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Lesbian Couple Jokes

72 lesbian couple jokes and hilarious lesbian couple puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about lesbian couple that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Funniest Lesbian Couple Short Jokes

Short lesbian couple jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The lesbian couple humour may include short married couple jokes also.

  1. I received a rolex for Christmas from the lesbian couple who live next door. Now, while I am happy with the gift, I guess they didn`t quite understand what I meant when I told them, "I wanna watch".
  2. A lesbian couple got their elderly neighbor a Rolex for his birthday... Upon opening it the man said, This is really nice, but I think you ladies misunderstood when I told you I wanna watch
  3. The lesbian couple across the street got me a Rolex for my birthday It's beautiful and a very thoughtful gift, but I think they miss understood me when I said I wanna watch .
  4. The lesbian couple next door asked me what I wanted for my birthday, so I told them. It was very nice of them to get me a Rolex, but I think they misunderstood when I said "I wanna watch"
  5. The lesbian couple next door got me a Rolex for my birthday... I think they misheard me when I said "I wanna watch"
  6. I used to live next to a really nice lesbian couple They even bought me a Rolex for my birthday! I said "thanks, but this wasn't really what I meant when I said 'I wanna watch.'"
  7. A lesbian couple are building a house next to me... They're not going to use any studs. It's all tongue and groove.
  8. Three days ago a lesbian couple were trying to decide where to go for lunch They are still deciding
  9. A lesbian couple gets married and decides to only get 1 diamond ring between them Two birds, one stone
  10. There's a lesbian couple that lives next door to me. For christmas they bought me a Rolex. It seems they misunderstood when I said I wanna watch.

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Lesbian Couple One Liners

Which lesbian couple one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with lesbian couple? I can suggest the ones about lesbian gay and couples inside.

  1. I'm against lesbian couples adopting a child... Which one is going to tell the dad jokes?
  2. A lesbian couple discussed what they should go eat. They died of starvation.
  3. What do lesbian couples do when they're on their period? Finger paint
  4. What is the best flooring for a lesbian couple? Tongue and Groove.
  5. What does a lesbian couple do when they both have their period? Fingerpainting.
  6. How do lesbian couples celebrate their anniversary? By eating out.
  7. How does a lesbian couple decide who gets artificially inseminated? Rock, paper, scissor.
  8. Lesbian couples... Never really have hard times together... (Just dry ones)
  9. What does a priest says to a lesbian couple See you at lunch 'sisters'
  10. How do lesbian couples open jars with no man in the house? They use a strap wrench
  11. A lesbian couple goes to a park with their son...
  12. I met a pregnant couple, but I don't think they'll last They were lesbian
  13. Asked this lesbian couple from Boston if they met at UMass... Nope, U-Haul.
  14. What do lesbian couples do once a month? Finger paint.
  15. What do you call it when a couple of l**... Netflix and Chill? Netchicks and Fill

Hilarious Lesbian Couple Jokes to Make Your Friends Roar with Laughter

What funny jokes about lesbian couple you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean elderly couple jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make lesbian couple pranks.

What are l**... prescribed for depression?

tricoxagin
(say it a couple times you'll figure it out)

A real cowboy?

An old cowboys goes into a bar, sits down and orders a drink. As he sits there sipping his bourbon, a young lady sits down next to him. She turns to the cowboys and asks "Are you a real cowboy?".
He replies "Well, I've spent my whole life on the ranch, herding horses, mending fences and branding cattle, so I guess I am".
She says "That's cool. I'm a lesbian. I spend my whole day thinking about women. As soon as I get up in the morning I think about women. When I shower or watch TV, everything seems to make me think of women".
The young lady finishes her drink and leaves and soon after a couple sits down next to the cowboy and the man asks him "Are you a real cowboy?".
He replies "Well, I always thought I was but I just found out I'm a lesbian".

I know this lesbian couple who gave me a watch...

The couple gave me a very nice Rolex for my birthday. I'm slightly disappointed though. I should of clarified what I meant when I said "I wanna watch".

A lesbian couple and gay couple are racing for a cash prize. Who wins?

The l**..., 'cause the g**... are still packing and the l**... are lickity split.

Who wins in a race to San Francisco, the lesbian couple or the gay couple?

The l**.... They get there lickity split while the g**... are still packin it in!

Two l**... named Rachel walk in to a wedding cake shop...

To plan for their upcoming nuptials. After learning that the cake will be for their own wedding, the baker refuses service. Offended, the couple can't believe the guy is so opposed to gay marriage we won't even bake a cake. The baker replies, "No no I'm fine with gay marriage-- I just can't support inter-Rachel marriage."

Why do I only see lesbian couples holding hands?

Aren't their hands clammy enough as it is...

If a lesbian couple walks into a bar and the black bartender refuses to serve them, whose fault is it?

A white male. Duh.

Two l**... named Rachel walk in to a bakery...

To buy a cake for their upcoming wedding. After learning that the cake will be for their own wedding, the baker refuses service. Offended, the couple can't believe the guy is so opposed to gay marriage that he won't even bake a cake. The baker replies, "No no I'm fine with gay marriage-- I just can't support inter-Rachel marriage."

(posted before but I felt it was an appropriate time for it to rerun.)

Some friends, a lesbian couple...

bought me an antique gold fob timepiece for my birthday. I think they mistook me when I said "I wanna watch".

The lesbian couple next door got me a Rolex for my birthday.

I think they misunderstood what I meant by "I wanna watch"

My birthday present from my friendly Lesbian neighbors

So it was my birthday and I'm really good friends with the lesbian couple next door. I told them what I was wanting this year and they ended up giving me a brand new gold Rolex. I was disappointed to say the least.
I think they misunderstood me when I said "I wanna watch"

A gay couple and a lesbian couple

Both need to leave quickly.
Who gets out first?
The gay couple. Their s**...'s already packed.

A lesbian couple asked me if I would like to make them parents.

I never thought adoption could be so exciting.

What's the perfect name for a salon run by a couple of lesbian nuns?

Scissor Sisters
*ba-dum-tiss*

If straight couples usually end s**... when the man finishes, how do l**... know when it's time to stop?

When the scissors get dull

This new Rolex that the lesbian couple next door got me for Christmas is nice and all...

...but I don't think they understood what I meant when I said "I wanna watch".

A couple of secs

A little girl runs out to the backyard where her father is working, and asks him, "Daddy, what's s**...?"
"OK," he thinks, "this day was bound to come, and I'm not going to let my little princess learn about s**... from the streets."
So, he sits her down, and tells her all about the birds and the bees. He tells her about conception, i**..., puberty and m**....
Then she asks, "Daddy, what is 'A Couple'?"
And he carries on, "A couple is two people like your mom and me." And he goes on to describe gay, lesbianism, etc...
The father finally asks, "So why did you want to know about 'a couple' and s**...'?"
"Oh, mummy said lunch would be ready in a couple of secs..." the girl replies.

The lesbian couple upstairs gave me a new Rolex for my birthday

It's really nice, but I think they misunderstood when I told them "I wanna watch".

A cowboy goes into a bar and sits down...

.... he orders a drink and lights a cigarette. A lady walks up to him and asks are you a real cowboy? He looks up and says Of course I am! I ride a horse and rope cows all day long. What are you? The lady replies I'm a lesbian. I think about women constantly. I wake up and I think about women, I go about my day thinking about women and I go to sleep and dream about women.
Later a couple walks into the bar and they sit down next to the cowboy and order drinks. Are you a real cowboy? The wife asks. The cowboy looks up at her with an ashen face and says I thought I was but today I learned I'm a lesbian!

A cowboy walks into a bar...

A cowboy walks into a bar and orders a drink, as a woman comes in and sits next to him. After a few minutes, she asks "Are you a real cowboy?". "Well, I work on a barn, watch my cattle and fix the fences, I guess I'm a real cowboy."
The woman says "Hm, I'm a lesbian. I think of women the whole day. When I get up, when I brush my teeth, when I go to work and when I go to bed. I can't stop thinking of women."
An hour later, the lesbian left already, a couple sits next to the cowboy. The wife turns to the cowboy and asks "So are you a real cowboy?"
And the cowboy replies "Well I thought I was, but it seems like I'm a lesbian."
*Source:* Plato and a Platypus walk into a bar...

Probably a repost

What do lesbian couples do for fun when they are both on their periods?
Finger painting.

Why did the lesbian couple buy their neighbor a Rolex?

Because he told them: "I wanna watch."

Why do arguing lesbian couples get sick to their stomachs?

Dunno, maybe they ate something that disagreed with them.

The lesbian couple upstairs

Got me a new Rolex for Christmas. I think they may have misunderstood when I told them I wanna watch.

A lesbian couple were smoking w**... together.

One was a high femme, the other was a s**... butch.

The attractive lesbian couple across the street got me a very nice Rolex for Christmas...

I think they misunderstood when I told them "I wanna watch"

The super nice lesbian couple at work got me a Rolex for Christmas.

Obviously they didn't understand what I meant when I said I wanna watch

A lesbian couple moved in next door...

After a while we became friends. One day they asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told them that I wanna watch. They bought me a Timex. They clearly misunderstood!

The lesbian couple across the street allowed me to see them have s**... for my birthday.

It's a beautiful and very thoughtful experience, but I think they misunderstood me when I said I wanna watch.

I was in line at a busy bank...

I was in line at the bank and it was very busy so I had to wait awhile. At the front was a lesbian couple setting up a 529 plan for their new daughter's education. Behind them was a gay man waitinf to refinance his car. A bisexual couple was behind the gay guy talking about a home equity loan. Behind them was a trans person looking for HSA advice for upcoming treatment. I just had to wait behind the LGBT queue.

A lesbian couple asked me to help them conceive a baby

So I told them, "Well, imagine an adult, but smaller, mostly hairless, and it s**... itself a lot."

A Norwegian fisherman came in to a bar...

A Norwegian fisherman came in to a bar, after a couple of beers he walked up to a lady and asked; "whats up?"
The lady, obviously not interested, said; " I'm a lesbian"
"what the h**... is that?" He said.
"Well," she said; "i prefer having s**... with women and drink beer".
The man went quiet, lost in thought with a confused look in his eyes.
After a minute she had to break the silence; "so, whats up with you?"
The man looked at her; "I thought I was a fisherman, but now i wonder if I'm actually a lesbian."