Leather Jokes
113 leather jokes and hilarious leather puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about leather that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Need a laugh? Check out this hilarious collection of jokes revolving around leather, including leather jackets, boots, leather pants, upholstery, lingerie, vegan leather, and more! Perfect for a leather anniversary celebration.
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Funniest Leather Short Jokes
Short leather jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The leather humour may include short rubber jokes also.
- Why is leather armour better for sneaking than steel armour? Leather armour is made of hide.
- A cowboy ran out of food on the trail so he had to boil and eat his leather chaps. The next day he pooped his pants.
- I think i am allergic to leather. Every time i wake up with my shoes on, i have a huge headache.
- How many Chinese kids does it take to make a leather jacket? Usually about 7, but maybe fewer if you fatten them up first.
- Money cant buy you happiness. But I'd rather have my tears hit designer Bugatti leather than the composite foam in my car.
- TIL I'm allergic to leather. Every time I wake up with my shoes on, I have a massive headache and feel quite sick.
- I saw a climate scientist eating pasta out of a pink leather bowl He was eating carb on dyed ox hide
- If you're starting a stealth build in skyrim Make sure to use leather armor, because it's made of hide.
- Why do assassins and thieves always wear leather armour in videogames? Because it's made from hide!
- I like my men like I like my books Well read and bound in leather.
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Leather One Liners
Which leather one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with leather? I can suggest the ones about silk and meat.
- Leather armor is the best for sneaking because it's literally made of hide.
- Why does leather armour help the wearer be stealthy? Because it's made of hide.
- Why does leather armor make you better at sneaking? Because it's made of hide.
- Why is leather armor the best for being stealthy? It's made of hide.
- Why is it best to wear leather when sneaking around? It's made of hide
- Leather armor is perfect for sneaking Its literally made of hide.
- What's a foot long, made of leather and sounds like a sneeze? A shoe.
- What's the main use for leather in the world? Holding cows together
- Leather jackets are great for sneaking up on people. They're made of hide.
- What's made of leather and sounds like a sneeze? A shoe
- I like my women like I like my books. Leather-bound.
- Why is leather good for sneaking? It's made of hide (yes it's a bad joke)
- Why is leather armor great for sneaking? It's made of hide.
- Why do rogues wear leather armoe? Because it's made of hide.
- Why do men like women in leather? Because they smell like a new truck.
Leather Jacket Jokes
Here is a list of funny leather jacket jokes and even better leather jacket puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- "You give me one leather jacket and I invest it and give you two leather jackets" "I don't know man, that sounds like a Fonzie scheme to me."
- How do you distress a leather jacket? By telling it punk is dead!
- I blew all of my money on leather jackets and juke boxes... I'm worried that I may be caught in a Fonzey scheme.
- Why is leather jacket good for camouflage? Because it is made of hide.
- How many child laborers does it take to make a leather jacket? Just one of you don't mind short sleeves.
- Q: What do you call a blonde in a leather jacket?
A: Married. - What wears a leather jacket, and would kill you if it fell from a tree? An elephant wearing a leather jacket!
- A friend asked me for a cowboy hat, a leather jacket and a whip..... He wanted to be Indiana Jones.
- What black & White and cool as f**k? A fridge with a leather jacket on.
Leather Pants Jokes
Here is a list of funny leather pants jokes and even better leather pants puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- 99% of women say they don't like men who wear leather pants. Which works out perfectly, since 100% of men who wear leather pants don't like women.
- Why do men like women in leather pants? Because thev smell like a new car.
Amusing Leather Jokes to Make You Laugh with Friends
What funny jokes about leather you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean plastic jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make leather pranks.
TIFU by accidentally cheating on my wife at a b**... convention with a woman who was wearing the same leather mask
Whoops, wrong sub
In a crowded city at a bus stop, a beautiful young woman was waiting for the bus. She was decked out in a tight leather mini skirt, with matching tight leather boots and jacket...
As the bus rolled up and it became her turn to get on, she became aware that her skirt was too tight to allow her leg to come up to the height of the first step on the bus.
Slightly embarrassed and with a quick smile to the bus driver, she reached behind and unzipped her skirt a little, thinking that this would give her enough slack to raise her leg.
Again, she tried to make the step onto the bus, only to discover she still couldn't!
So, a little more embarrassed, she once again reached behind and unzipped her skirt a little more and for a second time attempted the step and once again, still she could not raise her leg because of the tight skirt.
With a coy little smile to the driver, she again unzipped the offending skirt to give a little more slack and again was unable to make the step.
About this time, a big Texan that was behind her in the line picked her up easily from the waist and placed her lightly on the step of the bus.
Well, she went ballistic and turned on the would-be hero screeching at him, "How dare you touch my body!! I don't even know who you are!"
At this, the Texan drawled, "Well ma'am normally I would agree with you, but after you unzipped my fly three times, I kinda figured that we was friends."
Three ladies meet up for a drink
Three ladies meet up for a drink once a week.
The first lady says: "The other night, when my boyfriend got in from work, I surprised him. I was standing in the hallway, wearing these tall leather boots, a corset, long black silk gloves, and lots of makeup. I looked him in the eye and said 'Hello there, big boy.' He grabbed me, flung me to the floor and we made love right there and then and it was AMAZING."
Next week they meet up again.
The second lady says to the first one: "I took a tip from you. The other night my fiance came home from work, and I was standing in the bedroom wearing high heels, a tiny skirt, a see-through top and heavy makeup. I said 'Hello there. Big Boy.' and he flung me on the bed and it was unbelievable! He was like a wild animal!"
The third lady, married for ten years and seeing things get a bit stale in the bedroom, decides she needs a piece of the action.
She dresses up in thigh high leather boots, a tiny black skirt, a cleavage-tastic corset, long black gloves and she puts on the sluttiest makeup job in the history of s**... makeup jobs. She waits in the kitchen, thinking that when hubby gets home he may do something really sordid like make love to her right there on the kitchen table.
Sure enough, he comes home and walks into the kitchen.
She looks him in the eye and says: "Hello there. Big Boy."
He looks back at her and says: "Hey Batman, what's for dinner?"
I don't understand people wearing leather or fur...
Don't they realize that animals are suffering because of their sense of fashion? They should put themselves into the animals' skin and try to understand.
Several months
It had taken him several months, but the executive vice president had finally persuaded his new secretary to bend over the back of his leather couch and allow him to have s**... with her that way.
"And just where have you been until this hour?" demanded his wife, when the wayward husband finally arrived home.
"Down at the office," he replied, "working like a dog."
Oprah goes to the doctor for a check up
After the usual tests, the doctor asks oprah who is n**... to please crawl around the outside of the room, after which she gets dressed and asks the doctor what that test was for, he says, it wasn't a test, "I am getting a new leather couch this week and wanted to know where it would look the best"
Book of Dad Jokes [X-Post with DadJokes]
A father and his son are having drinks at a bar to celebrate the birth of the son's first child.
The dad hands his son a thick, leather bound book and says, "son, this book is a collection of the world's greatest dad jokes. Now that you're a father, it's time that I passed it on to you."
The son gets a little teary and says, "oh, Dad, I'm touched." The father responds, "Nice to meet you Touched, I'm Dad."
Two woman in an argument at a clothes store.
**1st Woman:** You should return that leather jacket you just bought.
**2nd Woman:** Why would I do that?
**1st Woman:** because it looked better on the first cow.
Frozen 2 dialog:
Anna: I prefer you in leather.
Kristoff: ?
I will stay in this fancy leather for one hour.
I prefer you in leather, anyway.
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I caught my girl cheating with my best friend on my new leather couch...
Of course I yelled at him.. He's not allowed on the couch.
(Made this one up this morning.. Still playing with the wording)
There's a nun at my church who occasionally does stuff involving leather.
And I'm okay with that, I really am. Just so long as she doesn't make a habit out of it.
Why should you wear leather when playing Hide and Seek?
Because it's made of hide.
What was the name of the landmark 1973 federal court decision that gave women everywhere the right to wear leather?
Roe vs. Suede
I met a girl who was into leather and b**....
She tied me up and stole my wallet.
A man is talking to his wife
When our neighbor Steve got a new leather sofa, you made me buy a better sofa. When he took his wife on a vacation you made us go on a better vacation. But now I am not sure what to do.
Did he get something new?
Yes, a mistress.
Why is leather so good for sneaking around in?
Because leather is made of hide.
Why is leather clothing good for sneaking?
It's made of hide
A Rabbi had been saving f**...
He wanted to make something nice out of his collection so he brought them to leather tanner. When he goes to pick up his product he's surprised that all his f**... collection only produced a coin purse. The leather tanner explained that if you rub the coin purse it turns into a duffel bag.
What do you call a pair of sadomasochists who break up as soon as the going gets tough?
Fair leather friends
My dad owns this reversible leather belt.
On one side, it was this smooth brown leather. On the other side, he would beat me.
Terrible Headache
A patient to a doctor:
- Doc, I guess I am allergic to leather shoes. Whenever I wake up with my shoes on, I feel terrible headache.
Two philosophers are having a discussion about the morality of swords. To back up their claims, one of them picks up a sword and shouts "The tip of this sword could never pierce your leather vest" and proceeds to lunge the sword into their chest
Coughing up blood, the wounded philosopher weakly replies "That's a good point"
There are several types of vests designed to protect a person...
There's Life Vests - designed to protect a person from drowning.
There's Bullet Proof Vests - designed to protect a person from bullets.
There's High Visibility Safety Vests - designed to protect a person from getting hit while near traffic.
There's Leather Vests - designed to protect a person from road rash when laying down their motorcycle.
And there's Sweater Vests - designed to protect a person from women.
How can you tell when a w**... guy gets a promotion?
He's got a leather couch on his lawn.
A teenage girl brought her new boyfriend home to meet her parents.
They were appalled by his leather jacket, motorcycle boots, tattoos, and pierced nose. Later, the parents pulled their daughter aside and confessed their concern. "Dear," the mother said, "he doesn't seem very nice."
"Oh please, Mom," the daughter replied. "If he wasn't nice, why would he be doing 200 hours of community service?"
Why do stealth classes need leather armour?
Because it's made of HIDE.
So a snail walks into a car dealership..
He goes up to the dealer and he says, "Alright, I want it cherry red, with white-walls, and leather seats, and I want a *big* 'S' painted on the the side." After he rings it the dealer looks at him and he says "I understand white-walls and leather seats, but why the letter 'S' on the side? "Well" the snail says "When I drive by in my new car, I want people to say 'look at that S car go!'
After my dad died, we found an old book hidden away in his study.
It was bound in some sort of leather, and emblazoned with the title TO SUMMON THE DREADED ANCIENT ONE .
When we opened it, all it contained was gran's phone number.
The best gear to wear for playing hide and seek is a leather poncho with Sketchers.
You'd literally be wearing hide and sneakers.
What is vegan leather made out of?
Vegans
Why should you sneak in a leather coat?
Because it's made of hide
How was your job interview yesterday?
Well, I entered the office, found a man sitting on a large black leather chair with feet resting foron the table....
He pointed towards his laptop, asked me to take it and go outside, then come back and try to sell him the laptop...
He thought himself as actor Leonardo Di Caprio of "The wolf of wall street" movie...
So I took the laptop and left...
Left... ?? Then what ??
Nothing...
30 minutes later he called me up, begging me to return his laptop to him coz all his work and important documents were in it.....
So I asked him:
Will you buy it ??
Abraham wandered into Sam's pawnshop and placed a leather coat on the counter.
How much will you give me for this jacket?
Sam checked it over. $20, and that's the best he replied.
But that jacket is worth $100" argued Abraham.
Sam was adamant. $20 or nothing.
Are you sure that's all it's worth? pressed Abe.
Positive
Okay, said Abe. "Here's your $20. The jacket was hanging in your doorway and I was wondering how much it was worth.
Amongst the usual queue of studded leather, chained piercings and rubber appendages, the s**... club doorman was surprised to see a bespectacled man in a shirt and tie standing patiently, a calculator in one hand. "Who are you, are you lost?" asked the doorman.
"Oh, I'm the statistician" came the reply.
"Then...what are you here for?"
With an unsettling grin, the statistician produced a pencil from his back pocket.
"Just standard deviation."
Leatherface gets a bad rap but deep down he is a true romantic trying to help others.
He's just trying to Stihl their beating hearts.
A detective was interviewing the victim of an assault.
The victim described the assailant as a leather box with a handle on it. The culprit was arrested 30 minutes later.
It was a brief case.
What do you get when you combine a feminine wig and a leather sandal?
A Mirkinstock.
I told my friend that collard greens tasted like shoe leather. She said of course,
they're soul food.
Why is denim better than leather?
It's has superior jeans
Do you know why leather armor is the best for stealth?
Because it's made of hide
Why do thieves and rogues use leather armor?
Because it's made of hide.
A detetive was hired for a job
he found out the m**... was a leather container for carrying documents almost immediately
it was a brief case
Why is leather the best armor to wear if you're trying to be stealthy?
Because it's made of hide
Little Johnny: "Where does leather come from?"
Shoemaker: "Hide"
Little Johnny: "Hide? What for?"
Shoemaker: "Hide! Hide! Y'know, the cow's outside!"
Little Johnny: "Aww, who's afraid of a dumb old cow?" *wanders off.*
Middle Class Sexting.
So this girl I'm seeing sent me a picture of herself in a crotchless leather catsuit she'd bought from Marks and Sparks, she then proceeded to text exactly what she would do to me in it. That wasn't just any s**... text. That was an M&S s**... MMS and SMS.
Nike have unveiled a pair of trainers made from pineapple leather to appeal to Vegans...
They tried other fruits, but reviews said the ones made from bananas felt too much like slippers.
Why do men get flustered when women wear leather?
They smell like a new truck.
For his birthday my son asked me to buy him an armchair.
I've looked around and I can only find ones made from wood or leather.
A mohel collected all the foreskins in a jar, for the duration of his thirty year career.
Upon his retirement, he brought them to a local leather shop and requested a custom piece.
"What should I make?" asked the leathersmith.
"Surprise me," said the mohel.
A week later he returned to find the result. A wallet.
"There were hundreds of foreskins there, and all you can produce is a wallet?"
"Wait, the best part.. if you rub it, it turns into a briefcase."
Leather is great for sneaking around
because it's made of hide.
