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Leg Injury Jokes

14 leg injury jokes and hilarious leg injury puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about leg injury that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

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Leg Injury Funny Jokes to Tell Your Friends and Kids.

What is a good leg injury joke to make people laugh? Check out this list of funny stories that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth.

Women Think Differently

Husband's Text Message by cell phone:
"Honey, got hit by car when I was out of office. Paula brought me to Hospital. They're doing tests and X-rays now. Blow to my head very strong, fortunately it didn't cause serious injury, but I have three broken ribs, a compound fracture in left leg, and they may have to amputate right foot.
Wife's Text Response by Cell Phone:
"Who's Paula?"

Husband says'' Honey, it's me. I don't want to alarm you but

. . . I was hit by a car as I was leaving the office. Paula brought me to the hospital. They've checked me over and dome some tests and x-rays. The blow to my head was severe. Fortunately, it didn't cause any serious internal injury. However, I have three broken ribs, a compound fracture in the left leg, and they think they might have to amputate my right foot.''
Wife : ''Who's Paula?''

My leg keeps making a mooing sound.

I think I have a calf injury.

An Irish prayer...

On a cold winter night; an older Irishman walks down the street using his prized glass flask of whiskey to keep warm. Just as he returns it to his back pocket he slips on ice and falls with a crunch. As he lay there assessing his injuries, he feels warm liquid running down his leg.
He closed his eyes and said, "Please Lord, let it be blood."

A soldier walks into a bar.

A man in the bar strikes up a conversation with the soldier.
"So sorry if I'm being rude, but how'd you lose your leg?"
"e**... in the war. I miss my friends too much here and I want to go back. They won't let me with my injuries though."
"They still stationed in Afghanistan?"
"No, they're dead"
"My condolences. Have a beer on me."
"That's very kind of you sir but I'm not old enough to drink"

Husband: Babe, after work I had an accident.

Sabrina took me to the hospital. After various tests, they said I was in a bad state with cervical dislocation, multiple f**... injuries. Also, they will have to amputate my right leg.
Wife: Who is Sabrina?

From the Hospital...

Husband: Honey, I got hit by a car outside of the office. Tina brought me to the Hospital. They have been conducting examinations and tests and taking X-rays. The blow to my head, though very strong, will not have any serious or lasting injury. But I have three broken ribs, a broken arm, a compound fracture in the left leg, and they may have to amputate my right foot.
Wife: Who is Tina?

A pirate captain was telling his first mate how he got his injuries

First he points to his peg leg. "You see," he says, "I got thrown overboard in a terrible storm an' a great white shark bit off me leg before I could climb back up."
"That's amazing," the first mate replies, "and what happened to your hand?"
"We was boarding a ship to take its plunder an' I dueled the ship's captain. I bested him but not before he took me hand clean off. So I got a hook to replace it."
The first mate was only more impressed, "So what's the story behind the eyepatch?"
"A seagull pooped in me eye."
"That's all? You lost your eye because a seagull pooped in it?"
"Well, it was me first day with the hook."

Tractor Accident

A guy named Matt was obsessed with tractors. He would enter tractor competitions, he would collect tractor figures, he loved tractors.
One day he decides to enter a competition, but this time he is the judge. To win the competition, the tractor has to pull as much weight as it can up a 30m hill.
As Matt was watching, the cable broke and swung around, hitting him in the leg. It was a very serious injury and the doctors told him he could never walk again.
A few months later, he meets the love of his life. They decide to go on a honey-moon to Vietnam. They were in a restaurant full of people smoking. Smoke was everywhere. His girlfriend started getting uncomfortable with the smoke, and wanted to leave.
Matt, being a gentleman, offered to help. He huffed, and puffed, he s**... all the smoke from the restaurant, ran outside, and blew it all out. Everyone was speechless. His girlfriend asks, "How did you do that!?".
"I'm an ex-tractor fan"

Topical Jokes for 1/2

Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid suffered fractured ribs, and broken bones in his face after falling off of a piece of exercise equipment. Reid is no stranger to injury, like the time he tried to open a jar of mayonnaise, and broke both of his legs.
In Colorado a survey determined that 90% of residents who voted to legalize m**..., would vote the same way again. The remaining 10% were too high to understand the question.
In Montana, a boy's parents rewarded him with $500 dollars after he gave up soda for a year. An hour later the boy was found dead, floating facedown in a bathtub full of Dr. Pepper.

From Memphis Belle

A British fighter pilot was shot down over German occupied airspace and was captured by the n**... on the ground. He was beaten up pretty bad in the dogfight and parachute landing, and they had to amputate his leg, so he begged them "Please, if you have to take my leg, can you drop it over my base the next time you send a b**... mission?"
The n**... figured there was no harm in it and the leg was dropped in the next raid.
A week later, his other leg succumbed to his injuries and had to be amputated, and again, he asked his captors to drop in over the base on the next raid, and again they obliged.
The next week his arm succumbed to injuries and it was amputated. Again, he asked the German guards to have it dropped over his base on the next raid. The German barked at him "Nein!"
The pilot asked, "Why not? You've done it before!"
"We think you are trying to escape!"

A serious car accident takes place...

and a 6 year old boy is seriously hurt. He is rushed to the hospital, and is quickly examined by doctors. The doctors decide that the severity of the boys injuries are very high, so they decide that he will have to have his limbs amputated.
Upon waking up from the surgery, the boy looks around and sees the doctor, the doctor says "Hello, little man. How are you feeling?"
The boy says "My. My legs. I can't feel my legs"
The doctor replies, "Yes, that's because we amputated your arms!"

The following is a courtroom exchange between a defense attorney and a farmer with a b**.

.. injury claim. It came from a Houston, Texas insurance agent.
Attorney: "At the scene of the accident, did you tell the constable you had never felt better in your life?"
Farmer: "That's right."
Attorney: "Well, then, how is it that you are now claiming you were seriously injured when my client's auto hit your wagon?"
Farmer: "When the constable arrived, he went over to my horse, who had a broken leg, and shot him. Then he went over to Rover, my dog, who was all banged up, and shot him. When he asked me how I felt, I just thought under the circumstances, it was a wise choice of words to say."

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Leg Injury One Liners

Which leg injury one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with leg injury? I can suggest the ones about head injury and injury.

  1. My leg keeps making a mooing sound. I think I have a calf injury.