Left Leaning Jokes

28 left leaning jokes and hilarious left leaning puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about left leaning that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Funniest Left Leaning Short Jokes

Short left leaning jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The left leaning humour may include short left wing jokes also.

  1. Just finished building an Ikea shelf. I'm going to name it Joe. It's a bit shakey and leans slightly to the left.
  2. Why are there no chairs in the Democratic National Headquarters? Because everyone is left leaning.
  3. Did you hear about the Doctor who fell down the well? He was taking a break at work and leaned too far over a well and fell right in! Guess he should have tended to the sick and left the well alone.
  4. What kind of meat comes from an animal whose left legs are shorter than their right legs? Lean.
  5. politics When it comes to politics I tend to lean towards the left. But when it comes to alcohol, I tend to lean on things that aren't even there.
  6. I just took a political stance quiz, and found out that I am 52% liberal and 48% conservative. That's not the only part of me that leans slightly to the left.
  7. What do you call clusters of falling ice crystals with left-leaning views? Liberal snowflakes.
  8. Political opinions are like d**....... Sometimes they lean left, sometimes they lean right, and nobody likes it when your crazy uncle whips his out at Thanksgiving dinner.
  9. Why did Stalin ally himself with h**...? He thought they had the same political leanings. After all, three reichs should make a left.
  10. When passing wind, f**... if you will, in a sitting position, are you left cheek dominate or right cheek dominate? In otherwords, which way do you lean?

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Uproarious Left Leaning Jokes to Share with Friends

What funny jokes about left leaning you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean right wing jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make left leaning pranks.

Grandpa's 100th birthday party was not a huge success.

The family wheeled him in his chair out onto the lawn for a picnic. When he slowly started to lean to the right, his daughter stuffed a pillow on his right side to prop him up. A bit later, he started leaning to the left. His son straightened him up and stuffed a pillow on his left side. Soon he started tilting forward. This time his other son caught him and tied a pillow around his waist.
A few minutes later, his grandson arrived. He said, Hey, Grandpa! How's life treating you?
Terrible, he said. They won't let me f**....

My wheelchair bound grandpa is in the nursing home.

I went to visit him for the first time. As we're discussing the local baseball team, he starts slowly leaning to the right in his chair. A nurse come running over and straightens him back up.
As the topic turns to football, he slowly starts leaning to the left. The same nurse rushes over to straighten him up again.
As she walked away, I asked:
Me: So gramps, how do you like living here so far?
A tear starts running down his face as he gets this wistful look in his eyes.
Grandpa: it's not too bad. I just wish they would let me f**....

Two electricians are standing on a ladder leaned against a utility pole...

...when an elderly lady was passing below them. One of the electricians calls her.
\- Excuse me, ma'm! Could you pass us that wire, so we don't have to climb down?
\- This one, young man?
\- Yes, that one! Thank you so much, ma'm, you're very kind!
\- No problem, dear!
After the lady passed him the wire, and left, the electrician tells his mate:
\- See, Fred? I told you this was the neutral wire, but no, you had to insist that it was the phase line!

An old man is put into a nursing home by his daughter...

He sits in the common lounge room and leans to the left.
A nurse aide runs over and stops him from falling from his chair and straitens him up.
A few minutes later He starts leaning to the right - but again a nurse aide runs over and straitens him up.
Later, his daughter calls in to see how he is settling.
I quite like this place he says but they don't let you f**......

Control system theory joke

As Polish airline is flying into New York City, the captain announces over the address system, for those of you on the right side of the aircraft, you can see the Statue of Liberty out your window.
Immediately everyone in the seats on the left crowded into the right side, leaning over the other passengers to try to see out the window. Because of the sudden shift in weight, the pilot lost control, and the plane crashed, killing everyone aboard.
The official report said that the accident was due to instability caused by poles in the right half plane.

So, This Blind Guy Walks Into a Bar...

And takes a seat in front of the bartender.
"Would you like to here a great blonde joke?" He asks.
The bartender leans in close and says,
"Well, the priest and rabbi to your right are blonde. The two cheerleaders to your left are blonde and, to top it all off, I'M blonde. You still want to tell that joke buddy?"
The blind guy takes a moment to think about it and says
"Nah. I'd rather not have to explain it five times."

What do you call a cow with no legs?

Ground beef
Where do you find a cow with no legs?
Right where you left it
What do you call a cow with three legs?
Lean beef
What do you call a cow with one leg?
What do you call a cow with two legs?
Your mom!

Rodeo Position

Two old cowboys are sitting around a campfire and drinking. Somewhat drunk and not in the best frame of mind one turns to the other and say's I miss my missus, but when we make love it's always the same . Somewhat taken aback, but curious nonetheless, the other cowboy asks how's that? We always use the old m**... the old cowboy replies. Thinking about this the other cowboy says If you want some excitement you need to try the Rodeo position . The cowboy says What's that?
Well you start off d**..., behind her. Then you lean forward and with your right hand grab her right breast, and with your left hand grab her left breast, with your face beside her head you whisper gently in her ear, Yep feels just like your sister , and then hold on for dear life.

A man was making a robot out of whatever he could find

The head was an old toaster, the torso a series of welded wrenches and bolts, the arms and legs bits of rebar. It wasn't pretty, so he gave it an ugly name: Brek.
The thing worked fine, but it wasn't terribly balanced. The left hand was heavier than the other, so it always leaned to the left. While looking for something to balance it, he had Brek hold his cup of milk. As luck would have it, that was exactly what he needed - the robot was perfectly balanced.
Because milk is part of a balanced Brek fist.

I had a dream the other night

I had a dream the other night. I was in the old West riding in a stagecoach. Suddenly, a man riding a horse pulls up to the left side of the stagecoach, and a riderless horse pulls up on the right.
The man leans down, pulls open the door, and jumps off his horse into the stagecoach. Then he opens the other door and jumps onto the other horse.
Just before he rode off, I yelled out, "What was all that about?"
He replied, "Nothing. It's just a stage I'm going through."

A drunk man is sitting on a bar stool.

He leans over and asks the guy on his left, did you shpill your drink on me? The guy says no I did not. He then leans over and asks the guy on his right, did you shpill your drink on me? No, I certainly did not.
Then I guess it must have been an inside job.

Larry, the clumsy carpenter, was using his tablesaw and leaned in close to check he was following the line he had marked on the plank.

ZANNGGG! His left ear gets neatly severed, tumbles through the air and lands in the pile of sawdust.
Screaming in pain and panic, Larry drops to the ground, one hand pressed against his head and the other sifting through the sawdust.
Joe, hearing the commotion, races over to help. When Larry tells him what happened Joe starts searching too.
Suddenly Joe pulls a b**... left ear from the sawdust, "Is this it Larry?", he asks.
Larry takes a look and then goes back to searching.
"Nah, mine had a pencil behind it."

Son comes home after school

As he walked into the living room, his half-drunk father greets him:
"Hey son, how was school?"
The son replies:
"Alright I guess, the math teacher gave us homework and I'm not sure I know how to do it."
"Here, let your old man help ya. How does it go?" - says dad
Son opens his textbook and starts reading the assignment:
"Charles has 14 apples, he gives 2 to his mom and 4 to his dad. How many apples does he have left?"
The dad leans back in his chair to think. For a few minutes he stares into the air doing calculations in his head. Another 5 minutes pass, and he looks at his son and says:
"What did ya say his name was again?"

At The Old Peoples Home

An frail old man is put in to a care home by his family. They visit him a few days later and as they are talking he starts leaning to the left. A nurse quickly runs over and props him up straight. A little while later he starts leaning to the right, again the nurse runs over and props him up again. The family, impressed by the care he seems to be receiving then ask him how he likes the place, to which he replies, "It's quite nice but the only thing I don't like is that they don't let you f**..."

At breakfast, a husband says to his wife, "I want us to try doggy tonight"

Surprisingly to the husband the wife agrees.
So that night, both quite excited, the husband cooks his wife a lovely dinner. After enjoying the meal they head upstairs and get into bed. The husband leans over to his wife, kisses her on the cheek and says, "night night sweety"
The wife turns on her bedside lamp, confused, and says, "what? What about doggy?"
The husband replies, "honey, I can't believe you enjoyed it so much you want more. I'm sorry, but there's none left, I'll cook it again for you next week."

An elderly man moved into a nursing home.

After he'd been there a few days, a nurse noticed him leaning to the right, and strapped his left arm to the chair. A few days later, she noticed him leaning to the left, and strapped his right arm to the chair. Not long after that, she noticed him leaning forward in his chair, so she strapped him to the back of the chair. His daughter came to visit him. "How do you like this place?" she asked him. "It's not bad," he replied, "except they won't let me f**...."

A new manager was hired....

The new manager walked all around the factory, inspecting his workers, when he came to a room where he saw someone slacking off, leaning against the wall. The manager hid behind a few pipes and watched the employee for 5 minutes.
The person didn't move a muscle, so the manager aproached him and ordered him to get into the manager's office.
"What is your name?" Asked the manager.
"Steven," he replied.
"And how much do you make in a week?"
"I make about 400 dollars."
the manager pulls out 400 and hands it to him.
"Here's this week's pay, now get out of here and never let me see you again!"
Steven then gets up and goes away.
Realizing he needs a replacement, the manager then walks up to a random worker and asks him: "that guy, Steve, who just left, what does he do around here?"
"Oh Steve?" Replied the worker, "that's the pizza delivery man!"

Man overboard!

An Admiral was touring one of the ships in his fleet. After dinner, he ditched his escorts and walked along the weatherdecks. He came upon a s**..., and decided to ask a few questions to check the level of training aboard.
"Sailor," he asked, "what would you do if someone fell over the rail?"
"Officer or enlisted Sir?" was the instant reply.
"Um, okay, enlisted, uh, someone from your division. Yeah, one of your buds falls over the side, what would you do?"
"Call away 'Man Overboard,' toss a floatation device to him, stick by the rail and try to keep an eye on him while the ship turns and lookouts assemble. When a phone talker arrives, give information to the bridge to aid in the recovery."
"Okay, sailor, good answer. But I have to ask, what would you do if an officer fell over the side?"
The sailor leaned close, looked left and right, and asked, "Which one?"