The Best 67 Leav Jokes

Following is our collection of funniest Leav jokes. There are some leav doctor jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud. Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these leav great puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Funny Leav Jokes and Puns

Leave the peach cobbler in the kitchen alone, mother said, going upstairs.

But I couldn't help myself. I sneaked in and watched him. Watched him make his stupid little peach shoes, taunting.

Nobody's going to wear those, I said. They're stupid.

But on he worked.

I want to leave this world the way I entered it...

By accident!

I'm leaving you for an NSA officer

"I'm leaving you for an NSA officer," she said.

"But why? What does he have that I don't?"

"He listens to me."

Leav joke, I'm leaving you for an NSA officer

As I was leaving home to start a new life for myself

As I was leaving home to start a new life for myself across the country my mom said" Don't forget to write!"

I thought "That's unlikely... It's a basic skill,isn't it?"

My wife's leaving me because I'm too arrogant.

I told her to close the door on her way back in.

"You're going to leave me for someone younger," my wife explained.

"That's not right," I assured her. "They could be older too."

When to leave your girlfriend?

When your wife's clothes start to fit her.

Leav joke, When to leave your girlfriend?

What never comes but always leaves?

My dates.

With the UK leaving the EU, the union has some free space.

Exactly 1GB

The UK is leaving the EU and because of that, Scotland is moving for another Independence Referendum...

So the english are going to get away scot free!

Why don't Leave voters go to the cinema?

Because they're unable to see the big picture.

You can explore leav shape reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean leav drink dad jokes. There are also leav puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.

Always leave the top down in a convertible, even in the rain

Worst case scenario, you get to use the car pool lane.

Leave Apple alone!

All they wanted to do was jack off.

Why did I leave my grades at the orphanage?

I couldn't raise them

Never leave Sulfuric Acid in a metal beaker

That's an oxidant waiting to happen.

Before leaving for the convention center on Election night, Hilary told Bill: "Tonight, for the first time in history, America will finally have two presidents sleeping with each other"...

When she got home, Bill was already eagerly waiting in bed, and he said:

"Is Trump on his way or should I drive to his place?"

Leav joke, Before leaving for the convention center on Election night, Hilary told Bill: "Tonight, for the firs

I'm not saying I leave my wife sexually satisfied...

But my neighbour just asked me to turn down the bass.

What do you say when leaving the Periodic Table of Elements' police station?

Cu Copper.

Before leaving, my mother asked me, "How long will you be travelling through Scandanavia?"

I replied, "Until I'm Finnished."

Why are leaves bad material for parachutes?

because they don't survive the fall (autumn)

If you're leaving the U.S. Embassy in Santiago, make sure to put on a jacket...

It's Chile outside.

Leaving for the Crusades...

*Heard this a long time ago. Just found it again...*

All the good knights were leaving for the Crusades.

One knight told his best friend, "My bride is without doubt one of the most beautiful women in the world.
It would be a terrible waste if no man could have her. Therefore, as my best and most trusted friend, I am
leaving you the key to her chastity belt to use should I not return from the Crusade."

The company of knights were only a mile or so out of town when they noticed a cloud of dust approaching.
Thinking it might be an important message from the town the column halted.

A horseman approached. It was the knight's best friend yelling, "Hey, you gave me the wrong key!"

Why I am leaving this sub.

The Japs hit us, and we're going down fast!

They said to leave the house Spotless...

So I sold the dog.

As I was leaving with my bags, my wife said, "I hope you have a slow and miserable death"...

I said, "So you want me to stay now?".

I'm going to leave this world just like I entered it..

With me crying and the people around me celebrating.

Leaving work, my coworker said, "Hasta lasagna!"

I replied, "Pasta la vista!"

I'm leaving this world the same way I came

Screaming and covered in blood

If you leave a grape out in the sun, it'll shrivel and dry up...

Just raisin awareness

Did you know that when leaves fall off of trees in the Autumn, it's because of nostalgia?

They're trying to get back to their roots.

I don't always leave my sentences unfinished

But when I do,

Why I am leaving this sub

Water leaked into it and I need to get out before it sinks

As I was leaving work for the day, my boss tried to get me to stay back and finish a report. I told him it sounded like a job for Tom.

Tom Orrow.

How do you leave Vegas with 1 million?

Come with 2 million

Leave a man on a plane and he flies for a day.

Throw a man off a plane and he flies for the rest of his life.

If you leave your spouse, you are divorced. If you leave your fiance...

You are dis-engaged.

When leaving to deliver presents, where does Santa head first?


I always leave a penny on the toilet lid after I take a dump

Just so that a cent is covering the odor

As I was leaving for work this morning, I saw that my dear, sweet wife left a card for me on the table. It said, "Get better soon!"

I'm not sick or anything, I'm just bad at sex...

Why can't you leave painkillers near a bird cage?

Because the paracetamol.

Why did 5 leave 4 when 6 came along?

To be honest, 4 was a little square. And 6, well 6 was perfect.

What's that about 7? 7 doesn't factor into any of this.

I used to never leave the house without my lucky T-shirt.

I've grown out of it now.

How do you leave some one in suspense?

I'll tell you later

On leaving a bar with my wife -

I slipped something into her drink which will guarantee me a dirty night in bed.




Before leaving Russia, the German football team visited an orphanage in Moscow

"It was so sad to see the pain and hopelessness on their faces" said Vladimir, age 5.

Don't leave alphabet soup cooking on the stove unattended.

It could spell disaster.

Why I am leaving this sub:

She refused to do as I had asked. I do not have tolerance for disobedient submissives.

I tried leaving my old loveseat at the dump a few times, but it kept coming back....

Turns out it was a chaise.

If you leave a Sombrero and Maracas in your Ford Focus

Will it become a Ford Fiesta?

Do you know why no one leaves Istanbul in the winter?

It's hard to quit cold Turkey!

GF: I'm leaving you!

Me: Is it because I create gf nicknames out of names of kitchen appliances?

GF: No, it's because you're always making fun of my height

Me: You know I love you microbabe!

Never leave a job half-finished

That's what Grammy Moon used to say, right up until the man she was sent to kill got back up and shot her.

"I'm leaving you!..."

I've had it with your silly remarks about my weight. I'm leaving you!

But honey, what about our child?

What child?!

Oh, so you're not pregnant?

Sometimes I want to leave society, live in the woods, and contemplate existence...

But I know that would be Thoreauing away my life.

Leave the peach cobbler in the kitchen alone, mother would say, going upstairs.

But I couldn't help myself, I sneaked in and watched him making those stupid little peach shoes.

Why do the leaves turn red at the same time each year?

Because the process is autumnated.

I like leaving receipts in my pockets

It reminds me of when I had money.

I can't leave my cat

She kneads me.

I want to leave this world like I came into it

Naked, screaming and covered in somebody else's blood.

Her: I'm leaving you because you're too cocky.

Him: Close the door on your way back in.

I had to leave work early to day .. I had a appointment with a horse doctor.

How that horse became a doctor is beyond me

To keep both Leavers and Remainers happy , why don't we go for the only thing that will keep us IN and OUT of the EU.

Schrodinger's Brexit.

What happens when you don't leave the house for over a month?

Not much at all.

My GF said she's leaving me because of my obsession with TV Dramas. But will she really leave me?...

Find out next week!

Before leaving for a battle, King Arthur puts a strong iron chastity belt on his wife Guinevere and entrusts the key to his most loyal knight, Eddie. Then King Arthur departs.

Five minutes into his journey, King Arthur hears Eddie screaming for him to stop. King Arthur signals his steed to halt and waits for Eddie to catch up.

"Eddie!" the king says, "What's the matter?"

"Your highness," says Eddie. "You gave me the wrong key."

I had to leave the granite industry

It was counter productive

Why can't Ed leave his place in Russia?

Because he's Snowden.

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the leav mohel jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working leav jokes piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

Joko Jokes