The Best 43 Lent Jokes
Following is our collection of funniest Lent jokes. There are some lent mardi jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud. Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these lent fundamentalists puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.
Funny Lent Jokes and Puns
I lent my umbrella to a hot girl yesterday.
That takes the number of girls i've made wet this year to -1
In honor of Lent . . .
It was a young couple's wedding night and as the night wore on the bride grew more and more anxious to consumate their marriage. Finally she said, "Um, honey? It's getting late and aren't we going to - well - do it?" "I can't," said her husband, "it's Lent." "It's lent?!" she exclaimed. "That's ridiculous! To who and for how long?"
You know who's not giving anything up for lent?
Rick Astley.
I've given up sexual innuendo for Lent...
so far it's been pretty hard.
My mate lent me $5,000 to produce my idea of a fruit-based torch, then took all credit.
He stole my limelight.
My neighbor lent me some spices and I accidentally sat on them.
At this point I'm on borrowed thyme.
I lent Holden Caulfield $20 and he still hasn't paid me back.
That's what I get for trusting an unreliable narrator.
A penitent man decided to give up sex for Lent...
A penitent man decided to give up sex for the Lenten season. His wife was not informed of this situation, however. One the second night after Ash Wednesday, she showed some interest in relations. Rebuffing her advances he said, "I'm sorry, honey--I can't. It's Lent."
Angrily, she replied, "To whom and how long?"
Thank God lent is over....
not using condoms was definitely getting nerve-wracking.
Why doesn't Sonic eat with his friends during lent...
Because hes gotta go fast.
I went to Pappas Steakhouse during Lent
Just for the halibut.
You can explore lent preservatives reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean lent easter dad jokes. There are also lent puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
I asked my friend what he gave up for lent...
He said Christianity.
I lent a friend of mine $10,000 for plastic surgery
Now I don't know what he looks like.
Next year I'll give up spreadsheets for 40 days and 40 nights...
It's going to be Excel Lent
I lent a hot girl my umbrella while it was raining
That takes the amount of girls I've made wet to -1
My asian friend lent me a cow with hair that changes color
It's currently on roan
I think my wife is overdoing her lent observance.
She won't even toss my salad.
What is Sonic the Hedgehog's favorite time of the year?
Lent.
Because he has more opportunities to go fast.
A guy asks his wife for sex, and she replies, "I can't, it's Lent."
Furious, he yells, "to whom and for how long?!"
Give up for Lent.
My wife told me I had to give up something for the 40 days of Lent, so I quit listening to her.
Mike Tyson had something to tell me...
So I lent him an ear.
Lent
My wife gave up intercourse for lent. I wish she would have told me. I might have joined her.
I don't know if you know this, but I was raised catholic...
I just gave it up for lent.
When my granddad was diagnosed with Alzheimer's, I can still remember the very first thing I said to him.
Have you got that five grand I lent you?
Carl drives a stick
**Andy:** Carl, why was the clutch in my car broken after i lent it to you?
**Carl:** Well don't you look at me, i didn't even touch the thing!
Why is the lentil perverted?
It was watching the chickpea.
On Ash Wednesday I will be giving up spreadsheets for 40 days and 40 nights.
It's going to be completely Excel Lent.
There's a joke in there somewhere about keeping the Lent in VaLENTine's...
...but I gave up trying to find it.
It's almost Lent again
The time when 9 out of 10 Catholics go Ok, it's time to pretend I'm fully committed to this whole 'being Catholic' thing.
A man with no arms stabs a tourist in Miami Beach
I heard someone lent him a hand
Did you hear the Quadruple amputee's joke?
Since no one lent him a hand in making it, it didn't have a leg to stand on
I recommend giving up spreadsheets for 40 days and 40 nights...
It's Excel lent.
A huge thank you to my neighbour, who lent me her large sheet of plastic covering.
Ta Pauline!
I gave my friend some cash yesterday, he says he'll return it at Easter...
I'm a bit out of pocket, but I'm glad I Lent him the money.
When is the best time to run a marathon?
During Lent. That's when you fast.
I lent a girl an umbrella
that makes the people I've made wet this year -1
I just want to thank the guy who lent me his dictionary to look for the meaning of the word plethora...
It means a lot
Mississippi lent missouri her new jersey so what did delaware?
idaho but alaska
Return on investment
An investment banker decides she needs in-house counsel, so she interviews a young lawyer. Mr. Peterson, she begins, would you say you're honest?
Honest? replies the lawyer. Let me tell you something about honesty: My father lent me $85,000 for my education, and I paid back every penny the minute I tried my first case.
Impressive, says the banker. And what sort of case was that?
My father sued me for the money.
I lent a girl an unbrella today
Which takes the total number of girls I've made wet this year to -1.
A wet joke
So I actually lent a girl an umbrella yesterday which takes the total number of girls I've made wet this year to -1.
I lent an umbrella to a girl yesterday.
Now I have made a total of -1 girls wet.
Did you know Sean Connery used to save the egg shells from pancake day and paint them to use for egg hunts at Easter?
It was an egg shell lent idea
Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the lent blowjobs jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.
We suggest to use only working lent papal piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.