JokoJokes

Legged Jokes

129 legged jokes and hilarious legged puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about legged that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

This is a collection of hilarious jokes about one- and bow-legged people. Laugh along with Eileen and Ilene as they share a few of the funniest anecdotes about the joys of being bowlegged or having one leg!

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Funniest Legged Short Jokes

Short legged jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The legged humour may include short legless jokes also.

  1. What do you call a cow with 3 legs? Lean beef.
    What do you call a cow with no legs?
    Ground beef.
    What do you call a cow with two legs?
    Yo momma.
  2. What is something with 8 eyes, 8 leg, and 8 hands? 8 pirates
    My little brother told me this joke and I am so proud of him.
  3. Why do people say "break a leg" before an audition? It's so that they'll end up in a cast.
  4. What's green, fuzzy, has four legs and will kill you if it falls out of a tree? A pool table.
  5. "Hey son, what has 4 legs and doesn't breathe?" "Haha you can't fool me again, dad. A chair!"
    "Not this time. Our dog died."
  6. I had my leg x-rayed today. The doctor told me "your patella measures 2.54 cm"
    By surprise I said "Inch high knees?"
    The doctor replied "披萨卷2.54披萨卷"
  7. what has 2 legs in the morning and 3 in the afternoon? I have no idea but it's in my basement please send help.
  8. What walks on 8 legs until it's one years old, 4 legs until it's twenty years old and then 2 legs for the remainder of it's life? Fred and George Weasley.
  9. Why have sumo wrestlers began shaving their legs? They were getting tired of being mistaken for feminists
  10. I like the smell of mothballs. But it can sometimes be hard getting their little legs apart.

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Legged One Liners

Which legged one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with legged? I can suggest the ones about broken leg and hind legs.

  1. You know what has 8 legs 8 hands and 8 eyes? 8 Pirates
  2. What's E.T. short for? Cus he's got little legs
  3. I just flew in from Chernobyl And boy are my arms legs.
  4. What has 132 legs and 8 teeth? The front row of a Toby Keith concert.
  5. Where do you find a cow with no legs? Where ever you left it 🤷‍♀️🤭
  6. Why does a milking stool only have three legs? Because the cow has the udder.
  7. Why do sumo wrestlers shave their legs? To avoid being mistaken for feminists.
  8. What do you call a cow with no legs? My severely diabetic sister.
  9. I have a dog with no legs I call him cigarette. Every night I take him out for a drag.
  10. How do you call a cow with no legs? You don't, because cows don't have phones.
  11. What has 72 legs and 26 teeth? The first row of a country concert.
  12. What has 4 legs and 1 arm? A pitbull coming from the childrens play ground
  13. What do you call a man with no arms and no legs who's lost at sea? Bob.
  14. Where do you find a dog that has no legs? Where you left it.
  15. Why do sumo wrestles shave their legs? So that you can tell them apart from feminists

One Legged Jokes

Here is a list of funny one legged jokes and even better one legged puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • What do you say to a 20 year old with no legs, one eye and no health insurance? Thank you for your service
  • My friend went bankrupt after inventing a sandal for people with only one leg. It was a flop.
  • What walks on eight legs until the age of one, four legs until the age of twenty, and two legs after? The Weasley twins
  • What do you call an Asian lady with one leg longer than the other?? Irene
  • Saw a man standing on one leg at an atm I asked him what he was doing and he said he was checking his balance.
  • Scientists have discovered why flamingos stand on one leg Because if they lifted the other one as well, they'd fall.
  • I dated a one legged girl who worked at a brewery She was in charge of the hops
  • I invented a sandal for people with one leg. It was a flop.
  • What do you call an Irish woman with one leg shorter than the other? Ilene.
    What do you call a Japanese woman with the same affliction?
    Irene.
  • how do we know that jews crucified Jesus? they used one nail for both legs

One Legged Man Jokes

Here is a list of funny one legged man jokes and even better one legged man puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • What do you call an Asian man with one leg? Tai-Wan-Shu
  • What do you call a Chinese man with one leg? Tai Wan Shu
  • I saw a one legged man at the ATM He was checking his balance
  • What do you call an Indian man standing on one leg? Balan Singh.
  • A one-legged man goes to a beer bar Bartender asks "What'll you have?"
    He replies "Something hoppy"
  • What did the bus driver say to the one-legged man? Hop on.
  • A hitchhiker with 3 eyes, no arms and one leg was standing on the side of the road An Irish man pulls up and says " eye,eye eye you look armless, why don't you hop on in?"
  • One legged man What does a one-legged man call karate?
    Partial Arts
  • I know a man with one leg named Smith i don't know what he named the other one
  • A one-legged man walks into a tech-support store... ...and tells the man "I can't get past this 2-step authentication!"
Legged joke, A one-legged man walks into a tech-support store...

Legged Horse Jokes

Here is a list of funny legged horse jokes and even better legged horse puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • What Has Two Legs and Bleeds Often? Half a horse.
  • Where do you find a horse with no legs? Where you left him.
    Told to me today by a first grader.
  • What has four legs and flies? A dead horse.
  • What has eight legs, two arms, two wings, and three heads? A person on a horse holding a chicken.
  • Vets aren't doctors: Mom: Help! Is anyone here a doctor?
    Vet: I treat horses but maybe I can help?
    Mom: My son broke his leg!
    Vet: Ok hang on. My rifle's in the truck.
  • Where do you go to get a three-legged horse? The unstable.
  • A blue man gives you a pineapple. A man with a horse for a head gives you a blender. A man with seven feet on each leg gives you a dragonfruit. What do you have? Schizophrenia.
  • Where does the three legged horse live? The unstable
  • Do you like jokes that make you think a little? If you had an one-legged horse, what would you name it?
    Flattery.
  • My grandfather was riding a horse yesterday and its leg broke. So he decided to shoot it. Everyone else on the carousel started freaking out though.

Three Legged Dog Jokes

Here is a list of funny three legged dog jokes and even better three legged dog puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • A Three legged dog walks into the old wild west saloon He says to the bartender, "I'm lookin' fer the guy who shot my paw."
  • I own a three legged dog. It had four legs when I got it, but I wanted people to know that I'm a good person.
  • A three-legged dog walks into a saloon in the old west... and sits down. He looks around and then says, "I'm looking for the man who shot my paw."
  • At the tube station earlier I saw a homeless man sitting on the floor with a three legged dog next to a sign that read: Help, I'm starving. He can't be that hungry, he hasn't even finished his dog.
  • A three legged dog walks into a saloon and says,... I'm lookin' for the one that shot my paw.
  • A three-legged dog walks into an old-timey saloon "I'm lookin' for the man who shot my Paw."
    (I know it's old but I'm feeling really down and this joke cheers me up.)
  • It's 1887 and a three-legged dog walks into a saloon, grabs the bartender by the scruff of his neck, looks him dead in the eyes and says... "I'm looking for the man that shot my paw."
  • A three legged dog walked into a bar and said "I'm looking for the man who shot my paw."
  • A three legged dog limps into a saloon in the old west... He growls, "I'm looking for the man who shot my paw!"
  • A three legged dog limps into a saloon in the old west and shouts, "I'm looking for the man who shot my pa!"

Bow Legged Jokes

Here is a list of funny bow legged jokes and even better bow legged puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • I didn't think my doctor could fix my bowed legs. I stand corrected.
  • Why was the woman walking bow legged into her office at 1? She had Five Guys for lunch.
  • Bowlegged Pirate Did you hear about the bow legged pirate? Apparently he has C legs
  • Why do c**... walk bow-legged? Their boyfriends eat with their hats on.
  • Why do c**... have bow-legs? Because cowboys always eat with their hats on.
  • Why do c**... walk around bow-legged? Because cowboys like to eat with their hats on.
  • What might Shakespeare say if he met a bow-legged man? "What h**...! Who is this that approaches with his glands in parenthesis?"
Legged joke, What might Shakespeare say if he met a bow-legged man?

Share Hilarious Legged Jokes and Enjoy Unforgettable Laughter

What funny jokes about legged you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean missing leg jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make legged pranks.

(A little offensive) Where do one legged people go to eat?

IHOP

where does a one legged waitress work?

I-HOP

A three legged dog walks into a bar...

Goes up to the bartender and says "I'm lookin' for the man who shot my paw."

Three legged pig

A man is driving through the country to see a farmer about a sale.
after awhile he turns into the front gate of the property.. before he can get out of the car to open the gate.. a three legged pig leaps up and undoes the latch - opens the gate for him.
He is amazed as he stops to close the gate again but notices the three legged pig quickly close and latch the gate behind him.
As he drives on to the next gate the pig runs at speed past his car - by the time he gets there the gate is wide open - the pig closes it behind him again.
He arrives at the homestead and the pig has already sped past him and in sitting on the lower step.
He asks the farmer 'what's the story with this three legged pig? he opened the gates and ran like lightning to get in front of me - it's only got three legs - amazing!'
Farmer replies - 'Good pig like that.., you would be mad to eat 'im all at once'

the three legged pig joke reminded me of a joke my dad once told me

a scientist was doing an experiment on a frog in his lab, he placed the frog down on the floor and said "Frog jump!". the frog jumped 4 feet and so he noted in his notebook
"frog with 4 legs, jumps 4 feet"
he then cut off one of the frogs legs and again said "Frog jump!". the frog jumped only 3 feet this time and so he noted in his notebook
"frog with 3 legs, jumps 3 feet"
he cut off a 2nd leg and said "Frog jump!". this time the frog only jumped 2 feet and so he noted
"frog with 2 legs, jumps 2 feet"
he then cut off a 3rd leg and again said "Frog jump!". the frog only jumped a foot and so he noted
"frog with 1 leg, jumps 1 foot"
the scientist then cut off the frogs last remaining leg and said "Frog jump!, Frog jump!, FROG JUMP!!!!!" but the frog did not move. so he noted
"frog with 0 legs, deaf"

A three legged puppy walks into a bar

The puppy looks at everyone in the bar and says, I'm looking for the man that shot my paw.

A joke my 4 year old nephew made up. (It makes no sense, but still made me laugh.)

If the three legged turtle crosses the road what color is the rabbit?
Green! Because Space Jam was a good movie.

What kind of coffee does a peg legged pirate drink?

Decalfinated.

What does p**... Irishman says when he meets a one legged jockey?

How're you gettin' on?

What do you call a donkey with three legs?

A wonkey.
What do you call a one eyed, three legged donkey?
A winky wonkey.
What do you call a Chinese, one eyed, three legged donkey?
A c**... winky wonkey.
What do you call an Elvis impersonating, Chinese, one eyed, three legged donkey?
A h**...-tonky c**... winky wonkey.

What do you call a one legged woman?

Eileen! What do you call a one legged Japanese woman. Irene! What do you call the Samoan lady who fell off the cliff? Eileen Tufa'a!

How do you kill a 1 legged fox?

Make him run across Canada. (sorry)

Cow jokes

**What do you call a three legged cow?**
*Tri tip*
**What do you call a cow with no legs?**
*Ground beef*
**What do you call a m**... cow?**
*Beef Stroganoff*

What is the funniest two legged lizard?

The stand-up chameleon.

3 legged bear.....

There was a 3 legged bear in the woods, sad as it was he ran into a one legged bear from Alaska - he was the 3 legged bears polar opposite.

Where do you find dragon milk?

Short legged cows

What do you call a 3 legged cow named Summer in the winter?

Summer...Her name's summer.

What do you call a one legged rapper?

A Hip-Hop artist

A three legged dog from the wild west walks into a bar and looks around

The bar tender looks a him and says "who are you looking for?"
to witch the dog replies "I'm looking for the guy who shot my paw"

What do an asthmatic s**... and a one legged mountain climber have in common?

They both have difficulty getting high.

Did you hear about Kim Jong Un's one legged girlfriend?

Her name is Irene Sum

So a three legged dog walks into a bar...

He looks around and asks, "who's the guy that shot my paw?"

What's the difference between a hill and three legged dog?

One's a slope up, and the other is a slow pup

Why did the 100 legged bug spin around in circles before attacking its prey?

To gain centipedal force

I asked this one legged guy where he wanted to eat

He said ihop

What do I have in common with a two legged table?

Instability

What's a 1 legged mans favorite restaurant?

IHOP

Did you hear about the three legged dog who came wandering into town?

He was looking for the man who shot his paw.

Anyone hear the one about the three legged chess player?

Some say he's always a step ahead of the competition.

Why'd it take so long for the two legged cat to cross the road?

It had two paws

What do you call a one legged man in a pile of leaves?

Russel. What do you call a one legged woman? Ilene. What do you call a dog with no legs? Anything you want cause he ain't going anywhere.

Old western stranger

An old man sitting at the edge of an old western town sees a silhouette approaching from the dusty horizon. Its not long before he realizes that it is a 3 legged dog limping toward him. The old man shouts a warning to the dog "we dont take kindly to strangers around here". The 3 legged dog limps like john wayne while slowly raising his gaze up to look straight into the old mans eyes with a piercing stare and says" Im lookin for the man who shot my paw"

How do you tip a one legged stripper?

Hit it from behind.

The Oxymoron poem

Ladies and Gentlemen; hobos and Tramps; bug eyed mosquitos and legged ants: I come here before you to stand behind you to tell you a story I know nothing of.
One cold dark day in the middle of the night two dead boys stood up to fight, back to back they face each other, drew their swords and shot each-other! The deaf policeman heard this noise and came and killed those two dead boys.
Now if you don't believe this lie is true, ask the blind man, he saw it to.

The worst part about the name change to IHOP...

Is one legged waitresses won't have a place of employment anymore.

A 3 legged dog walks into a saloon in the wild west

He slides up to the bar and says "I'm looking for the man who shot my paw"

A South African miner loses a leg in an accident.

He cries 'Oh no! Who's going to want a one legged gold digger now?'
To which Paul McCartney shouts 'Me!!!!'

A 6 legged insect came up to me and said Help, my wife, Eve, has eaten an apple and is now trapped by the devil! I asked him, are you sure?

He replied, yes, I'm Adam-ant

A three legged man walks into a bar.

Bartender looks at him and asked, conjoined twin?
No thanks, I'll just have a whiskey.

My newest girlfriend broke up with me after we lost a one legged race fundraiser.

She says we got off on the wrong foot.

A father had promised his two young sons he would take them on a fishing trip

The boys were digging for fishing bait in their parents' garden. Uncovering a many legged creature, one of the boys proudly dangled it before his Father.
"No, son, he won't do for bait" his Father said. "He's not an earthworm".
"He's not?" the boy asked, his eyes wide. "What planet is he from?"

What do you call an eight legged cat?

An octo-p**....

I'm dating a one legged girl who works at a brewery.

She handles the hops.

What do you call a one legged waitress?

Eileen
Where does she work?
IHOP

Why did the man name his no legged dog "Cigarettes?"

Because he liked to take him out for long drags.

I saw a 5 legged woman crying and I asked her why

She said she could never get shoes to match. I tried to console her so I said at least your knickers fit like a glove

I once dated a one legged girl who worked at a local brewery.

She was in charge of the hops

This is an old joke

What do you call a short legged dog with steel b**...?
Sparky

What did the three legged cowboy's dog say when he walked into Dodge city?

I'm looking for the man who shot my paw!

If big breasted women work at h**... where do one legged women work?

IHOP

what's a one legged persons favourite restaurant?

Ihop

What do you call a one legged man?

Neil

What do you call a one legged hippo?

A Hoppo

Man gets lost in the countryside

Drives up a long road to a farmhouse, passing a three legged pig in a field.
Farmer gives him instructions on a route back to the City.
Driver thanks him and before leaving says what's with the three legged pig?
Farmer says bravest pig you're ever gonna see… burglars attacked our house last month.. pig fought them off.
Week later I fell in the river and pig hauled me to safety.
Week after that the pig rescued my horse from a burning stable.
Driver… but why has it only got three legs?
Farmer… well a pig as brave as that.. we're not going to eat it in one go are we!!!!!!l

A three legged dog walks into a bar

He looks around and says I'm looking for the man who shot my Pa(w).

Why do one legged people like beer?

Because it's made with hops.

Legged joke, A three legged dog limps into a saloon in the old west...

jokes about legged