Left Jokes

Funniest Left Short Jokes

Short left jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The left humour may include short rights jokes also.

1. My wife left me because I'm too insecure. No wait, she's back.
   She just went to make a cup of tea.
2. My wife just left me. She says life revolves around football and she's sick of it. I'm quite upset. We were together for 7 seasons.
3. It is unfair how for every $1 a man makes, a woman makes $0.78... Because then the man is left with only $0.22...
4. I couldn't find the thingy that peels potatoes and carrots, so I asked my kids if they'd seen it... Apparently, she left me two days ago...
5. My boss calls me "The computer" Not because of my calculation skills but because I go to sleep when left unattended for 15 minutes.
6. My girlfriend left me because of my abandonment issues... Oh wait. She's back. She just went to get some milk.
7. my wife left me because i'm obssesed with africa kenya believe it?
   and we have two kids together, this divorce is ghana be so hard on them
8. A new strain of head lice has been discovered which is resistant to conventional treatments. That has left scientists scratching their heads.
9. I got frostbite and had part of my foot amputated. Then my girlfriend left me. She was lack-toes intolerant.
10. My husband has left me because I'm insecure Oh no he's back, he just went to get coffee :)

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Left One Liners

Which left one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with left? I can suggest the ones about side and lets.

1. My wife left me because I'm insecure and paranoid.
2. How do you tell if OP has left the hotel? Username checks out
3. The wife caught me cross-dressing So I packed her things and left
4. What did the Indian kid say to his parents when he left for school Mum bai
5. My wife left me because of my gambling addiction But I know I can win her back
6. Why didn't the japanese guy get a high five? Because Logan Paul left him hanging.
7. Why did the fox News Christmas tree catch fire? They left it too close to the gaslight.
8. I left my Adderall in my Ford Fiesta. Now I have a Ford Focus.
9. My wife left me because I couldn't stop doing impressions of pasta And now I'm cannelloni
10. Where do you find a cow with no legs? Where ever you left it 🤷‍♀️🤭
11. I don't usually brag about going to expensive places But I just left the gas station.
12. My blind wife left me At least she isn't seeing anyone else
13. Never try to hi-five Logan Paul You won't be the first person he's left hanging.
14. Where do you find a dog that has no legs? Where you left it.
15. I would never get on a plane with Ben Shapiro He would try to destroy the left wing.

Left Hand Jokes

Here is a list of funny left hand jokes and even better left hand puns that will make you laugh with friends.

• When I meet a girl for the first time I shake hands with my left. I don't want to intimidate her with the competition right away
• Why should you never brush your teeth with your left hand? Because a toothbrush works better.
• Did you know that Jim Carrey lost the use of his left hand for a month in 1997? He was all righty then.
• Can secretaries really write memos with both their left and right hands at the same time? Or is that just stereotyping.
• Don't date a left handed girl... righty tighty
  lefty loosey
• I got a new pair of gloves today but they're both 'lefts' Which, on the one hand, is great
• I went to the prosthetic limb store to buy some new hands "Two of each hand please." I say to the man at the counter.
  "We're all out of left hands sir." He responds.
  "All right then."
• Being left handed is unacceptable... It's just not right .
• My girlfriend broke up with me so I started dating her twin sister I'm not left handed but i'll have to make do until the doctor removes the cast
• How many bassists does it take to screw in a lightbulb? None. Just have the keybord player do it with their left hand.

Left Turn Jokes

Here is a list of funny left turn jokes and even better left turn puns that will make you laugh with friends.

• If I was a cop I would be ticketing people for not using their turn signals.. Left and right
• I was in a Uber today and the driver said, "I love my job, I'm my own boss.
  Nobody tells me what to do…"
  Then I said "turn left"
• Two blondes are going to Disney Land At the turn off, they see a sign saying "Disneyland left"
  They went home crying.
• Tips to reduce weight…
  First turn your head to the right and then to the left. Repeat this exercise whenever your offered something to eat!
• I had a few drinks last night so I left my car and took a bus instead Turns out I can't drive a bus very well when I'm drunk either
• I tried teaching my dog how to dance, but it turns out... ...he's got 2 left feet.
• My fiance left me at the altar... Turns out she wasn't as into human sacrifice as I was.
• Gifted child! My parents always said I was a gifted child. Turns out they meant someone left me on their doorstep in a box.
• My girlfriend left a note on my PS4 today. My heart stopped beating because it said "This isn't working" Imagine my relief when I turned it on and it worked just fine.
• If I have 10 guns and a Federal Law forces me to turn in 8 of them, how many will I have left? Thats right... 10.

Left Wing Jokes

Here is a list of funny left wing jokes and even better left wing puns that will make you laugh with friends.

• What's the difference between the USA and a bird? On a bird, the left wing and the right wing work together to benefit the whole bird.
• American politics is like a penguin. It has both a left wing and a right wing. But are only good for flapping and making noises.
• Why did Ben Shapiro destroy a KFC restaurant? 'Cause they served him left wings.
• Did yo hear about the Hillary special at KFC? Two fat thighs and a left wing for $2.99
• I guess politicians are just a bunch of chickens. Ya got the right wing and the left wing.
• If I were ever to win the lottery, first thing I'd do is hire someone to clean my kids room... and then buy some chicken wings with the $20 I have left over.
• The cable news networks tend to cater to different groups Fox News is for right wings, MSNBC is for left wings, and CNN is for plane wings.
• Why do late night comedians skew left wing? Because the right wing viewers have to work in the morning.
• My right-wing sister accused me of getting indoctrinated by my college professors for my left-wing ideologies. I tell her "You're just jealous because I actually *finished* college."
• Why can't Ben Shapiro fly an airplane? He always destroys the left wing.

Left Leaning Jokes

Here is a list of funny left leaning jokes and even better left leaning puns that will make you laugh with friends.

• Just finished building an Ikea shelf. I'm going to name it Joe. It's a bit shakey and leans slightly to the left.
• Why are there no chairs in the Democratic National Headquarters? Because everyone is left leaning.
• What kind of meat comes from an animal whose left legs are shorter than their right legs? Lean.
• politics When it comes to politics I tend to lean towards the left. But when it comes to alcohol, I tend to lean on things that aren't even there.
• I just took a political stance quiz, and found out that I am 52% liberal and 48% conservative. That's not the only part of me that leans slightly to the left.
• What do you call clusters of falling ice crystals with left-leaning views? Liberal snowflakes.

Right Left Jokes

Here is a list of funny right left jokes and even better right left puns that will make you laugh with friends.

• My wife is furious at me because I have no sense of direction. So I packed up my stuff and right left away.
• You're being chased by a Lion, you're on a horse to the left of you is a Giraffe and on the right a unicorn what do you do? You stop drinking and get off the Carousel.
• I met Matthew McConaughey and asked him to sign a photo for me. I told him to make sure he doesn't write anything in the left side of the picture though. He said "Alright, I'll write all right."
• Trump has two parts of brain, 'left' and 'right'. In the left side, there's nothing right.
  In the right side, there's nothing left.
• At 23:59 31.12.2015 I raised my left foot off the ground Just to be sure I start 2016 on the right foot
• Captain Kirk actually has 3 ears. The first is the left ear, the second is the right ear, and then there's the final frontier.
• In the US people drive on the right side of the road, but here in Atlanta we drive on what's left.
• Why is mother always right? Cause dad's left.
• ‌‌I finall‌‌y figure‌‌d ou‌‌t what'‌‌s wron‌‌g wit‌‌h my brain! O‌‌n th‌‌e lef‌‌t side‌‌, ther‌‌e i‌‌s nothin‌‌g right.
  O‌‌n th‌‌e righ‌‌t side‌‌, ther‌‌e i‌‌s nothin‌‌g left.
• When rowing a boat, do you use the left paddle or the right paddle? Either oar.

Hilarious Left Jokes for a Fun-Filled Night with Friends

What funny jokes about left you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean rear jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make left pranks.