JokoJokes

Lecturer Jokes

31 lecturer jokes and hilarious lecturer puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about lecturer that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Funniest Lecturer Short Jokes

Short lecturer jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The lecturer humour may include short professor jokes also.

  1. At the end of the physics lecture, I asked my professor, Can you tell me what happened before The Big Bang? The professor replied, Sorry. No Time.
  2. When I give a lecture, I accept that people look at their watches, but what I do not tolerate is when they look at it and raise it to their ear to find out if it stopped.
  3. My 5 year old son found videos meant for adults only... ...but he obviously couldn't understand the advanced calculus lectures from my university, so he stopped watching.
  4. In a huge lecture hall once I only had four international students turn up - English, French, Spanish and German. I asked if they could all see me. They said... Yes, Oui, Si, Ja
  5. Professor opened with this in first year engineering lecture: What do engineers use for birth control? Their personalities
  6. Neil DeGrasse Tyson is finally coming to give a lecture in my University. It's about time.
  7. I don't understand why people pay so much to go to college when they can get a wife and get free lectures day and night
  8. I was 16 minutes late for my first math lecture, 8 minutes late for the second, and 4 minutes late for the third. At this rate, I'll never be there on time.
  9. My Lecturer asked me why i was failing my class "Is it ignorance or apathy?", he said.
    Honestly, I don't know and I don't care.
  10. What do you call a scientific talk about the psychological impact of cannibalism? A Hannibal Lecture.

Share These Lecturer Jokes With Friends




Lecturer One Liners

Which lecturer one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with lecturer? I can suggest the ones about instructor and college professor.

  1. I was just at a lecture about how to fasten metal together. Riveting stuff.
  2. Why is the algorithms lecturer so fat? Because he always minimises the running time.
  3. I took a class on 'The Silence of the Lambs' It was a Hannibal lecture.
  4. What did the vegan give the homeless guy? A lecture.
  5. Gotta go to a lecture on drilling techniques. Talk about boring.
  6. My wife has a contract to give lectures... It's called a marriage license
  7. What do you call a university class taught by a cannibal? A Hannibal Lecture
  8. In today's Criminology class we will learn about cannibalism. It's my Hannibal Lecture.
  9. Kermit the Frog decided to become a college professor. His lectures are ribbiting.
  10. What do you call a college class taught by a Cannibal? A Hannibal Lecture
  11. Why was the math lecture so long? The professor kept going off on a tangent.
  12. Imagine if Hannibal was a university professor I'd love to go to a Hannibal Lecture!
  13. What do you call a class that teaches how to eat people? A cannibal lecture.
  14. I've been in chemistry lectures all day... I'm absolutely Bohred to death!
  15. My music teacher gave a lecture about gun control the other day It was a glock and spiel

Lecturer joke, My music teacher gave a lecture about gun control the other day

Cheeky Lecturer Jokes to Experience Good Cheer & Frivolity

What funny jokes about lecturer you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean tutor jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make lecturer pranks.

An elderly man is stopped by the police around 2 a.m. and is asked where he is going at this time of night. The man replies, "I am on my way to a lecture about alcohol a**... and the effects it has on the human body, as well as smoking and staying out late."

The officer then asks, "Really? Who is giving that lecture at this time of night?" The man replies, "That would be my wife."

An elderly man is stopped by the police around 2 a.m. and is asked where he is going at this time of night.

The man replies, "I am on my way to attend a lecture about gambling, h**..., alcohol a**... and the effects it has on the human body, as well as smoking, and staying out late."
The officer then asks, "Really? Who is giving that lecture at this time of night?"
The man replies, "My wife."

A man gets pulled over by the police...

A man was stopped by the police around 2 am. The officer asked him where he was going at that time of night.

The man replied, "I'm on my way to a lecture about alcohol a**... and the effects it has on the human body, as well as smoking and staying out late."

The officer then asked, "Really? Who's giving that lecture at this time of night?"

The man replied, "That would be my wife."

A linguistics professor is lecturing his class

A linguistics professor was lecturing his class the other day. "In English," he said, "a double negative forms a positive. However, in some languages, such as Russian, a double negative remains a negative. But there isn't a single language, not one, in which a double positive can express a negative."
A voice from the back of the room retorted, "Yeah, right."

An elderly man was stopped by the police around 2 a.m

...and was asked where he was going at that time of night.
The man replied,
"I'm on my way to a lecture about alcohol a**... and the effects it has on the human body, as well as smoking and staying out late."
The officer then asked,
"Really? Who's giving that lecture at this time of night?"
The man replied, "That would be my wife."

Double Positives.

A linguistics professor was lecturing his class one day.
'In English', he said, 'A double negative forms a positive. In some languages, though, such as Russian, a double negative is still a negative. However, there is no language wherein a double positive can form a negative.'
A loud voice from the back of the room piped up, 'Yeah, right.'

An elderly man is stopped by the police around 2 a.m. and is asked where he is going at this time of night.

The man replies, I am on my way to attend a lecture about gambling, h**..., alcohol a**... and the effects it has on the human body, as well as smoking, and staying out late.
The officer then asks, Really? Who is giving that lecture at this time of night?
The man replies, That would be my wife.

Roger decided he was in no shape to drive as he walked out of the bar

So he sensibly left his car parked and walked home. As he was staggering along, he was stopped by a policeman.
'What are you doing out here at three o'clock in the morning?' asked the police officer.
'I'm on my way to a lecture,' answered Roger.
'And who on earth, in their right mind, is going to give a lecture at this time of night?' enquired the constable sarcastically.
'My wife,' slurred Roger grimly.

A computer science student...

...was writing a note to his crush before lecture. The student next to him grabbed the note.
The first student tried to grab it back. You can't see that, it's private!
The second student protested, But we're in the same class

A linguistics professor says

A linguistics professor says during a lecture that, "In English, a double negative forms a positive. But in some languages, such as Russian, a double negative is still a negative. However, in no language in the world can a double positive form a negative." But then a voice from the back of the room piped up, "Yeah, right."

So a Lecturer tells a joke in the class. . .

. . .and then one of the students raises his hand and says "but sir you told that joke last year" the lecturer replies "if you can repeat things then so can I"

An elderly man is stopped by the police at 1 A.M.

The officer asks where he's going at this time of night.
The man replies, "I'm going to a lecture about alcohol a**... and the effects it has on the human body."
The officer laughs and says, "Oh really? And who is giving that lecture at this time of night?"
The man replies, "My wife."

James Bond hits upon hard times and finds himself facing a job seeker interview...

James Bond hits upon hard times and finds himself facing a job seeker interview,
"Well Mr Bond we have two positions we can offer you, one is giving lectures to children on the benefits of a career in military intelligence, and the other is in the fabric staining department of a yarn mill. "
"Do you expect me to talk? "
"No, Mr Bond, I expect you to dye. "

Lecturer joke, James Bond hits upon hard times and finds himself facing a job seeker interview...