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Legless Man Jokes

10 legless man jokes and hilarious legless man puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about legless man that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

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Legless Man Funny Jokes to Tell Your Friends and Kids.

What is a good legless man joke to make people laugh? Check out this list of funny stories that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth.

Why did a man name his legless dog, Cigarette?

Cause he had to take him out for a drag every night.

A woman, tired of living alone, decides to put an ad in the local paper.

She asks for three things:
1. A man who will treat her nicely,
2. A man who won't leave her, and
3. A man who is good in bed.
Several weeks go buy without a result, and the woman is resigned to life without a man who can embody those qualities. Then, the doorbell rings and she opens it to find an armless, legless man in a wheelchair. He says, "I'm here about the ad in the paper. As you can see, I have no arms, so I can't beat you, and I have no legs, so I can't run away from you." The woman is skeptical, and asks, "Yeah, but are you good in bed?" The man answers, "How do you think I rang the doorbell?"

A man walks into a bar carrying a dog...

The dog has no legs. The bartender looks at the legless dog and asks the man, "What's your dog's name?" The man replies, "Cigarette." The bartender looks at him puzzled. "Why did you name him Cigarette?" The man replies, "Because every morning, I take him out for a drag."

What do you call an armless, legless man at your front door?

Mat

Did you hear about the legless man who got his wheelchair taken away?

He was floored.

What do you call a armless, legless man in water?

Bob.

How does a legless man take his coffee?

Decalf.

Why was the legless man immortal?

Because he couldn't kick the bucket.

A Classic

A woman puts a love wanted ad in the local paper: She says she is looking for 3 things. First, a man who will treat her nicely. Second, a man who won't leave her, and finally a man who is a great lover. Some time goes by and the woman begins to give up hope.  A few more days go by when the doorbell rings and she opens it to find an armless, legless man in a wheelchair. He says, I am here about your love wanted ad. He explains. I don't have any arms so I will never be able to hurt you. I don't have any legs so it will be very hard to leave you. She looks at him, and how are you as a lover? He answers, how do you think I rang the doorbell?

it seems Oscar Pistorious jokes still have legs..

Roses are red, Violets are glorious, Don't ever sneak up on Oscar Pistorius.
She didn't notice Oscar sneaking up behind her. It was the silence of the limbs.
Oscar Pistorius. Not the first South African with a race problem.
When Oscar Pistorius said he wanted to be just like able bodied athletes, who knew he meant OJ Simpson?
Absolutely shocking news from South Africa. White man arrested for m**....
Oscar Pistorius. Just because he has no legs doesn't mean he's unarmed.
Surely Oscar Pistorius cant be the first man to wake up legless on Valentines day and shoot all over the missus while imagining she's someone else!
I take it Oscar Pistorius's girlfriend bought him shoes for Valentines.
What do you call a room full of dead people? An Oscar Pistorius surprise birthday party... or... An Oscar Pistorius St Valentine's Day Massacre
Oscar Pistorius has an incredible record of wins to his name - Six gold medals, four silver medals and one argument.
A young woman is dead, the life of up‑and‑coming athlete, Oscar Pistorius, is ruined, and people are already making jokes about it. That's prosthetic... i mean pathetic.
I think it's safe to say that Oscar Pistorius won't be getting his leg over tonight.

Oscar Pistorious' lawyer is trying to claim mistaken identity
Personally I don`t think he has a leg to stand on
And the Oscar goes to ... Prison.

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