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Leaving Work Early Jokes

40 leaving work early jokes and hilarious leaving work early puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about leaving work early that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Funniest Leaving Work Early Short Jokes

Short leaving work early jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The leaving work early humour may include short leaving early jokes also.

  1. I asked my boss, Can I leave work early today? Boss: Only if you make up the time.
    Me: It's 49 past 70 o clock.
    Boss: You're fired.
  2. An Understanding boss — Boss, can I leave work two hours early today? My wife wants me to go shopping with her.
    — That's out of the question.
    — Thanks, boss! I knew you wouldn't let me down.
  3. Give a man a fish Give a man a fish, and he'll ask for a lemon.

    Teach a man to fish, and he'll leave work early on Fridays.
  4. A tiny bucket asks to leave work early because he's sick His boss looks him over. Alright you can, i notice you are a little pail.
  5. Coming in early and leaving late are generally great and admired qualities. Some women just don't appreciate a strong work ethic I suppose.
  6. I have named my bed Dr. Bed. That way I can leave work early for my "doctor's appointment."
  7. I had to leave work early to day .. I had a appointment with a horse doctor. How that horse became a doctor is beyond me
  8. I decided to leave work an hour early today. The flight attendants started freaking out when I grabbed my parachute though.
  9. I love when I leave work early to surprise my wife at home and she greets me with those three very special words… "Were you fired?"
  10. Give a man a fish, and he'll ask for a lemon; teach a man to fish and he'll leave work early on Fridays.

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Leaving Work Early One Liners

Which leaving work early one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with leaving work early? I can suggest the ones about leaving work and quitting work.

  1. I always arrive late to work... ...but I make up for it by leaving early.
  2. Why did the riot cop leave for work early? Because he had to beat the crowds.
  3. Why was the doctor forced to leave work early? The hospital ran all out of patience
  4. Why did the French Police leave early for work? They wanted to beat the crowd.
  5. Why do French riot police leave early for work? So they can beat the crowd.
  6. Why did the French ZOG officer leave early for work? So he could beat the crowds.
  7. Why did the gravedigger leave work early? He felt de-shoveled.
  8. I may not show up to work on time, but d**... I leave early.

Leaving Work Early Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.

What funny jokes about leaving work early you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean leaving job jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make leaving work early pranks.

I said to my boss the other day, "I need to leave early today, I'm going to be a father!" He replied, "Of course! Take the afternoon off." When I returned to work the next day, he came to my desk, smiled and asked, "Well, how'd it go? Is it a boy or a girl?" I shrugged, "I don't know..."

"I'll tell you in nine months!"

The meek little husband came home from work

and found his wife in the arms of a stranger man. Angrily he threw his hat and coat to the floor and screamed.

"So that's the kind of a wife you are! I leave you early in the morning, I work like a dog all day and I come home after midnight and what do I find -- NOTHING TO EAT! That I won't stand for!"

Dad joke

I work with this guy in his 60s and every time he comes in late he always says "Well I came in late so I have to leave early to make up for the time." and he loves it no matter how many times he says it.

I left work yesterday at 4:59 instead of 5:00

I was technically leaving early, but the difference was minute.

Johnny's wife Suzy is upset...

...Johnny has forgot their anniversary.
Suzy says, "If tomorrow I don't see a shiny, metal object that can go from 0 to 300 in a few seconds by tomorrow, I'm leaving you!"
The next day, Johnny wakes up early and goes to work. Suzy wakes up, looks into the driveway and sees a big box sitting there. Suzy runs down and opens it.
Inside she finds bathroom scales.

Law of employment:
When leaving work late, you will mostly go unnoticed.


When you leave early, you will meet your boss at the parking lot.

Blonde at work

A blonde, a brunette and a redhead all work for a female boss who always goes home early.
"Hey girls," says the brunette. "Let's go home early tomorrow. She'll never know."
So the next day, they all leave right after their boss. The brunette gets some extra gardening done, the redhead goes to a bar, and the blonde goes home to find her husband having s**... with the female boss. She quietly sneaks out of the house and returns at her normal time.
"That was fun," says the brunette. "We should do it again sometime."
"No way," says the blonde. "I almost got caught."

3 ladies at work (yes it's yet another Blonde joke)

Three ladies all work in the same office with the same female boss. Every day, they noticed the boss left work early. One day, the girls decided that, when the boss left, they'd all leave a few minutes after her. After all, she never called or came back, so how was she to know?
The brunette was thrilled to be home early. She did a little gardening and went to bed early.
The redhead was elated to be able to get in a quick workout at her spa before meeting a dinner date.
The blonde was happy happy happy to be home, but when she got to her bedroom she heard a muffled noise from inside. Slowly, quietly, she cracked open the door and was mortified to see her husband in bed with HER BOSS!!! Ever so gently, she closed the door and crept out of her house.
The next day, at coffee break, the brunette and redhead mentioned leaving early again, and asked the blonde if she was with them.
"NO WAY," she exclaimed, "I almost got caught yesterday!"

A man walks into a bar and orders a triple scotch

A man walks into a bar and orders a triple scotch.
The bartender pours him his drink and asks, "What happened?"
"I came home early from work today...and found my wife having s**... with my best friend"
The bartender pours him a second drink - "That's awful, what did you say to your wife?"
"I told her we were through. 'Pack your bags, and leave!'"
"What about your friend?"
"I waved my finger at him, looked him straight in the eye, and told him...bad dog."

A Blonde, a brunette and a redhead

A blonde, a brunette and a redhead all work at the same office for a female boss who always goes home early.
"Hey, girls," says the brunette one day, "let's go home early tomorrow. She ' ll never know. "
So the next day they all leave right after the boss does. The brunette gets some extra gardening done, the redhead goes to a bar, and the blonde goes home to find her husband having s**... with the female boss.
She quietly sneaks out of the house and vows to return home at her normal time the next day.
In the morning, the brunette says, "That was fun, we should do it again sometime."
"No way," says the blonde. "I almost got caught . "

A man is busy at work and forgets that it is his wife's birthday...

When he gets home, his wife is completely enraged. "I DEMAND THAT YOU GET ME SOMETHING THAT CAN GO FROM 0-200 IN 5 SECONDS OR LESS!". The man cowers under his wife and nods his head.
The next morning the man leaves early for work and puts a small package on the driveway. When his wife wakes up, she looks outside and sees the package. Confused, she grabs her coat and runs outside. She rips up the paper, expecting to see keys, but instead there is a weight scale.
The man has been missing for several days.

Consequences of taking off early from work

There was a blonde, a brunette, and a redhead who all worked in the same office. Every Friday, their boss would leave the office early to go home. One day the brunette says, "You know, we should leave early too when our boss leaves next friday!" The other two eagerly agree and set a plan in motion.
Next Friday, after their boss leaves work early, the three leave work early too. The Brunette goes to a restaurant to have an early dinner. The redhead goes to a bar. And the blonde goes home. Upon walking through the door, the blonde hears noises coming from the bedroom she shares with her husband. She walks to the door and peeks inside to find her boss and her husband having s**.... She closes the door, gets back in her car, and goes back to work, only to return home at her usual time. On Monday, the three friends get together to discuss their Friday adventures. The Brunette and the Redhead agree that they want to do it every Friday that their boss leaves.
The Blonde says, "No way! I almost got caught!"

So a Blonde Brunette and a Redhead are all assistants to a powerful lady C.E.O.....

The C.E.O tells the ladies she is leaving for the day and for them to watch things/do her work while she is out. When the C.E.O. leaves, the Redhead says, "Man this is the 3rd time this week she's done this to us!"
The Brunette starts to gather her things and replies: "that's it, I'm outa here." The Redhead shakes her head in agreement but the Blonde rejects the idea. Soon enough the Brunette and Redhead leave and advise the Blonde to do the same. Eventually the Blonde leaves but just decides to go home and spend time with her husband. The next day the Brunette and Redhead arrive early to work and are greeted by the C.E.O. storming past them and locking herself in her office, her face full of shame and embarrassment. The Blonde arrives, late and looking flustered. The Brunette and Redhead ask the Blonde if they know what's wrong with the C.E.O., she replies, "aww I knew she would be mad, all I wanted to do was surprise my husband by coming home early, and instead I end getting caught by my boss in my own home!"

So a redhead, a brunette, and a blonde all work in a very small office

One day their boss Ms. White tells them, "Hey guys, I am going to knock off a little early. I'll see you tomorrow."
Well, the three ladies start talking and they all decide that since the boss wasn't around, they were going to leave too.
The red head went to meet her friends at a bar, the brunette called her boyfriend and went to a movie, but the blonde just went home.
When she got there she heard noises coming from her bedroom. She carefully peeked in and saw her boss and her husband passionately knocking the boots.
Well, she dashed out of the house as quietly as she could and went to the mall until it was her normal time to go home.
The next day Ms White told her three workers she was leaving work early again. And again the three discussed sneaking out early. The blonde said, "No way! The last time we did that, I almost got caught!"