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Leavin Jokes

32 leavin jokes and hilarious leavin puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about leavin that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Funniest Leavin Short Jokes

Short leavin jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The leavin humour may include short cellmate jokes also.

  1. I'm black, and I really hate it when my white friend doesn't answer my calls. I guess some old habits never die... White man always leavin' me hanging

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Leavin One Liners

Which leavin one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with leavin? I can suggest the ones about electrician and indecent.

  1. Atheists definition People who be leavin' God.

Leavin joke, Atheists definition

Charming Humor Leavin Jokes with Loads of Fun

What funny jokes about leavin you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean wire jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make leavin pranks.

With the UK leaving the EU, the union has some free space.

Exactly 1GB

I'm leaving you for an NSA officer

"I'm leaving you for an NSA officer," she said.
"But why? What does he have that I don't?"
"He listens to me."

My wife's leaving me because I'm too arrogant.

I told her to close the door on her way back in.

"I'm leaving you!..."

I've had it with your silly remarks about my weight. I'm leaving you!
But honey, what about our child?
What child?!
Oh, so you're not pregnant?

As I was leaving with my bags, my wife said, "I hope you have a slow and miserable death"...

I said, "So you want me to stay now?".

Her: I'm leaving you because you're too c**....

Him: Close the door on your way back in.

Leaving for the Crusades...

*Heard this a long time ago. Just found it again...*
All the good knights were leaving for the Crusades.
One knight told his best friend, "My bride is without doubt one of the most beautiful women in the world.
It would be a terrible waste if no man could have her. Therefore, as my best and most trusted friend, I am
leaving you the key to her chastity belt to use should I not return from the Crusade."
The company of knights were only a mile or so out of town when they noticed a cloud of dust approaching.
Thinking it might be an important message from the town the column halted.
A horseman approached. It was the knight's best friend yelling, "Hey, you gave me the wrong key!"

If you're leaving the U.S. Embassy in Santiago, make sure to put on a jacket...

It's Chile outside.

Before leaving for the convention center on Election night, Hilary told Bill: "Tonight, for the first time in history, America will finally have two presidents sleeping with each other"...

When she got home, Bill was already eagerly waiting in bed, and he said:
"Is Trump on his way or should I drive to his place?"

Her : I'm leaving . I'm sick of you wearing a different t-shirt every hour .

Me : Wait . I can change .

I like leaving receipts in my pockets

It reminds me of when I had money.

As I was leaving work for the day, my boss tried to get me to stay back and finish a report. I told him it sounded like a job for Tom.

Tom Orrow.

Before leaving for a battle, King Arthur puts a strong iron chastity belt on his wife Guinevere and entrusts the key to his most loyal knight, Eddie. Then King Arthur departs.

Five minutes into his journey, King Arthur hears Eddie screaming for him to stop. King Arthur signals his steed to halt and waits for Eddie to catch up.
"Eddie!" the king says, "What's the matter?"
"Your highness," says Eddie. "You gave me the wrong key."

My GF said she's leaving me because of my obsession with TV Dramas. But will she really leave me?...

Find out next week!

Her: I'm leaving. I'm sick of your constant mansplaining. I'm surprised you didn't see the writing on the wall.

Me: It's called graffiti, Karen.

Why I am leaving this sub:

She refused to do as I had asked. I do not have tolerance for disobedient submissives.

Leaving work, my coworker said, "Hasta lasagna!"

I replied, "Pasta la vista!"

As I was leaving home to start a new life for myself

As I was leaving home to start a new life for myself across the country my mom said" Don't forget to write!"
I thought "That's unlikely... It's a basic skill,isn't it?"

Leaving my kids a diss track as their inheritance

Call that an ill will

GF: I'm leaving you!

Me: Is it because I create gf nicknames out of names of kitchen appliances?
GF: No, it's because you're always making fun of my height
Me: You know I love you microbabe!

The UK is leaving the EU and because of that, Scotland is moving for another Independence Referendum...

So the english are going to get away scot free!

As I was leaving for work this morning, I saw that my dear, sweet wife left a card for me on the table. It said, "Get better soon!"

I'm not sick or anything, I'm just bad at s**......

While leaving a grocery store, a customer dropped a bag of flour.

A Scout ran to pick it up.
Don't bother, young man, said the customer.
It's self-rising.

What do you say when leaving the Periodic Table of Elements' police station?

Cu Copper.

Why I am leaving this sub.

The j**... hit us, and we're going down fast!

Before leaving Russia, the German football team visited an orphanage in Moscow

"It was so sad to see the pain and hopelessness on their faces" said Vladimir, age 5.

On leaving a bar with my wife -

I slipped something into her drink which will guarantee me a dirty night in bed.
.
.
.
.
Laxatives.

Why I am leaving this sub

Water leaked into it and I need to get out before it sinks

When leaving to deliver presents, where does Santa head first?

South.

Before leaving, my mother asked me, "How long will you be travelling through Scandanavia?"

I replied, "Until I'm Finnished."

I tried leaving my old loveseat at the dump a few times, but it kept coming back....

Turns out it was a chaise.

Leavin joke, I tried leaving my old loveseat at the dump a few times, but it kept coming back....