Lemonade Jokes

Following is our collection of lemon humor and beverage one-liner funnies working better than reddit jokes. They include Lemonade puns for adults, dirty soda jokes or clean lemonaids gags for kids.

There is an abundance of concentrate jokes out there. You're fortunate to read a set of the 44 funniest jokes on lemonade. Full with funny wisecracks it is even funnier than any juice witze you can hear about lemonade.

The Best jokes about Lemonade

When I was a kid, I had a lemonade stand. I'd give away the first glass for free and charge $20 for the second.

The refill contained the antidote.

Lemonade

A man stumbles upon a little girl's lemonade stand and asks, "How much for a glass?" "First one's twenty-five cents," she responds. He hands her the money, downs the lemonade, and asks for another. "The second cup is twenty-five dollars", she states. Confused, the man asks, "Why?"

"This one has the antidote."

Sick Lemon and Sick Bird

What do you give a sick bird?

Tweetment


What do you give a sick lemon?

Lemonade

Dating in 1962

It was a hot Saturday evening in the summer of 1962 and Fred had a date with Peggy Sue.
He arrived at her house and rang the bell.

"Oh, come on in!" Peggy Sue's mother said as she welcomed Fred in.
"Have a seat in the living room. Would you like something to drink? Lemonade? Iced tea?"

"Iced tea, please," Fred said. Mom brought the iced tea.

"So, what are you and Peggy planning to do tonight?" she asked.

"Oh, probably catch a movie, and then maybe grab a bite to eat at the malt shop,
maybe take a walk on the beach..."

"Peggy likes to screw, you know," Mom informed him.

"Uh...really?" Fred replied, with raised eyebrows.

"Oh, yes!" the mother continued. "When she goes out with her friends, that's all they do!"

"Is that so?" asked Fred, incredulous.

"Yes," said the mother. "As a matter of fact, she'd screw all night if we let her!"

"Well, thanks for the tip," Fred said as he began thinking about alternate plans for the evening.

A moment later, Peggy Sue came down the stairs looking pretty as a picture wearing a pink blouse
and full circle skirt, and with her hair tied back in a bouncy ponytail. She greeted Fred.

"Have fun, kids," the mother said as they left.

Half an hour later, a completely disheveled Peggy Sue burst into the house
and slammed the front door behind her.

"The Twist, Mom!" she angrily yelled at her mother. "The damned dance is called the Twist!

A bear walks into a bar..

A bear walks into a bar and asks the barman for "One Corona, two margaritas and.........a lemonade". The barman replies "Sure, but why the big pause?". The bear looks down and says "That's the way I am".


First Day On The Job

Steve just got a job at the beverage factory and is getting a tour from the manager on his first day. The manager spends this time explaining the different assembly lines.

"Over here," the manager says, "is the lemonade assembly line. we take the product, package it up and prepare it to ship. To the right we're canning juice concentrates. On this side we have the soda line, bottles and cans and such."

"Wow, you guys produce a lot of drinks," says Steve.

"You bet, name a drink and we probably have an assembly line for it."

"Do you have a punch line?"

"Nope."

What do you call assistants that help citrus fruit?

Lemonade.

Christmas cracker joke

A bottle of lemonade fell on a barmans head. Why wasn't he hurt? It was a soft drink.

A man sees a lemonade stand

A man sees a lemonade stand run by a small girl. He notices that 1 glass of lemonade is $1 and that 3 glasses are $5. The man explains to the girl that buying 3 glasses for $5 is more expensive than buying 3 glasses for $1 each. The girl disagrees and says that it costs less to buy 3 glasses for $5. He tries to explain once again, but the girl still says that buying 3 glasses for $5 is cheaper. Frustrated, the man buys 3 glasses of lemonade for $5 and 3 glasses of lemonade each for $1. He shows the girl that he bought the same amount of lemonade for $3 instead of $5 and states that the girl is wrong. The girl then replies, "I may be wrong, but you're the one who just bought 6 glasses of my lemonade!"

Why do orthodox rabbis like lemonade so much?

Because, it's acidic juice.

Did you head about the rabbi who only drank lemonade?

He's an acidic Jew....


A Girl and a Stoner Were Going on a Blind Date

The stoner suggested they meet at a buffet, and told her he will be the guy walking around with orange juice.

When he got there, they were out of orange juice so he got lemonade instead.

The girl came in and she was ugly, so the stoner kept his mouth shut.

She saw that he was the only one walking around with a drink so she came up to him and asked if he was the guy she hooked up with.

To which he replies: I'm sorry ma'am, you got the wrong guy. This is lemonade, not orange juice.

The next person

The next person that asks me for a pineapple juice, cranberry juice, lemonade and a slice of orange in the same cup is gonna get a punch.

Lemonade Stand

At my lemonade stand I used to give the first glass away free and charge five dollars for the second glass. The refill contained the antidote.

Why don't Orthodox Jews drink lemonade?

Its a little too Hasidic for them.

When life gives you lemons, make lemonade; when life gives you apples, make physics equations

F=ma

Why did Hitler hate lemonade?

Because it is an acidic juice.

I gave this lady a sip of my lemonade last night and she fell in love with me.

I schwepped her off her feet. :)

What does Batman have in his lemonade?

Just ice.


I gave my crush a glass of lemonade yesterday, and she seemed to instantly fall in love with me.

I think I schwepped her right off her feet.

What's the name for the emergency service for lemons?

Lemonade

If the musicians, Ice T and Lemonade formed a band, what would it be called?

Arnold Palmer

A duck walked up to a lemonade stand, and he said to the man running the stand

Quack

My girlfriend gets mad whenever I mess with her red wine

So I added fruit and lemonade to it and now she Sangria then ever.

What do you call a helpful lemon?

Lemonade

If life gives you lemons, you make lemonade. If life gives you melons...

You might have sex daily!

When life hands you lemons.....Make lemonade

Then, find someone for whom life has handed them Vodka....

A boy was at a lemonade stand.

He was deciding between a glass or a full pitcher. He told the seller he was really thirsty, to which they replied, "Take a pitcher, it'll last longer".

I passed a group of Girl Scouts this morning, with a stall that read..

.."Home-Made Lemonade: £15.00, Oral Sex: £5.00"

"Here's twenty pounds, girls, but I think you've got your prices mixed up," I chuckled.

"Once you've finished going down on me, you'll be gagging for that lemonade," said the sweaty fat one.

A philosopher and a political scientist are drinking lemonade on a porch in a nudist colony. The philosopher says, "I suppose you've read Marx?"

The political scientist replies, "Yes! It's these darn wicker chairs!"

A woman comes home from work...

And as she's pulling into her driveway, she sees that next door, the wife is mowing the lawn while the husband sits on the porch drinking lemonade.

It was an exceptionally hot day, and the woman is so shocked and outraged that she decides that she's going to give the husband a piece of her mind.

She storms over and says, "How dare you just sit there and watch your wife toil and burn in the hot sun all day. You shouldbe hung for this happening."

The husband says, "I am. Why do you think she mows the lawn?"

What kind of scientist put bubbles in lemonade?

A FIZZicist

What do you call a medical treatment based on lemons?

Lemonade.

Communist Lemonade

A taste worth standing in line for.

What do you call an unsweetened, kosher lemonade?

acidic juice

[DEATH ROW]

WARDEN: Last meal?

CON: Just a glass of lemonade please

*Drinks lemonade/Burps*

WARDEN: Pardon

[CON WALKS FREE]

Why does hitler not like jewish lemonade ?

Its to hasidic

If you see someone doing a crossword puzzle

Whisper in their ear, 7 up is lemonade.

A corpse walks into a bar...

And asks the bartender for a lemonade.

"Of course!" says the bartender, "I've never seen a stiff drink!"

Courtesy of the video game Fable 3.

What do lemons call any first aid kits?

Lemonade kits.

A man walks into a restaurant...

A man walks into a restaurant with a lizard on his shoulder. He sits down and when the waiter comes he asks for a lemonade and a water for Tiny here. The waiter goes back and evenly brings him the drinks, sets them on the table, then asks why do you call him 'Tiny'. The guy says 'Because he's my newt'.

Gave a woman a drink of my lemonade in the bar last night and she completely fell in love with me.

I schwepped her off her feet.

When a lemon calls for help, what does it want?

Lemonade!

Who makes the lemonade at a hospital?

A Fizzy-o-Therapist.

Use only working piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Note that dirty and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. You can seriously offend people by saying creepy dark humor words to them.

Joko Jokes