No wait, she's back.
She just went to make a cup of tea.
No wait, she's back.
She just went to get coffee.
I opened up the fridge. The light was on and the beer was cold. I'm not sure what she was talking about.
The teacher asked me "If I gave you $20 and you gave $5 to Katie, $5 to Claire and $5 to Laura, what would you have?"
Apparently, 3 blowjobs and enough left for a kebab wasn't the answer...
LEFT WING DESTROYED
I loved my wife Lorraine in the beginning, but for the longest time I've had a crush on my friend Claire-Lee Robins, who I know feels the same way about me. Eventually Lorraine found out about my secretive feelings, and just like that, she packed her bags and left.
I do feel bad about it all. But then I realised; I can see Claire-Lee now Lorraine has gone.
"This is not working I'm going to my mum's house."
So, I opened the fridge's door, the light came on and the juice was cold.
- What the hell did she mean?
Never mind, she was just picking up some groceries.
Username checks out
Because then the man is left with only $0.22...
I guess I'll have to take Matters into my own hands
Bitch... I put my blood, sweat and tears into that dish.
So I packed her things and left
I opened the refrigerator and it works just fine. Weird.
They left me hanging
Because Logan Paul left him hanging.
To be honest, I should have seen the signs
She was lack-toes intolerant.
Now I have a Ford Focus.
The Trump card.
Apparently she left me two days ago.
The man: Who would ever miss the World Cup final?
The guy: That was my wife's seat. We have been to the last five World Cup finals together, but sadly she passed away.
The man: That's terrible, but couldn't you get another member of the family, friend, or someone else to come with you?
The guy: No…they are all at the funeral!
I bought a bottle of Rum and put it in the bicycle basket.
As I was about to leave I thought for a moment. If I fall off the bicycle, the bottle might break.
To avoid that, I drank all of the rum before I left the store.
It turned out to be a very good decision, because I fell off the bike seven times on my way home
She told me to use the back door and I'd have to be quick.
In retrospect I should have just left, but it's not every day you get an offer like that.
Oh wait, she's back. She just went to the bathroom.
So I got a dog, a new motorbike, shagged 2 women and blew a grand on drugs and alcohol.
She's going to go fucking nuts when she gets back from work.
She says the last Clinton presidency left a bad taste in her mouth
One says to the other, "I left my panties at the police station." The other says, "Let the dog have a whiff of your cunt and he'll go and fetch them."
Fifteen minutes later, the dog returns with her panties, her baton, a broomhandle and two of the inspector's fingers.
Employee : Sir, you called me?
Boss : Yeah, I need you to go to the rest room and masturbate.
Employee : (After a few minutes) Done, sir. Anything else that you'd like me to do?
Boss : Do it again.
Employee : (after a few minutes) Done again, sir. Anything else?
Boss : Do it once more.
Employee : I'm really sorry sir, but I don't have any stamina left now. I can't do it anymore.
Boss : Very good, here are my car
keys, drop my daughter home.
Mumbai!
"I'll be returning"
Who was that?
I wasn't very happy but left without making a scene.
So I fucked her in the ass and left without paying.
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