Lecturer Jokes
31 lecturer jokes and hilarious lecturer puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about lecturer that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Lecturer Short Jokes
Short lecturer jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The lecturer humour may include short professor jokes also.
- At the end of the physics lecture, I asked my professor, Can you tell me what happened before The Big Bang? The professor replied, Sorry. No Time.
- When I give a lecture, I accept that people look at their watches, but what I do not tolerate is when they look at it and raise it to their ear to find out if it stopped.
- My 5 year old son found videos meant for adults only... ...but he obviously couldn't understand the advanced calculus lectures from my university, so he stopped watching.
- In a huge lecture hall once I only had four international students turn up - English, French, Spanish and German. I asked if they could all see me. They said... Yes, Oui, Si, Ja
- Professor opened with this in first year engineering lecture: What do engineers use for birth control? Their personalities
- Neil DeGrasse Tyson is finally coming to give a lecture in my University. It's about time.
- I don't understand why people pay so much to go to college when they can get a wife and get free lectures day and night
- I was 16 minutes late for my first math lecture, 8 minutes late for the second, and 4 minutes late for the third. At this rate, I'll never be there on time.
- My Lecturer asked me why i was failing my class "Is it ignorance or apathy?", he said.
Honestly, I don't know and I don't care. - What do you call a scientific talk about the psychological impact of cannibalism? A Hannibal Lecture.
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Lecturer One Liners
Which lecturer one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with lecturer? I can suggest the ones about instructor and college professor.
- I was just at a lecture about how to fasten metal together. Riveting stuff.
- Why is the algorithms lecturer so fat? Because he always minimises the running time.
- I took a class on 'The Silence of the Lambs' It was a Hannibal lecture.
- What did the vegan give the homeless guy? A lecture.
- Gotta go to a lecture on drilling techniques. Talk about boring.
- My wife has a contract to give lectures... It's called a marriage license
- In today's Criminology class we will learn about cannibalism. It's my Hannibal Lecture.
- Kermit the Frog decided to become a college professor. His lectures are ribbiting.
- Why was the math lecture so long? The professor kept going off on a tangent.
- Imagine if Hannibal was a university professor I'd love to go to a Hannibal Lecture!
- I've been in chemistry lectures all day... I'm absolutely Bohred to death!
- My music teacher gave a lecture about gun control the other day It was a glock and spiel
- Chuck Norris does not listen to lectures.
Lectures listen to Chuck Norris. - I don't often tell Mom jokes. But if I do, she ends up giving me a lecture about it.
- Lecturer: "have any of you heard of pavlov's dogs?" Student: "... It rings a bell."
Cheeky Lecturer Jokes to Experience Good Cheer & Frivolity
What funny jokes about lecturer you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean tutor jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make lecturer pranks.
A linguistics professor is lecturing his class
A linguistics professor was lecturing his class the other day. "In English," he said, "a double negative forms a positive. However, in some languages, such as Russian, a double negative remains a negative. But there isn't a single language, not one, in which a double positive can express a negative."
A voice from the back of the room retorted, "Yeah, right."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
An elderly man is stopped by the police around 2 a.m. and is asked where he is going at this time of night.
The man replies, I am on my way to attend a lecture about gambling, h**..., alcohol a**... and the effects it has on the human body, as well as smoking, and staying out late.
The officer then asks, Really? Who is giving that lecture at this time of night?
The man replies, That would be my wife.
Roger decided he was in no shape to drive as he walked out of the bar
So he sensibly left his car parked and walked home. As he was staggering along, he was stopped by a policeman.
'What are you doing out here at three o'clock in the morning?' asked the police officer.
'I'm on my way to a lecture,' answered Roger.
'And who on earth, in their right mind, is going to give a lecture at this time of night?' enquired the constable sarcastically.
'My wife,' slurred Roger grimly.
A computer science student...
...was writing a note to his crush before lecture. The student next to him grabbed the note.
The first student tried to grab it back. You can't see that, it's private!
The second student protested, But we're in the same class
So a Lecturer tells a joke in the class. . .
. . .and then one of the students raises his hand and says "but sir you told that joke last year" the lecturer replies "if you can repeat things then so can I"
A college professor is driving home drunk one Saturday night....
When he gets pulled over. The cop comes up to his window and asks him:
"Excuse me sir, you were speeding, you ran a red light and you appear to be drunk, where are you going?"
The professor replies: "I am currently on my way to a lecture concerning the dangers of drinking, smoking and staying up late."
The police officer says: "Who could possibly be giving that kind of lecture at this time?"
The professor responds: "My wife."
Annoyed by the professor of anatomy
who liked to tell "naughty" stories during class, a group of female students decided that the next time he started to tell one, they would all rise and leave the room in protest. The professor, however, got wind of their scheme just before class the following day, so he bided his time. Then, halfway through the lecture, he began. "They say there is quite a shortage of prostitutes in France." The girls looked at one another, arose and started for the door. "Young ladies," said the professor with a broad smile, "the next plane doesn't leave till tomorrow afternoon."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Dean of Women...
The Dean of Women at an exclusive girls' school was lecturing her students on s**... morality.
We live today in very difficult times for young people. In moments of temptation, she said, ask yourself just one question: Is an hour of pleasure worth a lifetime of shame?
A young woman rose in the back of the room and said, Excuse me, but how do you make it last an hour?
So a teacher was lecturing his student...
Teacher: Billy! You have failed your tests again, When Lincoln was your age he was the top student in his class!
Billy: Yeah, but when he was your age he was President of the US already.
So this nun is driving along...
... when suddenly a drunk staggers out into the road in front of her. She skids to a stop, gets out, and scolds him severely, making several derogatory remarks, and angrily lecturing him on how dangerous he was being. The drunk looks at her for a minute, then punches her in the face, knocking her out cold.
Standing over her prone form, the drunk grins triumphantly, and slurs out "Yeah! Not so tough now, are you Batman?".
