Lenses Jokes

36 lenses jokes and hilarious lenses puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about lenses that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

See how many of these hilarious jokes about contact lenses, transition lenses, photographers, sunglasses, and dilating you can relate to. What jokes have you collected? How can you use them to make others laugh? Get ready to giggle along with these lighthearted jokes.

Funniest Lenses Short Jokes

Short lenses jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The lenses humour may include short sunglasses jokes also.

  1. I told a girl, "you look great without glasses" She said, "but I don't wear glasses."
    I replied, while polishing my lenses, "yeah, but I do."
  2. The other day I told a girl, "You look great without glasses." Girl: "I don't wear glasses."
    Me, while polishing my lenses: "No, but I do."
  3. My daughter said she needed adult supervision I told her she'd have to find someone else because I wear corrective lenses
  4. Yo Mama so fat, You can hide behind her back and still be visible... Because of Gravitational Lensing.
  5. I ordered contact lenses last week and only received an empty box Apparently it was a contactless delivery
  6. I ordered some disposable lenses and got an empty box. They said I must have selected Contactless delivery.
  7. Eye joke I lost my contact lense, but managed to get back home without bumping into anyone.
    It was a contactless journey
  8. As my mother got older, her vision got worse so her optometrist prescribed her progressive lenses... Now she can't see race.
  9. Broke my good sunglasses... But instead of buying new ones, I'm just gonna put Trump pictures where the lenses used to be. He seems to be far more polarizing than my Costas ever were.
  10. Was having a problem with one of my contact lenses. Fortunately, my wife had the solution.

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Lenses One Liners

Which lenses one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with lenses? I can suggest the ones about lamps and eye glass.

  1. Last night I slept with my contact lenses on. My dreams have never been clearer.
  2. Yo mama so fat, you can see directly behind her Gravitational lensing
  3. What's unnatural in God's eyes? Contact lenses.
  4. Where do bad lenses get sent to? To prism.
    (Credit to my wife, she works in optometry)
  5. I have used contact lenses my whole life... I can apply them with my eyes closed.
  6. The only problem I have with transition lenses is... I can't wear my sunglasses at night.
  7. I decided to stop wearing my contact lenses... I look better without them.
  8. Why does the equipment look bigger on men with beer bellies? Gravitational lensing!
  9. Did you hear about the abstinent lenses? They never came in contact.
  10. Why do lenses love American Football? It's a contact sport!
  11. I now self identify as a Cornea As such I'm going to start wearing transition lenses.
  12. Yo momma so fat you can see the entire couch behind her due to gravitational lensing.

Contact Lenses Jokes

Here is a list of funny contact lenses jokes and even better contact lenses puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • My wife got mad at me just because I accidentally hoovered up her contact lenses. To be fair, she was wearing them at the time.
  • Homosexuality or Abortion isn't unnatural in the eyes of God, but I know what would be. Contact lenses
Lenses joke, Homosexuality or Abortion isn't unnatural in the eyes of God, but I know what would be.

Amusing & Witty Lenses Jokes for Laughter-Filled Fun

What funny jokes about lenses you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean binoculars jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make lenses pranks.

A police officer stops a driver...

A police officer stops a driver to give him a ticket. He looks at the guy's driver license and says, "This says here that you need to wear corrective lenses when you drive."
The guy replies, "I have contacts".
The cops says, "I dont care who you know you still need corrective lenses"

A man gets pulled over by a cop...

And he takes the man's driver's license. He reads it and looks back at the driver.
"It says here that you need corrective lenses", the cop said. "Where are your glasses?"
The man replies, "But officer, I have contacts."
The cop glares at him. "I don't care who you know."

I got pulled over by a state trooper the other day.

Trooper: Your license states that you're required to wear corrective lenses. Where are your glasses?
Me: It's ok. I've got contacts.
Trooper: Listen pal, I don't care who you know!

The Job Interview

Three equally qualified applicants apply for a job. The interviewer decides to test their powers of observation.
He asks all three of them the same question. Look at me closely and tell me what you notice.
Applicant 1: If you don't mind me saying, one of your ears is higher than the other.
Well done!
Applicant 2: Are your ears uneven?
Yes, well done!
Applicant 3: Are you wearing contact lenses?
How'd you know that?
Well, you'd never wear glasses with ears like that.

The last time I went through a TSA checkpoint at an airport I was wearing my contact lenses.

The TSA guy looked at my driver's license, looked at me, and looked at his my driver's license again. He started to turn to get his supervisor. I said "if you want, I'll put my glasses on, I have them with me." He looked bewildered, but he cleared me through all by himself.

Now I understand the whole Superman / Clark Kent thing.

At The Nikon Headquarters

We need random people in a room to test and sample our new lenses
"A focus group?"

A man goes to pay for his shopping...

...and places down an empty box of disposable lenses.
The cashier looks at him and says "you can't possibly expect me to accept that as payment?"
The man points at a sign by the till, "it says here you accept contactless".

Lenses joke, The only problem I have with transition lenses is...