The Best 61 Lesbian Jokes
Following is our collection of funny Lesbian jokes. There are some lesbian lgbtq jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.
Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these lesbian lesbianism puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.
Top 10 of the Funniest Lesbian Jokes and Puns
My Lesbian neighbours Eva and Julia asked me to help them conceive a child recently.
They said they wouldn't mind if we did it the old fashioned way as they weren't man haters!
For six months now we've been trying but I just don't have the heart to tell them I had a vasectomy last year.
Who cooks in a lesbian relationship?
None they both eat out.
I received a rolex for Christmas from the lesbian couple who live next door.
Now, while I am happy with the gift, I guess they didn`t quite understand what I meant when I told them, "I wanna watch".
Why do lesbians prefer going to Sports Authority?
They don't like Dicks...
A cowboy takes a break from the range and heads out to LA for a cowboy convention . . .
When he gets to LA, he decides to stop at a local watering hole and grab a beer. He's sitting there in his hat, jeans, and boots, when a woman walks up and sits down beside him.
Woman: Are you a cowboy?
Cowboy: Well yes ma'am, I am.
Woman: Like a real deal cowboy?
Cowboy: I don't know any other kind.
Woman: I've never met a real cowboy before.
Cowboy: Well now you have.
Woman: Well?
Cowboy: Well what?
Woman: Aren't you going to ask what I am?
Cowboy: Well, uh, what are you?
Woman: I'm a lesbian.
Cowboy: A lesb- . . . I don't believe I know what that is.
Woman: It means that I like women. I like to kiss them and touch them and make love to them.
Cowboy: . . . .
The woman gets up and leaves and another woman comes into the bar. She spots the cowboy sitting there with his beer and takes a seat beside him.
Woman: Are you a cowboy?
Cowboy: Well ma'am, I thought I was, but I just found out I'm a lesbian.
harharhar.
Why are lesbians always low on cash?
Because they're constantly eating out!
[NSFW] Dad, I am a lesbian
1st Daughter:"Dad, I am a lesbian"
Dad; "Oh okay!"
2nd Daughter: "I'm a lesbian too..."
Dad: "Jesus Christ, does any one in this family love dicks?"
Son: "I do."
![Lesbian joke, [NSFW] Dad, I am a lesbian](/images/jokes/lesbian-jokes-a-feminist-once-asked-me-whats-your-view-on-lesbia.jpg "Lesbian joke, [NSFW] Dad, I am a lesbian")
I know this lesbian couple who gave me a watch...
The couple gave me a very nice Rolex for my birthday. I'm slightly disappointed though. I should of clarified what I meant when I said "I wanna watch".
"Dad, i'm a lesbian."
Confesses the daughter.
Her younger sister shouts from the kitchen "Me too dad."
"Goddammit" Exclaims the father. "Will one of you bring a man to this house!?"
"I will, Dad." Says the son from his room.
What did the two lesbian vampires say to each other?
Same time next month?
My lesbian neighbours asked me what I wanted for my birthday.
They gave me a Rolex. I think they misunderstood when I said I wanna watch.
You can explore lesbian tricoxagain reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean lesbian pansexual dad jokes. There are also lesbian puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
How do two lesbians pass their time when on their period?
Finger painting.
Today I was asked how I view lesbian relationships
Apparently "in HD" wasn't the right answer
Two lesbians named Rachel walk in to a wedding cake shop...
To plan for their upcoming nuptials. After learning that the cake will be for their own wedding, the baker refuses service. Offended, the couple can't believe the guy is so opposed to gay marriage we won't even bake a cake. The baker replies, "No no I'm fine with gay marriage-- I just can't support inter-Rachel marriage."
What did one lesbian vampire say to the other lesbian vampire?
See you next month!
So, my lesbian friend asked how I view lesbian relationships.
In Hd was not the correct answer.
Did you hear about the new pill that's supposed to turn lesbian women straight?
It's called tricoxagain.
My lesbian friends just got me a Rolex for my birthday.
I think they misunderstood me when I told them "I wanna watch."
My wife came out to me after for horrible years of marriage and revealed she was a lesbian and that she wished she'd married another woman
Which finally gave us something in common.
Two lesbians named Rachel walk in to a bakery...
To buy a cake for their upcoming wedding. After learning that the cake will be for their own wedding, the baker refuses service. Offended, the couple can't believe the guy is so opposed to gay marriage that he won't even bake a cake. The baker replies, "No no I'm fine with gay marriage-- I just can't support inter-Rachel marriage."
(posted before but I felt it was an appropriate time for it to rerun.)
Why can't lesbians have sex at concerts?
Because rock beats scissors.
As a Lesbian, I feel like I wasted my time learning to cook.
All my partner and I do is eat out.
What's the difference between a little kid and a lesbian?
A little kid shouldn't run with scissors, a lesbian shouldn't scissor with the runs.
My lesbian neighbors got me a Rolex for Christmas
I guess they misunderstood when I said I wanna watch.
Vegetarian curry is like lesbian sex.
Same amount of heat, none of the meat.
My lesbian sister told me that most girls are like spaghetti noodles
Straight until you get them wet.
What do you call a Persian lesbian?
A flying carpet muncher.
I'm so sorry.
Why don't lesbians cook?
They prefer to eat out.
Why do lesbians shop at Sports Authority..
Because they hate Dick's
My girlfriend asked me how do i see lesbian relationships
Apparently 'In HD' wasn't the right answer.
I was asked by a feminist how I viewed lesbian relationships
I guess in HD was not the answer she was expecting.
A feminist asked me how I view lesbian relationships. She slapped me when I answered
I guess "In HD" is the wrong answer
My lesbian neighbors asked me what I wanted for my birthday.
I was quite surprised when the gave me a rolex. It was an incredibly generous gift, but I think they misunderstood me when I said "I wanna watch."
Why did the vegetarian hate giving blow jobs?
She was a lesbian.
In a lesbian relationship, which one makes the sandwiches?
Neither. They eat out.
Why do so many lesbians have short hair?
They just get really excited about scissors.
What do you call an Eskimo lesbian?
A Klondyke.
My lesbian GF and I suck at saving
Guess we need to stop eating out
The Catholic Church absolutely agrees on homosexuals getting married...
... As long as a gay marries a lesbian.
My smoking hot, lesbian best friends got me a Rolex for my birthday.
I guess they misheard me when I said I wanna watch.
What's a lesbians favorite language?
Gaelic
What do lesbian pirates say?
Arrr scissor me timbers
If a tall lesbian and a short lesbian have a baby...
...you could call them maxi-mum and mini-mum.
My lesbian neighbors got me a rolex for my birthday.
I guess they didn't realize what I meant when I said I wanna watch .
I'm against lesbian couples adopting a child...
Which one is going to tell the dad jokes?
My teacher asked me how I view lesbian relationships...
Apparently 1080p Full Screen HD wasn't the right answer.
The lesbian couple across the street allowed me to see them have sex for my birthday.
It's a beautiful and very thoughtful experience, but I think they misunderstood me when I said I wanna watch.
My lesbian next door neighbors just gave me a Rolex for my birthday
I really like it but I think they misunderstood when I said I wanna watch .
Today, my teacher asked me how I view lesbian relationships
Apparently, in Full HD was not the right answer
A lesbian couple got their elderly neighbor a Rolex for his birthday...
Upon opening it the man said, This is really nice, but I think you ladies misunderstood when I told you I wanna watch
What do lesbian pirates say while having sex?
Scissor me timbers
I was recently asked how I view lesbian relationships.
Apparently "in 4K" was the wrong answer
My lesbian neighbors asked me what I want for my birthday.
I wanted a Timex, but all I got was a black eye.
A farmer at the dinner table with his 2 daughters and his son
The farmer is sitting at the dinner table enjoying his meal. When 1 of his daughters speaks up: "Dad I have to confess something ...". "I'm lesbian". The farmer is a bit suprised but replies with: "That's ok darling". Then the second daughter also speaks up: "Euhh I'm also lesbian". To wich the farmer replies: "Does nobody in this house like boys"? To wich the son slowly raises his hand.
Why are lesbians jealous of whales?
Because they have 9 foot long tongues and can hold their breath for hours.
What's a lesbians favorite flooring
Tongue in groove
I visited my lesbian neighbor today.
I was amazed how clean the carpets were in her house.
Today I shocked a girl doing a survey!
She asked "how do I view lesbian relationships"... Apparently "in UHD 4K" wasn't amongst the options.
Where's the best place to find a lesbian?
In no man's land.
A lesbian couple asked me to help them conceive a baby
So I told them, "Well, imagine an adult, but smaller, mostly hairless, and it shits itself a lot."
What did one lesbian frog say to the other lesbian frog?
RUB-IT RUB-IT!
Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the lesbian gay jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.
We suggest to use only working lesbian dyke and lesbian piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.