Son: Dad... how many kidneys do I have?
Me: Two. You have two, son.
Son: Nope... I have four. *point to belly* Two kidneys here... *points to legs* ...and two kid knees here!
The student has become the teacher.
Lean beef.
What do you call a cow with no legs?
Ground beef.
What do you call a cow with two legs?
Yo momma.
Flashbacks
8 Pirates
She quietly opens the door to her bedroom. From under the blanket, she sees four legs instead of just her husband's two. She reaches for a baseball bat and starts hitting the blanket as hard as she can. Once she's done, she goes to the kitchen to have a drink. As she enters, she sees her husband there, reading a magazine. He says, "Hi darling, your parents have come to visit us, so I let them stay in our bedroom. Did you say hello?"
Irene.
There's no joke here, I just hate that bitch.
A man brings some flowers home to his wife. She's so surprised by his romantic gesture that she lays back on the dining table, throws her legs in the air and spreads them.
Her husband confused looks down and goes "What's that for?"
His wife replies "For the flowers of course"
He thinks for a moment and asks "Don't we have a vase?"
It doesn't cure it, but it keeps the sheets off my legs
Cus he's got little legs
And boy are my arms legs.
The front row of a Toby Keith concert.
A man goes to a bar and sees a fat girl dancing on a table.
He walks over to her and says, "Wow, nice legs!"
She is flattered and replies, "You really think so?"
The man says, "Oh definitely! Most tables would have collapsed by now."
A man goes to a bar and sees a 'larger' girl dancing on a table.
He walks over to her and says, "Wow, nice legs!"
She is flattered and replies, "You really think so?"
The man says, "Oh definitely! Most tables would have collapsed by now."
"Haha you can't fool me again, dad. A chair!"
"Not this time. Our dog died."
Where do you find a dog with no legs?
Right where ya left it.
[My grandfather suffers from dementia and for some odd reason he remembers this joke and continues to tell it.]
Doesnt cure it, but it keeps the sheets off my legs at night
Because the cow has the udder.
I have no idea but it's in my basement please send help.
A week later she hears a very loud knock at the door. She answers it and it is a man with no arms or legs, he says "I won't beat you, I have no arms. I won't run away, I have no legs."
She replies "And how do you know you can satisfy me?"
He grins and says "Did you hear me knocking?"
Fred and George Weasley.
To avoid being mistaken for feminists.
My severely diabetic sister.
I call him cigarette. Every night I take him out for a drag.
A man goes to a bar and sees a fat girl dancing on a table.
He walks over to her and says, "Wow, nice legs!".
She is flattered and replies, "You really think so?".
The man says, "Oh definitely! Most tables would have collapsed by now!".
To avoid being confused with feminists.
And I reply, really I'd prefer wet pussy.
Apparently this is not an appropriate thing to say at KFC.
They were getting tired of being mistaken for feminists
A woman playing Golf hit a man nearby. He put his hands together between his legs. Fell on the ground & rolled around in pain. She rushed to him & offered to relieve his pain as she was a Doctor.
Reluctantly he agreed.
She gently took his hands away. Unzipped his pants & put her hands inside.
She massaged him tenderly for a few minutes & asked: "How does it feel?"
He replied: "Feels great but I still think my thumb is broken"
Ho Chow calls in to work and say,
"Hey boss, I no come work today, I very sick. Got headache, stomach ache, and legs hurt. I no come work today"
The boss says, "You know something Ho Chow, I really need you today. When I get sick like you do, I go to my wife and ask for sex. That make everything better and I go to work. You try that."
Two hours later ho Chow calls again and says,
"I try what you say and I feel great! I be at work soon. You have really nice house by the way!"
You don't, because cows don't have phones.
The first row of a country concert.
But it can sometimes be hard getting their little legs apart.
The son says,"Nice try dad, a chair!"
"Not this time son, our dog is dead"
A Pitbull coming from the childrens play ground
...and there's always one left over! Laid on the floor in the corner, still that drunk? He couldn't even stand! Asked him where he lived, then dragged him down the driveway to my car, his legs all over the place, picked him up, threw him inside, & took him home. Dragged him up to his house & knocked on his front door, "I've brought your son home."
His mother replied, "Where is his wheel chair?"
Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking with someone about Legs? Well, here are the best Legs dad jokes to laugh out loud. Crazy funny puns and Legs pick up lines to share with friends.