Legged Horse Jokes
58 legged horse jokes and hilarious legged horse puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about legged horse that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Funniest Legged Horse Short Jokes
Short legged horse jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The legged horse humour may include short legged jokes also.
- Where do you find a horse with no legs? Where you left him.
Told to me today by a first grader. - What has eight legs, two arms, two wings, and three heads? A person on a horse holding a chicken.
- Vets aren't doctors: Mom: Help! Is anyone here a doctor?
Vet: I treat horses but maybe I can help?
Mom: My son broke his leg!
Vet: Ok hang on. My rifle's in the truck. - A blue man gives you a pineapple. A man with a horse for a head gives you a blender. A man with seven feet on each leg gives you a dragonfruit. What do you have? Schizophrenia.
- Do you like jokes that make you think a little? If you had an one-legged horse, what would you name it?
Flattery. - My grandfather was riding a horse yesterday and its leg broke. So he decided to shoot it. Everyone else on the carousel started freaking out though.
- How many legs does a horse have? Two on the front, two on the back, two on the left, two on the right and one on each corner!
- My Dad's favorite sports are horse racing, bike racing, and women... ... basically anything where you can put a leg over something and ride it.
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Legged Horse One Liners
Which legged horse one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with legged horse? I can suggest the ones about horse mounted and racing horse.
- What Has Two Legs and Bleeds Often? Half a horse.
- What has four legs and flies? A dead horse.
- Where do you go to get a three-legged horse? The unstable.
- Where does the three legged horse live? The unstable
- What is a Horse without legs? It's still a horse.
- What is the big hairy thing between Napoleon's legs? His horse Marengo
- Did you hear about the race between the horses with broken legs? It was lame.
- What do you call a horse with no legs? A glue stick.
- What do you say to a horse before a race? I mean, you can't exactly tell it "Break a Leg"
- What did the three-legged horse do when it started to rain? It ran to the unstable.
- What did the horse say to the one-legged jockey? How're ye gettin' on?
- What does a horse do when it breaks a leg? It nay nays.
- Where do you keep a 3-legged horse? In an unstable!
- What has four legs and is made out of wood? A horse.
- What do you call a horse with a broken leg? Worthless
Laughter Legged Horse Jokes for Everyone for Fun and Frivolity
What funny jokes about legged horse you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean racehorse jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make legged horse pranks.
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2 old buddies mourning the loss of a friend
2 old friends are catching up at an old pal's f**.... One takes a moment to pause and finally asks the question.
"So... How'd it happen?"
To which the other responds.
"Well, as I understand it, he went to the doctor the other day and the doctor said he was 'as healthy as a horse.' But on the way home he broke a leg."
A Guy/Gal walks into a bar with an Ostrich/Race-horse
A good-looking young man (or woman) and an ostrich (or racehorse) walk into a bar. The two sit down, order some nachos and wind up drinking a few beers by the end of the night. When it comes time to pay the tab, the (wo)man reaches into his/her pocket and dumps a slightly-crumpled mess of bills and change onto the bar.
"That should cover it." (s)he says. As the (wo)man walks away, the bartender counts it out and to her surprise, it's the exact total of the bill. Looking back up, she sees that the (wo)man has returned. (S)He once again reaches into his/her pocket and pulls out exactly 20% of the bill before tax.
"There ya go, sorry about that." (s)he says.
The bartender asks, "Mind if I ask you about the exact change and the ostrich(horse)?
"You see," (s)he says, "A long time ago, I was an archaeologist. While in arabia, I discovered a magical lamp with a genie inside who granted me 3 wishes. The first, obviously, was for eternal youth and fitness. Second, unlimited wealth- any time I buy something, I just reach into my pocket and pull out the exact amount of money. The third, well, the third wish was for a tall, youthful, long-legged(well-endowed) chick(stud) who would always stick by my side and share my interests."
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So a centaur walks into a bar
The bartender says, "Hey, how's the sore t**...?"
The centaur replies, "My t**... isn't horse but my legs are."
Horse in a bar.
A horse stumbles into a bar and without pause goes to the bartender. The bartender looks up from cleaning the counter and nods to the horse and motions for him to take a stool.
The horse does so, but decides to remain where he is anyway, so the bartender asks him 'What will it be?'
The horse ponders this for a moment, snuffles at the bartenders hair, and finally whinnies as he makes his selection.
"A shot and a fifth of whiskey, please."
The bartender raises an eyebrow before figuring it out, and calmly reaches under the bar, pulls out a rifle and shoots the horse, who dies on the spot.
The bartender stows the rifle, much to the awe of the other patrons, and proceeds to take a pull directly from a bottle of whiskey before applauding.
One of the regulars waves the bartender over, confusion evident on his face, and asks the bartender what that was all about, to which the bartender replies,
"Oh, he wanted to be an actor so he could pretend to be human, so they told him to break a leg. Fool horse should have known better."
There was a horse who was a genius at arithmetic...
...which it learned with no difficulty. Algebra was a breeze, and it could even prove theorems in Euclidean geometry. However, when someone tried to teach it analytic geometry, it would rear back on its hind legs, kick ferociously, neigh loudly, and make violent head motions in resistance.
The moral of this story is that you can't put Descartes before the horse.
A farmer was having trouble telling his horses apart.
"I have two horses that I can't tell apart," he tells his friend. "Is there any way you can help me?"
"Shave the mane off one horse," his friend said. "Then you'll know the difference between them."
The farmer did as he was told, but after some time the mane grew back and he couldn't tell the difference anymore.
"This time, give one of them a small cut on its leg," said his friend. "Then you can tell it apart from the other."
The farmer did this again, but the other horse ran into a thorn bush and got a similar cut on its leg.
"Measure their height," said his friend. "One of them must definitely be a bit taller than the other."
The farmer tried it out, and it worked. Ecstatic, he ran back to his friend's house.
"It worked!" he yelled. "The black one is two inches taller than the white one!"
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My horse broke it's leg and my dad told me to shoot it...
Now my horse has a broken leg and a gunshot wound.
Thanks Dad, those medical bills are gonna go through the roof.
Did you know that the number of legs in the air of a horse statue indicate how its rider died?
If there are no legs in the air, the rider survived the war.
If there is one leg in the air, the rider was mortally wounded and died after a battle.
If there are two legs in the air, the rider was killed in battle.
If there are three legs in the air, the rider died in a tragic circus accident.
If there are four legs in the air, the rider was abducted by aliens and died in space.
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My horse got shot
So I had to break its leg.
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I was walking past a farm and saw a horse with a broken leg
I asked the farmer, don't you shoot horses with broken legs?
The farmer said no we shoot them with shotguns.
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Little Johnny, The UPS Guy, And Johnny's Mom
Little Johnny attended a horse auction with his father. He watched as his father moved from horse to horse, running his hands up and down the horse's legs and r**..., and chest. After a few minutes, Johnny asked, "Dad, why are you doing that?" His father replied, "Because when I'm buying horses, I have to make sure that they are healthy and in good shape before I buy. Johnny, looking worried, said, "Dad, I think the UPS guy wants to buy Mom."
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Where do you take a horse when it breaks its leg?
To the horse-pital!...
...Nah, not really, take it out back behind the barn and shoot it
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Three Surgeons meet in a bar...
Three Surgeons meet in a bar and talk about their work. The first one says "I sew 2 fingers that were cut off back on a guys hand, and I did it so well that he still became a famous pianist". The second one says "Thats nothing, I sew a guys legs back to his torso and did it so well that he still was able to win gold in the olympics". The third one says "a cowboy and his horse were hit by a train and the only thing i had left to work with was the guys a**... and the horses blond mane. I did my best and the guy became president of the USA".
Horse walks into a bar.
Bartender says "Why the long face?"
"Ha, ha, very funny," says the horse. "But I gotta say, today was not a good day. Injured my leg out, on the racetrack. My career's probably finished."
Bartender reaches under the bar, pulls out a gun, and shoots the horse.
Then he feels sorry for him, says "Tell ya what, buddy. That round is on the house."
Horse Statues
If a statue depicting a person on a horse with all four legs on the ground, the person died of natural causes.
If the horse has one front leg in the air, the person died as a result of wounds received in a battle.
If a horse has both front legs in the air, the person died in a battle.
However, with a horse's all four legs in the air, the person died of falling from the horse.
What has eight legs, a horse's head and makes hissing noises as it moves?
Seriously... What is that thing? It suddenly appeared in the basement a week ago. Should I be concerned? Would have asked my brother for help but haven't seen him in seven days.
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Lately I've been feeling a little invisible and have decided that to get noticed, I will have my legs removed and replaced with a horse's body...
...That way, wherever I go, I will be the centaur of attention.
Doctor, please help, my friend broke his leg.
Sorry, but I'm a vet, I specialize in horses.
Come on, please, it can't be that big of a difference?
Ok fine, just let me get my rifle from the car.
Man gets lost in the countryside
Drives up a long road to a farmhouse, passing a three legged pig in a field.
Farmer gives him instructions on a route back to the City.
Driver thanks him and before leaving says what's with the three legged pig?
Farmer says bravest pig you're ever gonna see… burglars attacked our house last month.. pig fought them off.
Week later I fell in the river and pig hauled me to safety.
Week after that the pig rescued my horse from a burning stable.
Driver… but why has it only got three legs?
Farmer… well a pig as brave as that.. we're not going to eat it in one go are we!!!!!!l
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Why do Horses stand up and stretch their legs as soon as they are born?
Because they've been running out of w**....