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Legless Jokes

39 legless jokes and hilarious legless puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about legless that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Laugh out loud with the best legless jokes around! From an hilarious drunken cripple to a funny leggy dog, these jokes will have you in stitches. No author mentioned.

Funniest Legless Short Jokes

Short legless jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The legless humour may include short legged jokes also.

  1. Why did a man name his legless dog, Cigarette? Cause he had to take him out for a drag every night.
  2. I used to have a legless dog named cigarette Every morning I would take him out for a drag
  3. Do you know why a snake is long and legless? Because if it were short and had legs it'd be a salamander.
  4. Oscar Pistorius will be celebrating his release to home arrest .... Oscar Pistorius will be celebrating his release to home arrest by getting legless and doing some shots in the bathroom.
  5. Spend your perfect valentines day like Oscar Pistorius... ...legless and blowing a load in your misses face
  6. A Snake goes into a bar A Snake goes into a bar. The Bartender says "Looks like you won't need a drink, you're already legless!"
  7. #‎BREAKING‬ Oscar Pistorius has today made a plea for clemency ahead of his sentencing in April Mr Pistorius claims he is not the first bloke to come home legless and put a few loads into his missus.
  8. Did you hear about the legless alcoholic nun? Try as hard as she might, she just couldn't kick her habit.
  9. A double-amputee walks into a bar Then he remembers he's already legless and walks out again.
  10. What do you call a drunk elf? Legless Legolas

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Legless One Liners

Which legless one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with legless? I can suggest the ones about toothless and one legged.

  1. My legless dog is named cigarette… Every day I take him out for a drag.
  2. where do you find a legless turtle? right where you left it
  3. I'm giving away my legless parrot for free. No perches necessary.
  4. I saw a guy pickpocket a legless midget I couldnt believe he would stoop so low.
  5. How do you call a legless dog? You don't call it, you go pick it up.
  6. Where do you find a leg-less turtle? Wherever you left it!
  7. What do you call an armless, legless man at your front door? Mat
  8. Did you hear about the legless man who got his wheelchair taken away? He was floored.
  9. What do you call a armless, legless man in water? Bob.
  10. What do you call a legless, armless amputee wiggling around in a pile of leaves? Russell.
  11. Where do you find a legless child? Where you left them.
  12. How does a legless man take his coffee? Decalf.
  13. What do you call a legless cow? Ground beef
  14. Why don't tables like to get drunk? Because when they get legless, they're just board.
  15. Why was the legless man immortal? Because he couldn't kick the bucket.

Legless Dog Jokes

Here is a list of funny legless dog jokes and even better legless dog puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • My Dog s**... I hate walking my legless dog.

    It's such a drag.
Legless joke, My Dog s**...

Legless joke, My Dog s**...

Entertaining Legless Jokes to Laugh Out Loud Fun with Everyone

What funny jokes about legless you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean classless jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make legless pranks.

A man walks into a bar carrying a dog...

The dog has no legs. The bartender looks at the legless dog and asks the man, "What's your dog's name?" The man replies, "Cigarette." The bartender looks at him puzzled. "Why did you name him Cigarette?" The man replies, "Because every morning, I take him out for a drag."

What do you call a legless nun?

v**... immobile.
Loosely based off the nun in a wheelchair joke.

Legless joke, #‎BREAKING‬ Oscar Pistorius has today made a plea for clemency ahead of his sentencing in April