JokoJokes

Leg Hanging Jokes

37 leg hanging jokes and hilarious leg hanging puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about leg hanging that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Funniest Leg Hanging Short Jokes

Short leg hanging jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The leg hanging humour may include short hanging jokes also.

  1. Vets aren't doctors: Mom: Help! Is anyone here a doctor?
    Vet: I treat horses but maybe I can help?
    Mom: My son broke his leg!
    Vet: Ok hang on. My rifle's in the truck.
  2. What do you call a man with no arms and no legs hanging from your living room wall? Art.
    What if he also had no tongue?
    Tasteless art.
  3. Stewart, Bobby, Matthew and Arthur are all hanging out at Bobby's place. Arthur turns to the group and asks "hey, you guys ever wonder about what it would be like to have arms and legs?"
  4. MUM There's no way you're going out in this skirt, kiddo! But mom, I've got great legs, why should I hide them?!
    -
    Because it's so short and your nuts are hanging out underneath!
  5. One you haven't heard- What do you call twins with no arms and no legs, hanging by a window? Curt 'n Rod
  6. What's green, fuzzy , has 4 legs and can sometimes be found hanging in trees? A pool table
  7. In Connecticut it is i**...... To hang a man with a wooden leg. You have to use a rope just like everywhere else
  8. What do you call a man with no arms & no legs... ...hanging on the wall? Art
    ...floating in the sea? Bob
    ...laying on the floor? Matt
    ...down in a hole? Phil
    ...sitting in a p**...? Stu
    ...

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Leg Hanging One Liners

Which leg hanging one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with leg hanging? I can suggest the ones about hangs and coat hanger.

  1. You can't hang a man with a wooden leg, You need a rope.
  2. Do you know you can't hang a man with a wooden leg in Maine? You have to use a rope.
  3. What do you call twin boys with no arms and no legs hanging from a window? Kurt and Rod
  4. What do you call a man with no arms and no legs hanging on a wall? Art

The Funniest Leg Hanging Jokes for a Bone-Shaking Laugh

What funny jokes about leg hanging you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean hanging picture jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make leg hanging pranks.

An elephant is standing on a street corner with an e**....

His thing is HUGE, hangs all the way to the ground.
At that moment a mother is taking her son to school and the son looks at the elephant and says "Mommy what is that?"
Mom: "Oh that's the trunk honey"
Kid: "No mom, further back between the legs"
Mom: "Oh that? That's nothing...." and awkwardly changes the subject.
The next day, same elephant in the same condition is on the corner only this time the dad is taking the kid to school.
Kid: "Hey dad, what is that? It's not the the trunk and it's not the legs, it's in between the legs. Mommy says that's nothing."
The dad thinks for a second and then laughs, "Yeah well, mommy is spoiled."

I try to tell this joke in english :]

There's a young boy, with no arms, nor legs called Lumpi.
Lumpi plays in front of his house in the sandbox, then a window opens on the 4th floor and Lumpi's mother yells at him "Lumpi time to eat!" and she throws down a rope.
As Lumpi sees the rope hanging out of his window, he starts to rob to the rope and bite's it! He trained hard to hold himself on the rope with his teeth. Lumpi is very hungry and starts to pull himself up only with his teeth. Lumpi pulls and pulls, he's on the 1st floor, the window opens and a young Lady smiles at him, Lumpi smiles back, then pulls again...and again, 2nd floor the window opens and an old man sees him and waves at him, Lumpi shakes his head to greet back, then he start's to pull himself up again. Lumpi, all sweaty and hungry now on the the 3rd floor, near his own window on the 4th floor. The window on the 3rd floor opens and a Lady sees him, then she says "Hi Lumpi! What are you going to eat now?" and Lumpi replies " Pizaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!...."
Sry for my bad english, I just tried to tell a joke in english that I know in my own language. :)

A pirate captain walks into a bar...

...with a peg leg, a steering wheel hanging from his pants, and a parrot on his shoulder.
Bartender: "Excuse me Captain, but you have a steering wheel hanging from your pants!"
Pirate: "Arrrrr, I know. It's driving me nuts."

What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs hanging on your wall?

Art.
That same guy in your pool? Bob
Same guy in your hot tub? Stew
Sitting under your car that's missing a wheel? Jack
Same guy on your porch? Matt
Same guy getting hit with a baseball bat? Homer
Same guy lying in a pile of leaves? Russel
What do you call a girl with one leg shorter than the other? Eileen
Chinese girl with the same condition? Irene.

Soviet Factory

One compatriot who works in a factory suddenly decides to get a folding ladder, climbs to the top, and hangs upside down holding himself with his legs.
The factory officer notices, comes over to him, and says "what are you doing?"
He responds "I'm a light bulb".
The factory officer reponds "Uhh, clearly you are too tired, go home and rest!"
The worker climbs down and leaves for home.
A few seconds later, another worker stumbles towards the exit.
The officer says "Where are you going?"
and he responds "I can't work in the dark"

That's nothing

A father, mother and a small kid go to see a circus. There, among many animals the kid sees the elephant and its long thing hanging between his legs. The kid asks dad "What's that". Ashamed to answer, father says "Ask mother".
The kid asks mom, and she too is ashamed and says, "Oh, that's nothing". The kid goes back to father, and father asks, "What did mom say". Kid says she told "That's nothing".
Father replies sighing, "Yeah for your mother even that's nothing".

Three guys were traveling on a helicopter.

Suddenly, their engine stops and the chopper falls. The first guy hangs from the leg of the chopper. The second guy hangs from the first guys leg. The third guy hangs from the second guys pants.
As they were falling they agree to sing a last song. The first guy asks to sing and the other two agreed.
"If you're happy and you know it..."

The other day I met a man with a wooden leg named Smith

He beat the h**... out of me with it. I have two wooden legs, he broke both of them.
I've learned to be more careful about hanging around people who only branch out in one direction.
I'd extend him an olive branch, but mine are both broken now.
I'm rooted in one place now.
It's very treepressing. :(

Little Johnny walks in on his mother in the bathtub.
He asks his mother what is the big fuzzy patch below her bellybutton.
She replies, "A bush."
The next day Little Johnny walks in on his father while he's in the shower.
He asks, "What is that big long thing hanging between your legs?"
His father replies, "It is a snake."
A few days later, Little Johnny walks in on his mother, once again in the bathtub. He asks, "What are those two baggy things hanging above your bellybutton?" She replies, "Headlights."
A couple weeks go by and the little boy walks in on his parents having s**....
He yells, "Mom, turn on your headlights! The snake is crawling into your bush!"

A Man and is Wife are Expecting a Baby.

He finally gets the call while at work and starts driving to the hospital. As he gets closer, he gets more and more anxious, thinking about the baby, his wife, whether it's a boy or a girl, etc. But as he's driving he hits a curb. The car's springs break, jutting through the floor and impaling him through the legs with twisted steel and aluminum. He can tell he's losing a lot of blood, so he calls his wife and tells her what's going on. She hangs up and says to the nurse, "my husband is so sweet, he just called me to say 'the suspension is killing me!'"

What do you call a guy/girl with no arms and no legs jokes. (WDYCAGWNAANL)

Ok these are pretty common, so I'll start with a couple of standards and then add some I came up with.
WDYCAGWNAANL in a mailbox? Bill
WDYCAGWNAANL in front of a door? Matt
WDYCAGWNAANL in the water? Bob
WDYCAGWNAANL in a pile of leaves? Russel.
In a hole? Doug.
On a pile of dirt? Phil
Now a few of my own ( although others have probably figured these out too):
WDYCAGWNAANL on fire? Bernie
Dead? Mort or Mortie
With one remaining functional appendage? r**....
Cheering for the red team? Fred
Buried in a mine cave-in? Cole
In a fire? It's Cole again!
Hanging from a tree? Bud
Hanging from a different tree? Leif
In a pile of hay? Rick
WDYCAGWNAANL who fell through the outhouse hole? Lou

What do you call...

...a man with no arms and no legs, lying on a restaurant table? [Bill.](/spoiler)
What do you call a man with no arms and no legs hanging on a wall? [Art.](/spoiler)
What do you call a man with no arms and no legs under a car? [Jack.](/spoiler)
What do you call a man with no arms and no legs in a ditch? [Phil.](/spoiler)
What do you call a man with no arms and no legs in a p**...? [Stu.](/spoiler)
What do you call a man with no arms and no legs in a pile of leaves? [Russel.](/spoiler)
What do you call a man with no arms and no legs in the middle of the ocean? [Bob.](/spoiler)

Elephant Anatomy

A family take a trip to the zoo and, whist stood by the elephant enclosure, the young son walks over to his father.
"Dad" starts the boy. "What is that long bit hanging down from the elephant?"
"Why that's his trunk." replies the father.
"No, I mean between his legs!" continues the son.
"Go and ask your mother." says the dad.
"I already asked her." says the young lad.
"And what did she tell you?" asks the father.
"She said it was nothing" replies the son.
"That's the problem with your mother." says the father "She's been spoiled."

An oldie, but goodie.

Adam was hanging around the garden of Eden feeling very lonely. So, God asked him, "What's wrong with you?"
Adam said he didn't have anyone to talk to. God said that He was going to make Adam a companion and that it would be a woman. He said, "This pretty lady will gather food for you, she will cook for you, and when you discover clothing, she will wash it for you. She will always agree with every decision you make and she will not nag you, and will always be the first to admit she was wrong when you've had a disagreement. She will praise you! She will bear your children and never ask you to get up in the middle of the night to take care of them. "She will NEVER have a headache and will freely give you love and passion whenever you need it."
Adam asked God, "What will a woman like this cost?" God replied, "An arm and a leg."
Then Adam asked, "What can I get for a rib?"

Three guys were at the gates of Heaven.

God says to each of them, "If you tell me how you died, I'll let you into Heaven."
The First guy looks at God and says, "I live in an eight story apartment building and my apartment in on the seventh floor on the west side of the building. I had left work early because I had an assumption that my wife was cheating on me.
"So I had made it home and saw my wife in bed, clothed in only a bath robe, and she was sweating. I searched around for the guy she was cheating on me with, but I couldn't find him.
"So I go outside on my balcony and I see a pair of hands hanging from the balcony. I just knew that was him! I tried stepping on his hands but his grip was too strong; so I go inside, which is the kitchen, and tip my refrigerator over and push it off the edge. Unfortunately, my leg was caught by the cord and I fall to my death."
God allows the man into Heaven.
The Second man, furious, says, "I live in an eight story apartment on the top floor. I am a business man. I was outside sorting paper work when a gust of wind blows my papers in the air. As I reach for them, the fence to my balcony breaks and I was hanging on for dear life a floor below when this idiot steps on my hands and throws a refrigerator at me!"
God allows him into Heaven.
The Third guy looks at God and says, "Picture this... You're in a refrigerator... n**....."

Just another Johnny joke

One day while Johnny's dad was just getting out of the shower Johnny looked down and said, "Dad what's that hanging between your legs?"
"Oh Johnny that's my nerve and your's will be this big one of these days", replies Johnny's dad.
Anyway the next day while in school Johnny really had to pee so he raised his hand and said, "Miss I really need to go to the bathroom."
"No, not yet there's someone gone", says his teacher.
Not able to hold it in Johnny walks to the garbage can and starts to pee.
Surprised to see her student peeing in a garbage can in front of the whole class the teacher says, "My Johnny you have some nerve!"
Johnny says,"That's nothing you should see my fathers."

2 Mexicans were walking through the desert...

It'd been more than a week since either of them had eaten anything, and their last bottle of water had just gone dry. They'd been walking for hours on end.
Suddenly on the horizon, one of the Mexican's spotted something. 'Look over there my friend, you see the green thing?'
His friend replies 'The thing with pink stuff on it'
Through the air a delicious salty, meaty aroma hit both their noses. They could see a large green, leafy shape in the distance, with pink slivers of what looked like greasy meat hanging from it.
'Yeah man, and you can smell it too!, amigo eetz a bacon tree!'
'AMIGO EETZ A BACON TREE! WE'RE SAVED!'
The Mexican who had first spotted the bacon tree on the horizon suddenly ran, as fast as his legs could carry him towards the plant in in the distance. When all of a sudden...
BANG! BANG! BANG! - Gunshots fired out, as if from nowhere
The other Mexican, who had not had the energy to run looked on to his friend, who lay bleeding and dying from his wounds
Barely able to mouth the words through lack of water the Mexican cried out to his dying friend. 'Amigo, what happened?'
With his last breath the dying Mexican warned his partner...
'Amigo, eetz no bacon tree, eetz a Ham Bush!'

A little boy, his mother and his father are at a circus watching the elephants...

When the little boy notices something hanging between the elephants legs. He asks 'mommy, what's that hanging between the elephants legs?'
His mother says 'oh, it's nothing'
The little boy turns to his father and says 'daddy, what's that hanging between the elephants legs?'
'that, son' says his dad, 'is a p**...'
The boy thinks for a moment before asking, 'then why did mommy say it was nothing?'
The father puffs up with pride and says 'because I've spoiled that woman, son'

A Nagging Wife

An attorney arrived home late, after a very tough day trying to get a stay of execution for his death row client.
His last minute plea for clemency to the governor had failed and he was feeling worn out and depressed.
As soon as he walked through the door at home, his wife started on him about, What time of night to be getting home is this? Where have you been? Dinner is cold and I'm not reheating it'. And on and on and on.
Too shattered to play his usual role in this familiar ritual, he poured himself a shot of whiskey and headed off for a long hot soak in the bathtub, pursued by the predictable sarcastic remarks as he dragged himself up the stairs.
While he was in the bath, the phone rang. The wife answered and was told that her husband's client, James Wright, had been granted a stay of execution after all. Wright would not be hanged tonight.
Finally realizing what a terrible day he must have had, she decided to go up stairs and give him the good news.
As she opened the bathroom door, she was greeted by the sight of her husband, bent over n**..., drying his legs and feet and said "They're not hanging Wright tonight!"
He whirled around and screamed,
'FOR THE LOVE OF GOD WOMAN, DON'T YOU EVER STOP?'

Desperately Seeking Humor

The jokes here have gotten so bad and reposted that it makes me think back to my childhood for something we found funny, as kids. What better place to share our fave brand of cruelty humor than here. Apologies if this has ever been brought up here before. I'm desperate, please add your favorite cruelty jokes. Short list, I'll try to remember more.
What do you call a girl hanging on a fence? Barb
What do you call a quadraplegic in a swimming pool? Bob
What do you call a girl with one leg? Peg
What do you call a girl midget? Minnie
What do you call a quadriplegic at the ballpark? Home Plate
What do you call a girl who puts out on the first date? Lucy
Help me out here...

One day while Johnny's dad was just getting out of the shower Johnny looked down and said, "Dad what's that hanging between your legs?"
"Oh Johnny that's my nerve and your's will be this big one of these days", replies Johnny's dad.
Anyway the next day while in school Johnny really had to pee so he raised his hand and said, "Miss I really need to go to the bathroom."
"No, not yet there's someone gone", says his teacher.
Not able to hold it in Johnny walks to the garbage can and starts to pee.
Surprised to see her student peeing in a garbage can in front of the whole class the teacher says, "My Johnny you have some nerve!"
Johnny says,"That's nothing you should see my fathers."