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Legs Amputated Jokes

113 legs amputated jokes and hilarious legs amputated puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about legs amputated that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Funniest Legs Amputated Short Jokes

Short legs amputated jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The legs amputated humour may include short leg amputated jokes also.

  1. A man wakes up in the hospital after a serious accident He shouts "Doctor, Doctor I can't feel my legs!"
    The Doctor replies, "I know, we amputated your arms."
  2. A guy wakes up in hospital after surgery and complains he can't feel his legs "I know" said the doctor.
    "We had to amputate your arms"
  3. A man wakes up in a hospital bed and yells Doctor! Doctor! I can't feel my legs! The doctor replies I know, I amputated your arms.
  4. Hospital patient lying in bed: "Doctor, I can't feel my legs!" Doctor: "Yes, I'm sorry. We had to amputate your arms."
    [A brief sketch from an ancient episode of 'Not The Nine O'Clock News']
  5. After my leg amputation I asked if I could keep my leg. The doctor asked 'Why?' I said:''Because it's my right!'
  6. Last month, I had my left hand and left leg amputated because of an accident… but I'm now recovering, I'm all right now.
  7. My friend had trouble dating until he got his legs amputated. After that, nobody stood him up again!
  8. A patient wakes up and yells "I can't feel my legs!!!" The doctor says, "Of course you can't! I amputated your arms."
  9. Today I learned about Harvey E. Brown, a civil war surgeon who had so many amputations he ran out of fake legs and had to use a shovel. It was a ground-breaking medical procedure.
  10. A patient wakes up from surgery and exclaims 'Doctor! Doctor! What's wrong with me? I can't feel my legs!' The doctor replies: Yes, well I'm afraid we had to amputate both your arms.

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Legs Amputated One Liners

Which legs amputated one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with legs amputated? I can suggest the ones about leg amputee and amputated.

  1. What's a phrase you can't stand to hear? "Sorry sir, but we had to amputate both legs.."
  2. How did the woman feel after her legs were amputated? Defeeted
  3. Doctor says I need an amputation, but I can't afford it.. It'll cost me an arm and a leg.
  4. "Doctor doctor I can't feel my legs!!" "I know," says the doctor "I amputated your arms."
  5. My friend had his leg amputated but he's doing well. got a new job at ihop
  6. A doctor unnecessarily cut off a man's leg It was a baloney amputation
  7. What's the worst part about amputation? It cost a arm and a leg.
  8. Hey, Doc! I can't feel my legs! I know.
    It's because I amputated both your arms.
  9. I had to get my leg amputated. Guess I'm on my final leg.
  10. You know what the worst part of a double amputation is? It costs an arm and a leg
  11. Amputation costs around $30,000 - $60,000 That's like an arm and a leg!
  12. Doctor doctor, you amputated the wrong leg!! Riiight.
  13. Worst cheer to a guy who just got his legs amputated "Break a leg dude"
  14. Why didn't Robbie ride his bike to school? Because both his legs were amputated
  15. It's expensive to attend Amputation University... Tuition's an arm and a leg!

The Funniest Legs Amputated Jokes for a Bone-Shaking Laugh

What funny jokes about legs amputated you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean arm amputee jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make legs amputated pranks.

Patient: "I’m in a hospital! Why am I in here?"
Doctor: "You’ve had an accident involving a bus.

"
Patient: "What happened?"
Doctor: "Well, I’ve got some good news and some bad news. Which would you like to hear first?"
Patient: "Give me the bad news first."
Doctor: "Your legs were injured so badly that we had to amputate both of them."
Patient: "That’s terrible! What’s the good news?"
Doctor: "There’s a guy in the next ward who made a very good offer on your slippers."

Doctor and patient

Doctor: I have the results here. I have good news and bad news. Which one do you want to hear first?
Patient: Bad news please
Doctor: We will need to amputate both of your legs
Patient: And what's the good news?
Doctor: We already found someone who's willing to buy your shoes.

A serious car accident takes place...

and a 6 year old boy is seriously hurt. He is rushed to the hospital, and is quickly examined by doctors. The doctors decide that the severity of the boys injuries are very high, so they decide that he will have to have his limbs amputated.
Upon waking up from the surgery, the boy looks around and sees the doctor, the doctor says "Hello, little man. How are you feeling?"
The boy says "My. My legs. I can't feel my legs"
The doctor replies, "Yes, that's because we amputated your arms!"

A husband was dying

Larry was in his deathbed and his faithful wife, Jane, was beside him, witnessing her husband's last moments.
Larry looked at her and struggled to get his last words out.
"Jane, you were always with me in bad times: when I lost my entire fortune when the stocks crashed; when I had to amputate my legs after the car crashed; and even when I got cancer. Jane, I think you are..."
"Yes, dear?" Jane was in tears and drew close to him to catch the last words.
"I think you're a bad luck."

A new doctor goes to work for a year in Cambodia, where people still get maimed from landmines left over from the Vietnam War era

In his very first day in the hospital, the doctor sees a young girl in the post-operation area. She is crying, and in a panic, she says to him, "Doctor, I can't feel my legs!"
He looks down at the young girl, and in his best bedside manner, tells her, "That's because the doctors had to amputate your arms."

From Memphis Belle

A British fighter pilot was shot down over German occupied airspace and was captured by the n**... on the ground. He was beaten up pretty bad in the dogfight and parachute landing, and they had to amputate his leg, so he begged them "Please, if you have to take my leg, can you drop it over my base the next time you send a b**... mission?"
The n**... figured there was no harm in it and the leg was dropped in the next raid.
A week later, his other leg succumbed to his injuries and had to be amputated, and again, he asked his captors to drop in over the base on the next raid, and again they obliged.
The next week his arm succumbed to injuries and it was amputated. Again, he asked the German guards to have it dropped over his base on the next raid. The German barked at him "Nein!"
The pilot asked, "Why not? You've done it before!"
"We think you are trying to escape!"

Did you hear about the failed anti-amputation vaccine?

It worked fine, but it cost an arm and leg.....

Blueish colored feet....

A man goes to doctor after suffering from blueish colored feet for few weeks
Doctor: This means your feet have been infected and need to be amputated and fitted with wooden leg.
After operation, doctor attached a wooden feet which started to look blueish after few days.
Doctor: This definitely means your jeans is getting discolored.

you're all right

A friend of mine recently got into a really bad accident, they had to amputate his left arm and left leg. When I visited him in the hospital he was very upset, so I told him the important thing is you're all right. he looked me in the eyes, "how can I be all right" he lamented "when I have nothing left?"

True story: Two of the veterinarians at my place of employment amputated a dogs cancerous leg today.

As the junior Doctor brought the leg across the room, he shook it a little and made ghost noises.
the technician watching with me turned and said,
"I don't find that humerus"

A doctor walks into the patient's room after surgery and says, "Well, I have some good news and some bad news."

"Okay," sighs the patient, "...better give me the bad news first."
The doc replies, "The bad news is I had to amputate both of your legs."
"My God!" replies the patient, "What's the good news?!!"
"The guy across the hall wants to buy your shoes."

Women Think Differently

Husband's Text Message by cell phone:
"Honey, got hit by car when I was out of office. Paula brought me to Hospital. They're doing tests and X-rays now. Blow to my head very strong, fortunately it didn't cause serious injury, but I have three broken ribs, a compound fracture in left leg, and they may have to amputate right foot.
Wife's Text Response by Cell Phone:
"Who's Paula?"

Cruel joke

A guy has a terrible accident, once he is at the hospital the doctor tells him: "I have bad news and good news." The guy responds tell me the bad news first. The bad news is that I need to amputate your two legs. The good news is that there is a guy outside who wants to buy your jordans...

A gangrene infection

A doctor at a hospital was out back on a smoke break and noticed a man standing at the nearby dumpster. He approached the man to make sure everything was ok and noticed that this man was suffering from a gangrene infection on his leg. Being a caring doctor, he invites the man into the hospital to have his leg examined. During the examination, it's determined that the mans leg needs to be amputated. Upon waking up from his surgery, the man discovers that the doctor amputated the wrong leg. Furious and threatening a lawsuit, he undergoes a second surgery to remove the leg with gangrene. He sues the hospital but he ends up losing because the court ruled that he didn't have a leg to stand on.

a joke from the war

a man is flying a combat mission over Europe. He gets shot down and has to bail out. He breaks both his legs, is captured by Germans, then taken to a POW camp.
The first week they have to amputate his right leg. He asks one of them "After you're done, can you have one of your pilots fly my leg over my base in England and drop it there?", so they do it.
The next week they have to cut off his other leg. And he asks them again "Could you please have someone drop this off over my base in England?", and they do it!
The third week, the have to cut off his arm, so he asks them again. This time, the german says "Nein! Dis ve can't do anymore!" And he asks "Why not?". And the german says "Ve think yoo are trying to escape!"

From the Hospital...

Husband: Honey, I got hit by a car outside of the office. Tina brought me to the Hospital. They have been conducting examinations and tests and taking X-rays. The blow to my head, though very strong, will not have any serious or lasting injury. But I have three broken ribs, a broken arm, a compound fracture in the left leg, and they may have to amputate my right foot.
Wife: Who is Tina?

A husband sends a text to his wife.

Honey, I got hit by a car outside of the office. Tina brought me to the hospital. They have been taking tests and doing x-rays. The blow to my head is very strong, may be serious. Also, I have 3 broken ribs, a broken arm, a compound fracture on my left leg and they may have to amputate the right foot.
Wife's Response:
Who is Tina?

A man wakes up in a hospital bed after an accident.

The doctor comes in and says that he has some good news and some bad news.
Start with the bad news. says the man.
Well, the bad news is that you have been in an accident and we had to amputate both your legs.
And the good news? asks the man.
The good news is that the guy in the bed next to you would like to buy your shoes.

A man is hospitalized after a serious accident

Following his surgery, he says, "Doctor! I can't feel my legs!"
The doctor says, "I know. I amputated your arms."

The Way Women Think

Husband's Message (by text):
"Darling, I got hit by a car outside the office. Paula brought me to the hospital. They have been doing tests and taking X-rays. The blow to my head though very strong, should not have any serious or lasting effect but, I have three broken ribs, a broken arm, a compound fracture of the left leg and they may have to amputate my right foot. Fingers crossed!"
Wife's Response:
"Who's Paula?"

Husband send a text to his wife

Husband's text:
>Honey, I got hit by a car outside the office.
Paula brought me to the Hospital.
Doctors presently doing tests and taking X-rays.
Severe blow to my head but not likely to have any lasting effects. Wound required 19 stitches.
I have three broken ribs, a broken arm and compound fracture in the left leg. Amputation of my right foot is a possibility.
Love you.
Wife's response:
>Who's Paula?

Husband: Babe, after work I had an accident.

Sabrina took me to the hospital. After various tests, they said I was in a bad state with cervical dislocation, multiple f**... injuries. Also, they will have to amputate my right leg.
Wife: Who is Sabrina?

Medical prices these days are ridiculous

Why, something as simple as an amputation costs an arm and a leg.

If a well endowed woman works at h**..., where does a guy with an amputated leg work?

IHOP

So a man gets into a car accident and is rushed to the hospital...

When the man awakens, he says "Doctor, doctor, I can't feel my legs!" The doctor responds with "I know, I amputated your arms."

So, my feminist cousin is diabetic and recently, her legs were amputated...

...safe to say, she won't be jumping to conclusions anytime soon.

'There's good news and bad news', the doctor said to the patient.

Doctor: 'The bad news is that both your legs have to be amputated.'
The patient starts crying and asks about the good news.
Doctor: 'There's someone in the hallway who wants to buy your shoes.'

Whats the difference between a guy who's got his left leg and arm amputated and a black guy?

He has rights.

I told the doctor I want to take my amputated leg home and he asked why

"Because it's my right"

I have some good news....

Doctor: I have some good news and bad news.
Patient: Give me the bad.
Dr: We have to amputate both of your legs.
Patient: shock! The good?
Dr: The man in the other room wants to buy your shoes!

A man wakes up in hospital and exclaims, "Doctor! I... I can't feel my legs"!

Doctor: "Right, that's because we had to amputate your arms".

A patient tell the doctor "I can't stand the pain"...

The doctor replies, "I know I amputated your legs."

Did you hear about the guy who had the wrong leg amputated?

Because the surgeon s**... up - he ended up losing both legs!
But he lost in court. The judge told him he didn't have a leg to stand on.

DOCTOR DOCTOR

Doctor Doctor, I can't feel my legs!
Yes, I'm very sorry Mr Smith, we had to amputate your arms

Man tells doctor he can't feel his legs

The doctor replies with, "I know, I amputated your arms."

After a year long struggle, my diabetic uncle just had both legs amputated below the ankle....

I guess you could say he was de-feeted.

A man wakes up in the hospital after a serious car c**...

He says to the doctor "Oh god I can't feel my legs"
The doctor says "I know I amputated your arms"

I've got good news and bad news

"I've got good news and bad news," said the doctor as I lay in my hospital bed.
"What's the bad news?" I asked.
"We have to amputate your legs."
"Oh God, no!!! Well what's the good news?"
"The man in the next bed wants to buy your slippers"

Serious Surgery

A man wakes up after a serious surgery and says,
"Doctor, Doctor! I can't feel my legs"
The Doctor replied, "That's right, I amputated your arms!"

Husband says'' Honey, it's me. I don't want to alarm you but

. . . I was hit by a car as I was leaving the office. Paula brought me to the hospital. They've checked me over and dome some tests and x-rays. The blow to my head was severe. Fortunately, it didn't cause any serious internal injury. However, I have three broken ribs, a compound fracture in the left leg, and they think they might have to amputate my right foot.''
Wife : ''Who's Paula?''

There's a new diabetes medication that may lead to amputation.

Patients have also complained about the price of the medication. I guess it costs an arm and a leg.

Did you know that amputation is the most expensive form of surgery?

I hear it can cost you an arm and a leg.

Amputated

Doctor: I have some good news and some bad news. Which do you want first?
Patient: Give me the bad news first.
Doctor: We amputated the wrong leg.
Patient: What is the good news?
Doctor: Your other leg won't need to be amputated after all.

A patient wakes up after an accident

He says, Doctor, Doctor! I can't feel my legs!
The Doctor replies, I know, I amputated your arms.

A doctor had news to his patient

I have good news and bad news for you Says the doctor
Give me the bad news first
I had to amputate both of your legs
And the good news? Says the patient
I'll buy your shoes for $100

A man awakes to find himself in hospital, and soon begins yelling in t**..., Oh my god, what's happening? I can't feel my legs!'

The doctor walks in, very solemn, and says, Yes Mr. Johnson, I'm sorry, we had to amputate your arms.

I went to the doctor to have my leg amputated and he cut off the wrong one.

I heard he got a nice severance package.

A man was in a horrific car accident and rushed to the hospital. A few days later, he woke up startled and yelled, Doctor, I can't feel my legs!

The doctor replied, I'm sorry, but we had to amputate your arms.

A woman was having surgery

A woman was having surgery to have her left leg amputated, due to gangrene. Unfortunately, the doctor mistakenly removed her right leg.
Realising his mistake while she was still under anaesthesia, he proceeded to remove her left left.
Later on, she sued the doctor for malpractice, but the jury did not come back in her favor.
They said she didn't have a leg to stand on!

I Have Good News and Bad News...

-What's the bad news doctor?
-We're going to amputate both your legs
-And the good news?
-I'll give you $20 for your sneakers.

British pilot shot down over Germany...

...unfortunately he was badly injured when he was captured. They had to amputate his left leg so he asked if the Luftwaffe would drop it over his base in England, they obliged. A week later his right leg was amputated and again it was dropped over his base. Soon after his arm had to be amputated and when he asked for that to be dropped over his base the Germans said nein, zis ve cannot do anymore!
Why asked the pilot?
Because ve zink you're trying to escape.
(Sorry about the German accent, best I could do)

Amputate?

Doctor: Mr. Franco, I'm sorry to tell you that your leg has developed gangrene, and if we don't amputate immediately, you may die due to infection.
Shall I schedule the surgery?
Mr. Franco: Hmm... I'm gonna go out on a limb and say no.

A man wakes up from a car accident and cries: Doctor, I can't feel my legs!

The doctor replied: that's because I had to amputate your arms.

I had to have my left leg and arm amputated.

That's not what I thought the doctor meant when he said I was going to be "all right"

Why didn't Johnny ride his bike to school?

Both of his legs were amputated. He can't ever ride a bike again.

Playing doctor in the bedroom can be fun.

Until you try and amputate her leg and she wants to whine the whole time.

They said Canada has free healthcare, but after I got in a car accident and needed to have two limbs amputated...

The cost was an arm and a leg!

Doctor, Doctor.

DOCTOR. "Mr. Jones, I have some good news and some bad news"
PATIENT " I'll take the bad news first Doc."
DOCTOR "We'll have to amputate both your legs".
PATIENT. "My God, that's terrible, what's the good news?"
DOCTOR. The guy in the next bed wants to buy your shoes."

In a hospital serving victims of land mines, a little girl wakes up from surgery.

Little Girl: Doctor, something is wrong... I can't feel my legs! 
Doctor: Yes, we've had to amputate both your arms. 

(Not mine) A man wakes up in the hospital after a serious accident.

He cries out "DOCTOR! DOCTOR! I CAN'T FEEL MY LEGS!"
The doctor replies "I know. I amputated your arms!"

A stand-up comedian got in a car accident and his legs got amputated

He's just a comedian now.

My health insurance lapsed, and my doctor amputated my leg

Now I don't have a leg to stand on