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Lemon Juice Jokes

42 lemon juice jokes and hilarious lemon juice puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about lemon juice that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Funniest Lemon Juice Short Jokes

Short lemon juice jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The lemon juice humour may include short lemon jokes also.

  1. Dr Watson asks Sherlock Holmes... "Holmes, why are you spreading fruit juice on my buttocks?"
    "Lemon entry dear Watson, Lemon entry"
  2. How do you cause a geopolitical crisis? Add lemon juice to milk and the Kurds will separate
  3. The next person who asks me for a mixture of apple juice, pineapple juice and lemon juice is gonna get a punch. Ecks dee
  4. when life gives you lemons make apple juice, then sit back and let the world wonder how you did it.
  5. You people remind me of lemons.... You're sour, some people like you, and your juices can be squeezed out for money.
  6. If you want a clean microwave, use lemon juice. If you want a dirty microwave, use olive juice.
  7. What do you get when you mix olive oil, lemon juice, rosemary, thyme , salt, pepper and m**.... Cheech Marinade
  8. A Muslim walked into a bar and ordered 72 glasses of orange juice, each with a lemon slice Why?
    Because he wanted 72 v**... Paradise

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Lemon Juice One Liners

Which lemon juice one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with lemon juice? I can suggest the ones about lemon lime and lemon and lime.

  1. How are synagogues like lemons? They're full of acidic juice.
  2. TIL my ex uses lemon juice for her complexion... No wonder she always looks sour
  3. What is the similarity between lemon and banana? Can't make mango juice outta them.
  4. Lemonaid What kind of juice do you get from sick lemons?
    LemonAIDS
  5. Why was Jamie Oliver cleaning the floor? There was lemon juice oliver.
  6. When life gives you lemons You make Orange juice.
  7. When life gives you lemons you squirt lemon juice in lifes eyes
  8. What juice can you always rely on for support? Lemon-aid!

Lemon Juice Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.

What funny jokes about lemon juice you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean orange juice jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make lemon juice pranks.

Yesterday I sinned with an 18year old girl.

Man to his priest: Yesterday I sinned with an 18 year old girl.
The priest: Squeeze 18 lemons and drink the juice all at once.
Man: And that frees me from my sin?
Priest: No, but it frees your face from that dirty grin.

A man walks into a church confessional

He says to the priest, "Bless me, father, for I have sinned. I was with seven different women last night."
The priest is silent for a moment and then says, "Go home, cut seven lemons in half. Squeeze the juice into a glass and drink it all down in one gulp."
"And I'll be forgiven?" asks the man.
"No" replies the priest, "but it will wipe that smirk off your face."

This Joke Is A Real Lemon

A barman was very proud of the fact that he could squeeze a lemon so that no more juice would come out of it He made a standing offer of $1000 to anyone who could get more juice out of a lemon after he'd squeezed it. Every night big, burly regulars at the bar attempted to get more juice from a lemon he'd squeezed, but no one could produce so much as a drop. But one night, a little bloke walked in and said he'd heard of the standing offer and would like to try. The barman said 'How do you think you could succeed when all these blokes have failed?' And the little guy said: 'Just give me a chance and I'll show you'.
So the barman, thinking his regulars would enjoy the joke, picked up a lemon and squeezed it. After squeezing all the juice he could out of it, he handed the dried ring to the little bloke and said: 'Here you go.' The little bloke took the lemon and squeezed it and managed to get one, two, three for fix, SIX more drops of juice. Amazed, the barman said: 'Well, here's your $1000. But what do you do for a living? Are you a professional bodybuilder or what?' And the little bloke said: 'No, I work for the Tax Department.'

A man took out a lemon in a crowd of people

and squeezed it dry. He said, 'If anyone can squeeze a drop out of this lemon, I'll give them 100 bucks.'
Many people tried and no one could get any juice out of the lemon. Finally, a man came up and squeezed out two drops of lemon juice. Handing him his $100, the first man asked in wonder, 'Who are you?'
The second man replied, 'Income tax officer.'

Bad holiday joke

I love Hollandaise sauce, and put it on everything, but the lemon juice in it reeks havoc on my dentures. My dentist said he has just the thing: dentures made of chrome. Because there's no plate like chrome for the hollandaise.

Take that look off your face

A man with a huge grin approaches a priest.
"Bless me father, for I have sinned," he says. "I've spent the week with seven beautiful women."
"Do not fret, my son," says the priest. "All you need to do is take seven lemons, squeeze the juice into a glass and drink the juice."
"Will that cleanse my sin from me?"
"No, but it'll wipe that s**... smile off your face."

Man to priest: I sinned with an 18 yr old girl yesterday.

Priest: Squeeze the juice of 18 lemons and drink it.
Man: Will this free me of my sin?
Priest: No, but it'll free you of that huge grin off your face!

A strong man owned a restaurant.

The man had a challenge to anyone who came in. The strong man would squeeze all the juice out of a lemon then challenge the other person to squeeze out at least one more drop.if they win they get a free dinner. many strong people came, but not one could do it.until a small and scrawny man walks in. he takes the challenge. the strong man squeezes.then the small man, and he squeezes out THREE more drops! the strong man was amazed and asked what job this man had to be so strong. the small man replied "I work for the IRS".

Confession

There once was a woman who went to confession. Upon entering the confessional, she said, 'Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned.'
The priest said, 'Confess your sins and be forgiven.'
The young woman said, 'Last night my boyfriend made mad passionate love to me seven times.'
The priest thought long and hard and then said, 'Squeeze seven lemons into a glass and then drink the juice.'
The young woman asked, 'Will this cleanse me of my sins?'
The priest said, 'No, but it will wipe that smile off of your face.'

A man goes to the dentist...

A dentist found something wrong with one of his patients. The upper plate that had been put in earlier was corroding. "What have you been eating?" the dentists asked the man.
"All I can think of is that about three months ago my wife made some asparagus and put Hollandaise sauce on it. I loved it so much, I put it on everything now."
"That's the problem," the dentist said, frowning. "Hollandaise sauce contains lemon juice, which is highly corrosive. I'll make you a new plate, and this time use chrome."
"Why chrome?"
"It's simple. Everyone knows there's no plate like chrome for the Hollandaise."

A man and his corroded dental appliance..

A man returned for the third time to the dentist to get his dental appliance replaced due to corrosion.
The dentist asked if he ate a highly acid diet, or was fond of citrus, etc.
The man replied that his wife made an excellent holllandaise sauce that was so good he put it on just about everything, and of course it has a lot of lemon juice in it.
"OK" the dentist said, "I have just the thing. I'll order a new one made with chromium"
"That will fix it?" the man asked.
"Absolutely", the dentist replied
"There's no plate like chrome for the hollandaise".

A bartender squeezes all the juice from a lemon

And says, "I'll give a thousand bucks to whoever can squeeze another drop from this lemon." All the strongest men in the bar took turns trying, but nobody could even squeeze a single drop. The bartender thought he'd won, when an thin, wiry old man walked up from the back. He grabbed the lemon, and six drops were squeezed out. Flabbergasted, the bartender asked, "How did you do that? What did you do for a living? Were you a lumberjack, or a body builder?" The old man smiled, and said, "I worked for the IRS."

At a carnival, a strongman cuts a lemon in half.

He then takes one half and squeezes it as hard as he can. He turns to the crowd and says:
"A hundred dollars for any man or woman who can squeeze a single drop of juice into this glass!"
Several men confidently walk up to the stage, but none of them manage to complete the challenge, despite their big muscles. Eventually, a tiny, frail looking gentleman walks up to the stage. The strongman laughs, but gives him a go. To everyone's surprise, the man squeezes the lemon and almost fills the entire glass.
Stunned, the strongman asks the obvious winner of the challenge how he managed that.
"Oh, that's easy." Replied the man. "I work for the IRS."

A bar owner puts out a challenge

He puts an ad in the paper saying that if anyone can beat his bartender in a feat of strength, then he will give them 10,000$. So people come from all over trying to win the money, bodybuilders, construction workers, boxers, but nobody can beat him. In order to win, they must squeeze just one drop of juice out of a lemon after the bartender squeezes it. So one day a skinny man in a suit with point dexter glasses walks in and says he can beat the bartender in the feat of strength. After everyone in the bar stops laughing, the bartender says ok and start squeezing and squeezing until there's almost nothing left in the lemon. So he hands it to the man and in just ten seconds the skinny man gets 6 drops out of the lemon. The owner of the bar gives him his money and says "before you go, tell me, how did you do that? Are you a magician? Martial artist? How in the world did you beat him?" And the man replies "oh no no no, I work for the IRS."

Lemon drops

So a man walks into a bar and sees a big tough guy standing next to a glass and some lemons.
"What's with the lemons?" he asks.
"Its a challenge." replied the bartender. "This here is the strongest man in the world. He will squeeze as much juice from half a lemon into the glass as he can, and if you can squeeze out even one more drop, you win free drinks for the rest of the year."
The man watched several other strong looking men try the challenge, and all of them lost miserably.
"I accept" replied the man.
The bartender snorted a bit seeing as the man weighed little over 120 pounds and had very little muscle mass.
The strong man squeezed almost a third of a glass of juice from the lemon and when he was done, handed the lemon to the scrawny man.
He took the lemon and sized it up in his hand, and squeezed almost 5 drops from it.
The strong man reeled and replied "Wow! You are stronger than you look! I went easy on you."
"Fine. " said the skinny man, "Try again if you would like."
So the strong man then spent a food 3 minutes squeezing the lemon more than he had for any of the other men.
Once he was convinced even he could not summon even another drop from the lemon, he handed it to the skinny man.
The man then proceeded to squeeze another 3 drops from the lemon.
"Amazing!" cried the bartender. "I guess you can have free drinks for a year! What is your secret though? How did you do it?"
"I'm an IRS agent" the man replied.

So a guy goes to his dentist...

...to get some a prosthetic plate fitted. Well, a month or so later he goes back. The new plates just don't feel like they are sitting correctly and feel as if they are a little loose. His dentist takes a look and asks, "Have you been eating anything particularly acidic?"
"Well... my wife does make this great Hollandaise sauce and I love it. I have been putting it on everything lately."
The dentist says, "Yep. That's it. You see the lemon juice in that Hollandaise is wearing away at the edges of your plate. But, not a problem, I can replace it with a chrome plate."
"Oh? Would that really be better?"
"Of course! Theres no plate like chrome for the Hollandaise!"

Once there was a bartender who claimed he was the strongest man on earth, he could squeeze every drop of juice out of a lemon and he bet $10,000 that no one could squeeze anymore out of a lemon he has squeezed
People came in from all over the country, body builders, weight lifters, wrestlers, or anyone that wanted to try.
But no one could squeeze anymore juice out of the lemons.
Then one day a little nerdy looking guy walks in and everyone laughs at him when they hear he is there to try to squeeze a lemon.
So the bartender squeezes a lemon into a cup an hands him what is left over.
Then the guy squeezes out 6 more drops of juice, and everyone is amazed!
"What do you do for a living?" they would ask, "Are you a weight lifter, a body builder?"
"No", he replied. "I work for the IRS."

A man went to his dentist because he feels something wrong in his mouth.

The dentist examines him and says, "That new upper plate I put in for you six months ago is eroding. What have you been eating?" The man replies, "All I can think of is that about four months ago my wife made some asparagus and put some stuff on it that was delicious - Hollandaise sauce. I loved it so much I now put it on everything --meat, toast, fish, vegtables, everything." "Well," says the dentist, "that's probably the problem. Hollandaise sauce is made with lots of lemon juice, which is highly corrosive. It's eaten away your upper plate. I'll make you a new plate, and this time use chrome." "Why chrome?" asks the patient. To which the dentist replies, "It's simple. Everyone knows that there's no plate like chrome for the Hollandaise!"