legs Jokes

funny pick up lines and hilarious legs puns

I had the best Dad moment last night... *actual conversation with my 8 year old*

Son: Dad... how many kidneys do I have?

Me: Two. You have two, son.

Son: Nope... I have four. *point to belly* Two kidneys here... *points to legs* ...and two kid knees here!



The student has become the teacher.

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What do you call a cow with 3 legs?

Lean beef.

What do you call a cow with no legs?

Ground beef.

What do you call a cow with two legs?

Yo momma.

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What do you get when you spell "man" backwards?

Flashbacks

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You know what has 8 legs 8 hands and 8 eyes?

8 Pirates

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A wife comes home late one night

She quietly opens the door to her bedroom. From under the blanket, she sees four legs instead of just her husband's two. She reaches for a baseball bat and starts hitting the blanket as hard as she can. Once she's done, she goes to the kitchen to have a drink. As she enters, she sees her husband there, reading a magazine. He says, "Hi darling, your parents have come to visit us, so I let them stay in our bedroom. Did you say hello?"

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What do you call a cow with two legs?

Irene.

There's no joke here, I just hate that bitch.

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A man brings home flowers to his wife

A man brings some flowers home to his wife. She's so surprised by his romantic gesture that she lays back on the dining table, throws her legs in the air and spreads them.

Her husband confused looks down and goes "What's that for?"

His wife replies "For the flowers of course"

He thinks for a moment and asks "Don't we have a vase?"

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I'm taking Viagra for my sunburn

It doesn't cure it, but it keeps the sheets off my legs

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What's E.T. short for?

Cus he's got little legs

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I just flew in from Chernobyl

And boy are my arms legs.

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What has 132 legs and 8 teeth?

The front row of a Toby Keith concert.

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How to be insulting

A man goes to a bar and sees a fat girl dancing on a table.

He walks over to her and says, "Wow, nice legs!"

She is flattered and replies, "You really think so?"

The man says, "Oh definitely! Most tables would have collapsed by now."

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Nice Legs..

A man goes to a bar and sees a 'larger' girl dancing on a table.
He walks over to her and says, "Wow, nice legs!"
She is flattered and replies, "You really think so?"
The man says, "Oh definitely! Most tables would have collapsed by now."

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"Hey son, what has 4 legs and doesn't breathe?"

"Haha you can't fool me again, dad. A chair!"

"Not this time. Our dog died."

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My grandfather's favorite joke.

Where do you find a dog with no legs?
Right where ya left it.

[My grandfather suffers from dementia and for some odd reason he remembers this joke and continues to tell it.]

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I've been taking Viagra for my sunburn

Doesnt cure it, but it keeps the sheets off my legs at night

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Why does a milking stool only have three legs?

Because the cow has the udder.

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what has 2 legs in the morning and 3 in the afternoon?

I have no idea but it's in my basement please send help.

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A woman wants to find a husband so she puts out an ad "I'm looking for a man that won't hit me, won't run away, and can satisfy me."

A week later she hears a very loud knock at the door. She answers it and it is a man with no arms or legs, he says "I won't beat you, I have no arms. I won't run away, I have no legs."

She replies "And how do you know you can satisfy me?"

He grins and says "Did you hear me knocking?"

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What walks on 8 legs until it's one years old, 4 legs until it's twenty years old and then 2 legs for the remainder of it's life?

Fred and George Weasley.

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Why do sumo wrestlers shave their legs?

To avoid being mistaken for feminists.

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What do you call a cow with no legs?

My severely diabetic sister.

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I have a dog with no legs

I call him cigarette. Every night I take him out for a drag.

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Haven't seen this joke on here yet, it's my favorite.

A man goes to a bar and sees a fat girl dancing on a table.
He walks over to her and says, "Wow, nice legs!".


She is flattered and replies, "You really think so?".


The man says, "Oh definitely! Most tables would have collapsed by now!".

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Why do sumo wrestlers shave their legs?

To avoid being confused with feminists.

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So this guy asks if I prefer breasts or legs

And I reply, really I'd prefer wet pussy.

Apparently this is not an appropriate thing to say at KFC.

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Why have sumo wrestlers began shaving their legs?

They were getting tired of being mistaken for feminists

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Does it hurt anymore?

A woman playing Golf hit a man nearby. He put his hands together between his legs. Fell on the ground & rolled around in pain. She rushed to him & offered to relieve his pain as she was a Doctor.
Reluctantly he agreed.
She gently took his hands away. Unzipped his pants & put her hands inside.
She massaged him tenderly for a few minutes & asked: "How does it feel?"
He replied: "Feels great but I still think my thumb is broken"

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Chinese Sick Day

Ho Chow calls in to work and say,

"Hey boss, I no come work today, I very sick. Got headache, stomach ache, and legs hurt. I no come work today"

The boss says, "You know something Ho Chow, I really need you today. When I get sick like you do, I go to my wife and ask for sex. That make everything better and I go to work. You try that."

Two hours later ho Chow calls again and says,

"I try what you say and I feel great! I be at work soon. You have really nice house by the way!"

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How do you call a cow with no legs?

You don't, because cows don't have phones.

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What has 72 legs and 26 teeth?

The first row of a country concert.

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I like the smell of mothballs.

But it can sometimes be hard getting their little legs apart.

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A dad asks his son, "What has four legs but isn't alive?"

The son says,"Nice try dad, a chair!"

"Not this time son, our dog is dead"

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What has 4 legs and 1 arm?

A Pitbull coming from the childrens play ground

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Had a house party last night

...and there's always one left over! Laid on the floor in the corner, still that drunk? He couldn't even stand! Asked him where he lived, then dragged him down the driveway to my car, his legs all over the place, picked him up, threw him inside, & took him home. Dragged him up to his house & knocked on his front door, "I've brought your son home."
His mother replied, "Where is his wheel chair?"

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What are the most funny Legs jokes of all time ?

Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking with someone about Legs? Well, here are the best Legs dad jokes to laugh out loud. Crazy funny puns and Legs pick up lines to share with friends.

Joko Jokes