Lesbian Jokes

What are some Lesbian jokes?

My Lesbian neighbours Eva and Julia asked me to help them conceive a child recently.


They said they wouldn't mind if we did it the old fashioned way as they weren't man haters!

For six months now we've been trying but I just don't have the heart to tell them I had a vasectomy last year.

Today I was asked how I view lesbian relationships

Apparently "in HD" wasn't the right answer

My lesbian neighbours asked me what I wanted for my birthday.

They gave me a Rolex. I think they misunderstood when I said I wanna watch.

Two lesbians named Rachel walk in to a wedding cake shop...

To plan for their upcoming nuptials. After learning that the cake will be for their own wedding, the baker refuses service. Offended, the couple can't believe the guy is so opposed to gay marriage we won't even bake a cake. The baker replies, "No no I'm fine with gay marriage-- I just can't support inter-Rachel marriage."

Two lesbians named Rachel walk in to a bakery...

To buy a cake for their upcoming wedding. After learning that the cake will be for their own wedding, the baker refuses service. Offended, the couple can't believe the guy is so opposed to gay marriage that he won't even bake a cake. The baker replies, "No no I'm fine with gay marriage-- I just can't support inter-Rachel marriage."


(posted before but I felt it was an appropriate time for it to rerun.)

My lesbian neighbors asked me what I wanted for my birthday.

I was quite surprised when the gave me a rolex. It was an incredibly generous gift, but I think they misunderstood me when I said "I wanna watch."

[NSFW] Dad, I am a lesbian

1st Daughter:"Dad, I am a lesbian"
Dad; "Oh okay!"
2nd Daughter: "I'm a lesbian too..."
Dad: "Jesus Christ, does any one in this family love dicks?"
Son: "I do."

So, my lesbian friend asked how I view lesbian relationships.

In Hd was not the correct answer.

What's the difference between a little kid and a lesbian?

A little kid shouldn't run with scissors, a lesbian shouldn't scissor with the runs.

Why did the vegetarian hate giving blow jobs?

She was a lesbian.

My lesbian neighbors got me a Rolex for Christmas

I guess they misunderstood when I said I wanna watch.

What did the two lesbian vampires say to each other?

Same time next month?

I'm against lesbian couples adopting a child...

Which one is going to tell the dad jokes?

My wife came out to me after for horrible years of marriage and revealed she was a lesbian and that she wished she'd married another woman

Which finally gave us something in common.

The Catholic Church absolutely agrees on homosexuals getting married...

... As long as a gay marries a lesbian.

My lesbian GF and I suck at saving

Guess we need to stop eating out

"Dad, i'm a lesbian."

Confesses the daughter.

Her younger sister shouts from the kitchen "Me too dad."

"Goddammit" Exclaims the father. "Will one of you bring a man to this house!?"

"I will, Dad." Says the son from his room.

How do two lesbians pass their time when on their period?

Finger painting.

Did you hear about the new pill that's supposed to turn lesbian women straight?

It's called tricoxagain.

What's a lesbians favorite language?

Gaelic

My lesbian sister told me that most girls are like spaghetti noodles

Straight until you get them wet.

What do lesbian pirates say?

Arrr scissor me timbers

As a Lesbian, I feel like I wasted my time learning to cook.

All my partner and I do is eat out.

My lesbian neighbors got me a rolex for my birthday.

I guess they didn't realize what I meant when I said I wanna watch .

I received a rolex for Christmas from the lesbian couple who live next door.

Now, while I am happy with the gift, I guess they didn`t quite understand what I meant when I told them, "I wanna watch".

Why can't lesbians have sex at concerts?

Because rock beats scissors.

My girlfriend asked me how do i see lesbian relationships

Apparently 'In HD' wasn't the right answer.

Who cooks in a lesbian relationship?

None they both eat out.

Why are lesbians always low on cash?

Because they're constantly eating out!

Why do so many lesbians have short hair?

They just get really excited about scissors.

What do you call a Persian lesbian?

A flying carpet muncher.

I'm so sorry.

In a lesbian relationship, which one makes the sandwiches?

Neither. They eat out.

Why don't lesbians cook?

They prefer to eat out.

Why do lesbians prefer going to Sports Authority?

They don't like Dicks...

I was asked by a feminist how I viewed lesbian relationships

I guess in HD was not the answer she was expecting.

I know this lesbian couple who gave me a watch...

The couple gave me a very nice Rolex for my birthday. I'm slightly disappointed though. I should of clarified what I meant when I said "I wanna watch".

Vegetarian curry is like lesbian sex.

Same amount of heat, none of the meat.

What did one lesbian vampire say to the other lesbian vampire?

See you next month!

A feminist asked me how I view lesbian relationships. She slapped me when I answered

I guess "In HD" is the wrong answer

My smoking hot, lesbian best friends got me a Rolex for my birthday.

I guess they misheard me when I said I wanna watch.

If a tall lesbian and a short lesbian have a baby...

...you could call them maxi-mum and mini-mum.

My lesbian friends just got me a Rolex for my birthday.

I think they misunderstood me when I told them "I wanna watch."

Why do lesbians shop at Sports Authority..

Because they hate Dick's

What do you call an Eskimo lesbian?

A Klondyke.

My lesbian neighbors bought me a Rolex for my birthday

I don't think they knew what I meant when I said "I wanna watch"

My lesbian neighbors gave me a Rolex for my birthday

It was mighty kind of them, but they misunderstood when I said "I wanna watch"

New lesbian species of dinosaur discovered.

Lickalottapus.

Today I was asked how I view lesbian relationships.

Apparently "4K ultra high definition" was not the right answer.

I know April keeps going until May comes...(NSFW)

Because the wall I share with my lesbian neighbors is real thin.

Why did the lesbian go to Sports Authority?

because she didn't like dicks.

My lesbian friend gave a me a Rolex for my birthday.

I don't think she understood when I said: "I wanna watch."

OC, What do you call an anorexic lesbian?

A skeleton in the closet.

Sincere apologies to everyone I've just horribly offended!

A feminist asked me how I see lesbian relationships.

"In HD" was apparently the wrong answer.

Why is the lesbian lifestyle so expensive?

They're always eating out.

How to make Lesbian jokes?

We have collected gags and puns about Lesbian to have fun with. Do you want to stand out in a crowd with a good sense of humour joking about Lesbian? If Yes here are a lot more hilarious lines and funny Lesbian pick up lines to share with friends.

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