The Best 56 Lenin Jokes
Following is our collection of funniest Lenin jokes. There are some lenin pact jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud. Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these lenin motherland puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.
Funny Lenin Jokes and Puns
- How can I find Lenin square?
- You just multiply Lenin by Lenin
What do you call it when Lenin, Trotsky, and Stalin get together for a drink?
A communist party
Did you hear the one about the three russians who robbed a bank?
The first was Stalin the cops, the second was Putin the money in the bag, and the third was Lenin a hand to the second.
Lenin,Stalin and Gorbachev were riding on a train...
When it came to a halt,the engineer said,"Our engine has failed,What shall i do?"."Let the invincible spirit of the people pulls us on!" Lenin declared."Shoot the engineer!" offered Stalin.And Gorbachev suggested, "Close the shades and we can pretend we're moving forward."
Lenin, Stalin, Khrushchev, Brezhnev and Gorbachev are sitting together on a train...
The train breaks down. Lenin tries to rally the workers to work together and get the train running again. When that fails, Stalin lines up all the workers and shoots them. When that doesn't help, Khrushchev tries to reform the workers back to life. When that also fails, Brezhnev pulls down all the curtains in the rail car and says "let's just pretend the train is moving."
After sitting in the dark for a while, Gorbachev breaks the silence and says "Hey, any of you guys wanna pick up some McDonalds?"
Where does Lenin take his showers?
Behind the Iron Curtain!
Grammatical error
My friend was peer-reviewing my essay on the Russian Revolution in class today, when he pointed out that I had written lenin instead of Lenin. I looked him dead in the eye and said, "You never capitalize lenin."
I saw Lenin pick his nose the other day...
Communists have no class...
What do you get when you mix Charles Darwin with Vladimir Lenin?
A Bolshevik Evolution
You know who could really get a party started?
Lenin.
What's the best way to become a Russian leader?
Stop Stalin! Just Putin the effort and start Lenin it happen!
You can explore lenin leonid reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean lenin yeltsin dad jokes. There are also lenin puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
What are Russian clothes always made out of?
Lenin.
What score did Lenin get on his exam paper?
...Full Marx
1945. Lenin's ghost comes to visit Stalin
Stalin tells the undead Lenin: "See, comrade Lenin, you doubted that the Soviet people will follow me, but in fact they do!"
To which Lenin replies: "Increase the food rations, or else the Soviet people will follow me".
Question in a Soviet radio.
"What is your favorite historic figure and why Lenin?"
Lenin, Hitler, and Stalin were in a plane crash. Who was saved?
The Russian people
What does Lenin say when he his angry?
I will hit you so hard that it will leave a Marx.
I was forced to drop out of communism class...
I wasn't Lenin anything, my grades were Stalin, and my Marx were terrible!
Did You Know Lenin Had a Motorcycle?
Yeah! He had a 4-stroke!
Why can you never trust a car made in the Soviet Union?
They keep Lenin to the left, and Stalin.
Do you like my Russian leader puns?
Ivan practicing.
And if you need to borrow money I'll Lenin to you.
Y'know Lenin Had a Motorbike?
Yeah! He had a four-stroke!
Who is the best member of the communist version of the Beatles?
John Lenin
Bought a Russian car...
The salesman said it was the krem de la kremlin, but every time it's putin gear, it keeps stalin. My wife said, "Crimea river, I'm not lenin you my car!"
"The Fault in our Tsars"
By Vladimir Lenin
Soviet beds
In soviet union, we do not have two person bed, we have the three person bed.
Why?
Because comrade lenin is always with you!
original me and a friend created!
A: Knock Knock!
B: who's there?
A: a communist
B: a communist who?
A: stop Stalin, and open the door!
*opens the door*
A: thanks for Lenin me in!
i think i made this up, but if somebody already made this up, oh well then!
I was working with a Russian...
... we were running late but he wasn't russian enough, so I told him there's no time for stalin, but he was just lenin it be.
Lenin in Warsaw
A Soviet filmmaker makes a film called Lenin in Warsaw. Everybody shows up for the premiere. The film opens—on Lenin's wife, Krupskaya, naked, having mad sex with another man. And then another. And another. And so on. The film continues in the same vein for ninety minutes.
Finally, the lights come up and the director takes questions from the audience.
First question: Very interesting movie, comrade, but—where was Lenin?
The director answers: In Warsaw.
What's a communist's favorite singer?
John Lenin
Lenin, on his death bed, said to Stalin: How will you rule if so many do not wish to follow you?
Stalin calmly smiled at him: Don't worry, those who won't follow me, I'll make them follow you
An old Soviet joke..
An artist is commissioned to create a painting celebrating Soviet–Polish friendship, to be called "Lenin in Poland." When the painting is unveiled at the Kremlin, there is a gasp from the invited guests; the painting depicts Nadezhda Krupskaya (Lenin's wife) naked in bed with Leon Trotsky. One guest asks, "But this is a travesty! Where is Lenin?" To which the painter replies, "Lenin is in Poland."
What did Lenin call his anti-monarchist book?
The Fault in Our Tsars
What do you call a communist pop star?
John Lenin.
What's a Russian's favorite clothing material?
Lenin
Who was Russia's most famous popstar?
John Lenin
What did Lenin say after ending the Russian Civil War ?
Seize fire !
What did the communist say to his co-worker?
Quit Stalin and start Lenin me a hand
What do communists make their beds with?
Lenin.
As a huge Beatles fan
I always wanted to look like one of the band.
So for my birthday my grandma gave me a haircut.
Now I look like Lenin.
Lenin should have known Communism would fail.
All the red flags were there.
What's a communists favorite fabric?
Lenin
How did Lenin do in his school tests?
He had full Marx
How did Lenin do on his test?
Full Marx
Lenin should've known communist wouldn't work...
There were red flags everywhere.
What type of fabric does communist Russia use?
Lenin.
Do you know what Vladimir Lenin was doing in his free time ?
He watched Shooting Tzars
Lenin and Trotsky sat on old wicker chairs.
Trotsky asked, Have you read Marx?
Lenin replied, I do: I must replace these chairs.
Soviet Russia used to have a leader who was also a singer in a rock band.
He's none other than John Lenin.
An artist is commissioned to create a painting celebrating Soviet–Polish friendship, to be called "Lenin in Poland."
When the painting is unveiled at the Kremlin, there is a gasp from the invited guests; the painting depicts Lenin's wife naked in bed with Leon Trotsky. A voice calls out, "But this is a travesty! Where is Lenin?" To which the painter replies, "Lenin is in Poland."
Lenin, stop Stalin
We gotta Putin a good leader
How do Communists ask for help?
Quit Stalin and get Lenin me a hand right Mao!
Russian to get to the punchline
Why was Putin late for the party he was PUTIN on some makeup!
Why was Stalin late for the party he was STALIN for time!
Why was Lenin late for the party he was waiting for his LENIN to dry!
Why was Trotsky late for the party he got into a car crash.
A little son asks his father what a communism is...
...and the father starts explaining:
"Well, son, once upon a time there was this man named Lenin, except his real name was Uljanov. He had a friend named Stalin, except he wasn't his friend and his name was Dzugashvili. They started the October revolution, except it wasn't a revolution, it was a coup, and it wasn't in october, it was in november..."
"Jesus, dad, what a mess!" proclaims the son.
"Son, now you understand communism!"
I broke up with my girlfriend because she wanted me to cosplay as Lenin
I should've known, there were red flags everywhere.
Just Lenin you know
When you're Russian for food, there's no time for Stalin.
Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the lenin communism jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.
We suggest to use only working lenin nikita piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.