The Best 68 Legal Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Legal jokes. There are some legal federal jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these legal legalize puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 Funniest Legal Jokes and Puns

Liberals are acting like Trump is going to kill all the gays, make slavery legal again, and take away women's rights....

Like he's a Muslim or something.

By legalizing Cannabis and same-sex marriage we finally interpreted the bible correctly:

**"A man who lays with another man should be stoned."** [Leviticus 20:13 esv]

Edit1: a typo

Edit2: thanks for the gold humorous stranger!

With cannabis being legal for over a year in canada, every province has access to weed except Quebec.

They only get oui'd

Legal joke, With cannabis being legal for over a year in canada, every province has access to weed except Quebec

There were three friends...

There were three friends - a lawyer, a doctor and a manager. The three of them were talking about the merits of having a wife vs. the merits of having a mistress.

The lawyer says, "It is more convenient to have a mistress. If you have a wife and want a divorce, there are all sorts of legal issues."

The doctor remarks: "It is certainly better to have a wife as it gives you a sense of security which in turn lowers your stress and helps you lead a healthy life."

The manager differs by saying: "I don't agree with either of you. I think it's best to have both. So when the wife thinks you're with the mistress and the mistress believes you are with your wife - you can go to the office and finish some work."

Did you hear about the new law that passed? If you're living in Oklahoma, it is illegal to be buried in Texas...

But once you die, it's perfectly legal.

A joke from my dad: A man goes to a lawyer to ask a few legal questions...

The man says to the lawyer "How much would it cost to ask you a few questions?"

The lawyer says "I charge $400 for three questions."

"That's a bit expensive isn't it?"

"Yep. What's your third question?"

A tour bus is traveling through Nevada...

it briefly passes by the Bunny Ranch in Carson City.

The guide notes, "We are now passing the largest house of legal prostitution in America"

A man in the back shouts, "WHY?!?"

Legal joke, A tour bus is traveling through Nevada...

Apparently there's a voluntary organization trying to gain legal rights for apes.

I guess you could say their work is Pro-Bonobo.

Congratulations to Alabama for making same sex marriage legal

Now the men can finally marry their brothers

An American and an Australian are chatting in a bar.

An American and an Australian are chatting in a bar.

After both ordering their drinks, the Australian asks the American "So what is it that you do for a living?"

"Oh" the American responds. "I help my clients by representing them in court, and also advise them in other legal matters."

In a thick Australian accent, the other man replies "You're a lawyer."

And the American says "No really, it's the truth."

Did you know Kim Khardashian's dad was a member of OJ Simpsons legal team?

So the whole family has a history of getting black guys off

You can explore legal violation reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean legal providers dad jokes. There are also legal puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.

What do you get with legalized prostitution and a highly competitive marketplace?

The best bang for your buck.

Alabama changed the legal drinking age to 33.

They're trying to keep it out of high schools.

What device can make prostitution legal?

A camera.

The owner of Bell Incorporated has just died...

The first in line to receive the inheritance is the owner's son, who gladly accepts it. However, the company lawyer says that he needs to take a photo of him for legal purposes. After developing the photo, he sends it off to the employees in the company to announce their new boss. He says "Here's the fresh prints of Bell heir".

What happened to the man with a legal fetish when he went to court for his parking ticket?

He got off on a technicality

Legal joke, What happened to the man with a legal fetish when he went to court for his parking ticket?

If my Sky Internet gets any slower

by the time this video has downloaded the girl in it will be legal.

The UK Government has decided to make LSD legal as a drug for weight loss

It makes sense if you think about it. It's kinda hard to get to the fridge when there's a dragon guarding it...

In the UK it is legal to have sex with a girl when she leaves school...

So, 3.15pm??

What do you call a Mexican with white privilege?


An American, a Chinese, a Russian, a German and a Syrian passenger are on a train...

The American starts to toss legal documents out the train's window.

The German asks, "Vy are you doing zat?"

The American replies, "We have too much of these."


Then the Chinese begins throwing rice out the window.

The German asks, "Vy are you doing zat now?"

The Chinese replies, "We got lay too much of that lice."


The Russian then flicks dashcams and vodka out his window.

The German asks, "Vat's the matter vith those?"

The Russian replies, "They're too common where I'm from, comrade."


The German looks at the Syrian guy.

#The Syrian guy, nervous, exclaims, "Don't you fooking dare!"

I recently had sex with a girl who I thought I was legal age

A wave of horror came over me when I noticed her toe tag said "15 years old"

How do you get a Russian to the legal alcohol limit?

Sober him up for a week or two.

Why should polygamy be legal?

Any guy willing to take multiple wives is punishment enough!

(Original) Did you hear about the guy who had a sexual attraction to the legal system?

He got off on a technicality.

What's the difference between a cop and a criminal?

It's legal to defend yourself when a criminal robs you.

Why didn't the lawyer steal his coffee?

He wanted legal grounds.

A feminist has taken legal action against a shopping mall Santa.

She claims he called her a hoe three times.

I can't wait until I'm legal to drink..

only eating all these years has left me thirsty. I have heard good things about water

Now that weed is legal in California, I don't need my Xanax prescription anymore.

I was always suffering from chronic anxiety I was about to be arrested for illegal possession.

My unemployed alcoholic father has a brilliant legal mind.

Unfortunately he's never passed a bar.

I put my USDA inspected chicken strip in my wallet.

Now my legal tender is safe.

By legalizing Cannabis and same-sex marriage we finally interpreted the bible correctly:

"A man who lays with another man should be stoned." [Leviticus 20:13]

I went to see a sex therapist.

She said, "How many times have you had sex in the past month?"

"Twice," I replied. "I'm too preoccupied with other things."

"Children?" she asked.

I said, "No. They were of legal age."

A doctor & a lawyer are talking at a party.

A doctor and a lawyer are talking at a party. Their conversation is constantly interrupted by people describing their ailments and asking the doctor for free medical advice. After an hour of this, the exasperated doctor asks the lawyer, "What do you do to stop people from asking you for legal advice when you're out of the office?" "I give it to them," replies the lawyer, "and then I send them a bill." The doctor is shocked, but agrees to give it a try. The next day, still feeling slightly guilty, the doctor prepares the bills. When he goes to place them in his mailbox, he finds a bill from the lawyer.

Legalising weed

My campaign for legalising weed is going well, I've placed posters everywhere, I call it _Propaganja_.

Whoring yourself for money is legal in the United States

Just take a look at our politicians.

The police arrested me for paying for sex with a child.

Apparently they aren't legal currency.

Did you hear about the man with a legal fetish?

He got off on a technicality.

If Snoop Dogg dies before pot becomes legal in the US,

He will be rolling in his grave.

What do Saudi Arabia and Canada have in common?

In both countries, it's legal to get stoned.

What do you call 18 year old wheat?

Barley legal.

What's a pirate's favorite letter?

Not, not "Argh." Too obvious.

Not the "C" either. Everyone has heard that one.

"Without a P he's irate hahahahaha!" Blah blah blah. Nope.

Give up?

A letter of marque. It makes his profession semi legitimate, provides for a legal way to store his wealth in his homeland, and allows him to attain social prestige far above his station if successful enough.

Now you know, and knowing is half the battle.

"Barely legal".

Because "almost underage" sounds a bit creepy.

My best friend was my partner in crime

until homosexuality was made legal.

Why can't the Infiniti car company trademark ∞ ?

Because the legal battle would be endless.

A man was sued by a woman for defamation of character. She charged that he had called her a pig. The man was found guilty and fined.

After the trial he asked the judge "This means that I cannot call Mrs. Johnson a pig?" The judge said that was true.

Does this also mean I cannot call a pig Mrs. Johnson?" the man asked. The judge replied that he could indeed call a pig Mrs. Johnson with no fear of legal action.

With that the man turned to his accuser and said "Good afternoon, Mrs. Johnson".

According to Scientists atom's are as old the universe

So therefore your honour she was legal

Gillian Anderson of the x files just lost custody of her 12 year old boy following a long legal battle.

She is now Gillian Withouterson.

On which day of the week is it legal to marry the 8-bit Nintend console?


Breaking: CNN legal analyst caught masturbating on a Zoom call

Guess you could say he just couldn't keep his Toobin his pants

Hopefully, Biden will never be the leader of my country

Because if he is, something's gone wrong with the Canadian legal system

By legalizing Cannabis and same-sex marriage we finally interpreted the Bible correctly:

**"A man who lays with another man should be stoned."** [Leviticus 20:13 esv]

Weed is legal, but haircuts are not

It took them over 50 years, but the hippies finally won

By legalizing Cannabis and same-sex marriage we finally interpreted the bible correctly:

"A man who lays with another man should be stoned."

Studies show that atheists are more likely to own cats than Christians.

Because owning Christians isn't legal, obviously.

It's no longer legal to use hash marks to count in Afghanistan

This is because of the new tally ban rule.

Why did Arkansas raise the legal drinking age to 32?

To keep alcohol out of the high schools.

LifeProTip: Change your legal name to "Probably Fraud" with your phone company.

That way you can call anyone you want and just leave a message without any risk that they would actually pick up the phone.

There's a new company that's planning to feed cows a diet of cannabis mixed in with their food.

They claim that the relaxed cattle produce more milk, and tender meat. The issue is that the legal costs of this are through the roof, and even the best estimates are that they won't turn a profit until 2034. The steaks have never been higher.

President Biden has announced water is now only legal in three states.

Solid, liquid and gas.

Did you know that chicken strips are a new form of currency in some areas?

They're considered legal tender

How does a pregnant woman in Texas get a legal abortion?


Where did the two bananas settle their legal dispute?

The court of A-peels

A man is in legal trouble after harassing a sea cow at the Playboy Mansion.

He's been charged with crimes against Hugh's manatee.

A man has legal problems after he harassed a sea cow at the Playboy Mansion.

He's wanted for crimes against Hugh's manatee.

As of today it is legal for fruit to get married in Finland

Sadly the new law restricts one type of fruit to large elaborate wedding ceremonies............


Breaking News: Legal alien lived a lavish lifestyle for years by impersonating music icon Sting.

Today he finally turned himself into the police.

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the legal legalization jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working legal enforce piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

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