one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with lesson? I can suggest the ones about lecture and skills.
- Why did the frog take accordion lessons? To be a polka-rana.
- What did the blonde say after the lesson on electricity? Watt?
- I offered free exercise lessons for the homeless now I've got 200 squatters!
- I wish prostitutes would learn a lesson from eBay ...and do away with insertion fees.
- My wife asked me if I learned anything at my first Improv lesson. I said no.
- College taught me a valuable lesson. I'm still paying for it.
- What is the opposite of a lesson? A more-on!
- My friend once taught me a priceless lesson about the word "many" To me, it meant a lot.
- Why did the bass player miss his second lesson? He had a gig that night.
- What did EA give Sean Murray for a parting gift upon leaving EA? Game dev lessons.
- Some of you may be nervous about your first guitar lesson. Don't fret about it.
- TIL Jimi Hendrix didn't die God just wanted guitar lessons
- What did Caesar say when he ran into his friend at a music lesson? "Etude, Brute?"
- How do you make a fruit punch ? Give it boxing lessons !
- Educational video website Lynda.com got hacked I hope they learned their lesson.
Lesson Learned Jokes
Here is a list of funny lesson learned jokes and even better lesson learned puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- News: Hillary Clinton concedes her defeat to Donald Trump in a private phone call. Safe to say she's learned her lesson with emails!
- Now that we've learned all this year's terrible lessons... ... I can't wait until 2020 is hindsight.
- I told my mate i was on my way to a filipino lesson He said "Hey i've been wanting to learn a new language, can i tagalog?"
- Before taking lessons, Elton John first learned how to play the piano by ear. I still think it was easier to use my fingers.
- If there's a lesson to be learned from the Oscar Pistorius tragedy, It's that cyborgs are not to be trusted.
- A mathematician was charged with a DUI That day, he learned an important lesson - to never drink and derive.
- I think that the powerful, elite titans of industry have learned an important lesson from this whole Harvey Weinstein ordeal. Never hire a board of directors.
- My Grandfather used to tell me , There are no Mistakes , just lessons learned from. Which is funny cause he was a surgeon.
- Today I've teached my son a lesson by eating his homework... ... tomorrow he will learn that even if you tell the truth people often don't believe you.
- If the wasp hadn't of stung me I wouldn't have killed it. The lesson learned is that violence bee gets violence.
Valuable Lesson Jokes
Here is a list of funny valuable lesson jokes and even better valuable lesson puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- A couple of police officers taught me a valuable lesson about grocery stores. Apparently, employees aren't supposed to have free thyme.
- I taught my son a valuable life lesson today about not letting people take advantage of you. It cost him £50.
- jenga teaches children a valuable life lesson. That if you work hard and spend a lot of time on something, some idiot will come along and ruin it all for you.
- My scout leader taught me a very valuable lesson... ... "If you lick your fingers and wet it a little, it will slide right in". Threading needles has never been this easy!
- When I have kids I'm going to teach them valuable lessons like don't do drugs ...Sell them!
English Lesson Jokes
Here is a list of funny english lesson jokes and even better english lesson puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- I finished my English lessons yesterday. My mom asked me how it had gone on a scale from one to ten.
It was Past Perfect Tense.
Driving Lesson Jokes
Here is a list of funny driving lesson jokes and even better driving lesson puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Dad takes his son for a driving lesson Son: Dad, I'm so nervous, I can't stop shaking, what are we going to do?
Dad: Parkinson. - When Chuck Norris went to his first driving lesson He got in the car and said Ok. This is lesson number 1.
- A blonde shows up to her first driving lesson and says "Oh, there's a *front* seat, too?
Gather Around for Fun Lesson Jokes and Laughter with Friends
What funny jokes about lesson you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean study jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make lesson pranks.
Yesterday my daughter was playing in the garden when I saw her kill a butterfly. So to teach her a lesson I said, "Just for that you don't get any butter for a month."
Today in the kitchen she killed a cockroach. I said, "Nice try."
Virtually every Harry Potter character can teach us a lesson.
For example, Barty Crouch Jr. taught us that drinking can make you Moody.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A Short History Lesson
The old missionaries who arrived in the West Indies were the cannibals first taste of Christianity
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
The birds and the bees
A little girl came home from school quite confused after her first s**...-ed class, and asked her mother to explain.
"Well," said her mother, quite embarrassed, "There are birds and there are bees..."
"That's what I don't understand! Don't birds eat bees?"
Her father piped up from the next room, "That's lesson two!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A lady walks into an ice cream shop.
"Can I get a chocolate scoop on a cone?" she asks.
"Sorry, ma'am, but we're out of chocolate ice cream," says the man behind the counter.
"Oh, well then can I get a chocolate sundae?" she asks.
"We're out of chocolate," he repeats.
"Well, how about a chocolate milkshake?"
The man is frustrated at this point and decides to teach her a lesson.
"Ma'am, do you see the 'van' in vanilla?"
"Yes," she says.
"Do you also see the 'straw' in strawberry?"
"I do."
"Ma'am, do you see the 'frick' in chocolate?"
"There's no 'frick' in chocolate..."
"THAT'S WHAT I'VE BEEN TRYING TO TELL YOU!"
Jimmy approached his teacher
After looking at the syllabus for their next lesson on graphing, Jimmy approached his teacher with a stern look on his face and said, I'll do algebra, I'll do trig, I'll even do statistics, but graphing is where I draw the line!
practicing with the violin
A little boy goes to his weekly violin lesson, but when he opens the violin case he blurts out a curse, and slams the case shut again.
"What's wrong?" asks the teacher.
"It seems my father is going to rob the bank with my violin"
Math in the real world
Basic Math is the subject I teach at a small community college in western North Carolina. I call one part of the curriculum Practical Applications for Living in the Real World. The day after I presented a lesson on simple and compound interest, one of my older students approached me in the hallway. "You really taught me a great deal about my life yesterday," he said. "I realized I've been struggling with a lack of interest, compounded daily, for thirty years."
An International School Teacher
...starts a lesson with her 4 students, who are an American kid, an African kid, a European kid and a Chinese kid. She asks "what's your opinion on food scarcity in other countries?"
first, the African kid asks "what's food?"
the European kid asks "what's scarcity?"
the American kid asks "what's other countries?"
and finally the Chinese kid asks "what's my own opinion?"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Lessons.
A teacher was giving a lesson on the circulation of the blood. Trying to make the matter clearer, he said, "Now, boys, if I stood on my head the blood, as you know, would run into it, and I should turn red in the face." "Yes, sir," the boys said. "Then why is it that while I am standing upright in the ordinary position the blood doesn't run into my feet?" A little fellow in the back shouted, "Cause yer feet ain't empty."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A man would come home very late and very drunk every night.
His wife decides to teach him a lesson by dressing up like Satan and scaring him.
When he finally stumbles across the lawn, his wife jumps out and howls like a d**....
He looks at her and slurs, "You don't scare me. I'm married to your sister!"
The Three Professors
Three professors are arguing over who is the best at teaching.
The first professor boasts, "I teach so well, my students never ask any questions. This proves they understand me immediately!"
The second professor responds, "Nonsense! I teach so well, my students never ask questions OR take notes. It's clear they remember the lesson instantly!"
The third professor grins and says, "You're both amateurs. I teach so well, my students don't even have to show up to class!"
A man decides he wants to learn to play bass.
He signs up for lessons and the first day the instructor says to him "today we're learning E." and he just plays E over and over again. The next lesson the instructor says he'll be teaching him A and he plays A over and over again. The third lesson is D and he plays D over and over again. At the end of the lesson the instructor says "next lesson we'll learn G" but the guy replies "I can't make the next lesson, I have a gig."
Spelling practice
It is spelling lesson. The teacher asks the kids to spell different words.
-Emma, can you spell 'dog'?
-D O G
-Correct! Jake, can you spell 'cat'?
-C A T
-Correct! Now, Ahmed, can you spell 'racial discrimination'?
Jesus, Moses, and Muhammad are fishing on a boat
As Jesus winds down the fishing lesson, he notes the time. He bids them farewell, and walks across the lake home.
After a while, Moses decided he wasn't very good at fishing, so he parted the lake and went home.
Being the last one left, Muhammed ██████████ █████ ████████████████ ██████████ ███████████████ ███████
Pirate joke
A teacher is giving a history lesson on pirates. He asks the students a question.
"What is a pirates favorite letter".
A student's excitedly shouts " R "!
Teacher replys "You would think it's R but it's the C they love".
I took a piano lesson with Elton John...
He was so nice, he even offered to push in my stool.
A teacher was giving a math lesson...
...and she asked one of her students, "If you had two dollars, and you asked your father for another, how many dollars would you have?"
The student replied, "Two dollars."
"Not quite," the teach responded. "Sounds like you don't know your addition.
"No," the student said, "you just don't know my father."
Paternal Payback
On the day I received my learner's permit, my father agreed to take me out for a driving lesson. With a big grin, he hopped in behind the driver's seat. Why aren't you sitting up front on the passenger's side? I asked.
Kirsten, I've been waiting for this ever since you were a little girl, Dad replied. Now it's my turn to sit back here and kick the seat.
When I was 6 years old my priest took me aside and gave me a lesson about the birds and the bees.
He did this to many other kids. It went on for about 2 years. Until he left the church to pursue his career in zoology. He just loved teaching kids about animals. What a great man.
A friend of mine died last friday, while drinking his martini
It's on that day I learnt an important lesson:
Though laughter is the best medicine, in certain situations the Heimlich maneuver may be more appropriate.
A math teacher went to school drunk...
He told the class that they were going to learn derivatives and then proceeded to pass out. He was removed from the school and fired immediately. The lesson?
Don't drink and derive
When I was fourteen years old, my father gave me an advice for my swimming lessons..
I listened, went to the lesson and after coming back, I talked to him.
Me: "Do you remember what you said earlier? You should put a potato in your speedo to impress the girls! I did that."
He: "So, how did it work?"
Me: "Well, you should've told me to put the potato in the front of my speedo."
Maths lesson
Jimmy comes home from school and his mum asks him what he's learned
today. "I learned that if I have three apples and Jenny gives me two more apples, I'll have five apples."
"That's right," says his mum. "So if you have four bananas and I give you three more, how many will you have?"
"Dunno. We haven't done bananas yet."
I found a wallet on the sidewalk today. I was gonna keep it, rather than return it, but then I thought: well, if I lost a hundred and fifty dollars, how would I feel?
And I realized I would want to be taught a lesson.
(Emo Philips)
Double positives
One day, during a lesson at the community college, the professor is explaining how a double negative will always be positive but a double positive can never be negative.
To which his student replies "yeah right"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I got my girlfriend pregnant and I learned a very important lesson
The price difference between a c**... and an abortion.
An English teacher is giving a lesson on double negatives
He says to the class: "One of the curious conventions of the English language is that two negatives always result in a positive statement; however, never do two positives result in a negative one."
A voice from the back of the room says, "Yeah right".
An inspector, making his rounds, inspects an elementary school.
One teacher says to her class, "Treat him like you would the President of the United States." Sure enough, later that day, the inspector walks in to see how the lesson is doing. Just then, one of the students gets up, stomps over to the inspector, punches him in the gut, nicks his phone, and hides behind a curtain.
"WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING?!" shouts the teacher.
The kid says, "Deleting Twitter."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Lesson 4 of 6: The Crow and the Rabbit
A crow was sitting on a tree, doing nothing all day. A rabbit asked him, can I also sit like you and do nothing all day long? The crow answered: sure, why not! So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the crow, and rested.
A fox jumped on the rabbit and ate it.
**Moral of the story**: To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very high up.
Too many letters in the alphabet
A teacher was going over the alphabet with her students. As they were counting the letters they kept getting 27 instead of 26. After a few more times counting and getting the same result, she realized she needed to use the restroom.
She went to the restroom and then returned to the alphabet lesson. Again she counted the letters and this time she got 26!
Turned out that she had two p.
Slow typing...
After 25 years... I was chatting with my classmate -my childhood crush online. She asked me why am I typing so slow. I said because my other hand isn't free.
She's not replying anymore.
Lesson learnt
-Never smoke while texting..
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Chemistry Lesson
Me: "Hey girl, if you were a compound, you'd be copper telluride. You know why?"
Girl: "Because I'm cute?"
Me: "Nah, you're just really dense."
Grammar lesson
Two people were camping in a campground. The first says, "I think I'll go for a run." The second replies, "Don't you mean 'ran,' since it's past tents?"
A kid asks the Sunday school teacher which part of the body goes to Heaven first. The teacher decides to make it a lesson and asks the kids what they think.
Sarah says 'it's your brain, because that's what controls everything'
Tina says 'it's your heart, because that's where Jesus lives'
Johnny yells out 'your feet!'
The teacher asks why the feet.
Johnny replies 'because I looked in Mrs Brown's bedroom window this morning and she had her feet in the air screaming 'Jesus! I'm coming!'
My son asked me to give him a life lesson.
I said, "Son, you see that mountain over there?"
He said, "Yes."
I said, "If you work really hard and you climb that moment, for days and says... what happens when you reach the top?"
He said, "You see amazing things?"
I said, "No, you realise you left your camera at the bottom. Then when you get back down there you realise that someone's stolen it. That's life."
My husband cheated
I caught my husband cheating. I'm not going to lie, I didn't handle it in the most mature way possible. I threw an iron at him and took quite a bit of money from him.
Then later we had a heart to heart and decided never to play Monopoly again. Lesson learned.
A bass player joke.
A dad gets his son a bass and lessons for his birthday. When the son comes home from his first lesson dad asks, " what did you learn at your first bass lesson son?"
"Well dad, I learned the first 1..2..3..4...5 notes on the E string!"
"That's great son!"
The next week rolls around.
"What did you learn at your second bass lesson son?"
"Well dad, I learned the first 1..2..3..4..5 notes on the A string!"
"That's great son!"
The next week rolls around.
"What did you learn at your third bass lesson son?"
"I blew it off I had a gig."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Neymar, the Brazilian football player, had his first parenting lesson with his new son this morning.
"Right," said the midwife, "what should you do if he starts crying and having a tantrum?"
"Show him a yellow card and tell him to get up off the f*****g floor," replied the baby....
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What do you call a lesson in f**...?
A tootorial.
A teacher is giving a lesson when suddenly she hears someone scream outside the classroom.
She rushes out the door to find one of her students on the ground crying.
Teacher: Oh my God, what happened?!
Student: Someone just pulled a gun on me and tried to rob me!
Teacher: Oh my God, are you okay?
Student: Yes. All they took was my homework.
When God integrated Planet Earth, he thankfully recalled his Calculus lesson.
He remembered to add the sea.
Did you hear about the fencing teacher's new, though unoriginal lesson?
The riposte, he called it.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Meanwhile at an ISIS training camp
A bunch of prospective terrorists gathered for their final training lesson before going into the field.
Their instructor said, Now, watch closely, children. I can only show you how to do this once.
Purchased Vs. Homemade
Six year old Annie returns home from school and says she had her first family planning lesson at school.
Her mother, very interested, asks; "How did it go?" "I nearly died of shame!" she answers.
"Sam from over the road, says that the stork brings babies.
Sally next door said you can buy babies at the orphanage.
Pete in my class says you can buy babies at the hospital."
Her mother answers laughingly, "But that's no reason to be ashamed."
"No, but I can't tell them that we were so poor that you and daddy had to make me yourselves! that I was HOMEMADE."
A mother taught her son to go to the bathroom by the numbers.
1. Open your fly.
2. Take out your equipment.
3. Pull back the skin.
4. Do your business.
5. Let the skin forward.
6. Stow your equipment.
7. Close your fly."
She checked on him often to make sure he had learned his lesson, and each time heard him through the bathroom door saying, "1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6. 7."
She was pleased with his progress until that day when she passed the bathroom door and heard, "3-5, 3-5, 3-5, 3-5, 3-5, 3-5."
Bob Seger sits in a park with a tired-eyed old man. He's learning how to play chess.
After going over the layout and setup of the board, the old man begins a lesson on to the movement of the individual pieces.
Queens move in all directions, any distance. Kings are the same but with only one space. He didn't understand the knight, though.
Two in one direction, then one to the side.
Hm, funny how the knight moves.
This joke is translated from georgian.
A teacher is having a lesson about good deeds.
She teaches the kids to help people cross the road and such.
The next day a group of kids go over to the teacher and one of them says:
Hey teacher, Me, Zach, Andy, George, Tom, John and Luke helped a lady to cross the street.
The teacher asked:
Why so many of you?
The kids answer:
She wasnt crossing.
So there was this kid who was lazy and couldnt wake up early..
His mom wanted to teach him a lesson about the benefits of waking up early.
She said: Son, i am going to tell you a little story and then i want you to tell me what did you learn from it ok?
Son: Ok
Mom: imagine two birds. First bird always wakes up early and can find bugs to feed himself and his family. The second bird wakes up late everyday and cant find anything to eat. So what did you learn from this.
Son: i learned that the bugs that wake up early gets eaten by birds
Two boys walk late into class
Their pants were wet up to their knees.
The teacher asks, "Where have you been."
One of the boys says to the teacher, "We were throwing pebbles in the lake."
The teacher, feeling generous told the boys to sit down at their desks and tells the class there will be a new student joining them today, and starts the lesson
Ten minutes later a girl walks into class, soaking wet from head to toe.
The teacher asks, "You must be the new student, what's your name dear?"
The girl responds, "I'm Pebbles."
Since it my cake day i tell one of my favorite joke
There was this substitute teacher how had just finished teaching the lesson and was busy getting everyone working and was down to just one student not working and he ask the student why he wasn't working, the student said tell me a joke and i will. And than the teacher waving his hands at the student says ta daaaa.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A drunk stumbled to a church to ask a priest a question. He drunkenly asked "Father, what causes arthritis?"
The priest, annoyed by the drunk, angrily replies:
"Arthritis? That's caused by drinking! Drinking too much!" The priest declared.
"Oh really father?" The drunk slurred.
However, the father wanted to really teach this man a lesson, and he said:
"Having un-wed s**... also causes arthritis! And smoking! And gambling! All of it!" The priest shouted.
"Oh really father?" The drunk mumbled. "Because I read in the news that people in the clergy suffer from arthritis."
My Spanish teacher quit her job in the middle of our numbers lesson
She left without a Tres
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
An elementary school teacher was handing out samples of deer jerky to anyone who wanted to try it.
It was part of the lesson about pioneer days and she hadn't yet told them what kind of meat it was.
She was giving clues to help the students. "I'm sure all of you have seen one as there are a lot of them around here". No response.
"The males often clash to prove who is toughest". Still no response.
Finally she says "You have probably heard your mother call your father this."
Suddenly one of the students hacks and then yells "Spit it out! Spit it out! It's an a**...!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
For son's birthday, Dad buys him a bass guitar...
...and pays for 5 lessons.
After the first lesson, the boy gets home and Dad asks "What did you learn today?"
"I learned the first 5 notes on the E string." the son says proudly.
After the second lesson, the dad asks "What did you learn this time?"
"I learned the first 5 notes on the A string." the boy says.
After the third lesson, the Dad waits at home for what seems like hours. Around 2am, the son finally comes home, smelling of whiskey and cigarettes.
"Where the h**... have you been?" Dad demands.
"Sorry dad, I had a gig!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Foul mouthed parrot
An old woman has a pet parrot with a filthy vocabulary. She warns him again and again to clean up his language. He just replies, "S\*!#w You, you old B\*\^$h.
So she grabs him and sticks him in the fridge to teach him a lesson.
As the poor parrot is there in the fridge, getting colder and colder, he spots a chicken, plucked and ready for the oven. He exclaims, "Holy s**...! What did you say to her"!
Teacher student
Teacher giving a lesson on circulation of blood says to her class, Now, if I stood on my head, the blood as you know, would run into it, and I would turn red in the face.
Yes the whole class agrees.
Then why is it, she continues, that while I am standing upright, the blood doesn't run into my feet?
One little fellow shouts, Cause your feet ain't empty!
The first time I tried parachuting...
The scariest thing happened on my first parachuting lesson. The first time you jump, you get harnessed to the Instructor.
As I plummeted through the air, waiting for the instructor to open the parachute, he turned to me and asked
"So, how long have you been an Instructor for?"
A teacher is teaching a notorious class...
A teacher is teaching physics. Then he notices a boy is day dreaming. So the teacher asks that boy,
"Do you know who Albert Einstein is?"
The boy says "No, I don't".
"If you paid more attention to the lesson you should know" scolded the sir.
Then the boy asks the teacher "do you know who Kevin is?"
The teacher says "No I don't"
"If you paid more attention to your daughter you should know" said the boy.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I recently moved into an apartment building from a house.
The neighbors came knocking at the door at 2am, are all high density living situations full of a**....
Anyway, it totally interupted my drum lesson.
A lesson from my life as a monk
I learned a lot during my years at the monastery. One thing I still remember is that our vow of poverty meant that we were expected to go to great lengths to look after our one robe, including mending and from time to time dying them to their regulation dark hue.
One thing that surprised me was how rough and scratchy the dye made the material over many years.
Old habits dye hard.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A man buys a parrot and brings him home.
But the parrot starts insulting him and gets really n**..., so the man picks up the parrot and tosses him into the freezer to teach him a lesson. He hears the bird squawking for a few minutes, but all of a sudden the parrot is quiet. The man opens the freezer door, the parrot walks out, looks up at him, and says, "I apologize for offending you, and I humbly ask your forgiveness."
The man says, "Well, thank you. I forgive you."
The parrot then says, "If you don't mind my asking, what did the chicken do?"
I signed up for a guitar chord lesson but had to quit because it was too hard.
Which I thought was strange because I was told it would B E C...
Today in my biology lesson, my teacher told us that all big cats hunted by hiding, except leapords.
When I asked her why, she said, "Well, because they're always spotted."
Be first
A mother was preparing pancakes for her sons, Kevin, 5, and Ryan, 3. The boys began to argue over who would get the first pancake. Their mother saw the opportunity for a moral lesson. If Jesus were sitting here, He would say, "Let my brother have the first pancake. I can wait."
Kevin turned to his younger brother and said, "Ryan, you be Jesus."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
2 Blondes drive past corn field
They see another blonde, in the middle of the field in a row boat, rowing away.
"It's blondes like that that give the rest of us a bad name!" one complains to the other. "Yeah! If I could swim, I'd teach her a lesson!" replied the other
A fifteen year old kid gets an upright bass and starts to take lessons.
After his first lesson, his dad asks him, "what did you learn today?" "I learned to play the A note." After his second lesson his dad asks again, and he responds "I learned to play the D note." After his third lesson his dad asks again and he responds, "I learned to play the E note." After the fourth lesson his dad asks, and the kid responds, "I don't need lessons anymore. I've got a gig with a bluegrass band."
Bible lesson
A little boy opened the big and old family Bible with fascination, he looked at the old pages as he turned them. Then something fell out of the Bible and he picked up and looked at it closely. It was an old leaf from a tree that has been pressed in between pages.
"Momma, look what I found." the boy called out.
"What have you got there, dear?" his mother asked.
With astonishment in the young boy's voice he answered.
"It's Adam's suit!"
