The Best 16 Lemme Jokes

Following is our collection of funniest Lemme jokes. There are some lemme okey jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud. Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these lemme gunna puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Funny Lemme Jokes and Puns

A man walks into a bar......

An Irishman man walks into a bar in New York City. He orders three whiskeys. The bartender pours him one and says, "Lemme know when you want the next one." But the man says, "I think you've misunderstood me. I'd like all three at once." The bartender pours two more drinks. The man drinks down the three drinks, pays, and leaves.

This goes on almost every night for a couple of weeks. Finally the bartender asks the man why he orders three drinks at a time, since there's no real advantage to it. So the man tells him, "When I left the auld sod I promised my two brothers that whenever I sat down to take a taste of the creature, I'd order one for me and one for each of them. That's why I order three at once." It makes sense to the bartender, so he's satisfied.

The man keeps coming back almost every night for more than a year. He and the bartender get to know each other pretty well. Then one day, the man orders only two drinks. This goes on for a couple weeks, but the bartender is afraid to ask if anything happened to one of the brothers. Finally, the man comes into the bar and only orders two drinks, again. The bartender figures he has to ask, and summons up the courage to say, "I noticed you've been ordering only two drinks for the last few weeks. Is everything allright with your brothers?" The man looks at the bartender, puzzled, then realizes what he is implying. He smiles and says, "Yes! My brothers are fine, but I've given up drinking for Lent."

A jew and a mexican are talking...

The jew says, "lemme ask you something, are theres jews in mexico?"

The mexican replies "oh yes my friend, plenty of jews, orange jews, and tomato jews."

My boss got a new car...

..."Wow! that's a really nice car boss!"

"Lemme tell you something. If you set goals, work hard, and act determined, I can get an even better one next year."

Lemme joke, My boss got a new car...

What did the meteor say to the planet?

Lemme smash

Lemme tell ya, My Wife keeps me in line

no matter how many guys are in head of me

Sandwich Walked Into a Bar

So a Sandwich walked into a bar, hopped up on a barstool and took a look at the drink menu. Bartender walks over. Sandwich says to bartender, "lemme get one of those margaritas, rocks, no salt.". Bartender responds in his most disgusted tone, "Sorry, we don't serve FOOD here…."

A centurion and his cohort walk into a bar...

The bartender sighs and says, "Lemme guess. You either want one martinus or you'll hold up two fingers in a V and ask for five."

The centurion stabbed him because the bartender was a Gaul.

Lemme joke, A centurion and his cohort walk into a bar...

Lemme tell you something about Avatar Season 3.

It's Fire.

Her: Lemme see your phone.

Me: I forgot my fingerprint.

My coworkers think I'm from Texas because of my accent

Lemme tell you something, only steers and queers come from Texas. I'm not a steer, and I am *most certainly* not from Texas.

What's a good pick up line if you have a foot fetish?

Yo, lemme get them digits

You can explore lemme holla reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean lemme slams dad jokes. There are also lemme puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.

gimmie your best dad joke

lemme know your best dad joke, i'll start. I was walking in the grocery store yesterday and a dad gave me his cart to use and said i left some gas in it for you

What's the fastest way to get slapped when talking to a girl whose in your fantasy league?

Lemme see your TDs

She : Babe my phone screen is broken.

Me : That sounds bad.

She : Lemme show you.

*sends screenshot*

Lemme tell you a dad joke: Why was the baby ant confused?


Because all his uncles were ants!

I was window shopping yesterday when something going past me caught my eye.

Lemme tell you, being dragged down the street by the eye sucks!

Lemme joke, I was window shopping yesterday when something going past me caught my eye.

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the lemme aight jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working lemme guy piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

Joko Jokes