Leaves Jokes

139 leaves jokes and hilarious leaves puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about leaves that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Discover hilarious jokes about leaves! From the classic raking of autumn leaves to funny nods to the famous novel House of Leaves, get ready to laugh out loud with these puns. Whether you’re looking for a joke about bay leaves or simply a clever nod to the season, these leafy jokes will put a smile on your face as you walk through the park.

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jokes about leaves

Best Short Leaves Jokes

Short leaves puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The leaves humour may include short fall leaf jokes also.

  1. If trump wins the election, I will leave the United States If Biden wins the election, I will leave the United States
    This is not a political post, I just want to travel
  2. I used to sell security alarms door to door, and I was really good at it. If no one was home, I would just leave a brochure on the kitchen table.
  3. A man filed a report to the police that his bag was stolen. Upon leaving the man's apartment, the officer found the man's bag at the bottom of the stairwell.
    It was a brief case.
  4. With the rise of self-driving vehicles... With the rise of self-driving vehicles, it's only a matter of time before we get a country song where a guy's truck leaves him too
  5. At breakfast, a man asked his wife What would you do I if won the lottery? She replied, I'd take half, and then leave you. Great, he said I won $12 yesterday. Here's $6. Stay in touch.
  6. A girl walks into a dry cleaner She drops off her dress and turns to leave. The owner says, "Come again!". She says, "No it was toothpaste this time."
  7. I can't stand homeless people Every time I leave work, one of them approaches me and shakes his can full of coins just to show off how he has more money than me.
  8. My wife and kids are leaving me because they say I'm obsessed with horse Racing. I'm looking out the window at them now........... and they're off.....
  9. If Biden is elected, I'm leaving the country If Trump is reelected, I'm leaving the country.
    This is not a political post. I just want to travel.
  10. You know that tingly sensation you get when you like somebody? That's common sense leaving your body.
Leaves joke, You know that tingly sensation you get when you like somebody?

Make fun with this list of one liners, jokes and riddles. Each joke is crafted with thought and creativity, delivering punchlines that are unexpected and witty. The humor about leaves can easily lighten the mood and bring smiles to people's faces. This compilation of leaves puns is not just entertaining but also a testament to the art of joke-telling. The jokes in this list are designed to display different humor styles, ensuring that every reader at any age finds something entertaining. Constantly updated, they offer a source of fun that ensures one is always smiling !

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Leaves One Liners

Which leaves one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with leaves? I can suggest the ones about leafs and limbs.

  1. Q : With Britain leaving EU soon, how much space will be freed up?
    A: 1 GB
  2. If Britain leaves the EU, how much space will be freed up? 1GB
  3. How do you get a group of loud Canadians to leave a party? You ask them.
  4. My town never changes population. Everytime a girl gets pregnant, a guy leaves town.
  5. Hey girl, are you a parked car in July? Because I want to leave a baby in you.
  6. Why does Batman leave his lower face visible? So cops can see that he's white
  7. My girlfriend told me she will leave me if I don't support Trump... I said ok.. Biden
  8. Why does Britain like tea so much? Because tea leaves.
  9. With the UK leaving the EU, the union has some free space. Exactly 1GB
  10. My friend just quit his job at BMW. He gave no indication he was leaving.
  11. Two introverts walk into a room... One leaves
  12. Why did the cannibal leave the restaurant? Because he got cold feet.
  13. How do you surprise a blind man? Leave the plunger in the toilet
  14. If Hillary wins, I'm moving to... Benghazi. At least I know there, she'll leave me alone
  15. My girlfriend said she would leave me if I didn't support Trump I said "Biden"

House Of Leaves Jokes

Here is a list of funny house of leaves jokes and even better house of leaves puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Give a man a jacket He'll be warm for the winter. Teach a man to jacket he won't leave the house.
  • 75% of men kiss their wives goodbye when they leave the house. 90% kiss their house goodbye when they leave their wives.
  • I don't always kiss my wife goodbye when I leave the house... But I always kiss my house goodbye when I leave my wife!
  • Give a man a jacket, and he will be warm for the day. Teach a man to jacket, and he will never leave his house.
  • A programmer went to a store to pick up some groceries As he was leaving the house his wife said: "While you are there, buy some milk". He never came back.
  • Why are hurricanes named with female names? Because when they come, they are wet and wild and when they leave they take your house and car with them.
  • A programmer goes on a walk A programmer goes on a walk. Before he leaves the house his wife tells him: "While you are outside, please buy some bread."
    He never returned.
  • Why couldn't the whistleblower leave his house? Because he was Snowden
  • Why do carpets in white folk houses always need vacuuming? Crackers always leave crumbs.
  • Study reveals 20% of men kiss wife goodbye when they leave the house. 80% of men kiss house goodbye when they leave their wife. Conclusion. Want to keep your house, start kissing your wife.

Fall Leaves Jokes

Here is a list of funny fall leaves jokes and even better fall leaves puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Maybe if I fall in love with my anxiety it'll leave me too.
  • A man and a Giraffe walk into a bar. The Giraffe gets drunk and falls on the floor unconscious.
    The bartender says "you can't leave that lyin' there."
    The man says "its not a Lion, its a Giraffe"
  • How do you make leaves fall off of trees? You don't - they do it autumn-atically
  • UK: We call it "Autumn", from the French word "Automne", and later, from the Latin "autumnus". USA: WE CALL IT FALL BECAUSE LEAVES FALL DOWN
  • A joke for fall. What do you call a man with no arms and no legs in a pile of leaves?
  • Tingly feeling You know that nice tingly feeling you get when you're falling for someone?
    That's common sense leaving your body.
  • Did you know that when leaves fall off of trees in the Autumn, it's because of nostalgia? They're trying to get back to their roots.
  • Why do trees drop their leaves in the fall? It's autumn-atic.
  • Whats the best thing about dating Nicki Minaj? She won't fall in the toilet if you leave the seat up.
  • Ah Toronto, the only city where the leaves fall in autumn... ...and the Leafs fall in the spring

Raking Leaves Jokes

Here is a list of funny raking leaves jokes and even better raking leaves puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • How did the blonde break her legs raking leaves? She fell out of a tree.
  • Do you know how the blonde broke her arms? She fell out of the tree while she was raking leaves
  • How did the blonde break her leg from raking the leaves? She fell out of the tree.
  • Got a job cleaning up leaves. I was raking it in.
  • How did the blonde die while raking leaves? She fell out of a tree
  • I used to have a job collecting leaves I was raking it in
  • newfie joke How did the newfie injure himself raking leaves?
    He fell out of the tree
  • How did the blonde break her leg raking leaves? She fell out of the tree! I may not be a girl, but I'm blonde and find blonde jokes hilarious. xD
  • Hear about the blonde who broke her arm? She was raking leaves when she fell out of the tree.
  • How do you get a one armed polish guy out of a tree? Wave.
    What was he doing up in the tree in the first place?
    Raking leaves.

Autumn Leaves Jokes

Here is a list of funny autumn leaves jokes and even better autumn leaves puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • What kind of car runs on leaves? An autumn-mobile!
  • Never date a girl named Autumn because she'll leave you.
  • Why do the leaves turn red at the same time each year? Because the process is autumnated.
  • Why are leaves bad material for parachutes? because they don't survive the fall (autumn)
  • What happens to a leaf in Autumn? It *leaves*.
  • Whenever Autumn comes around, I like to walk around and collect the colourful leaves. It sounds better than saying I'm a street sweeper.
  • What happens when Winter arrives? Autumn Leaves.
  • Gentrification tends to happen during autumn Because the brown leaves.
Leaves joke, Gentrification tends to happen during autumn

Howlingly Hilarious Leaves Jokes for All Ages to Enjoy

What funny jokes about leaves you can tell and make people laugh? One example I can give are clean clover leaf jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help make leaves prank.

A little girl tells her dad she wishes she had a sister

In an attempt to be clever, her dad explains, "You do, it's just you don't see her. Every time you come in the front door: she leaves out the back door.". The little girl replies, "ohhhh, just like my other daddy!"

An Australian on safari...

An Aussie is tramping through a jungle with his hunting gear. He comes into a clearing and finds a stunningly beautiful n**... women sprawled out across a bed of leaves.
"My god," he says. "Are you game?"
She smiles invitingly, "Yes I am."
So he shoots her.

An Englishman, and Scotsman and an Irishman were having a pint...

and a fly lands in each of their drinks. The Englishman, disgusted, pushes away his pint and leaves. The Scotsman flicks the fly out and continues to drink his pint. The Irishman picks up the fly, holds it over the glass and yells "SPIT IT OUT! SPIT IT OUT!"

A religious traitor

Son: Dad, what's a religious traitor?
Father: A person who leaves our church and joins another.
Son: And what is a person who leaves another church and joins ours?
Father: A convert, son, a blessed convert.

s**... Math Time

So a 54 year old man cheats on his wife and leaves her a note saying that he has been sleeping with an 18 year.
The 54 year old wife reads the note, shrugs and writes one of her own.
When her husband gets home he reads the note, it says:
I know that you've been cheating on me with an 18 year old, but I have an 18 year old of my own and we all know 18 goes into 54 far more than 54 goes into 18.

Pavlov is sitting at a bar...

...when another patron walks in and a bell on the door rings. Pavlov stands up, says, "I forgot to feed the dogs," and leaves.

Why is an executioner a terrible high-fiver?

He always leaves you hanging

Mathematician joke.

A chemist and a physicist are lost in an unknown area. They see someone and decide to ask for help. "Excuse me, but can you tell us where we are?", asks the chemist. "Sure, you are here", replied the man and leaves. "That man is a mathematician", the chemist tells the physicist, "how do you know?", "What he told us is true and makes sense, but it is useless."

The teacher asked Jimmy, "Why is your cat at school today Jimmy?"

Jimmy replied crying, "Because I heard my daddy tell my mommy, 'I am going to eat that p*ssy once Jimmy leaves for school today!'"

A man is getting ready to go on a business trip...

He has been suspicious of his wife cheating on him. So he places under his bed a spoon attached to a string that hangs on the metal frame with a bowl of milk under it. He measures the weight of his wife in bed alone to make sure it is not in the milk unless there is more weight.
The man leaves and comes home after a few days and looks under his bed to find a bowl of butter.

A man meets a Native American with flawless memory...

When he meets this Native American Chief he notices he is older than most.
He asks the Chief many questions, and the Chief replies flawlessly to each one.
Then he thinks of a random date and asks the Chief, "What did you eat on October 18, 1987?" The Chief replies "Eggs".
He leaves the Chief and goes home. A year later he meets the Chief again. Feeling respectful he approaches the Chief, and says "How" and the Chief says, "Scrambled!"

Old Soviet joke

People are waiting in a long line like to buy v**.... Finally one alcoholic snaps and screams - 'I can't take it, I'll go kill Gorbachev!' And leaves the store. 10 minutes later he come back and says. 'The line to kill Gorbachev is even longer.'

What does a tree do when he's going on a vacation?

He packs his trunk and leaves.
I should go back to studying now. K bye.

What do you call a man under a pile of leaves? - Russell. What do you call a man under a pile of leaves for thousands of years?


a stepfather walks in on his stepdaughter

a stepfather walks into his stepdaughter's room, as he walks in he sees his stepdaughter pleasuring herself with a cucumber, in disgust he leaves her room as fast as possible
he then says,"d**... I was gonna eat that!..................
now it will taste like cucumber"

A man who passes away leaves $125 million to help the visually impaired.

They never found it.

I used to get sad when the leaves fell from the trees...

But then they always grew back, so that was a releaf.

Why does the population of Detroit never change?

Because as soon as a baby is born, some guy leaves town.

A husband leaves his money in the attic...

His wife gets curious one day and asks why he leaves his money in the attic.
The husband replies, " So I can use it to pay rent in heaven."
A few years later the husband dies and the wife goes upstairs to see if the money is gone, and sure enough the money is still where he left it. The wife says to herself, " I knew he should have put it in the basement."

A r**... finds out his girlfriend is a v**......

A r**... finds out his girlfriend is a v**.... Upon hearing this, he stands up, turns away from her, and leaves without a word.
Later, when his buddies at the bar ask what went wrong, he explains...
"If she ain't good enough for her daddy, her uncle, her brother, and her cousin, she ain't good enough for me!!"

Yet another r**... finds out his girlfriend is a v**......

A r**... finds out his girlfriend is a v**.... Upon hearing this, he stands up, turns away from her, and leaves without a word.
Later, when his buddies see him sad at the bar they ask what went wrong, he explains...
"My mom just told me I'm adopted"

A rope walks into a bar...

The bartender says, "get out, we don't serve ropes here." So the rope leaves, loosens up its end bits, and ties its self up. The rope then walks back into the bar and the bartender says, "aren't you the same rope I just told to get out of here?" And the rope says, "nope, I'm a frayed knot."

A rope walks into a bar ...

A rope walks into a bar, sits down, orders a drink. The bartender says, "Hey buddy, we don't serve your kind here."
Dejected, the rope leaves. Outside he ties himself into a knot, frays his ends, and walks back into the bar. The bartender stops him and says, "Hey! Aren't you that rope I just sent out of here?"
To which the rope replies, "No. I'm a frayed knot."

You know the times have changed...

When Portugal leaves Brazil without taking any Gold.

When does a joke become a dad joke?

When it leaves you behind and never comes back.

What's Obama say to Biden when he leaves the room after a argument?

Good bi-den

In Soviet Russia a Man Goes to Buy a Car...

He goes up to the owner and asks for a car, to which the owner responds:
'You know there is a 10 year waiting list?'
The man then answers, 'OK,' and after some time he then agreed to buy a car.
So he pays for the car in advance, and just before he leaves he asks the owner,
'Can I pick the car up in the morning or afternoon?'
'It's 10 years away, what does it matter?'
'The plumber is coming in the morning'.

Username walks into a hotel...

And asks for a room. A few days later he leaves.
I guess you could say,
Username checks out.

Yttrium-barium-copper oxide walks into a bar

The bartender tells him, "We don't serve superconductors here."
He leaves without resistance.

Two refugees are waiting in line to get into the US...

Two refugees are waiting in line to get into the US, one says "screw this line, I'm going to shoot Trump". He leaves for a while and then comes back to resume his place in line. The other guy says "so, did you do it?" He says "no, the line there was even longer than this one."

How do you trap an elephant?

Well first you dig a really big hole. Then put dry leaves and wood in the hole and light them on fire. Wait for the fire to go out. Then cover the hole with leaves and wait for the elephant to walk by it.
Then, sneak up behind the elephant, and when it least expects it, kick it in the ash hole

What do you call a man having a seizure in a pile of leaves?


I asked my dad why he doesn't make any dad jokes

He told me he leaves those to my uncle.

The tea and coffee are married, but the tea leaves.

Does that give the coffee grounds for divorce?

How do they test the "Tickle me Elmo Doll"?

Before it leaves the factory, they give it two testickles.

Boy goes to confession and tells the priest he has been with a girl of loose morals.

"That's a grievous sin," the priest says. "Tell me: Was it Mary O'Hara?"
"No, Father."
"Was it Kate Dannaher?"
"No, Father."
"Was it Kathleen McGonigle?"
"No, Father. I don't want to say who it was."
Later, as the boy leaves the church, he sees a friend, who asks him, "How'd it go?"
He answers, "Well, I got ten Hail Marys, five Our Fathers... and three great leads."

Grandma's Apple Pie

An old man is dying, with his young grandson by his bedside. He asks his grandson to lean over and whispers "Johnny, I smell your grandma's apple pie. Looks like she took it of the oven. Go to the kitchen and bring me a piece. It's my favorite."
Johnny gets up and leaves. 2 minutes later he comes back empty handed and says "Sorry, grandpa, but grandma says its for after the f**...."

A man on the floor in a factory stands, not doing any work.

A man on the floor in a factory stands, not doing any work.
CEO comes up and asks his salary.
The man replies - $1000
The CEO pulls out his wallet, gives the man $1,000 and says - here's your month salary. I pay people to work here. Get out and never come back !
The man leaves.
The CEO asks workers - who was this guy ?
They reply - a pizza delivery man.

A girl walks into a dry cleaner

She goes inside to drop off her blouse. Before she leaves the owner says, "Come again!". The girl replied, "No, it's toothpaste this time."

A guy walks into a cafe and orders a coffee to go

The coffee gets up and leaves

A priest, a monk, and a Rabbi walk into a barbershop.

A priest walks into a barbershop. After he gets his hair cut, he goes to pay. The barber says "I do not charge men of faith." The next day the priest leaves twelve eggs in front of the barbershop as thanks.
Soon after, a monk walks into the same barbershop and gets his hair cut for free. The monk leaves twelve apples by the door as thanks.
A few days later, a Rabbi walks into the barbershop. He gets his free haircut. The next day the barber comes to work to see twelve Rabbis by the door.

Last night a man attacked me.

Last night when i was coming home from work a man attacked me. He silently put the knife to my t**... with his hand covering my mouth.. I think that's it, I'm done. He takes out his business card, gives it to me and leaves. With a pounding heart and shortness of breath, I read it.
It said : *Self-defense courses.*

My wife and I went out for a leisurely drive to see the autumn leaves, when we noticed that one of the tires seemed to be getting low…

She was a bit taken aback when I asked her for some change and asked, "Why in the world did they start charging for AIR?!"
I looked at her and winked, "Inflation."

What's my dog's favourite part of the tree?

The bark.
What's my bank's favourite part of the tree?
The branches.
What's my elephant's favourite part of the tree?
The trunk.
What's my father's favourite part of the tree?
The leaves :(

A father has two sons named Joe and Mikey and the live on the third floor of their apartment.

One day the father goes to store, but leaves the key to his car in the apartment. He see's Joe in the window and shouts to him, "throw my key out the window!"
Sadly, Mikey didn't survive the fall

With self-driving cars

it won't be long before we have country songs where your truck leaves you too.

Two men are standing in line in Russia

One says to the other "What is this line for?"
"Toilet paper" his friend replies.
"I'm SICK of these endless lines just to get the basic needs of life! ", he says. "I'm going to go kill Putin."
He leaves, but comes back within a couple of hours. His friend is still standing in line for toilet paper. "Why are you back?", he asks. "Did you kill Putin?"
"No", the man replies, "The line for that was longer than this one!"

A wife was going to the UK...

Wife: Should I bring you something from there?
Husband: Yeah. I'd like an English girl.
The wife leaves for the UK. After she returns...
Husband: Did you bring me what I asked for?
Wife: Yes. You'll get your English girl in 9 months.

Have you heard about the new super sensitive condoms?

They hang around after the guy leaves and talk to the woman.

A woman opens up a stand near the train station selling apples for 1$

Each day, the same man walks over to the stand, leaves a 1$, but doesnt take any apples. This went on for an entire year, until one day, the man left a dollar and was about to leave but the woman grabbed him by the hand. The man says: "I see you are finally interested why I keep leaving a dollar but not buying any apples well-" The woman cuts him off: "No I am not the least bit interested, apples now cost 2$ instead of one".

A piece of string walks into a bar

The bar tender says sorry we don't serve you kind round here
The string leaves, twists himself up, parts his hair and walks back into the bar,
The bartender says sorry aren't you the same guy from before
The string replies I'm a frayed knot

What's the best way to overcome depression?

Love it, so it leaves you as well.

I bought my wife a mood ring.

Found out if she's in a good mood it turns green.
If she's in a bad mood it leaves big red circles on my forehead.

A little girl asks her mum

A little girl asks her mum "mummy, how was I born" Her mother smiled and replied "once upon a time your daddy and I decided to plant a wonderful tiny seed. Your daddy planted it in the earth and I took care of it every single day. After a while the seed germinated and grew tall with many leaves until it became a lovely healthy plant. Then we dried it and smoked it and got so high we forgot to use a c**..."

A woman is preparing a dinner for her parents and sends her husband out to buy some fresh snails.

The husband buys the snails then pops into the pub for a quick drink. One thing leads to another and he stays for a few rounds, so many in fact, that by the time he leaves it's nine in the evening. Realizing he's extremely late the husband runs home, pours the snails over the path leading to his house, then he rings the bell. His furious wife opens the door. 'Where the h**... have you been?' she screams. The husband waves back to the snails, 'Come on, lads!' he shouts 'We're nearly there!'

Whenever an ant gets injured, instead of helping, the rest of the colony just leaves it to die. It's like the old saying goes:

If an ant broke, dont fix it

You can't take it with you

A wealthy man is on his deathbed. He tells his wife he thinks he has found a way to take his money with him when he dies. He asks her to put some money in a large suitcase and place it in the attic. When his soul leaves his body he'll grab the suitcase on his way to heaven. The wife obliges and does as asked and soon after the man dies.
A few months later the wife is cleaning out the attic and finds the suitcase. "s**... idiot" she says "I knew I should have put it in the basement."

A Japanese business man living in nyc goes into the bank to exchange a large amount of US dollars into Yen....

He does the transaction with the teller, offer a polite bow accompanied by an 'ah so', and leaves.
He comes back in a week with another large amount of usd to exchange. This time he gets much less yen. He looks quizzically at the teller and she says to him, 'fluctuations'!!
He angrily grabs the cash and storms out. As he's leaving the branch he comes back in and yells at the top of his voice: 'fluc you Americans too!!!'

For every Dollar a man makes a woman makes 70 cents. That's really unfair.

That only leaves the man with 30c.

A tourist decides to visit a Native American Chief who is famous for his perfect memory.

"Okay, Chief..." says the tourist,
"Let's test that memory of yours. What did you eat for breakfast on May 9th, 1972?"
The Chief thinks for a moment, and responds "Eggs."
The tourist replies, "Wow, that's incredible! You really do have a perfect memory." and leaves.

Ten years later the tourist finds himself in the Chief's neck of the woods and decides to pay him a visit.
He enters the Chief's home and respectfully greets him, saying "Hau, Chief."
The Chief promptly replies, "Scrambled."

A man and a woman are talking in the office.

The man says: "I'm so tired from working, I wish I could get a day off."
The woman replies: "Don't worry, I have a way of doing that. Just watch me."
The woman proceeds to hang from a pipe.
Suddenly, the boss walks in a says: "What in the world are you doing?"
The woman replies: "I'm a light bulb."
The boss then says: "You must've gone crazy from all that working, you can take the day off."
The woman leaves. The man follows.
The boss asks the man: "Where are you going?"
The man then replies: "I'm going home. I can't work in the dark."

A man goes to the white house and asks to talk to president Trump.

A guard tells him that Trump is no longer president. The man then leaves.
The man comes back the next day and again asks to speak to president Trump. The guard says "like I already told you he is no longer president".
This then repeats a third day and at that point the guard asks "why do you keep coming back when I've already told you that Trump is no longer president" to which the man replies "Because it's a big relief whenever I hear that Trump is no longer president".

A teenager brings her new boyfriend home to meet her parents.

They're appalled by his haircut, tattoos and piercings.
The boy leaves and the girl's mom remarks, Dear, he doesn't seem to be a very nice boy.
* Oh, come on Mom! If he wasn't nice, would he be doing 300 hours of community service? *

My boyfriend is like the forest floor

Nuts and leaves

Mummy, how was I born?

A 10-year-old girl asks her mum, Mummy, how was I born**?**
The mother smiled and replied:
Once upon a time, your daddy and I decided to plant a wonderful little seed. Daddy put it in the earth & I took care of it every single day.
After a while, the seed started to grow more and more leaves and in a few months, it turned into a beautiful healthy plant.
So we took the plant, dried it, rolled it up, smoked it, and got so high that we forgot to wear a c**....

Three drunks enter a taxi

the driver immediately notices that they were drunk, and decided to make a quick buck out of them.
When they entered the car, he drove 100 meters, made a turn and told them that they arrived at their destination.
The first one thanks the driver and leaves. The second thanks him, give him money and then leaves. The third realizes that something was wrong and slaps the driver as hard as he could.
The driver looks at him and asks: "the h**... is wrong with you?!", to which the drunk guy replies: "don't you ever drive that fast again!"

A man is caught with the car full of penguins

the policeman says: "you have to take these animals to the zoo, or else I'll fine you!", the man agrees and leaves. The next day the same policeman again picks up the man with a car full of penguins.
The cop says: "didn't I tell you to take the penguins to the zoo?". The man replies: "I took them, now I'm going to take them to a football game."

A teenager brings her new boyfriend home to meet her parents.

They're disgusted by his haircut, tattoos, and piercings. Later, when he leaves, the girl's mom says, "Dear, he doesn't seem to be a very nice boy."
"Oh, please, mom!" says the daughter. "If he wasn't nice, why would he be doing 500 hours of community service?"

I bought my wife a mood ring.

When she's happy it turns blue.
When she's not happy it leaves a red mark on my forehead.

Piece of string walks into a bar.

He sits at the bar and asks the bartender for a Moscow Mule. The bartender looks him over and says I'm sorry, but we don't serve string here . The piece of string leaves with a bit of hurt feelings.
The next night he decides to go in disguise and try again. He ruffles up his hair and adds a few curves and loops to make himself seem thicker, before putting on a bigger jacket. When he makes it back to the bar, the bartender spots him and immediately asks Hey, aren't you that piece of string from last night? .
No he replies, I'm a frayed knot .

Chicken at the library

A chicken walks into a library and up to the front desk. "Buk" says the chicken. So the librarian gives her a book. The chicken leaves with the book and comes back 5 minutes later. "Buk" she says. So the librarian gives her another book. This happens 8 more times, until finally the librarian goes on a break outside the library, around the back where there is a pond. She sees the chicken is standing on the edge of the pond throwing books at a frog on a lilypad.
"Buk buk" says the chicken. "reddit reddit" says the frog.
I'll see myself out.

What's the difference between a surgeon and a comedian?

A comedian has a successful day if his jokes kill, and he leaves everyone in stitches.
A surgeon can afford to move out of his parents' house.

Punny (mid-long, kid friendly)

A string.
Yes, a string.
A string takes a seat at a bar and orders.
Bartender: you a string?
String: …yeah…
Bartender: we don't serve strings here
Defeated, the string leaves.
Outside, he peels back some of his ends and twists the filaments around and through one-another.

He goes back.
Has a seat…
Bartender: we don't serve strings here, ARE YOU A STRING?!?
String: I'm a frayed knot.

Leaves joke, Punny (mid-long, kid friendly)

Jokes are a form of humor that often involves clever wordplay, puns or unexpected twists in a story. These are usually short narratives or anecdotes crafted with the intent of amusing its audience by ending in an unexpected or humorous punchline. Jokes are a universal form of entertainment that people of all ages like adults, teens, kids and toddlers can enjoy. JokoJokes' FAQ section has answers to questions you may have!

The impact of these leaves jokes can be both social and psychological. They can help to ease tensions, create bonds between people, and even improve overall mental health. The success of a joke often relies on the delivery, timing, and audience. Jokes can be used in various settings, from social gatherings to professional presentations, and are often employed to lighten the mood or enhance a story.